Defacto Relationships and discpline

Mum - posted on 08/01/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My partner says my daughter must go to bed at 9pm school night. And 9.30 - 10pm on the weekend. I get sick to death of listening to him tell her to go to bed. I am happy for her to go to bed between 9.30 - 10pm. She gets up on school day at 7.30am. She is 14 and takes ages to get to sleep at his time.

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Mindy - posted on 08/06/2012

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I think 10 is a reasonable bedtime for a kid this age as long as they aren't struggling thru the day.. I think the bigger issue is the power struggle between the parents. My hub is pretty flexible w our kids bedtimes, and since I work so early, I often am asleep before they are. But last ysar my daughter's teacher said she had fallen asleep at school, I flipped!!! Then the war of bedtime began...the kids saw me as the mean one. I would have them goto bed before I did, but as soon as I was asleep, they were back up. You have got to come together on this issue. Comprimise and agree. The child knows that this is an issue and may feel guilty for being the center of it. But...you say "my child"....which suggests to me that you aren't raising this child together, rather this is YOUR kid and don't really want his input.. My hub raised my oldest fr my 1st marriage as his own son, even tho he also had his real dad. I never threw in his face that it wasn't his kid. If he was willing to b there for the good, he had a say in the bad. He usually follows my lead, but I trusted him w my child. Period.

Mum - posted on 08/04/2012

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Got home from shopping today. Said to my partner. You are not happy he agreed I am not happy I am going to move out. He said that he was happy with that. Then he said that our relationship is fine it is just my daughter makes him mad. I explained to him that I have not been happy for a while now. I have felt like we were just friends for a long time. There has been no intimacy for over 2 years now. So I have finally done it. I feel so relaxed.

Annabelle - posted on 08/03/2012

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This headed nowhere FAST! If you cannot communicate and compromise on bedtime than what about when she starts dating and things like that? Parenting is a team sport sometimes you give sometimes you get but overall it's a mutual act. A good talk is way over due between you and him.

Kristin - posted on 08/03/2012

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In a relationship no one is the boss. You are suppossed to work as a team and compromise. What is the big deal if she stays up for an extra half an hour? Sounds to me like your spouse in a control freak and there is no way in hell that a person should change who they are and be submissive to anyone especially their partner. I mean my bf and I work as a team and we compromise but we always listen to each other and no one tries to be the boss.

Mum - posted on 08/02/2012

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I think I replied to myself because I was the first one to post.

Unfortunately my partner thinks he is the boss. After checking out the comments on circle of mums on bed times I started talking to him and he told me that the bed times were rediculous. So I told him that I was going to change her bed time to 9.30 in room and lights off at 10pm. The next night he looked at his watch getting more irritated and said it was her bed time. I told him that I have increased her bedtime he said that he had said no. In shock I said nothing. When he came to bed I said who gave you the right to tell me what time I am allowed to put my daughter to bed. I am getting tired of letting him take away my own rights, I have been changing my personality to keep the piece because he seems to like arrguing, I hate it.

Kristin - posted on 08/01/2012

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Talk to your partner about extending her bed time. I believe a 14 yr old is no longer a baby and can go to bed a little later as long as they get up for school.

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