Hands full with step daughter

Jeanne - posted on 08/16/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a teenage step daughter. She moved in we me and her Dad a year ago. She was abused while she lived with her mom. We took her in and made sure we got her back to good health. She is an A student in school now and is eligible for a full scholarship to college. She is a follower and is sexually active.

She has been asking about churches and was talking to us about it. I asked her to come with me to my church. She searched for churches on her own and found a different one. My husband and I attended a service and it was very fanatical and to us very much like a cult. My step daughter doesn't see it that way and can't tell us what she actually believes in. She sees a group of people that want her to be a part of their church but doesn't know what faith they are. They have been texting her to join their youth ministry. Alarms are going off in my head and I really didn't like what I saw. What can I do? She really doesn't need to get into anymore trouble.

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Francine956 - posted on 08/18/2012

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I commend you on being an active parent(step) in her life. A mothers intuition is typically not far off from reality. As a mom of four children, there have been several times I had an intuition and was correct. The hard part is getting your child to see it. This is a hard age for teenagers, they are trying to learn how to grow up in a society with such high expectations. Often they are followers which makes it even more difficult to help them. As far as her being sexually active, you can't control it, so I would help her to become educated and safe. Talk with her physician and let them know her situation, ask them to discuss the ramifications of unsafe sex. Ask that she be tested for STD's and have her get on some type of birth control. This will at least show her you are concerned for her well-being.
Then I would try to spend more time with her to find out what her interests are and help her explore these. For instance my daughter loved animals, so she volunteered at the zoo. I know it is probably difficult for you because you do not feel like her mom, but if she camefrom a place where she was abused I would imagine she did not feel close to her biological mother. This could be a way for you to step up and show her what a mother is supposed to do, which it sounds like are already doing. Continue to show her you care, listen and as hard as it might be try not to vocalize your judgments too often. Instead try to redirect her down paths that will help her develop her passions. I hope this helps and does not sound judgemental, but as a mom of four this is how I would approach this type of situation. May god bless you and your family with strength during this trying situation.

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