Do you let your daughter know?

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2012

Your daughter is 15, while not an adult, she is surely operating in the adult world of dating, developing hormones, brain chemistry changes, social media, and social pressures. If you have concerns for your daughter's safety and mental health (heartbreak), you need to treat her like you would any other "adult" and have a frank conversation with her about your concerns. Remember your concerns are just your interpretation of things - they are not real, your concerns are merely your interpretation of the situation based on your history and personal experiences - and they are your concerns.

When you admit your concerns are coming from a place of love and desire to protect, you come to the conversation without judgment. And, if you can acknowledge to your daughter that ultimately, what she choose to do, and with whom she chooses to do it, is something you have no control over, you will open the door for your daughter to actually take responsibility for herself and have an adult conversation about your concerns and her safety.

Good luck and godspeed.
www.theconsciousmoment.com

Jo-Anne - posted on 07/20/2012

I agree: don't tell her. I found it really really helpful to be very accepting and non-judgmental in order to open up the conversation. Start casually to ask how she's doing, what her boyfriend is like, what she likes about him etc. It's normal for it to take a while for the trust to build up to the point that she feels free to tell you what's going on. It might surprise you, but she probably knows or suspects something already but isn't ready to face the situation.

Kim - posted on 07/20/2012

NO! Speaking from experience. It will totally blow up in your face. That being said, all kids are different. I had a similar situation and it pushed my daughter to prove me wrong. A year and a half later I am still suffering the consequences and still know that her BF is a bad choice... Good Luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/20/2012

No, this will only blow up in your face. I know you want to protect your daughter but that is not how she will see it. She will see it as you checking up on her and snooping and get really mad. Does your daughter have a twitter page? If so she will see it soon enough. If not ask her if she would like to see his twitter page. Tell her that there is something you think she should see. And show her his twitter page. She may get mad at you but try it that way any way.

Kristi - posted on 07/19/2012

I would probably pick her brain a little, first, to see where she's at. Even though she doesn't have twitter, doesn't mean she doesn't about his behavior. Are you able to show her those tweets? (I think that's what they're called, right?) Does she know you're not too fond him? If yes and no (respectfully) are the answers I would say tell/show her out right but be gentle and understanding, because as Stacy said, the messenger often get shot. If those are not the answers, I would go with Lee's approach. Good luck, I hope it all goes well!

Tina - posted on 07/19/2012

Instead of just telling her, which she might resent as you "just trying to get them broken up", show her exactly what concerns you. Then let her make a decision that you hope will be appropriate. If she continues to see him, put your foot down and put an end to it. If they shold become intimate, then you do not want your daughter coming down with every STD in the book, not to mention HIV and AIDS!!! Yes, your daughter should definitely know.

Lee - posted on 07/18/2012

My daughter is 27 years old now, but when she was younger and started dating, in similar circumstances that you mention, I would bolster her own self esteem by telling her that this guy seems a bit "off" and does not seem to suit her core values. I would never run the boy down, but rather make my comments about how much she deserves the the best and is worth someone who loves her exclusively. I think by talking about the boy in a derogatory manner might result in rebellion and closer attachment. Teenagers are problematic with parents views at the best of times. You know your daughter better though, and yes, she must be told. Perhaps a good friend of hers can be taken into your confidence and then the friend could chat to her at her own level. Good luck!

Pam - posted on 07/18/2012

no, his twitter account is open to public, my daughter does not have twitter so she would not of seen it but I do. Yes I think too that I should tell her.

S. - posted on 07/18/2012

I don't know much about twitter. by snooping have you just looked at his profile Thingy or have you had his password and had a real snoop? (I'm just curious)
You tell her regardless she is your daughter, sometimes the messanger gets shot but you can't keep things like that from her IMO