Do all 14 year old girls get a fresh shipment of attitude everyday or is it just mine??

Beverley - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 72 moms have responded )

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Is it just my daughter who is full of attitude or does it happen to everyone and how do you cope when they talk to you like your somethng they've just stepped in?

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Lavonne - posted on 08/12/2009

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My daughter will be 18 next month and while she is a mature, independent, smart and talented girl, I also went through the attitude thing with her. Give her respect, but make sure she earns it. Love and discipline will get you through it . . . hang in there!

Alesandra - posted on 10/02/2012

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I couldn't agree more and I can't tell you how many times I have turned away because my eyes were full of tears. She has just started 9th grade and the summer before she started school she was fine, not it is just attitude, brevity of responses and disrespectfulness.

Loretta - posted on 07/29/2011

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What I did was I started to take away activitys that they like to do and then I started to take personal items from them and told them that they would not get them back until they changed there attitude

Beth - posted on 08/12/2009

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Quoting Beverley:

Do all 14 year old girls get a fresh shipment of attitude everyday or is it just mine??

Is it just my daughter who is full of attitude or does it happen to everyone and how do you cope when they talk to you like your somethng they've just stepped in?



 



alot of times, it depends on my mood. My theory is that at this age, they are almost ready for the truth and nothing but the truth...sometimes being almost major attitude right back in their face helps to shock them back to reality, especially when you end the nastiness with "Gee, How did that feel?" and of course, my favorite line is "sweetheart, do you really want to go there? You are just a little B.I.T., I have had a lot more practice than you. If you really want to push it, I can show you what a real Bitch looks like"



 



I don't like being nasty, and I try really hard not to be, but sometimes, they need to see their own behavior reflected back at them just to see how truly aweful they have been behaving.



 



Othertimes, when trying to "read" the situation, I will ask what's going on. Something along the lines of is she fighting with a friend, is her period due...but trying to read to mood swings is like walking through a mind field. you never seem to know when you'll get it right. But I keep trying.



In the end though, I always try to reinforce that I am hear to listen if she needs to talk, but on the other hand, I will not hestitate to let herknow that I will not allow her to treat me like a doormat. I will dish it out right back at her, which brings about its own grudging respect. another words, If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. lol!



 



Don't know if it will help or not, but sometimes, they have to see you as the strong one who cannot be pushed passed certain limits and someone who is not afraid to strike back when they step out of line, or someone who follows through on th rules...if the know this, there is less boundary pushing and a little more respect when they talk to you. plus, then seem to share more personal infor with you too.



at least it has been working for me lately and I certainly pray that it continues to.





 

Jo - posted on 08/04/2011

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my daughter developed attitude at about this age but I made her take responsibility for her actions. When she was exceptionally lippy I made her tell her friends that she was grounded due to her rudeness to her mum. The attitude wore off quite quickly when suddenly the responsibility became hers. I also refused to speak to her until she stopped shouting or being rude as a single parent at the time that worked quite quickly as well. I just used to say until you can speak properly without shouting dont say anything and when your ready to be calm talk to me.
It works you just have to be consistent. I also got quite a few tearful days when she just wasnt sure why she was crying she just needed to. You just have to be firm but there if they need you which they realise actually they do more than they know.

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Kalyn - posted on 07/16/2013

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Teenage Girls can be totally insane and mean. My little girl changed suddenly from sweet to sour. Trust me. I wasn't going to tolerate it. I didn't want to treat her like she was seven and take things away because it's not like that in the real world. But I had to talk her sports coaches and they saw attitude with her and all girls on her team. So I took out of her sports for 2 weeks and took the phone and tablet. I taught her lesson on respect and kindness. She does still get penalized for serve attitude. But after that 2 weeks of "nothing" her attitude got better and she wasn't so sassy and mean to everyone.

Jenny - posted on 06/09/2013

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I Have a 14 year old daughter who lives with her father in another state as i have remarried and her father gave us such a terrible time so we moved states and all the girls were coming with us until he slapped us custody papers so i go every 3 months to visit my daughters and speak to them every day this has been happening for the past 4 years Now my eldest daugher has just turned 14 Last December and has just decided not to talk to me Her father is having preventive chemo at the moment and fills her head with lies etc so just has just stopped talking is this normal will she come back to me in the future

Laura - posted on 05/20/2013

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Nope youre not alone Beverly no doubt all girls at this age are coocoo....mines driving me coocoo...its been encouraging lately to hear were not alone. I mean like mine hates my guts and would just assume i disappear from the face of the earth and no matter how much i try, i am the crap on the bottom of her pretty little sandle. ug...how long will this continue. whats worse is we hit hard hard times this year and are sharing a room! A smile sets her off...im learning a great deal of patience, like job this year for sure..oh how i want to just hold and rock her...

Patricia - posted on 07/28/2011

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It really bothers me that parents keep blaming themselves. I have a daughter who is a jerk to me and it's not my fault. She is becoming abusive to me and I angry as hell!

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2011

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Mine's 14, and while her attitude pops in once a month, (you can figure that out, easy)...I'm not delusional. I anticipate 15 being really bad...that's what every one I know who has had a 15 year old tells me.
She's been a really easy kid, so far, but we know that it's more likely to get really bumpy in the next few years than not.

[deleted account]

Yeah teenagers are suspicious, easily embarrassable creatures! My 16 year olds turns red if I even mention the words "I'm gonna sing out loud" in public. LOL, this is one way to get them to respect you in public anyway!

Chris - posted on 08/20/2009

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Not just yours! My daughter told me today that I couln't do the booster club at her high school because I would spy on her while working the concession stand at footballgames

[deleted account]

You are definatley not the only mom with this problem. I remeber being the same way with my mother. Whar comes around goes around in my case.

Linda - posted on 08/18/2009

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Spare the rod Spoil the child, I believe this 100%. I will but that butt at any age. Mine thretened to call the cops if I smacked that smart mouth of her's. I told her go ahead, I will dial the phone for you. Then by the time they get here you will have you stuff packed to go to Juvy for a vacation, I hear Childrens village is really nice, full of no it all smart mouth and attitude riden girls and boys just like you. My mother never had to put up with crap like this from us kids and she raised 10. We were to afraid to do anything but be polite act with respect and be loving. and all of us turned out very well. No pregnant teens in our house. no one would of dared run away let alone give attitude. There is a big gap between disaplen and abuse and people need to learn this fact.

Karen - posted on 08/18/2009

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my step daughter is a handful also 14 and thinks shell die if she cant see her boy friend was willing to walk 5 miles to the mall cause he was there, snuck with a 17 yr old (troul=ble) BOY FOR 6 HOURS and talking and who knows what with a 23 yr old. I want to punish her but her dad says oh she wont do it anymore, no displine and im the evil step mom I raised agood 20 yr old with no displine problem she knew Id bust her ***and i did and she respects and loves me we are very close, but the only with out punishment or restrictions is another story and my hands are tied, and I fuss alot its not right she will get worse with age if there is no punishment.I fshed walk 5 miles to see a 14 yr old what happens when she really likes a boy... what to do..???

Karen - posted on 08/18/2009

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I have a20 yr old and she was great but the step 14 yr old is hard to handle cause shes bigger thinks shes smarter and a know it all I hope it gets easier with the attitude!!

Laurie - posted on 08/18/2009

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i have a 15 year old and the attitude keeps going...she just came back from 3 weeks in australia and she was told to leave the attitude in austrilia...but didn't......just be patient...things should get netter

Tina - posted on 08/18/2009

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It's the age and boy's get them too..It does get better when they are paying their own bill's..sorry, hang in there..

Linda - posted on 08/18/2009

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Do not put up with attitude from anyone, diffenently not from a teenager. tell her to go to her room with the attitude and the ugly looks and mouth, tell her to think how she would feel if you talked to her and acted like that to her. treat them like there 2 or 3 again because that is how they act, tell her u don't disrespect her and u will not except it from her. and the reason they act like that is they want attention and want what they want when they want it. well u are the adult and she is coping the tude at you for being and doing what u are suppost to do. I always explane why and what I am doing because they will try to blame you for the whole thing. Well if she wants to be treated like 14 then start acting like 14. not 3

[deleted account]

I think that our life and times make it hard for Boys & Girls with Phones -Dating-Driving-School ECT Just as it did when we were in school and everyone has mood swings Male or female young or old 2-99 the moon is the hardest people & small ones do the test for your self I did check the date and see they will be the same next time 28-30 days later................. even Dads are bad they are only boys who got bigger............:)

Heide - posted on 08/18/2009

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seriously, read the book "How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. I have a 14 yr. old son who knows everything lol. This book actually helped alot. Its hard to change how you handle them when they go from little kid to little grownup(so they think). This book has alot of good points and suggestions. It made me think about how and what i said to him and how to get my point across without it being WWIII and it worked and it was simple! We still have our battles, since of course he knows everything, but they are much less frequent and not as severe.He is even showing signs of respect toward me!lol. The real shocker about it is he has ADHD!

Krista - posted on 08/18/2009

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I don't think they have to be a girl. My 13 yr old has major mood swings. I think it is by the hour not the day. LOL

Brenda - posted on 08/18/2009

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I have a 14 year old daughter myself, she however has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Imagine never knowing what the attitude will be, or how you will be treated from one moment to the next. Life is full of surprises around here. I take each instance as it comes, try to remain calm, let her know when she truly hurts my feelings...and that regardless of what she thinks or feels I do have feelings, I punish when needed, but have a tendancy to chose wisely what is punishable behavior due to her mental well being. It's a daily stuggle, is never easy, and rarely pleasant. To deal with it I do a lot of walking away, I chastise when she is totally inappropriate, I do not grant requests later in the day or week after a particularly bad episode and make her aware her behavior is why her request cannot and will not be granted. Each day is filled with endless opportunities for our children to be respectful and gracious to us, on the other hand it's also filled with endless opportunities for them to become the monster known to all parents as...the mouthy-attitude-filled-teenager. It's how we deal with both that will matter in the end. I suggest a lot of prayer, patience, and a good dose of disipline. I already have faith you are doing the right thing...you've searched out help, isn't that the first step? I know I've needed help on more than one occasion since I became a mother, not to mention a mother of the afore mentioned mouthy-attitude-filled-teenager. LOL! God bless you as you live each day!

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2009

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I have a 13 year old who will be 14 in less than 4 months and a 15 yr old, both girls and with them it started about 12 and has just gotten worse. Grounding only works for so long. What has helped with my 15 yr old though is she is eligable for her temps in just a couple of weeks and I have told her that if her attitude doesn't change as well as keeping her grades up when she starts school next week, that she will only be able to LOOK at the temps. In our house, Bs mean Keys as well as a good attitude.

Lysa - posted on 08/17/2009

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Oh My Gosh, I have a 14 year old niece Im helping my parents raise, since school started (2 wks ago) Ive caught her smoking, ordering adult movies, going to a boys house, and I drew the line when she backed my mother into the kitchen..Shes a 2 time runaway. So I totally sympathize with you.. As of today, shes grounded from any form of life other than during school hours. Theres no internet, no phone, no outdoors unless its within site.. We can't let these kids wear us down.. I raised 2 teenage boys by myself, they were a candle in the wind compared to her.. Hang in there and be strong..tough love.. stay two steps ahead at all times. and don't give in, your in control..

Dawn - posted on 08/17/2009

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Yes I believe they do. I think when they go to bed at night they recharge with full attitude batteries. LOL

Tammy - posted on 08/17/2009

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I am finding it very hard to adjust to the change of my daughter going from being so nice and caring to at times having a little attitude. If she has an attitude she does not get to go to a friends house or talk on the phone or be on the computer of play on her I-pod. I let her know that it is not right to talk to me a certain way and that I don't want her to treat me or anyone else that way. To treat people with respect. I always let her know that I love her and if she needs me for anything I am always here.

Annette - posted on 08/17/2009

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ahhh I Am glad I am not the only complete moron around... the attitude I get from my almost 14 year old is crazy... she can't possibly speak civilly to me to save her life.

my bf has no idea how she can be that way...but he jumped in on it when she was 12... and he was going through a hard time... what I want to know is do we all make excuses for these mean little monsters.

Robin - posted on 08/17/2009

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Not just girls...I have 2 teen boys left @ home. I have a couple of philosophies...1. pick your battles...2. If they don't tell you they hate you you're obviously doing something wrong...lol! Seriously it does happen to everyone..almost overnight. My youngest son just turned 13 and it was almost like magic how much of an attitude he gets. They do get better with age...it is hard to deal with but at some point it does end. My 20 and 19 year olds and I get along really well I think...the oldest calls me almost every day...don't lose heart!

Terri - posted on 08/17/2009

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please let me know when you find out ,I have a 14 year old daughter also ,and she has suddenly started the whole attitude thing ,its hard to deal with at times

Carol - posted on 08/17/2009

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Quoting Beverley:

Do all 14 year old girls get a fresh shipment of attitude everyday or is it just mine??

Is it just my daughter who is full of attitude or does it happen to everyone and how do you cope when they talk to you like your somethng they've just stepped in?


MY 14 YEAR OLD HAS ATTITUDE TOO SO I THINK ITS JUST THIS GENERATION U R NOT ALONE BELIEVE ME XX

Diane - posted on 08/17/2009

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My 15 y.o. daughter can dish it with the rest of 'em. Yes, it comes with the territory, but... I've talked to my daughter -- not in the heat of the moment, but a little later, when things have calmed down. I've explained to her that her behavior hurts my feelings. She usually apologizes & then we can talk about what's really bothering her. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it has nothing to do with me. It's hard to not take it personally, but.... remind yourself: if she's ACTING that way outwardly, how must she be feeling on the inside? ...sometimes, I think they need a reminder that we're human too & have feelings & that WE matter too!!!

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2009

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I have a saying for you; "At 15 i couldn't believe how stupid my parents were and at 20 I couldn;t believe how much they'd learned in 5 years!"

You're not alone, may the force be with you!!

User - posted on 08/17/2009

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I think so, my daughter is only 13 but she tests me out constantly. Now and then they show a glimmer of the child you know and love and it makes it all ok again. Keep your chin up, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Beverley - posted on 08/17/2009

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thanks everyone i feel so much better knowing i'm not the only one out there suffering. My daughters been away for ten days shes back tomorrow so bring on the attitude its been so peaceful while shes been away.

Helen - posted on 08/16/2009

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It happens with boys too. i just tell my son to watch his tone. Most the time it works

Mary - posted on 08/16/2009

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No you are not alone. When we feel that way it makes us feel like bad moms but we are not...We are just human and human nature makes us feel that way at times. Take a step back and think is it really worth the argument or the trouble. My mom always told me you have to pick your battles some of them are just not worth the effort. When you feel that way step back and take a breath count to ten and then hug them it not only helps you but it also helps them.

Joyce - posted on 08/16/2009

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You mean I'm not alone!!!!!! OMG! My daughter is 13 and at times I don't even know what to do. I so can't stand her "mouthy-ness" I sometimes don't even want to be around her. What do you do?

Mary - posted on 08/16/2009

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Cathie I am afraid it might get worse before it gets better but there is still light at the end of the tunnel they will become adults one day and realize that we were not just stupid moms but that some of the things we told them had a purpose and meaning. Good luck and best wishes for the years to come

Mary - posted on 08/16/2009

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Just wait. I do not think it gets any better they just get smarter and learn which buttons to push you on. My 17 year old tells me that she is legally allowed to move out because she is 17. This last until I remindher I pay the car insurance and I will be paying for college she is then usually compliant for a fe days but then it starts all over again over something else. My 15 year old just goes to her room and plays the music loud to drown me out. After loosing their father a few weeks ago things ar beginning to change and our house feels mor like a dorm at times with just us 3 girls in it. We actually even have some fun every now and then

Cathie - posted on 08/16/2009

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I remember telling my mom (at age 14) "i hate you, i don't know why, but i do". She replied with a soft smile and said "you're supposed to. you're a teenager" Now I have my own teens saying the same things (with the colorful language they have learned from the "cool teen shows". I was told it is a right of passage. They are trying to push the limits as almost-adults and still want mom to give them limits. I'm with you. When does it end. I hope soon. Teen agers with a mom in menopause could be a really bad thing

[deleted account]

I simply have to say...remember what it was like when you were 14? New hormones to deal with, peer pressure to be liked and fit in, trying to be a "grown up" but still being treated like a kid most days. Treat them with respect and love (the way you would want to be treated). Try not to raise your voice because let's face it, who responds well to being yelled at and most importantly, remember "God gave us teenagers so we can bear to let our babies go." Good luck and God bless.

Holly - posted on 08/15/2009

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I have two teenagers and they both did talk to me with disrespect. One of them ran away a couple of times and finally got expelled from school. She ended up on probation, then the judge sent her to a group home. She has been there ever since March. She is a new person when she comes home on her home visits though. I am hoping this person is here to stay and not just fooling me. She will be getting out soon and she wants to be able to help her little sis with her attitude before she gets into the same kind of trouble. It's kinda cute!

Ginny - posted on 08/15/2009

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I have a 15-yr old who won't talk to me. She has recently moved in with her father, 4 states away (myself and her 17 yr-old sister are in FL; he is in TN with a girlfriend) and she won't call me or email me; nothing. We never fought; she just 'didn't like us.' I don't know how to explain it; I've read books, there is no real answer that I can figure out. SUX!! I feel your pain.

Bonnie - posted on 08/15/2009

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My daughter gets regular bundles of attitude daily and everyday I remind her that I don't deserve her angst. I let her know I understand her and can appreciate her struggle, but I don't deserve her attitude because I am on her side. It isn't always easy, and respect can go both ways, but ulitmately I am the parent, and if she's out of hand, she loses her phone and computer time.

Karen - posted on 08/15/2009

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No -- my just turned 15 y/o son is hideous -- I am so glad he goes to sleep so that I can learn to love him again!! It's part of the development. They are a self-centered, egocentric creature at this point. Know that, but also remind her that being a human being is part of their job, too, and people need to respect each other. When my son tells me in so many words how unfun, boring, etc., I am, I let him know that I don't find him so terribly interesting, either, and that often stops him in his tracks and he gets emotional. Their attitude is a response to their culture, as ours was. They have a tough go of it out there. Continue to model respect and strength and support.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2009

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Children like adults all crave attention. And teens are no different. Except that they have learned to really "push" our buttons. This works for me. Disrespectful talk is acknowledged as inappropriate. Then it is ignored if it continues. It looks like this.

Daughter: You are so dumb or $%&)#(090
Mom: I enjoy being around you but you may not speak to me that way.
Daughter: &(*)#)($*)(
Mom: When you are ready to be respectful I would love to spend some time with you until then I am leaving. (Then you walk away)

Does it work every time?? No but after practice it gets better.

Joanne - posted on 08/15/2009

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Well let's be honest...I did it. My wonderful 17 yr old daughter has done it...so it's a girl thing. Momma always said there is only one "lady" of the house and you, my dear, are not it...yet. I manage my daughter in the same way. Most days there is harmony...most. But when there is not a strong reminder goes far. We have a beautiful relationship of love & respect. There is only "one" lady of the house.

Nita - posted on 08/14/2009

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Have fun. We have 3 girls. They are soon to be 17,15,12. Fourteen is a very interesting age. Our oldest daughter, when she was 14, all she wanted to do was argue with me. I was the bad person,and her dad couldn't do anything wrong. And now at the soon to be 17, we are the best of friends, she will be a Senior in high school, and soon my best friend will be leaving the nest. That makes me sad. Our middle daughter was worse,and waiting to see what happens. Just go with the flow. That is my husband's famous last words.

Marie - posted on 08/14/2009

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My 14 year old daughter has a different personality every morning. For the most part it's pretty snarky, but that is when I send her back to her room and inform her that when she's ready to talk nicely and not be a snot she can come out. This is a hard age, they are to old to do things they use to and to young to do the things they think they want to do. Making sure we don't come down to their level has been helpful. Our oldest is 19 and there were a few years from 14-17 that were pure torture. Now she says how glad she was that we didn't waiver on setting rules and keeping them. Of course at times my 14 year old thinks I'm just horrible, but time will change that ;0). Good luck with your daughter, it will get better

Carol - posted on 08/17/2009

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Quoting Beverley:

Do all 14 year old girls get a fresh shipment of attitude everyday or is it just mine??

Is it just my daughter who is full of attitude or does it happen to everyone and how do you cope when they talk to you like your somethng they've just stepped in?


MY 14 YEAR OLD HAS ATTITUDE TOO SO I THINK ITS JUST THIS GENERATION U R NOT ALONE BELIEVE ME XX

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