â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 03/04/2011 ( 45 moms have responded )
Ladies, I need your opinions/support: My husband of 21 years was injured at work 10 years ago. Within 5 years of his injury, he was no longer able to work outside of the home, and is now receiving gov't disability.
This in itself is not a problem. However, I am just wondering, is there anyone else out there in a similar situation? I sometimes have a hard time being supportive of him without letting him see my frustration at not being able to help him (as his life partner, I vowed to always be here, always take care of him,etc, and here is a situation where my hands are tied) I can't "make it better", so to speak. He's a fairly young man (45), and he's worked since he was 11 yrs old, so not being able to be the "breadwinner" is really getting to him.
Now the rest: He can't take many meds. He was a recovering drug addict when we met (he's been clean and sober for 22 years now!) so the chemicals that his body injested during that period have severely restricted what he can safely take now. He's on narcotic/opiod painkillers, which are working, but they are extremely dangerous, and we are constantly on the watch for an accidental od (it's a transdermal patch, so if he gets to warm, the meds release faster). He cannot take any antidepressants, as they affect him in the opposite way, or the sexual side effects are WAY too much to handle. He's been to counselling, and he basically stumps them all, because he does accept his situation, but it's hard to see him struggle while I can't help him.
How can I help myself to not feel inadequate? I don't feel like I'm taking care of him to my best ability. I have a full time job, and I try to make sure he's included as much as possible, but I still feel guilty if I want to have a couple of drinks with my co-workers, or go have lunch with them once in awhile.
I should mention that we participate in our local farmers market each summer. He sharpens knives, and does general tool/equipment repair. So, he does get out, just not often...
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!