Dislike 14 y/o daughters friends

Ramona - posted on 12/16/2010

It is hard to pick your kids' friends. You can forbid them from the house, or her from going to their homes, but, she will see them at school and other places. I find that being the hovering parent often chases that element away, but even better is when I found out what great kids their friends truely were! It gives me conficence that my kids are good judges of charecter.

Linda - posted on 12/10/2010

You are the role model and the mother. You have the right and the obligation to help your daughter make the right choices. Be controlling and say "NO" when she wants to be with the girls you don't approve of. She will be angry, but are you her mother or her friend? It is your responsibility to teach your daughter to do the right thing and not worry if she gets mad at you. Too many parents worry that their children will be angry at them. We are to teach them the right way, not to be their best friend and make them happy even if we don't agree with their actions or choices

Julie - posted on 12/06/2010

Great suggestions. I do agree that I must trust her and not try to control her and tell her what friends she should not hang out with. I know that it could backfire on me. But what Im trying to do is guide her away from some of these girls and redirect her to some of the girls that have goals. I want her to keep all her friends but to redirect more of her time to the others with more goals. I like how you said keep your friends close and enemies closer and I agree. The age she is at is not too late to help her with her choices. I really want her to hang out more with the girls making good choices and those thinking about college and priorities but just not sure how. Thanks for all your suggestions.

Angie - posted on 12/05/2010

The more you tell her not to spend time with her inappropriate friends, the more she'll want to do it. My son started dating a girl that wasn't who we'd like. We decided that the smartest thing we could do was get to know her better. We told him that for every time he went to her house, they had to come here. She spends a lot of time her because she wants to. Her life at home is not good and she's sees a different option for herself here. She has stopped all the poor behaviors - she and my son are always together so I know this is likely true. The old saying, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" is true. Let her know that you aren't pleased with her friends but tell her that you love her and since she likes her friends, there must be something good that about them and you want to get to know what that is. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to pick her friends for her - she will make her own friends.

Marlia - posted on 12/05/2010

I have a 16 year girl, and she has a handful of friends that I don't really care for at all. I talk to my daughter openly honestly and often, the same way I would most of my friends. I trust her judgement on people and she mine. I have told her why I don't really like these girls as much as some of her other friends, and on most points she even agrees with me, and though she doesn't hang around them as often now she does still spend a little time with them, but I at least know that the behavior that I don't approve of ... she doesn't either so I have no worries of my child emulating that bad behavior. She's a smart girl, and hopefully a little of her common sense will rub off on them. But telling your children that they can't see someone is a sure fire way to make them want to see them anyway and possibly lie to you to do so. So try not to put your daughter in that position, just explain what it is you don't like about her friends and why and if you raised her right, you'll find she probably agrees with you :) then you'll have one less thing to worry about.