Fed up with my almost 18 year old!

Mary - posted on 09/12/2017 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm hesitant to post on here because I'm seeing so many different approaches of other parents who have all the "right" answers", but what people don't understand is that every child is different, every household has different financial means, etc. I see a lot of people saying "kick them out", or "shame on you for NOT kicking them out, they are your responsibility!"
I have three teen children, all raised by the same parents , although I'm now divorced. My 17 year old will be 18 in a week, and we don't know what to do with him. He didn't graduate last year and he is highly intelligent. He lives with his dad, but we live close and have both amicably raised the kids together , even though we're divorced.
He may not even graduate this semester, as he's already skipping school. He won't stay on his meds, won't stay in counseling, we've had him put in the hospital for depression, he smokes pot on a daily basis. He lives like a pig . And my ex husband only asks that he help with chores , and even that doesn't happen.
He finally did get a job, but all of his money goes to smoking pot and partying. When my ex husband has tried to lay down the law in the past, it ends up with them in a physical altercation, and the police have even been called. WHen my son is angry, he cannot calm down, has a Venomous mouth and a horrendous temper. I do not condone my ex husband choice of discipline at times , but I can't say too much about it, since my approach is a little better, may have no physical altercations, but is still ultimately ineffective with my sons attitude and behavior.
Kick him out at 18?? I believe in such....show him some responsibility, show him that he needs to be respectful and responsible with whomever he lives with....but also, I have the feeling that kicking him out will lead int drug issues beyond marijuana.
I take him for awhile thinking I can be more consistent with rules in a more constructive way, and he's pretty good for a couple week so before he pushes husband limit with me.
I don't know what else to to do for this kid. :(

6 Comments

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Sue - posted on 09/14/2017

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Kids at 17 and 18 seem to be the hardest....they sometimes think that life will just work out their way and they can do what they want to. My suggestion would be to set some house rules that you want, and make consequences you can enforce. And then do it. He could be harboring hard or mixed up emotions on your divorce and just isn't handling things well..Our daughter did well with speaking with a christian counselor several times..he was associated with a church and it didn't cost much either. Don't give up and think you guys are doing anything wrong..spend some quality time with him and see if he will talk it out with you. Set some boundaries, he will feel like you care..and follow through. Prayers for a healthy relationship for you all. Also have you checked out the National Guard Youth Challenge Program? It is a 5 1/2 month program to get kids to graduate. Great program...we know several that went. It is is 37 states.

Ching Ching - posted on 09/13/2017

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I am so sorry it must be heartbreaking for you to watch your son ruin his life. At almost 18 he going to be legally an adult soon and perhaps it is time to bear his own responsibility. However I also believe in loving him and perhaps seeing whether or not he wants to go to a rehab to get cleaned? What about professional counseling? Have you considered looking into a good church youth group or young adult group where he can make some solid friends that have good influence on him? At this age peer influence is a big thing. May be you also want consider introducing your other teens to a good healthy community group early, that way they will have good peer influence at least for the next few years and beyond.

Etta - posted on 09/12/2017

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Sounds as if you have given him a home, food, clothing, counseling and opportunities to change. If he can no longer live at your home it is because he made poor choices, so that is not on you. You are not "teaching" anymore, as you probably taught him he should be responsible and respectful his whole life. From your post he seems to be out of control. A good lesson he will have to learn is that actions have consequences. How that looks is up to you and your ex. Don't blame yourself. Everyone has free will and many only learn through experience.

Ev - posted on 09/12/2017

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I am sorry you are going through all this. But keep in mind, he is going to be 18 soon and it will be on him what happens as he will be legally an adult and therefore responsible for his actions. It sounds like he has been like this a while and though you have tried counseling, medication, hospital for depression and other things nothing seems to work. As far as the pot smoking, you do have the right to tell him it is not allowed in the house and it is most likely illegal for him to have anyway. He also has had an altercation with dad which landed the situation in police hands too.

Hard as it is to hear, he may need to learn things the hard way.

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