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Does anyone else have a teen with low self esteem?

Kristin - posted on 05/23/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My soon to be 16 year old son told me he has low self esteem and he blames himself for things that were not his fault. I had him as a teenager myself (I was 16) and his father and I split when he was 4. His father has since then been in and out of my sons life and now my son is blaming himself for making my life difficult, I sat down with him and explained to him that it was my choices and not his fault at all and that I was sorry his dad is not around more but that is a choice his dad made and that I could not control that. I also told him that he made me be a stronger more independant person who worked harder to make a good life for us. I told my son also that i loved him and that i have never once regretted having him or raising him. It is hard on him as well since i have 2 other children ages 6 and 1 yrs with my current spouse and my 15 year old feels left out. I havge tried to make a night for me and my teen but he doesnt want to hang out with his mom. I really dont know what else i can do to help my son raise his self esteem. He is an honor role student and very mature and logical for his age. He is already worried about college and what to take and how to pay for it all and this also stresses him out. I told him he cant think so far in the future and that he should just concentrate on finishing high school and then research what career path he will take and as for paying for school i have a college fund for him granted he will have to work to help pay for his cost of living but hes really not that bad off. SO please any advice would be helpful

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Kristi - posted on 05/25/2012

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I got a lump in my throat while I read this! Some of our circumstances are different but I have heard almost those exact words from my 12 1/2 (going on 21) year old daughter. (she yelled at me for posting too many pics of her on FB because future employers will see them & think she is egotistical. lol) I wish I could give you a formula for the solution. But the truth is, we work on it daily, at least I do. Luckily she is not completely put off by me yet but I know that time is readily upon me. I try to encourage her to spend more time with her friends outside of school so she can see that they really like her, it's not just because they sit in the same class and I think it gives her time to let her guard down and just have fun. She likes to put different outfits together for school so I'll ask her to put on a fashion show for me. I go watch her gymnastic practices. I try to buy her the clothes she feels happiest in. She knows I don't have very much money so she chooses wisely. I think the fact that I trust her to make (some) of her own decisions makes her feel pretty good. But gosh, this is probably stuff you do already. It sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders. Does he have any interests or activities that he'd let you be a part of in some way? Like, taking him to a college level or pro sporting event or favorite genre of movies, have him pick out a new or old movie each week, get all the junk food you can, etc...or I know you said he doesn't like to hang out with you and you also said he feels left out, if feasible you could all go out to a new restaurant each week or every two weeks and have him pick the place. Is there anywhere nearby that you could supervise a bon fire party with his friends? I'm sorry, I'm just wingin it here. I want to give you the right answer so badly because if your son can change the way he feels about himself and he can stop blaming himself for things he couldn't possibly have controlled then there is hope for my daughter, too. Well maybe you (we) will get lucky and someone who actually KNOWS what they are talking about will get on here and give some better advice. Virtual Hug and prayers for our children that they will someday see in themselves what others see in them already.

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