HELP!! My 14 year old daughter does not care about school. How can I motivate her.

Tiffany - posted on 05/03/2013

My little sister use to be like that so my Dad sent her to a bording school outside of our state. It scared the hell out of her being away from her family for so long (Dad didn't let her come home untill the end of the school year) she soon stopped her bad behaviour but my Dad wasn't going to let her get away with it that easily! She graduated from school and became a brilliant doctor! I know this was a little hard approch to her behaviour but she soon became a very sucsessful person.

Shannon - posted on 09/18/2012

Hey im 16, I think that that is a really tough situation. I mean no one likes school, but I know I have to do it if I want to go anywhere in life.

My parents always made sure I knew that to get anywhere in life you have to work hard. And honestly, 14 is way too young to be giving up like that she still has all of highschool and hopefully university. You need to make it clear to her that it is important and if she doesn't work she will end up with a terrible life because that is the truth.

I am a teenager, honestly if my mom took away my tv or anything I would probably say i dont care too, you need to scare her. Bring reality straight to her, show her how most people live. It isn't a fun way to live, if you scare her enough just by showing her the reality of it, she will probably start working. But you need to really make sure she understands what her future will look like if she continues this way. She wont be able to do the things she wants to, career-wise, traveling, anything! You need to fix this before it gets worse, once she sees that she can do whatever she wants and get away with it things will only get worse as she gets older.

Hope this helps :)

Bobell2 - posted on 09/17/2012

Is it academic or could other issues be involved?

Michele - posted on 06/20/2011

Hi long time after your post.. sorry
I don't know your daughter so I can't really comment but I'll try something..
See gives up after a failure? What failure is it? Maths, English, sport, friendships etc?
Gives up how?
maybe she is have difficulty with the teacher...
maybe she is dyslexic
maybe she is needing a hearing or eye sight test...
Look into a few things and explain more to us..
maybe she is pre or post menstrual. She may need some assistance with that

Glad to help if I know more love...

Valerie - posted on 04/12/2011

i would get curious; what is the giving up about? "You don't care?" "What's that about?" silence and listen... first seek to find out if there are issues at school, with learning ability, bullying...and if none then what is your expectation...state it clearly and then walk away..."My expectation is that you will complete your school work to the best of your ability. Giving up is not an option.

Tiffany - posted on 04/12/2011

You say that you want your daughter to care about school and understand that it's important; have you investigated what's going on in school to ensure that it IS important and something she should be invested in? When my middle-school-aged daughter went through something similar, I went digging and learned that almost nothing was being taught--that many of her classes involved a few minutes of instruction and then time to "work on your own" so teachers could do their own thing, that her math teacher did a very cursory cruise through a subject and then if asked questions would do nothing but repeat exactly the same steps again with no effort at clarification and that the kids were being pushed to read a certain number of pages or hours a day with no concern for the content or comprehension--the race was to rack up the highest page count. No matter how much pressure you put on a kid, you can't fool them into thinking anything important is happening in that kind of environment.

Annette - posted on 04/12/2011

good luck

Jennifer - posted on 04/12/2011

I agree, teach her at home.

Carolee - posted on 04/03/2009

hello heather ! my name is carolee . we took our 17 year old out of  " public hell " as he called it last year and it has made all the difference !  8 hours a day 2 sometimes three hours of homework a night can you say hell ! he loves his new schedule and has even finished all his math credits early. we love the change in his overall spirit . no to alternative school a lot of trouble there . yes to independent study school. public school isn't for everyone. 

Dianne - posted on 04/02/2009

Heather when my eldest daughter went through the same phase,,,,I took her to a care home for the elderly where she was to serve the afternoon teas and help make beds. She was amongst girls who had flunked their exams and could only make money practically slaving in care homes. My daughter saw that some of these girls were very intelligent but had messed up but really really regretted it. She soon changed her tune. Actually I say that but thinking about it, it took a few weeks once she came out of her "Well I don't care" attitude!!

Jenny - posted on 03/28/2009

Hi Heather,

Positive re-enforcement is the key. Is there a specific subject she struggles with or is it school in general? I ran into this problem when my middle daughter was in 7th grade. I turned to the counselor at school and it helped alot. They usually can offer free tutoring help through the school. My job was then to find something my daughter liked to do and try to have fun quality time with her and re-enforce the progress she was making. It wasn't always easy but I learned about myself in the process. I needed to be patient with her and take it one day at a time. I hope this info. will help a little. Best of luck. Moms need to stick together.

One other thing my husband and I decided to do instead of allowance was reward for good  grades. You can decide any amount. We only reward for A's and B's. That way they decide for themselves how well they can succeed. It also sets the bar for them to do well in school which will help them later if and when they decide to go to college. We have 3 girls, our oldest is now in college but the other 2 like to compete with each other to see who will get the most money each report card. It's nice because we don't have to nag and push them. They motivate themselves and what teenage girls doesn't like money to go shopping!

                                                                                             Sincerely, Jenny from Wisconsin

Heather - posted on 03/27/2009

what are we going to do with these kids?  though she did tell me she asked a friend to help her in Math, so we will see.  I am thinking about a tutor.  Man I hope she starts to understan school is important. I am glad to see I am not the only parent going through this.  Good Luck

Theresa - posted on 03/27/2009

My 16 year old daughter is the same way. I have tried everything and grounding does not work at all. She just don't care. If she likes the class then she does extremely well, but if it is of no interest or hard then she fails. I have talked with the teachers and it has helped some. In Algebra she has tutoring, but is still failing. I have talked with her till I am blue in the face, but she just don't get it. Crazy thing is that she wants to go to college and major in Journalism, but I don't see her being able to get into any colleges at this point due to her gpa. Again she don't get it that you need an education to succeed in this world!

Heather - posted on 03/05/2009

Thanks. These are all good ideas.  I have talked with her teachers.  I have even asked if they could help me in getting her some more homework. Just for practice not a grade.  I am thinking about getting her a tutor.  I have taken everything away from her.  Phone ect.  I have some old math books and I have her sit down and do some pages every night if she does not have homework.  She always gives me attitude, but will do it.  I just hope she understands i am not trying to be mean. I just want her to care about school and to understand it is important.  Thanks for al the suggestions I really appreciate it.

Kim - posted on 03/05/2009

My 12 (soon to be 13 year old daughter is going through the same thing right now. I've sent her to a therapist. It seems to be working. She went from 4 f's and a D to 3 A and 2 B's. She spent 12 weeks grounded, no TV, radio, cell phone, computer, or after school activities. It did nothing.

Karise - posted on 03/05/2009

HI Heather,  

Have you tried talking to her teachers to see if there is anything they can do to help her on the subjects that she is having a hard time with?  Do you know of any good study groups she could join?  Or you could try rewarding her with something she really wants or likes as a motivational tool....  Hope this helps!  Good luck!

Monica - posted on 03/05/2009

I had the same problem with my son.  Had a warrant out for my arrest at one point for non compliance of school attendance.  nothing i did made a difference.  finally when he turned 16 i told him if he wasnt going to go to school than he could move out.  that scared him pretty bad.  he is now 19 and will graduate in may.  all i can tell you is time and patience.  its not much.  good luck to you.