Did your teenagers remember you on Mother's day?

Kim - posted on 05/11/2009 ( 38 moms have responded )

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My 18 and 19 year old son didn't even acknowledge that it was mother's day and they didn't forget either because we celebrated mother's day at church. I was expecting it with them but it still hurts. Maybe one day they will appreciate me?

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Stefany - posted on 05/11/2014

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How do I respond? My 18 year old son did not come out of his room for Mother's Day. He ordered an paid for his own take- out and ate it alone in his room. My 16 year old son handed me a greeting colored in pencil on copy paper, then went by himself for a 3 hour bike ride. Neither came to our church where this holiday is observed. No flowers no gifts. No breakfast lunch or dinner made. I am miserable. How do I respond without making it worse?

E - posted on 05/11/2014

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No, my teenager did not acknowledge me on Mother's Day, even though she didn't forget the day. My feelings are deeply hurt. I'm a single mom who's forgone every selfish pleasure – I don't date, I don't go out, I don't buy myself nice things – so that this child can have me all to herself, and can have her every desire met. I live my life for her, and she knows it. And yet, she wakes up while I'm making HER a first class breakfast and doesn't even acknowledge the day. At the end of the day (tonight), I asked her why she didn't even say Happy Mother's Day (that's all I wanted, was just for her to say it!), and she said she didn't think it was a big deal. That's all ... so I'm still feeling hurt and worthless and like nobody will ever love or appreciate me, and that I've given my life up to cater to a selfish brat who can't even mumble three words. Today feels like one of worst days of my life.

Jaf - posted on 05/11/2014

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I have 2 college age daughters. I made sure that they had valentine flowers delivered at school (since kindergarten), end of the sport season flowers, birthday gifts, christmas gifts-I wanted them to have what my parents couldn't afford for me and my siblings-maybe I over did it. I don't want an expensive gift, just an "I thought about you today" card, a single flower, a breakfast they planned ahead-anything and I got nothing. Oh, they wished me a "Happy Mother's Day", but I think of all those Moms getting something and I feel like a mother who gets nothing has no value and my heart weeps. I never get anything from my husband because I am "not his mother". I bought his mother a gift every year and I get him a father's day gift to thank him for giving me my children and sharing our family. My fondest hope is that when my girls have children they never feel this worthless.

Patricia - posted on 05/12/2014

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Hi Moms:
As this day winds down where it would have been nice to have been acknowledged for all the hard work you Moms do, just remember that you cannot make someone show you the kind of love, respect and admiration that we all hope for from our self-absorbed teenagers.
My advice is just sit down with them either at home or in your car and let them know you were deeply hurt - they know better than to treat their mother with any disrespect.
Tell them to put themselves in your shoes and how would they feel - pretty crummy I bet.
These kids now days are so privileged and spoiled - we need to let them know it is not all right to "dis" the one person on the planet (besides their Dad possibly) that truly cares for their mental, emotional, financial, academic and social well being - great Moms are the heart of any family unit.
Just take care of yourselves thru this tough holiday - let them know you were deeply disappointed and that you don't feel like doing their laundry, letting them borrow your car or borrow money from you - take a step back from doing too much for these teenagers. you need a break from doing all that you do for them. Make them work a little harder for your respect, love and attention - see what happens. Tell them you would like them to plan a Mom appreciation day on another day - they can pick the date and you will gladly be there - mutual respect and love works both ways.

Tuesday - posted on 05/20/2009

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Yes, he did! My 14 yr old son, saved his $ & presented me w/ purple roses, a musical card "You Make Me Want to Shout", & a value meal from Mickey D's!

It brought tears to my eyes........which made me overlook his occasionally messy room...lol I was very touched & impressed by his thoughtfulness!!

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Evelyn - posted on 05/16/2017

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i have always done anything and everything in my power for my children. my 9 year old twins made me presents was excited about me opening them i heard happy mother's day a hundred time between them. my 19 year old on the other hand didn't say a word about it. is girlfriend sent me a beautiful message and bRought me over a gorgeous plant. i wasnt home when she came so she left it with my son. when i got home he said go to my room on top of my fridge...i told him no i wanted to wait for him...when he got home he handed the plant and went back to his game like i was not even there. it was the most hurtful thing he could do. anyway i guess in some way in his mind he feels like i will always be there. today he asked if i had money to buy him a $60 game tomorrow...i told him NO even though i could have found the money. any other time i would have moved heaven and earth to have gotten the money for him. i am not a bank to him. i deserve some respect. he has blocked me out of his life completely...he goes to his fathers almost every day and hangs out texts him all day long. i am the one who cleans cookswashes his clothes etc. hands money over and i am the one he pushes away....i am very broken hearted...if anyone has some advise i am listening
thanks

Lynn - posted on 05/14/2017

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Smart elder folks tell me it will turn around...so I guess patience is a virtue.. but for me....
It has been a busy weekend, we have been out of town for my 21 yr old's graduation
from a university, getting her bsn, which we paid for. She has graduated debt free. The school is a couple hours away, we had out of town company meet us at school and spend the weekend to go to saturday ceremony, 9 of us total, 2 dinners out, 1 fabulous lunch. Sat nite my husband, son and I came home, they went back to college today to pick up furniture with a truck and move her our of her apt, I stayed home,my dtr packed her clothes and drove home in her car. my kids did not call to wish me a Happy mothers day, my husband did wish me a happy day in am. I have gone out of my way to clean apartments my dtr has lived in, moved her in, and out, drove back and forth when she was ill, let her drive a car in my name with my insurance. No word on move out day to wish me a happy moms day.
I am pretty much not talking to them, my son included. He was home in am, I made him breakfast, while I received txts of others moms day breakfasts served in bed:( I just told him (he is 16), time to make own breakfast, coffee and lunch for school, and that I must have failed at training him right. Although I do believe my husband should have a part in reminding the kids on this stuff, I have always done that for his special days, but I think I am all done with all their special days, unless they come up with an apology and a real working plan on how to make this right. BUT I am trying hard to NOT let them steal my peace.

Lori - posted on 05/11/2017

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I completely understand. I have 2 adult sons (25 & 23) now who have NEVER wished me happy mothers day since they were about 10 yrs old and only then their grandmother took them shopping for cards and ensured they did something for me. I was divorced when they were little so no father around to help them. I don't expect them to get me anything but a simple call or hell, even a text would make me feel great.

I have never missed their bdays, events, or anything and to be honest, they don't even know when my birthday is (so again, no happy birthday or anything), I don't even think they know my name, other than mom. Pretty sad I know so I def get upset every year when these two days come around.

I have mentioned to them thats it hurt my feelings but once the next year comes its the same thing. They live 3 hrs away and live where they grew up and I moved for better job opportunity. Since the 10 years I have lived here they never visit, if I want to see them I have to go there. I even drive 3 hrs one way then drive back the same day just to be able to hang out with them for an hour or so. Thats where their dad is as well, so even when they travel a distance and have to go by my house on the way there, they still don't stop to visit for a few minutes. I honestly have given up and don't know what else to do. Its like I don't even exist? I hate cutting them off to prove a point but what else do I do? If I didn't call them or travel to see them I would never see or talk to them and years would go by. Then everyone would look at me as being a horrible mom.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2014

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I think some of us forget that OUR CHILDREN ARE THE PRODUCT OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT, and will demonstrate affection and appreciation if consistently shown the same.

I DO NOT MEAN that you should have to do 'everything' for your kid...and some of these posts are illustrating that you've DONE absolutely EVERYTHING, and these kids are feeling entitled to that...but by doing EVERYTHING and then some, somewhere there was an additional thing that needed to be stressed, the APPRECIATION for what is being done.

I was told that to expect gifts for ANY occasion was selfish and self centered. When my kids were little guys, yes, their dad did help 'teach' them how to behave...but I bought my gifts to give to hubby so that he and the boys could wrap and present them. As they got older, we encouraged the gifts be something of their personal choice, reflecting the person. But, the thing is, this doesn't totally fall on DAD, either. If you want your kids to be appreciative of you, TEACH THEM HOW TO BE THAT WAY!

And, for those of you who 'bend over backwards to give your kids everything', STOP. Not only are you NOT accomplishing gaining their appreciation, you ARE accomplishing raising kids who think the world owes them everything.

My sons, for a record 6th year running, were stellar. One fixed dinner, the other changed my oil. Did they specifically SAY Happy Mother's day? Nope! Did I EXPECT it? Nope! I appreciate my kids actions, not their words. A hug, an oil change, and dinner were enough for me.

Susan - posted on 05/13/2014

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Laura, you are so right, it is in the training, Dad's need to step up to the plate!
Bravo to your husband! Thank him for me!

Susan

Susan - posted on 05/13/2014

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One Mother's Day my once upon a time husband belittled me, screamed at me and told me I was unfit to be a Mom. Very confused I cried. Upon his leaving the court revealed he had NPD and other mental illness. Now his son is almost exactly like him. I guess the saving grace is that I know that no humane, loving person would ever hurt another person so deeply.
So for me, no birthdays, no Christmas, no family joy. But, deep inside is a love that is a gift to moms. God gave that gift to me, and no one can take it away. The more we share a gift the more it grows. I give that love to others, such as trying to identify someone who is forgotten, or maybe has experienced a loss. Before a special day even surfaces I try to think of what could bring others joy. Such as leaving a potted plant on an elderly woman's porch, or giving out roses to Mom's at work. Or stuffing a latte card in an envelope and sending it to a widow.
If love doesn't come to you, just look inside of you, its there. But it won't surface if it is suffocated by disdain from those who you deeply care about. Remember, the only person who would treat you that way is a person who is troubled or angry. Love turns away anger.
Best wishes, chase the hurt away with an act of love!

BBryan - posted on 05/13/2014

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Usually my three adult sons get me nothing. This year, it was a mixed bag.

My 28-year old son, who makes good money and lives at home (rent free), had been planning a barbecue for a couple of weeks, not for mother's day, but just because it sounded good to him. He went ahead with his plan the day before mother's day. He told me at dinner that since the meal had cost him so much to make that he'd decided it would serve as my mother's day gift. He didn't get me a card, gift, or anything. It made me feel like an afterthought, not very high on his list of priorities though I'd been there for him through a very difficult time recently when no one else was.

My second son took me out for dinner on Mother's Day, which was nice.

My third, never even bothered to wish me a happy mother's day or acknowledge it in any way

My husband always gets me gifts on Mother's Day. This year, he got me several DVDs and other special little gifts.

I got the best gift from my one-year old St. Bernard. When I was on the couch watching TV, she suddenly stretched out on top of me, and thoroughly kissed my cheek as if she was trying to let me know how much she loves me. It truly seemed like she was wishing me a happy mother's day.

Jaf - posted on 05/12/2014

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I think some of us give too much and maybe expect too little. The day before Mother's Day I sent a care package for finals week to one of my daughters at college(other at home) which she should get Monday or Tuesday. Next weekend when my she graduates, we are giving (meaning I shopped and bought because my husband doesn't) a diamond tennis bracelet and matching earrings-which is a splurge but it is college graduation. I grew up in a large, poor family and want to give my girls things my parents never could. We aren't rich by any means, but comfortable. They are pretty down to earth, hard workers. I just don't understand how they can be thrilled to get nice surprises and not realize how horrible it was for me to not even get a card. I just feel like I am last on everyone's list, no like I didn't even make the list.

Jaf - posted on 05/11/2014

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I thought all day about those moms who got flowers and dinner, etc. and I guess I didn't realize there were moms like me who had a hell of a day. I guess we work harder and hope for better next year. My mom, who passes a couple of years ago, thought that there was no problem that could not be fixed if you just dumped enough love on it. So I guess we keep heaping love on them till it spills back. I pray for you.

Jane - posted on 03/30/2014

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I have 2 sons who are adults, and who since my husband( their father) and I split up, have never contacted either of us. We have no idea why and it hurts so badly! We are always trying to contact them and they just never respond.

Guy - posted on 05/13/2013

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You are not alone in this! My 19 yr old daughter did the exact same thing to me and it hurt extremely. Your kid is the one person in the world that you would expect not to forget you. I'm still hurt over it

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/10/2011

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My teens were ANGELS! All weekend! Actually, I was considering having hubby check them for fever! Every chore was attended to before I asked, and if I did ask them to do something, it was respectfully responded to and promptly done. Even the nasty chores like dog poop were taken care of without any argument.

Granted, I'd told them a couple of days before that I really, truly didn't need anything physical. That I would truly be happy with having the polite, helpful young men that they seemed to leave behind when they became teens.

This year they LISTENED! :):):) You don't know how ecstatic I was! The best mom's day ever in my book :)

Leisha - posted on 05/08/2011

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My 13 year old son lives with his dad in another state, although we visit once every couple of months and have a good relationship or so I thought. No call, nothing for mothers day this year. At least the 2 boys who live with me did all kinds of things for me and made the day special but still.

Christine - posted on 05/20/2009

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my boys are 30 & 31 I have to remind them its mother's day, they can be very selfish, I wonder if I will ever be apperciated.

Lora - posted on 05/17/2009

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I am really glad they finally came around and remembered. My Mothers day was pretty sad also. I do believe when children get out of the teen years they come back to reality and realize that there is someone else in the world besides themselves! I also feel that a lot of the reposiblity is the father's to make it exciting to the kids to make a special day for Mom. It's all in the training.

Betty - posted on 05/17/2009

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teens and grown up kids can be very sweet at times when you are not expecting it.

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Im glad they came through for you!! This year was a really good one for me.. my 19 year old daughter got me roses and my 13 year old son, a bath set that smelled so good, my 20 year old called me and wished me a happy mothers day she lives in texas and my husband and 17 year old son got me a cake..gotta luv em!!

Melinda - posted on 05/16/2009

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My 14 year old son, took me out to dinner, and when we got to the restaurant, he said to me. Mom you don't have to pay because I have the money. Thank God, because I didn't have any, lol. He also paid for the tip and he appeared to be very proud. It was pretty cool, because I think the last time we ate alone at a restaurant together was valentines day when he was 10.

Betty - posted on 05/16/2009

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my youngest daughter who is 16 said happy mothers day and gave me this gift that she bought when she was on a school trip. So I celebrated with her. My other daughter moved out two weeks ago to a city 2 hours from me, so she sent me a message to say happy mothers day. it was the first year I did not celebrate mothers day with her, but the way I look at it, next year is another year and I am sure I will be with her

Julie - posted on 05/16/2009

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My Grandmother is very wise. She told me years ago that I should expect the kids to give me gifts. It is important for them more than for me. It is true.



Also, we have a great tradition. Breakfast in bed. We do it for birthdays, anniversaries, and fathers/mothers days. It involves the whole family. It is simple, inexpensive and gives a great start to a special day.

Crystal - posted on 05/14/2009

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My 13 year old did she wish me a happy mothers day. even if it was not a good one this year my dad had passed on the 8 so it was not a good one. but my family try to make it a special one for me. it maed me for thankful to have my family.

Becca - posted on 05/14/2009

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They do appreciate you but they don't get the idea yet that they should express it. Give them a bit of time and I'm sure you'll be amazed!

Maria - posted on 05/14/2009

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Even though I wasn't expecting it from my sons, knowing that they're in that teen stage, I was hoping they would without being encouraged to say those three little words on that one special day, you know?!? My 16 yo was ok with saying "Happy Mother's Day" but my 17 yo apparently was embarrassed for some reason! But, their dad, bless him, wouldn't let them get away without telling me. I still got a card from both of them, though. And flowers/card from my husband.

Cindy - posted on 05/14/2009

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I had a very nice mother's day. I told my kids I did not want a thing not even a card. So when I woke up on Mother;s day they both gave me a big kiss and hug and wished me a Happy Mother;s day. That was the best thing in the world. My daughter is 16 and my son is 14. I think the trick for me was to keep my expectations low. It was a great day.

Cindy McOsker

Jessica - posted on 05/14/2009

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My 14 and 16 year old said "Happy Mother's Day", after their father gave me flowers and a card. I wasn't really hurt by it because I kind of expected that they wouldn't do anything. After all mom is the big, bad, mean person in their lives right now (because I hold them accountable and give them discipline) two things that teenagers hate! I can tell you from personal experience that my oldest daughter is 23 and she started to appreciate me last year (more than she has since she was 12). It will come. Eventually your boys will cherish you again like they did when they were little. I don't agree with Lori who says she would have picked up something and hit them. Nobody wants to force someone to think of them or to recognize them. If it doesn't come from the heart what good is it. Anyway as I read in your later post they did do something just not on the right time schedule (that's a guy for you). Anyway teenagers are selfish creatures by nature. Just continue to be mom and guide them as best as you can. Later they will come back to you when they mature and say, "Mom, you know everything you told me when I was younger, you were right and I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time"

Beth - posted on 05/13/2009

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I told my boys (15,16,17) that they needed to be at church & Sunday School and they made it there. No gifts, but we are all really broke. They made cards for all the Moms from our church in the last two weeks at their Sunday school class. We had a cookout for my Mother-in-law and everyone attended. I don't expect a whole lot from them because my mother-in-law had four boys and said they never got good at mothers day stuff until they had mature relationships with women their own age.
Unfortunately most girls are better at mothers day and any gift giving. It's a fact I've learned to live with. I think it's because most girls like receiving gifts and are more sensitive if they don't receive one. My boys really don't get upset at all if someone forgets their birthdays or any other gift giving occasions.

Angie - posted on 05/11/2009

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My 16 year old son bought me my favorite candle scent and my favorite candy bar. My daughter made me bubble bath - she always makes it on special occasions. My youngest made me something in school. My children are pretty good about remembering things - so far!

Patti - posted on 05/11/2009

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I have been through mother's day many times with very little acknowledgement. It does hurt. I just recently kicked my 18 year old son out - so I definitely did not hear from him. Fortunately, my daughter went out of her way to remember me this year. I hope your next mother's day is better!!!

Kim - posted on 05/11/2009

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Well here is an update lol they didn't get home in time on mother's day so they gave me a card today and some lotion, hand cream and body spray from bath and body works.. I got a hug from each of them and an apology so i guess they are off the hook lol i told them i would have been happy with them just wishing me a happy mother's day they said they were not going to tell me til they could give me my stuff lol Guy's you gotta love them!

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2009

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First time in years - that both kids remembered and did appear interested and caring. Mine are much older now - 17 and 21.

I got used to taking myself out for lunch and buying myself a little something.

Time to start a new tradition- maybe ?



Man it does hurt thought Tell them in a nice way that they some practice !

Any day can be great if they show a little love and respect. Finally getting that from the younger one . 2007 and 2008 was terrible.

Smile and Stay Strong !

Lori - posted on 05/11/2009

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You know what? If they were my sons, I would have picked up something and hit them with it!! SERIOUSLY!!! (Not to hurt them - just a whack to say, "What the heck were you thinking to NOT be thinking of me?!?!?!?"



My girls (15, 18) each made me something special and personal. Went to the lake with one daughter and her friends for the day, and spent the rest of the evening with her and my other daughter and dear husband as well as the rest of my family (MY mother, sisters, nieces, nephew, etc.). It was lovely.



IMO, you need to demand another Mother's Day!!!

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