Help! My 14 yr old daughter is viewing porn

Mary - posted on 04/15/2009 ( 50 moms have responded )

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My 14 yr old daughter has been viewing porn on the internet. We have discussed this and she said she was curious, my husband doesn't feel it's a big deal because he had playboys. I am more concerened because I was having sex at her age and don't want her repeating my mistakes. Even after being told to stop she still sneaks around and does it. She knows she will be caught, so why keep doing it? How do I handle this? I don't want to push her away so that she never wants to talk to me about sex, but don't feel it's good to be online viewing it

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Anna - posted on 06/25/2012

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I had the same thing with my now 18-year old.
She is curios, porn will most likely not lead her to having sex at a young age. In my opinion, if she stops watching porn, she will get curios and might even have sex.

Ryann - posted on 11/20/2013

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Why is everyone acting like watching porn at a ''young'' age is like murdering someone so ur kids watch porn just remember it could always be worse.

Angie - posted on 07/21/2010

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First, if dad thinks its ok just because she's curious, what would he do if he caught her trying the things she saw just because she was curious? Things were a lot different when we were kids. We didn't have cyber porn, porn chat rooms, ect... access is too easy. It is our job to keep our kids safe and fluffing it of to curiosity is just lazy. Remove the power cord so she has to ask you to use the computer. That is the best parental control. There is nothing wrong with having access to any and every thing they do on the computer. My girls know if catch them doing anything I don't approve on the computer they will lose it. There are rules in the home for the same we have laws in society. we all have to learn to live by them. It is your home and she is still a child. Do what you think is best for her and so what if she gets mad...she'll get over it. Your house your rules. Good luck to you.

[deleted account]

Parental controls is all you can do to keep her from looking at porn. But your going to have to find something else to ease her curiousity, just taking the porn away means she will start seeking out other ways to fullfil that curiosity. Try getting her some sex ed books, nothing pornographic of course, just informative info. talk to her and ask her what is she so curious about. You may even want to take her to a therapist if your not comfortable talking to her about it. But cutting off access isn't going to solve the problem of a teen being sexually curious.

I read someone say that your hubby is the problem, thats not so. Sex is a natural human curiosity, just cause your hubby has playboy doesnt mean you and he need help, thats ridiculous. If that be the case my hubby and I must be sexual devients.

Be honest with her and see what else you can do to help her put that curiosity off til shes older. My daughter is 16 and we started talking about sex when she was 13 and let me tell you, we are close and she comes to me and tells me everything.

Good Luck this is one of the scariest things for mothers of daughters.

Lisa - posted on 04/17/2009

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Parental controls are software you have buy for example "Net Nanny" is the name of one of them. You can research them on line just google "parental control programs." Take a look at them and read about what they do then you buy them and install them on your computer. They have a password for the parent and you control where your kids go. You can put in web addresses that you don't want them to visit or you add any words for example "porn" "chat rooms" any profanity or body parts and if she googles those things or if she searches the web anything you have added to the list will be blocked for her to get in. Then you can also set it up so it sends you a report which is great because it shows you exactly where she is going when she is on the web. It comes with a huge list of words already blocked. (If she hasn't figured out how to erase the history then she is not computer savvy at all...yet.;) Let me know what other questions you have. I have been through this with my daughter so I feel your pain.

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Leah - posted on 06/17/2014

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I personally feel like it isnt a big deal if you know that your child just wants to know about have a talk with them and also if you let 12 year old boys watch porn then I feel that girls should be able to to you just need to make sure your daughter knows the consequences of doing it in real life

Shawnn - posted on 04/25/2014

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Pornography, when viewed by underage children, can be considered sexual exploitation, and grooming.

Do you not understand parental controls and blocking?

Lucy - posted on 04/25/2014

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Pornography is a healthy way to give your children a look on sexuality, while letting them feel in charge as they get the feeling similar to riding a bike on your own; your not being pushed, and the path isn't already laid down. I would even go as far as to allow your child to look at porn that isn't vanilla, just sit them down and tell them the normal guidelines (not hurting your partner and talking to them about your child and their restrictions etc), other than that be on the lookout for your child exhibiting any unusual behavior, like taking pleasure in giving/receiving pain and so on.

Natasha - posted on 09/11/2013

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she will learn from her mistakes...and it is very common for children to view porn

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I am 13 I watch porn and masterB my dad and mum don't know think they will care I have tried give up meany times but dose not happen its addictive

Cristina - posted on 01/02/2013

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Well, here is another angle to this: we both watched whatever in our past and at 40, neither one of us feels that is something we should be doing, so why allow the children to do so? It distorts their view of what a healthy, loving relationship should be and it prompts them to start an unhealthy obsession with sex which WILL ruin their relationships later on- you noticed I didn't say "Might"? Bottom line: there is an age limit of 18 and your husband is allowing her to break that law-yet another thing she will learn is OK to do whenever it's convenient.

Mom Of - posted on 06/27/2012

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Parental controls on the computer and invest in parental monitoring software. If I caught my daughter viewing porn, after making it crystal clear about internet rules, simply put, no more internet! She would have to go to the library and use the computers there if she needed one for homework.

Although teens' couriousity about sex is natural, unfortunately, the internet allows endless access to all types of porn which can distort a young girl's perspective of sex and love.

Ron - posted on 06/24/2012

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so hers the thing about Porn.
Recent studies have shown that porn alters the brain in a way that is extremely unhealthy. These changes alter the persons perception on reality and it is harmful. Yea, their curious, aren't we all, but some of that stuff is not normal. What they see is not the real world. If your not computer savvy, most stores can and will install the software for you. Protect your kids and don't assume anything. After reading the article I was really shocked. But it makes sense if you think about it.

Meredith - posted on 06/14/2012

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It seems the issue is not how to keep here from viewing porn because she will and the more effort you use to stop here the more she will want it and watch it. Just find out what is going on in her mind, dont act like a detective or interagate her just find whaever porn she watches and view them yourself and see what she is curious about. I do find it intresting that your husband thinks its no big deal. It may be a big deal or maybe not. Just don't over react. Down play it. Myabe she will open up more that way.

Zara - posted on 07/14/2011

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i think buy her some books? as we know they just arent going to stop just because you are telling her off, you want to keep the door open so she feels comfortable in talking about it, it must seem strange knowing she doing it but its better than going and haing sex isnt it??

Tasha - posted on 07/13/2011

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Think of it this way..if she is thinking about sex maybe she's getting caught on purpose..i know it sounds crazy but seriously why not just try n talk to her about it more and just reiterate that she needs to wait til shes older to have sex... but let her be curious

Savona - posted on 07/13/2011

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The more you tell her not to, the more she may want to view this. If you do not like being told what to do, Im sure your daughter doesnt either.
Though.. If I was in your situation, I would MUCH rather her be at home viewing this, then at a friends house thats female or male or whatever. I feel it would be more safer as long as she is only watching it AT HOME. Experimenting could be dangerous, and you would not want some guy to find out that she is sexually curious about porn, and would try to convince her to go and try something like what shes viewing.
Im not trying to convince you that her watching porn is a GOOD idea, just stated my opinion that if you can think back to what your parents telling you that they dont want you to do, you usually wanted to do it more so yes?
Perhaps try and speak with her about again, as lisa noted, parental controls could be a solution, I hope you can find some good answers that will help you. =) goodluck and take care fellow mommy!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/13/2011

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I think its time for the sex talk and ask her why shes viewing it online. If she can open up to you you can simplyb tell her why youb think she shouldnt do it. If she can relate to you she'll stop. Telkl her your mistakes andbhopes that she learns fgrom them.

Keri - posted on 07/13/2011

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safeeyes.com I actually had an opportunity to test it out from circle of moms. It has been great! I can not only limit what my children (and husband for that matter) view, but it also gives me a daily notice of what they view, what they search for, and I can limit the amount of time spent online as well! It is easy to install and easy to maintain, and difficult to break through, my husband is VERY computer savvy, and he couldn't get through it short of taking the entire computer hard drive out! lol It really is very much highly recommended.



EDIT: Will leave this post up in case anyone needs to see it but didn't notice the original post is over 2 years old!!

Nicole - posted on 07/12/2011

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there is a program called spector pro and unless you have the pass word they can not change settings now if you set the parental control settings on the browser yes those can get managed around if you have a techy teen.



spector pro will follow your childs actions with out knowing. my SO's coworker used it to trail his wife. its some sneaky crap and can even bring back erased history. then there is also last pass. where is has some insane crazy security protection for the internet. like facial recognition or fingerprint scans so unless they can dust for fingerprints or make a copy of your face they are not getting in.



if you buy a parental control program those need a passowrd to change the settings. so there would be no way to get around it wiht out asking you for it. or not making easily predictable. like dont use phone numbers birthdates anniversary even though they are easy for you to remember. our main computer is hooked to our main lcd flat tv in the living room here so we do keep our stuff open and in public rooms. here we decided to establish the rules bedrooms are for sleeping only no toys in it no playing in it no tv in it. i dont even use our net book in my room. i use it in the living room if my SO is on the main computer. we also have network sharing up so i can see what it on the main computer remotely from the netbook and he can see what i have stored on the netbook from the main computer. just though our home network. ( we are very techy here and our daughter would have one hell of a hard time getting around us.)

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2011

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I think the first thing I would do is sit down and explain to her how porn is not "real sex". Then I would want to take her to be "protected" in whatever way suited you both (health clinic have loads of good advice and leaflets etc) I would also maybe explain your own expereinces, in short, and also how special a first time should be etc. If shes curious then nothing is going to stop her from finding porn or sex the only thing you can do is realise she is growing up, respect her for that and teach her what you can so she will have the tools to handle herself in a real life "sexual" situation. Might be time to teach her about her own body and pleasing herself. It depends on how comfortable you are on the subject and how open a relationship you have. The more tools you can give a young lady the better. Things is, kids are growing up faster these days and we have an obligation as parents to protect them by making them educated and smart in the way they make there desicions. Good luck to you both, it is a tough hurdle for all parents to cross.

Corree Amanda - posted on 07/09/2011

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I caught my 14 year old daughter watching hard-core porn (she apparently go the dvd from a friend of a friend, etc.) I don't know what to do. To ground her, to talk to her about sex education again or what. It's difficult to keep a constant eye on her at home, which I don't want to do anyway, but moreso of course when she's with friends. I wonder now what they watch when they go to someone else's home. So I sympathize totally.

Nicole - posted on 07/05/2011

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Take the cord off from the back of the pc at night. Cant use it if there is no plug.

Stephanie - posted on 07/05/2011

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With this day of age, they are getting younger and into sex. I was 14 myself, when I started getting curious. Look what is advertised. SEX is a seller, they make it look fun, and what kid doesn't want to have fun, especially with a risk factor. There is not much you can do, if she wants to watch pron she will, one way or another. Just sit down and have a talk with her about sex, even detailed, and let her know you trust her to make good decisions on her own. It is hard I know, but they all seem to grow up faster now than they did before...

JuLeah - posted on 06/29/2011

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The thrill and danger of getting caught makes it more fun ... look at it with her. She wants to look at porn, then let her.

She should never have access to a computer that is hidden from the rest of the family, right? I mean she is a teen. So the computer is in the kitchen or living room, so look at it with her, talk about it.

Talk about the real people behind the camera.

Find out what the draw is, discuss it with her, be open. Make it okay.

My thinking is that, if she knows it is okay, she can figure out whatever it is she is attempting to figure out, and move on with life.

Ellen - posted on 06/29/2011

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Dont worry about pushing her away ur not her friend ur her mom. Daughters of 14 dont like their parents anyway u should have only a desk top computer in the room ur always in. I have a 17 boy and a 14 girl right next to the tv in the liveing room im their all the time. If ur husband has a diff opion at least u have controll if the computer is in the main room of the house were u are at all times. Also parents are not liked at 14 so its ok. Your damn if u do an your damn if u dont. Long term do u will be preventing a big problem later in her life . Remember u are the parent. also with some computer older once remove a plug so thay can't use the computer when ur not their or make ur daugher go with you.

Jasmine - posted on 05/09/2011

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And it's not.....I have twin teenagers.....and one seems to get it, but the other seems to slip up every once in a while. When I first found out, I made them look up the bad stuff about sex as well....(STDs, HIV, etc.) I recently found out the other one slipped again. So, I've changed his password to the one I want him to have and in order for him to log in, he's going to have to ask me for the password. I find any swapping with his brother, then I'll do the same with him. Windows 7 has a time limit that you can set for users, and I have his set to log off at 9 PM. Will it stop...I doubt it, but he will understand that I mean business....stay off the sites....they can cause major harm to your machines.

Dawn - posted on 05/05/2011

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We have all computers password protected and only my husband and I have the passwords- they have to ask us to log them on and even then the laptops don't leave the family room.

Beth - posted on 04/27/2011

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This is a VERY common problem for parents, and has been way before computer came around. Kids would find hidden Playboys and look at them, before that, they would read explicit novels that told all about sexual escapades. When the hormones hit, they are going to get curious about sex and the best thing you can do is address the issue and not try to hide from it. I remember being little and finding my dad's Playboys and him telling us they were my mother's MEDICAL BOOKS! (She's a nurse, lol) Since we were really little, we bought the story, and he did a better job of hiding them! But later on, my brother and I rediscovered them and would marvel at what we were going to look like when we were 'grown up'. It wasn't even about sex then, it was just seeing a naked person and being curious.

I remember too, when I was a teenager finding porn on television late at night, when everyone was asleep (or so I thought). My mom came into the den, and she sat down and we talked about what was going on. She didn't make me feel ashamed or embarrassed, but she made it clear that the people on television were adults, and in our family we believed that sex was something special that was between two married people. She also explained that if you have sex with just anyone, it loses it's 'specialness' and that part of yourself is an amazing gift not to be given to just anyone lightly. We talked about respect, disease, pregnancy, and the stigma that girls get who sleep around. We talked about the girls I knew about in my school who were having sex and how they were talked about, and how I wanted to be thought of by my peers. I had a boyfriend, and was a virgin, and hadn't done anything more than kiss him. I was honest with her and she told me she hoped I waited to have sex with the man I married, but it was a personal choice, and if I had sex before I was married I needed to use protection for my own safety.

That calm, loving talk gave me a lot of respect for my mother. It also gave me the conviction NOT to go and have sex with my boyfriend. In fact, I waited until I was engaged before I lost my virginity. Yes, I read books that were sexually explicit, and every so often I would see a racy movie, but it didn't make me bad or evil.

As to your daughter, I would suggest you have a good talk with her, as my mother did with me. I had that talk with my daughter, and it made her wait to have sex until she was much older than her friends, and she practices safe sex as well. As for her viewing porn when you don't want her to, you don't have to buy any fancy programs or be savvy, just remove the keyboard and take it to your bedroom with you every night. Without a keyboard, she can't use the computer. If she somehow manages to sneak a keyboard into the house simply to view porn, I would get her into therapy, as she may have some issues regarding sexuality. But keep the lines of communication regarding this open with her, and have her understand that you do not want her viewing this, it is against the rules of your home, and if she breaks the rules there will be punishment. It is a matter of respect at this point, not just the content.

Best of luck to you.

Hollie - posted on 04/25/2011

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Not true. they do not have to be "hackers" to get past parental controls. All they need is one friend that knows how to do it. Please don't be naive about this. They will find a way around it. I work for an ISP (internet service provider) and my husband is way techie. Our 15 yr old figured his way around the blocks 3 days after they were installed. Just let your daughter know that the things she watches and looks at are not real sex. That none of us have ever had real sex that actually looks like that, and if she is interested in things that she might feel are out of the "norm" that talking to someone that is nonjudgmental and open is the best way to get information. If that is not you, then find someone that she can be comfortable with and let them talk about it. Remember, you DO NOT have to have all the answers, you just need to know where to find them.

Ellen - posted on 07/20/2010

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Then you take away the internet. Do what you have to do to protect her so that she doesn't get a sick and twisted view of sex...prolly too late. But anyways, your her mom and u need to protect her from that filth. If she gets mad at you then your doing your job.

I looked at porn when I was verrrrry young b/c daddy had it around the house. I grew up always comparing myself to those women in the mags and also had a misguided view of intamacy.

Remember, your mom, you make the rules and you protect her.

Hang in there.

Suszanne - posted on 07/20/2010

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Get a filter that keeps her from being able to view it. Go to websites that talk about the dangers of viewing porn at ANY age. It can be addictive and can hurt relationships. A good site we've visited is www.xxxchurch.com. It helped us to understand the power of addiction and the dangers. They also have free accountability software called X3Watch available to anyone who wants to get free from porn addiction. It has helped our family tremendously.

I would also talk with the parents of her friends to see if they have filters on their systems. Libraries have filters on the systems kids use, so she is safe there.

Let her know that viewing porn is dangerous to her mind. She will never be able to remove the things she has seen from her memory and they can come back to haunt her.

It sounds like she may need help to stop. Give her the support she needs and love her.

Good luck.

[deleted account]

It sounds like you need to have the sex talk with her and explain the obvious to her and then explain how she is not ready for that yet. If you don't, her friends will and you will have much bigger problems to worry about.



She should know that it is supposed to be between married people and not kids, and that it hurts in the beginning and is rarely satisfying at her age.



You should also make her feel comfortable talking to you about it and tell her BEFORE she does it the first time to come and talk to you so you can decide how to handle birth control so she doesn't have a baby at 15. BC Pills might be a good answer for you on that issue.



As far as the porn, even parental controls won't block it all. You have to make her understand that it is not real. Only love makes sex worthwhile. When she understands things she may stop watching it on her own.



Good luck Mom.

Ruth - posted on 07/15/2010

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I agree with the moms that have advised getting parental controls on the computer. But the other issue is what she has already seen. If I were in your situation I'd have a talk with her about how porn is not a realistic representation of sex between 2 people that love each other. It will be an uncomfortable discussion but she needs to hear it.

Rebbeca - posted on 07/12/2010

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Some good advice here, but wanted to let you know that you're experiencing it what many of us have - I have with my boys (13 and 14) and already have with my girls (twins, 11). The best thing that can help, in addition to techie things, is communication with your kids. Let them know that it is normal, and explain to them the differences between porn and meaningful sex. Kids will find away around tech issues to view/do what they want...particularly if they are made to feel they "shouldn't" that it is "bad" or "dirty"....kind of causes them to want to do it more. But with open, honest and candid communication, you'll find kids generally do the right things.

Nancy - posted on 04/24/2009

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I agree with all these ladies. Parental control is the way to go. We have our computer in the living room this way I can monitor anything my girls do. Also it is password protected that way if we are out and the girls are at home they cannot go on it. We change the password at least once a month. Good luck this is a tough age for you and for her.

[deleted account]

I agree with the above posts with checking history & getting parental controls. One problem with some parental controls is that those sites keep changing their address from .com to .biz to .au, etc. Also, be aware that watching internet porn this early is not the same as looking at Playboy. The stuff on the internet is MUCH MORE racy & It can be VERY addictive. If you can't get her to stop, you might have to get her into counseling. But remember, your first priority is to protect her, no matter how hard it is. So be strong & good luck!

Debbie - posted on 04/18/2009

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I have a son that was checking it out to. I think he was just curious. I explained to him that we could get in trouble (legal) if he happened along a site that could be what he wasn't looking for, they are so connected. I have said that I would delete their screen and put a password on it if he continued to use it inappropriately. I also asked him what it was that he wanted to know and then gave examples of subjects. I then would pick one and talk about it. It was always more than he was looking for but I hope it showed him that I was willing to talk about it. Good Luck

Varinka - posted on 04/17/2009

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Mary, like Lisa said, buy the software. But let me tell you that the problem is not going to be gone because your husband sees no problem on that.

Your husband is the problem, and he is affecting the kids and you.

I hope you seek help for your husband and yourself.

This article mentions few Internet softwares that can help you:



http://www.gotquestions.org/overcome-int...

Mimi - posted on 04/17/2009

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No teenage girl wants to talk about sex. In my house we have mandatory discussions. the consequenses are clear, she likes having a computer and a cell so if she wants to use them she must know the dangers and the consequenses. Does she know that colleges will review her facebook and can even check what web sites she frequently goes to? Do you have parental controls? If she can not follow your rules then you need to stiffen them and let the amount of restriction be up to her. Come on you were that young once. Just be more stubborn.

Lisa - posted on 04/17/2009

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There are a lot of good resources on line. Google "how to keep your kids safe on line" and get some info that way. Look up past episodes of dateline and Dr. Phil- they had a lot on that subject especially the "MY Space" issues, msn and abc has info on that too. You can use the controls to keep her out of those places and you can also set your parental controls to time restrictions so she can only use the computer during certain times of the day and you can set it for so many hours a week. I'm guessing the AT & T guy was talking about the controls that come standard on your computer. These other programs you have a password and if you don't give it to her she can't get in there to change anything you set up. Glad to help. If you go that route I think your concerns will be dramatically reduced. Let me know how you make out. :)

Mary - posted on 04/17/2009

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Thank you so much. Someday I hope to be smarter than my kids when it comes to these computers. It's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with this.

Mary - posted on 04/16/2009

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The computer is in a main room, the problem is she gets up when everyone else is sleeping. As for parental controls I am completely computer stupid and don't know how to activate. Help? Luckily she hasn't figured out how to erase the history or just doesn't think about it which is how we found out.

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2009

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They have to be really computer saavy like "hacker" level to get around it. I use the parental controls. I started out not using them and my daughter was just getting into too much trouble visiting sites  and going onto message boards talking to strangers and I did not want her on them. I recommend the controls but you have to do what you feel is best for you and your family.  The parental control programs email a report to you with all her activity. You can trace everything. Whereas just relying on the history is not really dependable because they can just clear it themselves.

Susan - posted on 04/16/2009

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I don't know, I've heard that if you have a computer savy teen, or if your teen has any computer savy friends, that they can get around parental controls pretty easily. This was coming from an AT&T computer tech that came to my house. He said the best thing to do is MOST DEFINATELY keep the computer in an open area, NEVER in a private room, and he said to just put in an access pass word so that they can only log on with you knowing it because you have to put in the pass word for them. This could get a little annoying after a while but keep doing it cause it's worth it.

Also, tell them they are not allowed to erase the viewing history or there will be serious consequences. But make sure to actually check the viewing history.

Hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2009

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Have you considered putting parental controls on your computer so that you can block these sites? The computer can be a dangerous place for young teens. If they have access to it they are going to look at it -- the temptation is too strong for their impulse control at this age.

Mandi - posted on 04/16/2009

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Wow i can totally relate my 14 year old daughter is doing the same i think it is because she is curious and though she is very open with me about sex there are some questions that are too scary to ask anyone, but if your concerned about the amount keep the computer in an open area of the house where it is not so easy to view and mabe to help her with her questions a book that explains things to her in a more apporiate manner might be the way to go.

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