Daughters boyfriend got kicked out of his house

Maria - posted on 10/15/2010

I think that while he needs help, trying to get in the middle of his domestic problems will cause domestic feud in yours and might end up causing a friction between you and your daughter, ultimately. It will be in his best interest ( and yours, eventually ) that you, your daughter and your husband sit down and talk about his situation altogether, but without considering living arrangements. That's tempting fate all too well.

Kim - posted on 10/13/2010

i would think real hard but he has know where to go and do you know that for sure or what there telling you also do you have a extra room and can you trust them if so then i mite do it but there would be alot of rules and first mess up he be gone

Kelleigh - posted on 10/08/2010

Without really knowing the reason for his getting kicked out of his home, its hard to give feedback or advise.
However, as a mother of two daughters, I would choose to not have a boyfriend live in the same house, there is no way to always be there and monitor the two of them and living together can encourage a more domestic situation than either one is ready for.

Sandy - posted on 10/06/2010

I had a very nearly same situation two and half years ago. The homelife the young man was living in was phyically, emotionally, and to some degree, sexually abusive by his father and stepmother. My daughter befriended him, then became involved with him in the early spring. The plan was that he would come to live with us after he graduated that May and he turned 18. Between grad day and birthday, however, they threw him out. And although he was no longer dating my daughter, they had remained best friends. Long story short, he has been with us ever since. He is a joy to have with us, and has been accepted as my son just as all my other kids. Equal in every way. It has not been easy. And there have been times that we have worried about something inappropriate happening between him and my daughter, but they are good kids and it has not been a problem. This may not work for all, but it works for us, works for this family. I have been taking in kids all my life. I have raised over a dozen, although I've only given birth to three. They are all my kids, and it works cause we talk, we are honest, and we respect each other.

Janet - posted on 10/06/2010

I think as parents we wont to help other children that need our help. What I'm saying is I have 2 boys of my own and I have a lot of other boys that come to me for advice or something.
What I would do if I was in this situation is allow the boyfriend to live with you but set RULES up right from the gate. Let both of them know that this is temporary until he finishes school and finds his own place. Also let them know that if the rules are broken then he needs to leave and you as the parent wont help him again since he broke TRUST with you. Trust is very important thing ti have and once ts broken its hard to get back.

Liane - posted on 10/05/2010

We had the same thing happen about 7 years ago. We took him into our house. My daughter and this same boyfriend were married this past Saturday, Oct.2/10. I will say that I am glad we took him in and found out truly what kind of guy he is. I found that he was a nice, kind, loving soul and put my mind at ease that I believe he would never physically hurt my daughter. There are always different situations, but you can really see their true colors when they stay with you. You make the rules, and they should abide by them. You should be able to tell what type of person they are after living with you for a short period of time. We did have an extra room, so we tried it and gave him the benefit of a doubt. In our case it turned out fine.

LuAnn - posted on 10/05/2010

First and foremost, your daughter doesn't need to be in a relationship where she is "taking care" of someone. My daughter was in a similar situation with her bf and I would do anything for him except get in the middle of HIS familys' issues. The boy will figure something out for himself or things will work out. Just please don't let your daughter become a victim of a helpless bf.

Elvie De Guia - posted on 10/05/2010

I think you should not allow him to live with you because his family is still responsible for him for his
development. There may be just something that he sees in your house that is lacking in his house. Even then it should not be allowed. He should grow the right way. The family should know this situation. If you allow him to live with you, his relationship with his family would be weaker than even go stronger. The family should be the first to lead him to be a better person.

Cheryl - posted on 10/01/2010

The question is: WHY was he kicked out? Surely his parent must look after him until he has a job or turns 18?
This is a HUGE NO, NO, NO !!! You will regret it !
It takes two sides for every story, and if you're only hearing it from his side, then its not good. Perhaps the reason why he's a "good" kid is because his grandma is strict with him. No ":child " likes anyone being strict with them, or telling them what to do, when they think they know better. He will learn the hard way and its best that maybe you speak to the father or the gran / both, to see what happened. Either way, if he has misbehaved so badly, and been kicked out of his home, then perhaps he's not such a "good" boy after all. Perhaps they want him to show some respect. He shows respect to you, so perhaps he just chooses who to respect....or not!

Heidi - posted on 09/30/2010

To much temptation when you allow over nights and living together. There is a reason you're not sharing or maybe you do not know of why he is now homeless. If you are of the Christian faith its your responsability to do everything possable to keep your daughter pure until marriage. We are dealing with that now too and we will not allow overnights anymore. My daughter vowed to herself and God she would wait until marriage, it would be very unfair to throw temptation in her face. I say NO to him living with you, but support him out side the home and help him find a place or talk to his Grandma. Maybe she needs someone to talk to too.

Louise - posted on 09/30/2010

I would not take him in as I think you are asking for trouble with hormonal teenagers in the same house that are in a relationship. If he is a minor then can he not go to welfare services for help. They may be able to find him a foster family in the area so he can finish his studies. Where are his parents in all this. Have they palmed him off onto you? As much as he is a nice lad and you would not have him out on the streets he is not your responsibility. Ring his dad and ask him what he is going to do about this and get proactive with finding him an alternate home. You are a nice person and you want to help like we all would but at the end of the day he has feelings for your daughter, would you feel ok about going out for the evening and leaving them home alone. It's not right is it.

Renee - posted on 09/30/2010

gettting kicked out at that age is scary, that being said, i dont think its a great idea him living under your roof, many things can go terribly wrong and then the boy would be homeless again, my advice is if he has a job, help him find a studio apartment in the school area or as the others said find someone else to take him in, it's not your job to keep him as much as you want to, his father needs to step up and help him out of this situation before he drops out of school, good luck , we are all with you

Donna - posted on 09/30/2010

Do you trust your daughter? As long as he has his own room, you have household rules, and you trust them to obey them why not let him live with you? You say he is a great kid and makes good grades - and practically lives at your house now, so how would him living there change things?

Heather - posted on 09/29/2010

I also would never allow one of my daughters boyfriend to live with us. No matter the circumstances. I didn't even allow my oldest daughter's boyfriend to live with us after she got pregnant....TWICE!!!! Until they got married. You can help him get help but that is putting too much pressure on him and your daughter. And then you still have to ask why did he get kicked out? I would have to ask someone in the know a trusted adult. You cannot always trust what kids might tell you

Lora - posted on 09/29/2010

Don't do it! I have been through this twice-once with my daughter and once with my son. You are torn between wanting to help the kid out and not upsetting your children, however, you don't know what baggage he is bringing into your home. I would contact the parents and speak with them. High School children have a tendency of not being 100% honest or of telling you the complete story. With my son's girlfriend we found out that she hadn't , in fact been kicked out, but told that she needed to understand that there were rules that needed to be followed and that if she couldn't do that, she would have to find a place to stay-she was 19. My daughter's boyfriend we found out was married and trying to hide from his responsibilities as a father and spouse.

That being said, I would contact Child Protective Services and let them know what is going on. If there is abuse in the homes they can help him with that, if not, they can work to help the family get back together.

Angie - posted on 09/29/2010

Him getting kicked out of his house is not your problem. If his behavior is so poor that his own grandmother thinks it's time for him to move out, why would you want to take on that problem? It apprears that his own parents don't want him living with them. It sounds like trouble to me. Have you seen his grandmother be "over bearing and way demanding" or is this what he says? My daughter says I'm "yelling" at her every time I disagree with what she wants to do. Raising a a teenager is difficult enough without adding the stress of a boyfriend and a troubled child in your home.

Susan - posted on 09/28/2010

Absolutely NO to the living with you. That is just asking for trouble. I also have to ask why he got kicked out. He may be a great boy and I am all for helping the kids, but not inviting people to enter into your familie's space. Your daughter should be the priority here, not her boyfriend. They are not married and who knows...they could break-up tomorrow and that would then cause more trouble. Ultimately he can live with his Grandmother. He may not like it and he may not want to live by her rules, but he can live there long enough to graduate and go from there. Unfortunately he may have been dealt a bad hand with his family (who knows), but your family's safety and stability is what is important.

Rebecca - posted on 09/27/2010

This is an opportunity to show your daughter how to care without giving too much and by caring for herself first. Be supportive but do not let him move in. It is not fair to your daughter who needs to learn to be her own person. It isn't fair to the boy either. Dependence can lead to resentment and anger. Find a counselor or clergyperson to help him.

Nickie - posted on 09/27/2010

I would be curious as to why his mom kicked him out? I agree with the others who suggested looking for resources outside your home. I have a daughter (only 12 now) and there is no way I would ever let her boyfriend live under my roof. It sends the wrong message, and allows for too many things to happen that shouldn't. I understand that kids will do those things in other places, but it is different when it's under your roof.

Monica - posted on 09/27/2010

I think you should do all that you can to find him help, outside of your home. I think it's too much to have teenagers who are involved live together.....unfair temptation....like you are setting them up for failure.....I've seen other families in this situation.....it didnt' end well. Good Luck! I agree with Joan, check out your church and their resources.

Jennifer - posted on 09/26/2010

Just my experience ... when I was young the same thing happened to my boyfriend. My father took him in, at some point we broke up, he spent a lot of time talking to dad and step-mom. I got talked into going back with him, 6 months later I found out I was pregnant.

I'mm just saying that if you take this boy in and anything changes in their relationship make sure your daughter knows that she comes first, absolutly without a doubt ... and be fully prepared to kick him out.

Taking him in could create complications that you may not be prepared for. If you do it, be prepared for anything.

Ellen - posted on 09/26/2010

I would take him in. But that's just me. You could possibly be the best influence this boy has and the best chance of success for him. That being said, it is hard to give advice without knowing all the facts, such as how old is he, why was he kicked out, do you have the means and the room to take care of him?

Joan - posted on 09/26/2010

first , why was he kicked out? do you belong to a church? if so is there anybidy there that might consider taking him in? see if he has a teacher at school that might br able to help him. or talk to his guidance counselor at school to see if they know how to help him.
good luck