FB Snooping

[deleted account] ( 64 moms have responded )

I was snooping on my daughters Facebook page and saw that there are some thngs she is hiding from me. Possibly a boy. She is an all around good kid and until now I trusted her. She is 12 and I have allowed the page because she is such a good kie. Now what to do? If I tell her what I saw, I loose the advantage. How do I handle this? Suggestions?

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Senobia - posted on 04/09/2010

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What do you mean "hiding a boy"?

Is it just giggly girl talk of "OMG He is soooooooooooo cute!" or is it sexual stuff and "hiding a boy...in her room"? If it's just girly giggling, let it go. If it's serious, call her on it.

If you call her on every minute detail of her life, she's going to feel she HAS to hide things from you - big stuff and small stuff.

If it's nothing major, let it go. If she's into bad things, absolutely set her straght.

Sherri - posted on 11/26/2012

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I don't need to Debbie. My kids only have one acct. don't care that I go on their sights. They aren't hiding anything and don't really have a need too. I have an all most 16yr old and a 14yr old and since I am friends on FB with all most all their friends and they love that I am on their accts. I guess I should be fortunate.

Sherri - posted on 05/08/2010

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My son has a FB page and he knows that I have all passwords etc and check its content often and have to ok every friend he accepts before hand. It is the rules no ifs ands or buts.

Tara - posted on 05/05/2010

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P.S. I fully approve of parental snooping if my mother would have snooped when i was 14 she would have found out i was prego before i was 13 weeks along. Teens hide things even good ones they are trying to become adults, pull away, lead seperate lives but they are young and still need guidance even if its sneekily given weather they like it or not!

Annette - posted on 04/07/2010

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Brandy, if she knows you can see her page because you are her friend and also have her login, she probably WANTS you to find out about him. Maybe she just feels too awkward to say it in words. Make it into a positive. say something to her like "hey i saw someone likes you.........is he nice?" Perhaps all she needs is for you to start the conversation in a non threatening way.

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Seth - posted on 01/19/2013

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As a child, of 12 years, FB snooping is extremely inappropriate. You, as mothers, should have raised your children to your liking, it takes work but from ages 3-7 are prime time to adjust them. Make them understand that you are the boss, not like a dog but as a mother. Children from 11 and up to about 18 or so have feelings for other genders, well hopefully for the opposite gender. Teach them to talk to you about school and friends. Its fine if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend but dont let them go to their room together, take them to a movie and sit a few seats away. If you snoop around in they're lives they will learn to hide things from you more-so. And on subjects like music, try not to let they're friends get them into that, take them to a concert of a good-souled artist. Growing up, I was introduced to rap from my older brothers and from that, cursing and things like sex and such, music is an extremely large influence on children so get them into Justin Bieber or 1 Direction as much as possible. And Brandy, just ask her about it, you dont have to snoop just ask if she likes a boy or something, and ask her about him. Don't tell her what you saw.

Joni - posted on 11/24/2012

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I have the password to my kids' facebook pages so they know I will know what they are doing. I also keep open communication with them so they know what I will be looking for and if I see them post anything I find inappropriate or will give the wrong impression I tell them to remove it.

Nica - posted on 11/23/2012

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hi, a little advice from a computer programmer. children are on FB from the age of 8. yes, 8. mine started when she was 9 because all her friends and cousins had an account. my advice is: 1) know their password and check on their chats and email at least once a week. check their friends too. you don't need to tell them you are spying!!!!! 2) my biggest advice is do you know how to use a computer? if not, don't give them an account. if you know than it is easy to check on them. what you should check constantly is the security settings because they change constantly. don't put their pics on the home page because this could attract pedophiles. mine had a flower. if they want to share pics with friends, check that the security settings are for friends only. also, check that no one apart from their friends can see their wall and posts. I have seen many accounts owned by little children that had no security and were open to all because parents cannot use computers. one of them is my niece, she has nice parents, they are both teachers but are both very bad with computers. so I check on her account from time to time. if you cannot use a pc I would advise you to take a course because these days children live on the internet and you cannot stop their modern life by preventing them access. the best thing to do is to give in and be smart.

Claire - posted on 11/19/2012

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I think one idea would be to either create an account for yourself

And add your daughter to friends list and keep an eye on her that

Way or just carry on checking her account occasionally but u will

Only end up having an argument with her coz she'll accuse u of not

Trusting her

Debbie - posted on 11/18/2012

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First and foremost I want to say to all the parents who think that just because they have their child's passwords to all their social sites that they are in control....are crazy! You have to be realistic and KNOW that kids can, and do, have more than one facebook page. One can be a decoy to appease mom and dad...the other one is the "real" one that they use. And just because you might not allow internet access at home, don't think for one single minute that they aren't gaining access elsewhere. Almost every kid has a cell phone with wi-fi....kids have access!!



Keep a spyware program on your pc without your children knowing it. That way you can gain access to any passwords to any sites they may have. DO NOT tell them!!! They can change the passwords elsewhere, then you'll never be able to get them again if they know they are being watched on your home pc. Until a child is 18, they have no "rights" to privacy. We as parents have to do whatever it takes to monitor their behavior. Sadly, seeing what they are up to on facebook is sometimes the truth of what is really going on in their lives. You have to be careful in how you address things you see on their facebook...be very creative with how you bring up the subject so as not to give yourself away. I've had to do this for the past 3 years with my daughter...she'll be 16 in March. I still have to "spy" on her. Stay strong and keep watching!!!!

Shannon - posted on 11/14/2012

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i would ask her to show you on her page some thing i don't know ,,or sit down with her sometimes . or just say hey baby ,,time for the talk ....i look on my kids

Saundra - posted on 03/29/2012

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Just because there she didn't tell you about something, doesn't mean you shouldn't trust her. If your daughter really is "such a good kid" and you have never had a reason to withhold trust from her before, then this isn't a reason to start. You should trust your "all around good kid's" judgment. Telling her that you "snooped" will make her not only question your trust towards her, but her trust towards you. You may feel like she's withholding information from you, but she'll tell you when she's ready. I'm sure your daughter looks up to you (even if she doesn't say it out loud) and it is your job, as a mother, to set a good example for her. Going behind someone's back to get information is not necessarily an example one wants to set for her daughter or son.

Angel - posted on 03/18/2012

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I look at keeping our children safe online and in their digital world against bullies and predators. The way I do this is by monitoring my child. I use a free service that monitors facebook and it notifies me if my son is threatened, sexually solicited or harassed, or even offered drugs. It has been very useful. It provides me a peace of mind when he is on facebook. I upgraded my service and pay a small fee to monitor his cell phone activity as well. Especially since social media is out there and kids like to upload videos and inappropriate photos. There are many laws today that we parents dont realize that our children take inappropriate photos and post can be construed as manufacturing and distribution of child pornography in some states and we parents get charged with this because we pay for the phone. It is a fine line that is being walked when we do not know what our children are doing with their cell phones. There are free workshops about cyberbullying every Wednesday night at 6:00pm PST at www.abeanstalk.info Please attend, it is great information. If you would like more info, please let me know.

Michelle - posted on 08/11/2011

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I agree that as parents we sometimes have to be sneaky, especially as the kids get older and are starting to get more freedoms. My daughter is almost 17 years old and is a pretty good kid, no real trouble with her. I have her as a friend on my facebook and most times I don't agree with her language with her friends, but I also remember how I was when I wasn't around my parents so I don't sweat some things. But one day I had let her use my laptop and she had apparently left her FB page open, it took me a bit to realize it wasn't mine, since it was open I did snoop a bit and nearly had a heart attack as I read that she had a 35 year old man on her friends list that messaged her. I immediately approached her and ended up making a fool of myself. Turns out the 35 year old man was in fact his date of birth and I somehow read it as his graduation year....I was mortified and ended up apologizing for being such a snoop. My daughter thought it was funny, but she did tell me that she couldn't believe that I jumped to such a horrible conclusion about her. I always preach to my daughter that trust is easy to break and difficult to earn back. She said she went back and told the boy what I had done and he laughed about it. She teases me a bit, but it was my fault for not taking a calm approach to the situation. I would have to say that keeping an eye on it is a good idea, but breaking trust...even though they are just kids, well isn't it us that they learn it from. Being a parent is such a Catch 22. Good luck.

Shannon - posted on 08/09/2011

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Hope that someone looks at this. I have a 16yr girl always crying about space and privacy and when I snooped in her facebook account she blocked all info except first info screen to new people. I have had my sister create a false facebook page with the kind of things that I know that she is interested in. I have the password to the account and can check on her that way. It is another way to see everything on her page... good luck...

Tondalaya - posted on 08/09/2011

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You're a mom of a preteen and snooping is what you should. You have very little privacy until you get the keys to where you pay rent! Like other moms here, the only way my daughter could have a page is if I had the password and log in. My 12 year old is not allowed to have one until she turns 13 in November and even before then there will be ground rules laid. My daughters are good kids, but they are still kids and teens. They will try to pull the wool over our eyes if we allow it. We have to stay one step ahead.

Neana - posted on 08/09/2011

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First have you talk to her about boys? If not this is a chance to and ask her if there is a boy she likes. I would just try and find out a little by asking and then go from there.

Rachel - posted on 08/08/2011

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My almost 15yo and my 11 yo both have FB, I have their passwords, and they are on my 'friends'. If they want to go on, I log them on. It seems harsh, but my kids know that I will check their FB at random and if I see something I dont like, we talk about it. If I see the same thing continue, they know theyll be deleting their profiles. Its strict yes, but they are safe. And that is the most important thing.

[deleted account]

As her parent u have every right to see what she is posting. It's better to find out now and talk to her about it. Rather than her coming home one day saying she's pregnant. Holding hands & kissing leads to other things. Obviously, we are parents from that. What makes it different is that we are adults & fully understand the aftermath. Children do not understand that completely. God luck!

Gloria - posted on 08/05/2011

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I started to have teenage issues now also - I have not even tackled her FB page - I told my 14 yr old daughter that she could have one just as long as I can look at it from time to time. She said okay but i know she freaks... I have only asked like 3 times and of course all is cool unless she's changing it knowing that I'm going to check. I did find out once that she left the house to go to the park with her brother. We asked a friend's son of ours to friend her, and that's how we found out. We told her that the neighbor told us - so it would not blow the our friend's cover. He still keeps track of it and lets us know if there's something up or we need to look into.

Susan - posted on 08/05/2011

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Been there myself and there is no easy answer... My daughter can't have a FB account unless I have access to it. If I see risky language or behavior I don't hesitate mentioning it and have had to acquire her login and password so that I can assure myself that she isn't being reckless. Trust is an integral part of any relationship, if you approach the topic with her and exhibit genuine concern about her well being and she is as mature as you think she will not get upset. Don't forget that you are her mother and will be responsible for her until she's 18.

Sha_dawg2000 - posted on 05/10/2010

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Well look my daughter is 16 now but i have seen all her pages i am a friend on all them and NO i do not have the password but believe if i look at her and say logg in and let me look she does she already said she knows that she cant hide nothin from me that i am cia.fbi so there is no secrets just talk to her have her logg in and say u wanna see what her page is lookin like.

Telika - posted on 05/09/2010

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oh boy!!! if you tell her she's gonna be mad make the page private and for sure you would lose out on important info,now this is my opinion and at the end of the day you have to make a decsion that best suit you,i wouldnt tell her not unless it leads to something sexual or something dangerous its not like shes withholding info from you to hurt you she just wants some privacy but its not withholding info if you can access her page see the difference?there will be plenty of boys until she lands herself a husband but if its not sexual then there is nothing to worry about,ok then when she finally comes to you act surprise,lol good luck

Jen - posted on 05/09/2010

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Tell her, that you heard something and you checked out her facebook page, to check and see if it was true, and tell her that you checked on it because you were very concerned and worried. Also, you can tell her that you want to trust her so you do not feel as though you are invading her privacy, but until she is 18 everything she does and says is your business, because she is your responsability. She may be mad, if she gets yelling at you, then what I would do is delete her Facebook. It may sound mean, but I would do it to my 13 or 14 year old if they were hiding things from me. What I do, may sound corney, but I talk to them every night before bed to see if anything happened during the day they may need to talk about. I think it helps and they know I am there no matter what it is they want to talk about.

Bobbie - posted on 05/07/2010

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My son is 14 and I will not let him get a FB account. I told him he can when he is 15. Then it will be one I will have access to till he is 18. I monitor my kids close when they are on my computer. I have a TON of rules. If they break even one they are not allowed to use my computer for a month.

Tara - posted on 05/05/2010

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If your friends then she knows you can see it so she prob not really hiding it maybe she just hasnt told you yet or maybe its nothing serious nicely call her on it you said you were actually looking for something else tell her that and that you noticed this boy isuue either she will tell or she will get mad if mad just say hey no need to be mad im not mad at you i just want to keep myself updated about the goings on in the teen world lol keep it light

Gloryanne - posted on 05/05/2010

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As a mother you need to trust and then verify. I have 2 boys, age 18 and 13 and both have FB pages. Being a friend is not good enough - they can block you seeing their posts. I do not have my younger son's FB password. I will, however, have him show me his page with him signed in. Trust needs to be earned and if he violates my trust, he knows he will lose privledges. Not only are you teaching him that you care, you are teaching him a life lesson.

[deleted account]

Is the thing she is hiding worth losing her trust? I think it is a good thing that you "snoop" - we need to know what our children are doing so that we can make sure they are safe. Is there anyway that you can guide her without confronting her? If you feel it is something that needs confronting - it is your job as a Mom to speak to her about it. She knows you are her "friend" on FB so she obviously knows you can see her profile so technically you weren't snooping - you have access to her profile and can say so. My son is 16 - I am a "friend" on FB and often go onto his profile to see what he and his freinds are doing. I also have his pin code for his cell phone and often check what he has on his phone etc . Its our job to protect them but be careful that you are not being over protective or she will start hiding things and being sneaky - weigh it up and then maybe mention in an offhand way that you saw it on her profile and weren't happy with it and give her a chance to explain . Good luck - it doesn't get any easier.

Cara - posted on 05/04/2010

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My girls are 11 and 13, and both have facebook pages, as do I, my husband and my mom (and one for our 2 pet raccoons) We are all friends with each other, and I have my girl's passwords, and since our browser saves the passwords, I could get into the others as well, lol. We are very open about things, as someone posted earlier, to hide something is to be ashamed of it. Why would you choose to do something that shamed you?
Neither of my girls would think it snooping if I logged into their facebook or email accounts. When we set up email accounts both girls understood that all of their emails would automatically forward a copy to my account. They understand that, as mother, I am responsible for what happens. Often my dd13 has asked me if I read the email from 'boy in question' and what did I think.
Since all email forwards a copy to me, and their facebook automatically sends email notification of messages, I rarely log into their facebook accounts.
My dd13 expects that I am aware of what is going on in her life. She would be more surprised if I wasn't. She doesn't view it as a lack of trust, but as 'mom doing what moms are supposed to do'.

Lynda - posted on 05/03/2010

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if you tust her and trust her judgement then let her be, unless the things you read were completley inappropriate then its more than likely just harmless girly giggles, forcing her to talk or give you her password is almost like telling her you dont trust her and need to know everything, give her some space talk to her about the important things in generalised conversations and you will know if she is taking the right information. we DONT own our children they are on loan, and they wiil be their own person with things you thoght them and use that knowledge how they choose.

Denise - posted on 05/02/2010

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You have to tread carefully, you need to win her trust, and she should know that you won't jump on her case if you found something you shouldn't. Best try and get it out of HER to see if she will say anything, and then you may need to tell her what you found and see how that goes.

Tam - posted on 04/12/2010

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I pay the internet bill and children are to be supervised.. this includes the internet! I have been accused of stalking and i tell them its my job. if you dont want me to see it dont post it. Ironically its what other peoples kids put up that disturbs me. I have a very open format with my kids about sexuality. They can ask anything, and have been raised to be responsible(condom literate). I do not hide the uglies (STDS) from them since education equals prevention!

Carmela - posted on 04/12/2010

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12 is too young for someone to have a profile page. When my daughter was 13 she had a Myspace against my wishes. I told her if I ever found out she had a profile site, I would delete it. Every time I found one, I would delete it and she would continue to make another one. Finally, when she was 14, I told her the only way I would allow her to keep one is if I had the password. She agreed, knowing I was checking it occasionally. I checked her friends and everyone she spoke to. Now she is 17, has a Facebook, and I no longer have the password, but she made a profile for me and we are friends, so I can still check on what she's up to. The only things I can't check are her messages, but sometimes she forgets to log off so that is when I check it, and she never knows it. I would keep an eye on her page.

Gloria - posted on 04/11/2010

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First of all, don't be afraid to approach her with this. Explain to her that you love her and that you want to keep the communication between you two open. She is only 12 and you do have her best interest at heart. I snoop in my son's room, because I pay the bills and he doesn't. I am laying the foundation for him and it is up to him to build it carefully and responsibly. We owe this much to our children. Warn her of the dangers of sharing too much on the internet with people she doesn't know! Keep her close to you and your heart, but be straight up with her now before it is too late.

Eve - posted on 04/11/2010

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I check all my kids internet acess openly to keep them safe. This is advised in the uk to protect kids from preditors, in fact you are advised to only allow kids internet acess while in a family room when you are around.
I do not consider this snooping. It is very easy to find sites which are not approriate or be accessed by unsafe people, how do you know this new friend is who he says he is.
Be open with your child about why you want to check up on her, tell her that it is so you can keep her safe. At 12 I feel she will understand.

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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I think if your daughter is hiding a relatuionship from you, she has a feeling it's wrong or that she's too young. It sounds like she knows right from wrong but teenage horomones don't care. My daughter is almost 17 and she is only aloud to have a FB account as long as i have access to it. My advice to you is A) be honest about your snooping or you can't expect her to be honest with you about anything, B)come to an agreement on an age that is appropriate for "dating" and DEFINE dating so everything is clear, C) let her know you trust her and you think she is a really good kid and as long as she is doing well at home and in school she'll be treated with fairness and respect. I don't see anything wrong with a group of kids going to a movie or skating, etc.. Letting your child "group date" is a good way of letting them think they're being allowed to act more "adult like".

Angie - posted on 04/11/2010

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My girls are 17 and 14. I have always told the it is better to be upfront and honest with me...cause I will find out and things will be worse if They're not honest. You have every right to know what she is doing. I would confront her. She may get mad... but you are her mother. These things are a privilege not a right. If you can't trust her then she loses this privilege.

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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she is 12, your the parent! you have all rights to her, she has no privileges with out your say so, you have a trust with her being good, she has no right to the internet privacy! you need to keep up with things or she will soon not be such a good girl, times are hard out there and weather she believes you or not you need to protect her at all cost!

Christine - posted on 04/11/2010

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HI THERE BRANDY,

I HAVE ALSO SNOOPED ON MY 16 YEAR OLDS FACEBOOK AND ALSO DIDNT LIKE WHAT I READ, I APPROACHED HER ABOUT IT, THEN SHE BLOCKED ME!! SO BEING ONE STEP HEAD OF HER I MADE UP A FAKE PROFILE AND GOT HER TO ADD ME, I STILL DONT LIKE WHAT I SEE BUT AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT SHE'S UP TO........ I'VE JUST PULLED THE REINS ABIT TIGHTER ON HER, AND DONT LET HER OUT AS MUCH..... I WISH YOU THE BEST WITH YOUR SITUATION

CHEERS CHRISTINE

Laura - posted on 04/10/2010

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First of all Facebook is a shared site and if you want to hide something that is not the place to do it and your daughter knows this. It doesn't sound like you were expecting to find anything therefore now your shocked, don't be. I mean they think you have NO idea how they feel much less that we were once in ther shoes lol. Kids are under so much pressure these days and I think this is a great time to let her know that trust above all is earned and when it's broken it takes along time to earn it back. Then just talk to her ask why does she think a boyfriend is so important, here is a great chance to explain why you don't think she should have one. I have a seventeen year old girl and we have had the same talk and many others she doesn't always agree but I have given her something to think about. I also told her that" If someone else wants to know more about what she is doing than her parents do, there is a huge problem" Second as long as she is living in Your house you have the right to make sure she is safe and if she has a problem with it remind her that you are the parent and you love her but this is the way it is. Good luck just remember how blessed we are to be Moms :)

Tracia - posted on 04/10/2010

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all my kids under the age of 18 know that both mom and dad have their passwords. we can and have checked their pages from time to time. it isnt that we dont trust them, we just keep an eye out for undesirables who might end up on their pages. are we all a bunch of prudish saints? lol oh HECK no. the computer is also set up in the middle of the family room in full view. again, this isnt for our girls sake, this is for any 'friend' who may say, "hey, check this site out". what both parents AND kids need to remember. computer time is a privaledge NOT a right.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

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You want her to be honest with you, so just be honest with her. I have a 14 yr old step daughter and she knows that I can check her facebook at anytime. If there is anything questionable that I see on it I just ask her. We are the parents and they are the kids. It is our duty to be aware of what they are doing and edjucate our kids on online safety.

Tiffani - posted on 04/09/2010

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snooping is not snooping when your 'mom' its our job to know what they don't know 'yet' ... so be honest and tell her you love her, enough to let her be made at you, because that will be temporary... the thank you's from kids come later :)

Zatonda - posted on 04/09/2010

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My 13 year is on face book, but the agreement for her to be on FB is that I have access to her page. She plays game do silly quiz things. There was a question on there what are you looking for? and she said men, I went in and change that and let her know I change that,I ask her why she put that, and she told me cause she wasn't interested in girls and they had nothing else for her to check. As far as her conversation with her friends unless it is bad, I allow her to talk without me getting in it. If it is a boy I may ask her who he is,but considering she has boy that are her friends,it is normal, I just need to understand how she knows him, teens do pick up stangers as friends,that would be my main concern. Once she confirms who it is I allow her space. . If it ever get out of hand I could careless about her feelings if the topic concerns sex or drugs, It is my duty to be a parent first and friend later. For the most part I allow her to talk with her friends

Ranessa - posted on 04/09/2010

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I don't think of it as snooping. We have the password for both email and FB and have told our daughter we can change them at anytime but she can't. My daughter is 15 and we go through her friends with her once in a while to make sure she can tell us where she knows everyone from. That way we know that her friends online are actually her friends. You have to make sure they are safe and this goes for online safety too. If she has a boy on there that concerns you ask her. Be calm and just ask who he is. If you stay calm she will too and then you can talk. I am friends with my daughter on FB too and a lot of her friends too so that I can see both sides to the story. It is helpful. Hope you get this resloved soon.

Kathryn - posted on 04/09/2010

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I didn't allow my daughter to get a fb until she was 13. But the rules are basically the same, her dad and I are her friends, we get the password, and her friends know that I check it. If I see something on their page that bothers me she is warned about it. If it continues, I will contact the other childs parents. My daughter is also friends with her friends parents, youth group leader from church, and many of my cousins and relatives.
If you don't think that you can trust your daughter, than you need to delete it. If you can objectively look at what a teenager is posting and get mad when it is called for, than allow your daughter the right. It is a great way for kids to stay in touch after moving or such.

Kerri - posted on 04/09/2010

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I definitely only would allow her to have a FB page if you have the password and are her FB friend. As for the boy, what is it that you are concerned about? Does she just like a boy? It is normal for a 12 year old girl to show interest in boys. If you are worried about her being sexually active, that is a whole other issue. Just talking to a boy or having a crush, even a "boyfriend" is normal. Just make sure you know who her friends are, where she is, and what she is doing. Establish trust and open communication, and you'll be fine.

Peggy - posted on 04/09/2010

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My daughter is now 17 and she's had myspace or Fb since she was about 12-13. Our rules are that i can get on her account at anytime. In the beginning we had a few problems about her pictures. What she thought were innocent, creepers would look at differently. She knows i will see whatever she posts on either one of them. She's not thrilled, but she doesn't mind it too much because many of her friends have added me as a friend as well.lol The best part of being able to log onto her account is that you can see who they are talking to and the kind of kids they are! You definitely know which kids have no parent keeping an eye out! It amazes me the pics of underage drinking, partying, and the ones that are fooling around! Lets me know who she can run around with and who she can only be FB only friends with!! It's our job as a parent to know what are kids are doing at all times!!!! There are way to many perverts out there that are more than willing to watch your children if you don't!

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I'm not sure as to why this is such a big issue, after all you are the parent. My daughter whom is almost nineteen had the Zanga, MySpace and now FaceBook. She was told from the very beginning the only way she could have an account with any of them was we had to have direct access and her password. She was told I would check it at any given time, if anything was on there that we didn't like she would get off. Of course now being almost nineteen, the rules have been lifted, but she knows I still check. I do it so I can keep her alive!! When my daughter was twelve and had those other social websites she was not allowed to put her real name, city where she lived, her e-mail, or her phone number. We told her if her friends wanted to get in contact with her she could give them the information in person not over the web. It sounds like to me you and your daughter do not have a close relationship. There is no communication between the parents and the child, instead you are being a friend and afraid of hurting her feelings. Wake up people, if you are not going to step up to the plate and actually be the parent, your child will either become pregnant or worse! In my house if we do not approve of something we bring it out straight forward. There is no sugar coating, it is straight to the point. We raise our kids for the real world, not for the fantasy world. We let them know for every action they choose rather good or bad there is always a consequence. You are going to have to be straight forward and bring it up. If you do not like the answer block her from getting on any social web site. We have the program that shows each and every web site all of our children go to. We've blocked the younger ones from going to certain web sites, no they do not like it, but it is keeping them safe. At eighteen all restrictions are lifted, but we still keep an open eye. It is our house our rules, if they don't like it and continue to complain they get their electronics taken away, and yes we actually mean it.

Rebeca - posted on 04/09/2010

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My daughter is also 12 and has a facebook page, but like many of the other mum's who have responded, I am her friend on Facebook and I have her password. I have not used it to check on her yet, at this point most of her posts are results for Farmville etc, and I often approach her when she is on the computer to see how she reacts, I figure if she jumps or shuts a page down, then she is hiding something I should worry about, but as long as she sits calmly and shows me what she is doing, then I trust her. I did set a rule that she is only to be friends with kids she knows personally and not to accept any stranger requests even if they seem to be kids her age. Also, all my friends and families are also her friends on FB. If I did see a comment that concerned me, it is best to approach her directly and discuss it in a non threatening way. I show my daughter newspaper articles about things that have happened to other kids (men pretending to be young boys, cyberbulling etc) so she is aware of why I have set certain rules and she knows how to keep herself safe. The internet can be great but it has made it harder for parents to keep our kids safe as even when they are in the safety of home, they can be exposed to danger. We just need to make sure our kids now how much we love them, that we are in their corner, and they can come and talk to us about anything without being judged. Remind your daughter that you were 12 once too, and have been through things that she will soon experience so you are happy to listen to her concerns about life/school etc and when you do, try to put yourself in her shoes rather than react as an adult (or overreact in some cases). Good Luck!!

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My daughter is 14 and she has a facebook. I know her closest friends and have their phone numbers. The rules her father and I had were: we are to be friends on her facebook, and we are to have her password information so that we can check at anytime we want. Our family are friends with her on fb also. We found out that on my daughters fb, we are not the only parents on their childrens fb as friends.

I would talk to her about it and she can show you voluntary and if she refuses, ask her what she's hiding.

Joann - posted on 04/08/2010

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She is 12 that is a very yung age. You are mom and you have that right to be snoopy. She need's to understand that you are doing it for her safty not to be mean and all in her bisness. You have to put rul's down when it comes to the pc.

Kellean - posted on 04/08/2010

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First off you should get a Facebook page yourself. Don't tell her about it just do it. This would help you keep up with what she is doing. As well as you would enjoy it. Then you can go to her and tell her you saw and learned about her bf. After that you need to set some ground rules. She wants you to respect her and she needs to learn to respect you too. This means by sharing this with you. Talk to her often don't always assume everything is okay. Talk to her everyday. Get to know her better. This actually happened to me with my 15 year old son. If your teen wants to hide something they will find a way even if you think you have it all under control. Open the lines of communication and always keep them open. Best wishes to you and your daughter!

Skye - posted on 04/07/2010

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i gotta tell you my daughter has a facebook and is also twelve. My advantage here is she has m any of my friendfs who are friends to her. Much to her chagrin THEY tell me when she has something new on FB if i havent already seen it. Nothin like having an extended group of Aunts and Uncles watching.

Elia - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have allowed both my 15 and 10 year old to have a facebook and myspace, but i know all their passwords. i dont check them all the time but like leslie matthis says at least they know that we can check on them. what i tell my girls is that if they hide something from us ( me and their father) that means they are ashamed. so dont do or write anything that you know you would not say or do in front of us. we have to pry sometimes not to be nosy but to make sure that they do not get hurt by others.

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