Divorced mom w/teenage son no longer wants to be with me...

Ming - posted on 10/09/2012

I divorced a few years ago and have a boy almost 12 and a girl 7 1/2. I am remarried and my kids are good with my new husband. However there was never a closure in how my son feels about the divorce since he just tried to hide all the feelings and not let it out too much. Once in a while it comes out when I talk with him about some issues he has with taking responsibilities and accountability he should have at this age. He will then just start crying and say how he feels abnormal because of my divorce. I know it's hard on him and we didn't talk much about it but I tried so hard taking care of him and his sister, providing what they need and spent time with them. They are with me most of the time but I feel his dad is taking more credit than I do. I feel heartbreaking that he blames me for the bad feelings he has but at the meantime I don't know how I can make him to see how hard I am trying to get a good life for all of us again. Also I want to know how I can validate his feeling without let him use it as an excuse not to learn taking personal responsibilities and moving forward with a positive attitude.

Michele - posted on 01/31/2009

All I can say is thank you for this site....my son and daughter moved in with their dad and his girlfriend 3 months ago....I have been going thru so much emotion...my son hadn't seen me for six weeks and I've only had contact with my daughter who is 16 once in the last 3 months....I decided to get them counseling and she suggested not pushing my daughter....it's so hard....I thought I was a good mom and now I question everyday my actions.....

Shelly - posted on 01/30/2009

Lisa,  Oh what it would be for us to understand our boys...I have three 15, 17, & 23 all of them were mamas boys until they hit about 14 so feel blessed that you had an extra 2 yrs.  Yes this is very normal Thank God that thier father is still in the home but as far as what you should do just make sure you make time to spend with him..take him out for hamburgers once in awhile or take him out for a day just doing something he enjoys just make yourself available to him.  Good  luck and let us know how it goes I will keep you and your son in my prayers

Carrie - posted on 01/30/2009

I wouldn't take it personal! being the divorced of a 16 yr old also, even tho we pray this day will never come, sometimes it just does! 16 is a hard age for boys- starting to figure out life,who THEY are,what they will do/be in life,etc. my son has made the comment of living w/his dad,even tho i would HATE it, I feel its his way of discovering who he is! and if he feels it will be "nicer" w/his dad- i know i have to let him figure out it's not the bowl of cherries he thinks it will be!!  all in all, it would be a live and learn situation!

Caroline - posted on 01/30/2009

Wow... I know how you feel.. My Daughter is 17 and left with her day just 2 months ago... This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to go thru... I do just keep praying that she realizes how much I love her. My son just turned 21 and realized that it was Mom (me) who was always there for him, with love and discipline, that helped him to be the wonderful young man he has become... :) but I to struggle with time... I want her home now.. and the pain when she doesnt' even want to come for dinner hurts so... But in the pain - I trust God to watch over her and that she will come around in time.... 2 years...... I pray it will be sooner! God's peace to you!

DaneeAnn - posted on 01/29/2009

Just remember that you raised him to be the person he is today, the next year or two he may need a man to help him be a man. As a mom just do what you do best stand by him, love him, hug him, and give him encouragement, he is who he is because of you.

Elle - posted on 01/19/2009

Just keep trying Lisa. He is 16 years old and for a boy that is the age where they just start to do there own thing and disappear a bit. My son is always in his room and never wants to go to parties or go outside anything, they sort of distance themselves a bit. It is too odd for them to be really close to their Moms or anyone for that matter. It sounds like you are a very loving and caring Mom and just always let him know that. As sad as it makes you, try and take the next step with him, learn about how he is growing and this thoughts and maybe make a casual dinner night for you both, something not stressful. Just know there are people out there feeling for you and hoping that you and your son find a relationship that makes you both happy.

Lynda - posted on 01/17/2009

Pray. I know that it's really hard for your son to tell you he doesn't want to live with you any more. You feel a little betrayed. Since you are the one who did everything for him, and he doesn't want to remember all of that. My son moved to his dad's about 3 1/2 years ago. I miss him every day, and I wish I'd never let him go. I only pray that one day, he'll realize everything that I did for him when he was young, and thank me. Right now I'm just trying to be as supportive mom as possible. My best advice, is to keep the line of communication open with your son. Talk to him as much as possible, and about as much as possible. Also try to be involved with his school and extra curricular activities as much as you can. Let him know that you're still there for him no matter what.

Lisa - posted on 01/17/2009

Thank you. It has been two weeks since he came over and I feel he's never coming back, but I do try to make it to his wrestling match and when he's done, he sits next to me and not his friends so that helps. Two years, huh. Oh boy, that's a long time. Thanks for your support. I don't really know anyone right now who is going or has been through this.

Sherie - posted on 01/17/2009

Both my kids moved in with dad when they were 14 and 16. It was the most painful day of my life.That was two years ago. My son came back six months later, my 16 year old daughter is moving back this summer. I just worked hard to keep communication open and let them know how much I love them. The hardest thing was feeling like I did all the work and their dad got the rewards. It is so hard to allow your child to go in this way, but if you trust that it is a safe environment for him, let him go and see where it takes him. He may find that it is not what he wants, or he may like it. Either way he will see that you are trying to support him and respect his choices.

Melanie - posted on 01/16/2009

just let him do what he feel is right for him at the moment try not to judge which is hard as both my sons moved out and went to live with their dad i  just keep reminding him you love him and your there if he needs you.Ive kept doing that for the past 3 years and it semms to be working, well with 1 anyway.Just because hes moved out dosnt mean he dosnt love you.

Cammie - posted on 01/16/2009

I am thinking to myself that it is normal because it just happened to me. He is 15 and moved out in Nov. He was very attached to me and his sister and step-siblings. And I did athletic things w/ him and took and attended to all his activities since he was 6. I have a blended family but that is my baby boy. It crushed me and it still stings. I constantly remind myself this is the age to spread his wings and have a man to help him discover another aspect of his identity. I also reassure him that I am here and we are going to start having a "date night". He really responded positively.

Gloria - posted on 01/15/2009

Quoting Lisa:

Divorced mom w/teenage son no longer wants to be with me...

My 16 yr. old son is very smart and very athletic. He used to be so attached to me and hates his stepmom. I took him to all his sporting events and school events when he was a kid. Now all of a sudden, he doesn't want to come over anymore. Says school, sports and having two houses is hard for him. Is this typical? How do you handle it when it's your only child?

Hang in there.  Boys are typical of going through this.  They want to cut away and be independant.  Just keep loving him and DON"T give up.  WIth my 17 year old I find that if I offer to go out to eat he always takes me up on it!!