Help, I have a 16 year daughter and sometimes I really don't like her.....

Julie - posted on 09/14/2009

I feel your pain! I have a 17 year old who is just coming out of that phase and a 15 year old just starting it! The one quote that has brought me through the first and will get me through the second is "God gave us teenagers so we could bear to let our babies go."

Good luck and let her have the last word in the end your word is law anyway!

Tiffaney - posted on 09/14/2009

GIRL! I know your pain. Pretty much there is nothing you can do with her. She has to grow out of it. Until then I suggest you work on yourself. Take a yoga class, get a massage, treat yourself silly to help deal with the stress the girl gives to you. I have 5 boys and one girl and I swear I'd take 5 two year old boys over one teenage girl. lol... Good luck. I love mine to death too but boy getting past the teens with them is a true challenge worthy of Christ himself.

Veronica - posted on 09/14/2009

oh that is too funny!! I sooooooo feel the same way about my daughter she is 15..and her attitude sometimes. uugh I look at her sometimes and am like is this my daughter? its so draining because I talk to her and I think she gets it then she does or says something that just floors me...I agree on the payback. I now say what my dad said to me at that age remember this day when you have kids of your own.

Heidi - posted on 09/14/2009

Ifeel your pain!My daughter is gonna be 17 in Dec. and believe me we have our rounds.I have to say thatsometimes I wander if someone snatched her brain!lol

Kimberly - posted on 09/14/2009

Wow I really was thinking I was the only one with these problems with my girls. I have 3 that are 11,14 and 17...I too feel the same way about them as you do Kisha. I know they are good students honor roll, but they drive me nuts.

Kim - posted on 09/14/2009

I have gone through three teenage girls and my last teenager is a girl also, thought it would get easier with each one but it did not. They seem to send you a new curve ball when you just think you have them figured out. My mother says it is pay back for all the hard times I gave her

Nicola - posted on 09/14/2009

I'm glad to hear you say that, I thought I was the only one who had those feeling towards my teenagers, I have two boys, 17 and 14.

Kisha - posted on 09/14/2009

Thank you ladies for all the feedback. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. But I'm even more thankful knowing that it will be over, in 2011 (and counting), when she goes off to college...lol



Thanks again

Chris - posted on 09/14/2009

Been there....actually still going through it! I have an 18y/o step-daughter and she is the most disrecpectful person I know. She treats her dad (who has ALWAYS been there for her) like crap and it really breaks my heart. She lived with her mom (before going off to college) and they tried to use my husband for everything they could. Thank GOD she is now 18y/o and our required financial obligations are done. (I can go on and on about this, but I won't LOL).



The good thing for you is that she is your daughter and you are instilling good qualities in her. The problem with the mouth will fade, you just have to be patient and DO NOT let her know it's getting to you!!

Sid - posted on 09/14/2009

I also have a 15 year old daughter. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one going through all this stuff. I keep telling myself that she's not a bad kid. She hasn't come home drunk or stoned. The police haven't brought her home and over all most adults say she's a good kid so at least I know she CAN be a good kid when she needs to be. Be strong gals...this too shall pass..just keep telling yourself this. Maybe someday it will come true!! LOL

Robin - posted on 09/14/2009

I'v been there too.. After raising two teen girls i thought I would give my third daughter away before doing this again.. but I found a book that helped me a lot. For Parents only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Connie - posted on 09/14/2009

This is too funny! I have an 18 yr. old daughter and sometimes I feel the same way about her. I was never allowed to be "mouthy" to my mom or she would have literally knocked my teeth out!! Now, I would never do that to my daughter but......I know how you feel.

Bernadette (Mona) - posted on 09/14/2009

Hi Kisha, I can feel your pain... my daughter is 16 also... yes, I love her to death, and as much as I don't want to admit it... she is a re in carnation of the 16 year old me.... I should apologize to my mother, but she would love it too much.... save the teeth, bcuz she is still under your insurance and you'd have to pay for it.... just hold on a little longer and with God's blessings she will have a 16 year old daughter too one day.... in the mean time... count.... breathe.... pray...

Sondra - posted on 09/14/2009

I REMEMBER being this way with my mother and I am so sorry about. it. My daughter just finally passed through this age with both of us still alive!

I felt guilty because I loved her but sometimes I really didn't like her. She was not the little loving girl she had been.

This is an age to pick your battles and sometimes to step back and readdress the issue when everyone is calm. Sitting down at a later time to remind her that you love her and understand that life is difficult at that age, but you are her mother and you will be respected.

Prayer and Patience.

Melissa - posted on 09/14/2009

As a mom of a 21, 18, 15, and 10 year old girls....it will get better. She is just trying to figure out who she is and what her boundaries are. HANG IN THERE. It may take a while but things will get better.

Sheri - posted on 09/14/2009

Kisha,
I have a 14 yr old daughter.... I want to knock her teeth out everyday... I understand can't give you advice because I need help with this to... We are SO much a like that I can't handle it .. I have 2 more girls younger then her and I PRAY everyday that GOD will give me strength to handle them all.. All I can tell you is PRAY!!!! I hope that we ALL get through it...

Barb - posted on 09/14/2009

I also have a 15 year old daughter that has a mouth, & I also have moments where I'd like to knock her out! She's my 2nd born, I love her to death, she has so many positive things about her, but doesn't use them. I've also figured that she is my payback for what I put my mom through! LOL

Tinamarie - posted on 09/13/2009

Kisha - are you talking about YOUR daughter or MINE? I feel your pain and am happy to know that 'this too shall pass" :) God Bless

MELLISSA - posted on 09/13/2009

I have a 13yr girl and a 15 yr old boy. My boy is so much easier to deal with. Dont get me wrong he has a mouth on him also but I would trade it 20x then deal with my 13 yr. I remember my mom telling me she loved me but didt have to like me when I was growing up.....I now understand what she met. Lol lord help me!

Kim - posted on 09/13/2009

I have a 13 year old and raised 2 step-daughters. Let me tell you, raising teenagers, especially girls is like nailing jello to a tree. Stay strong and remember that the aliens will soon replace her brain! Just pray for her everyday and pick your battles. I know that is easier said then done, I did a HORRIBLE job of that with my step-daughters, but I learned from it and am much better with my daughter. Good luck!! You are an AWESOME mom!!!!!! Just remember how much of a blessing you are in her life!

Serena - posted on 09/13/2009

Man I am so glad I am not alone! I swear my 14yr old is trying to kill me! LOL

Tami - posted on 09/13/2009

Ohhh yes! And this too shall pass. I have a 17 year old who is MAJOR MOODY! We've tried everything! She is a good kid, too. Nice girl, good grades, good friends, but her attitude with US is less than desired. She's fine with her friends, but is extremely crabby with the family. We are considering counseling for her and US if need be. Not sure why she is this way, but I hear from other Moms that have gone through this, that it is normal. I think as a Mom, we just want them to NEED us and especially RESPECT us like they did when they were little. They're spreading their wings and testing the waters. It's the only way they will learn their boundaries. Hang in there Mom.

Danellia - posted on 09/13/2009

hi deb,

it becomes really hard on parents who are trying to do their best when there are people out there who would allow our children to stay in their house, smoke, drink, and Lord knows do what else. we become the worst peple in the world until something bad happens.

Danellia - posted on 09/13/2009

Quoting Deb:

Kisha,

Just saw your post...thought I would share with you my teen age sons!! I have 2 boys..19 (will be 20 in Oct.) and a 17 yr old. The 19 yr old and his gfriend thought Let's have us a baby. So...Now I have a granddaughter...who by the way is not yet 2, but has quite the little attitude. My son did not find it funny when I told him that everything he put me thru, will be 1,000 times worse for you! And bless my granddaughter...she is proving me right. Now...this is the responsible one...He graduated from High School with his sweetheart. They got married, he has already bought a home and has a wonderful job with baby number 2 on the way.

The 17 yr old...Total opposite!! Has a mouth that does not quit...has to have the last word, and mind you...I want the last word! So this just makes me madder and madder. The fun is when he gets really ticked off and doesnt want to play by the rules, he pulls the I'm running away card. As of last week, it has been 4 times. Called the police all 4 times, and had to report him the 1 time. That was hard. 3 times as a runaway and you go to Juvinile Detention . Please dont get the wrong idea. This is NOT how I have raised my kids...but...in his case he has a girlfriend and his gma who thinks that he could walk on water. Where they both need to butt out.

So I have learned to choose my battles. That is really all you can do. And pray that they come out of the teens in one piece. The other 5 of our kids have. My hubby had 4 kids when we got together.

Hope it helps. If nothing else, I hope I entertained some people!!

Danellia - posted on 09/13/2009

hi kisha,

i can relate to your situation. i too have a 16 year old daughter who has to have the last word along with her mood swings.i truly believe that it has something to do with them taking out on us what has happened with their friends or so-called boyfriends.

Lynn (Linda) - posted on 09/13/2009

Oh and be aware that IT IS NEVER WRONG to let your children know that you love them and will ALWAYS love them no matter what but that DOES NOT mean you have to like the person they are becoming!!!! I tell my kids that everytime I want them to take a reality check!!!! It helps them to stand back and reflect on what they say and do that would make their parents not like them as people!

Lynn (Linda) - posted on 09/13/2009

And if you remember Kisha your mother probably told you at one point or other that she hoped you had a child that was 10 times worse than yourself! lol. I don't know many parents that 'LIKE" their child at 16. It's a tough age and A PHASE. It's called "finding themselves" but there is a limit to this phase that parents need to realize where they must draw the line. You would get some amusement and help by reading my response and others to the post

Katrina Medjo-Akono

How does one manage a ten year girl that is becoming too sassy and rude with her mother?

by K. Medjo September 9, 9:05 am

Janene - posted on 09/13/2009

I just joined this community and when I saw the subject of your post, I just said...'Thank you Lord. It ain't just me.' I love my daughter because she is my daughter but God help me. I don't LIKE her. She is like a leech; the more I try to give her, the more she wants. She is disrespectful, ungrateful, full of attitude, MUST have the last word and feels when she tells me she is aggrivated, I should shut up and leave her alone. I am at my wits end with this child. I have not really spoken to her since our last blow up on Wednesday. I have a baby boy turning a year old on the 21st and our exchange had him shaking and I will not subject him to that again. I finally had to tell my Teenzilla that the next time she is raging and hitting walls and throwing objects, I am just going to call a police officer to take her 'away'.

Vanessa - posted on 09/13/2009

I completely agree with you. My daughter is 15 and I struggle with the same things, and when I talk to other mothers with teen girls they usually say the same things. Girls go through a lot of things growing up and I think we as parents forget what it's like. I always hear it gets better and some day we'll look back and laugh with our girls.

Deb - posted on 09/13/2009

Kisha,



Just saw your post...thought I would share with you my teen age sons!! I have 2 boys..19 (will be 20 in Oct.) and a 17 yr old. The 19 yr old and his gfriend thought Let's have us a baby. So...Now I have a granddaughter...who by the way is not yet 2, but has quite the little attitude. My son did not find it funny when I told him that everything he put me thru, will be 1,000 times worse for you! And bless my granddaughter...she is proving me right. Now...this is the responsible one...He graduated from High School with his sweetheart. They got married, he has already bought a home and has a wonderful job with baby number 2 on the way.



The 17 yr old...Total opposite!! Has a mouth that does not quit...has to have the last word, and mind you...I want the last word! So this just makes me madder and madder. The fun is when he gets really ticked off and doesnt want to play by the rules, he pulls the I'm running away card. As of last week, it has been 4 times. Called the police all 4 times, and had to report him the 1 time. That was hard. 3 times as a runaway and you go to Juvinile Detention . Please dont get the wrong idea. This is NOT how I have raised my kids...but...in his case he has a girlfriend and his gma who thinks that he could walk on water. Where they both need to butt out.



So I have learned to choose my battles. That is really all you can do. And pray that they come out of the teens in one piece. The other 5 of our kids have. My hubby had 4 kids when we got together.



Hope it helps. If nothing else, I hope I entertained some people!!

Shannon - posted on 09/12/2009

My daughter is now 18 and what you are getting now is what I got from about 14 until 17 - all of a sudden it mellowed - she started loving me again - like when she was little. But she still has her moods - and when she does - it is always my fault. I got the same thing from my mom - it is a curse our mothers put on us and it works. lol! And guess what - I have been looking at colleges AWAY from home too hahaha lol! It will get better - just hang in there!

Nic - posted on 09/12/2009

my girl is ten.she has a medical condition that makes me think ,"how will we cope when shes 16.i would give anything to have those few problems,and pray that thats all my girl is doing at 16, ill be happy.we only get one go at being a mum.their a long time out of home girls.put your arms around them, look them in the face and say 'i love those beautifull teeth i MADE. and everything else i made in you.!!!!

Diana - posted on 09/12/2009

Been there, done that. Just take comfort in the fact that even though she may believe she is 16 going on 32, when she hit 17 1/2 she will be going on 18 again. Both of my daughters went through this stage. It was not pretty. But once we were through it, it got much better. They became my daughters again, then my friends. They are now grown, with children of their own, and have both told me they now understand the difficulites we had. I know it may not sound like much, but just know that you are not the only one this happens to, and if you both survive it (lol) there is joy at the end for both of you. Good luck and try to be patient.

Tracy - posted on 09/12/2009

i have an 18yr old girl and have never had this problem with her but have two boys aged 24 and 15 and they have both been like this, need to always have the last word and strop, stamp, slam doors etc. We have found the best way to deal with it is not to argue back with them as they thrive on the confrontation and don't want to be seen as weak and backing down, after all said and done you are the adult and need to show them its ok not to argue and walk away. As long as they know your answer and any consequences of doing the opposite of what you have said, why argue. I normally say "that is final, now argue alone if you wish" and walk away, they don't like it but they won't normally carry on as i will just change the subject or walk away from them again, most of all as hard as it is remain calm and don't raise your voice.
Best of luck
Tracy x

Desreen - posted on 09/12/2009

It's not just the girls, it's the boys too. They go to bed as angels & wake up as monsters & you wonder what you missed, but you need to make it clear who is the adult while still making time to listen. My daughter went way off track & in the end you have to step back & let them go through it. My eldest son looks back now on how he was as a teenager & what I had to do to pull him in line & he laughs about it with the grandchildren.

Janice - posted on 09/12/2009

Kisha,

I have a 14 year old beautiful daughter who I love dearly but believe me I know exactly what you mean. Some days I wonder how she became this moody and sometimes very mean girl. Then I stop and remember I was once that age too and probably did the same thing to my mom. Plus add today's society and the world they live in I think just makes it 10x worse. They have a lot to deal with as teenagers in this world today. We are the adults so we have to keep control and when the time arises just take a deep breath and say a little prayer to yourself...They will grow up to be wonderful adults. Sometimes I do believe it is payback too...LOL!!!

Take care!

Angela - posted on 09/12/2009

You know Kisha I know what you mean. I have a 13 of whom I love to death also and she is everything that you said about your daughter. Its her mouth that gets her in trouble also. My daughter seems to think that I am one of her friends and not her mother. I know for a fact that I was not like her growing up because I would have woke up a couple of weeks later.

Sue - posted on 09/12/2009

Yeah I am I right there with you but mine is a newly turned 17 year old boy. And every time he doesn;t get his own way the standard answer is WHATEVER with the hand up in the air. Sometimes I so wish I had put him in military school at the first sign. Seriously though I have had this discussion with several friends that have kids or have had kids in this age group. Kids today think that they are entiltled to things; car, cell phone, video games etc. and if they don't get something when they want it then all hell breaks loose. I told my son the other day that his car and cell phone are a privilage not a necessity. They just do not get it... and no we did not speak to our parents like this. I for one would have gotten my teeth knocked out for real if I had. It is so hard sometimes raising kids;. You get an owners manual for the toaster, tv, stove.....everything you buy...but not the important things like your kids.

Denise - posted on 09/11/2009

I have 2 daughters... 13 months apart... so I had a double dose of all of this & my moms favorite was " I hope you have 1 just like each of you... my ex & I.." Well darn if I didnt..I know what you mean about wanting to knock thier teeth out.... some days I would tell my Mom .." every day they wake up breathing is a blessing" they were mouthy, anoying, rude, fighting all the time about everything (esp cloths... what belonged to whom) when they were little they were best friends, hit the teens & they were worst enemies.... but on the bright side to all after they hit about 19.... IT ALLL changed... Im not the idiot anymore, they get along... we get along ...Life is pretty good, so hang in there till that time & just remember, if we want to admit it or not ... we were just as bad, maybe in a different way ... kids are more out spoken these days. If I had said some of the things to my mom that I have been told Id be 6 feet under.....LOL

Domonique - posted on 09/11/2009

I fill the same way! God, help me. My 15 year old thinks that the world spines just for her. Every time she speaks it me, me, me, I,I,I. I just don't know what happen.

Nancy - posted on 09/11/2009

Kisha Winston-Watkins,



Hi I had the same problem when my daughter turned 13 and she got worse as she got older. She is 20 now and she is starting to change. She has a daughter of her own now and I think that life is starting to set in. I believe that each child matures in thier own time. I have a wonderful, wonderful friend and I am friends with her parents and you would never know that she had a tuff time growing up and beings sassy, talking back, having the last word..She just like my daughter were just trying to express thier new found independance. They want to be grown, but really deep down inside they are just the tiniest bit still a child and don't know how to handle the new found responsibility that come along with the independance. My advice to you is that she should with being shown lots of love and lots of patience...grow out of the real mouthy phase. : )

I wish you lots of luck, love and patience...this too shall pass.

Donnita - posted on 09/11/2009

Yes it is....mine is already 17 and we're still going at it..what I did was gave her some space without giving her too muchfreedom...it's like they want to be grown and a child at the same time ...let her make some decisons, purchases, etc. on her own and see if her attitude changes just a litlle bit...I always use to ask her "would you like me to treat you as if you were grown?"

Kerri - posted on 09/11/2009

you know, i am in the same boat. i have 2 teenagers, 16 and 15, and sometimes i feel like knocking out their teeth also!

i don't remember acting that way and my mom said that i didn't...

why mine feel they can is beyond me!

i am not in any position at give advice on this subject but it sure is nice to hear that i am not alone :-)

hopefully our girls will outgrow their mouthy ways-lol

Crystal - posted on 09/11/2009

OMG....Mine is the same way. That mouth! She has had to have the last word since age 3. Good grades etc,,but mouth and knows EVERYTHING. Some days she is 25 and other days she 5. You just never know. I hear it gets better by age 19..maybe

Susan - posted on 09/11/2009

I can relate mine is 15 going on 16 in December this year. Same thing. Those back talking mumbles get under my finger nails too! For me I guess it was the time period I was raised in that makes it conflict with me so much. My parents did not tolerate me even acting like I had an attitude about anything that they said or did. But, I try to remember that I was once a smart mouth kid myself - because from time to time, I got a few words in with my Mom, but, she put the Mother's curse on me...."One day you will have a daughter yourself and you will get it all back." My days have come... she's here and I love her to death... I raised her to question authority if she does not understand and she does that - not in a - disrespectful way, but, tactful and sincere. I just don't like it when she questions me and my decisions... my husband said we are exactly alike that's why we butt heads all the time.... oh well... She's still a great kid, smart, beautiful, and she speaks out... What more could I ask for? Keep you head up. One day they will be grown and on their own and we will miss them terribly. I know I will.

Tonja - posted on 09/11/2009

Kisha, I had to laugh when I saw this post. I could be reading about my daughter and myself. It's always been like that. At school, around other people all I hear is praise about how good, how well-mannered, how kind, respectful, blah, blah, blah. For that I am proud. But, God forbid, they seem to have a release button when they get home. One day, she's sweet, helpful, laughing. The next she's angry, sullen, back talking, stubborn! I just want to snatch her! I tell her that I don't like her or how she's acting, but I still love her. I know I would not have gotten away with the attitude she has when I was growing up. But, I see my sister, aunts and sister in law, who've all have girls and have gone through the same thing and see the other end of the tunnel. It's growing pains! Their daughters who thought they knew everything as teenagers, now call them for advice, talk, laugh and just enjoy each others company. I'm just hoping I get there before I strangle either her or myself.....Then, in 3 more years my 10 year old will be there! Aaaahhhhhh!!!!

DeDe - posted on 09/11/2009

Everything you are saying is completely normal. I had to step out of the room many times when my daughter was on one of her rampages. However she was killed in a car accident five months ago, one month shy of her 17th birthday. I'd give anything for one her moods right now. You and your daughter have a bond that can never be broken. She will eventually lose the attitude, but we as moms always get the brunt of it. Keep hugging her and I promise she will always remember how you never gave up because that's what moms do!! Good luck and God Bless. You are going to need it. LOL

Tracey - posted on 09/11/2009

nice to meet u joy, right now my daughter that is 21 this year has moved out 6 times and back. and she is the one with the mouth on her, she thinks she knows it all but keeps coming back, it just makes me sooo mad, and when i try to talk to her ,, its her mouth that gets in the way, and haveing a new man in my life, well its been years years, but she treats me like sh t. and mouthy to him, i just want to kick her ass, yes keep in touch,, take care. boy we have our hands full, ya i know what to do, i will ship my daughter to u and u can ship your daughter to me, then let them see what life in about, they would never be mouthy again lol,,, we can wish ! u have a wounderful weekend tracey

Jackie - posted on 09/11/2009

i am on my third teenage daughter and my sixth teenager, i think aliens come and invade their bodies and sometimes allow a peep through of the child you once knew, the golden rule im afraid is for you to press the pause button on yourself and not react straight away, no one wins in a hostile exchange , when YOU have calmed down and picking an apt time that suits you both try and explain your side to her without her butting in , then give her the same oppourtunity to explain herself. put aside a time each week to air your differences. when she gets older she will appreciate you gave her a chance to Listen to her, explain respect to her and how her attitude deeply offends you ,make sure she knows she is loved but her conduct is'nt. For every time she gets the last word then you are entitled to the next one. Teenage years are really the hardest years for parents and children and unfortunatly they dont really "get " us till their parents themselves ,she will come back to you, stay strong she is not enjoying it either xx

Joy - posted on 09/11/2009

What is your number we need to stay in touch because my daughter omg sounds like yours. She is the best daughter in the world sometimes but I want to knock the hell out of her sometimes because of her mouth. I thought I was the only one..Girl I sometimes have to walk away to keep from kicking her butt... what to do I dont know I really dont know.. Lets keep in touch maybe we can come up with something together. Have a blessed weekend.. And my name is Joy