help! my teen thinks she has to have a boyfriend!

Cristy - posted on 03/09/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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why does she think she needs a boyfriend? I asked her all kinds of questions like....do you not feel loved.

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Jane - posted on 03/10/2010

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I'm guessing she's in middle school. This is the time when girls are all about boyfriends. It's normal teen behavior. Don't make a big deal out of it. I do not agree she has low self-esteem. While I think all the things Tracey says is good, I don't think this is a low self esteem issue. It's the teenage girl years. My daughter, now 20, went through this too and believe me, there is no self esteem issues with her...it was peer related cuz' girls at this age just want to have a boyfriend to keep up with the other girls. It's a status thing!

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Audra - posted on 03/14/2010

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my 13 year old daughter set a goal this school year of having a boyfriend. She said that is all she wanted to accomplish this year! I was horrified by this. I have taken the stand that I will support her in whatever she does, but I continually remind her that having a boyfriend isnt everything. Everywhere we go she points out cute boys and talks about the boyfriends her girlfriends have. The "relationships" never last very long and when she tells me about them, I ask her questions and point out the negative aspects of a boyfriend. A few weeks ago she told me that she isn't going to try to get a boyfriend anymore she is just going to let it happen on it's own time. I am going to take this as a win and let myself think that she actually did listen to me over the last few months. I think the key is to just keep the communication open. Even when you get tired of hearing about the cute boys, keep listening and ask questions. You can really learn what they really need by listening and watching them.

Deanna - posted on 03/14/2010

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I agree with Jane. My daughter is now 17 and doesn't want a boyfriend (too restrictive) but about 12 to 14 or 15 she just had to have a boyfriend. We handled it the same way Ellen (above) did. Until she was 14, any "dates" had to have a parent along. When she turned 14, she could group date and we or another parent had to provide the transportation to and from. She could date one-on-one at 16, but by that time she had decided "boyfriends" were too restrictive on her time with her friends. She does date occasionally still, but she doesn't let it get serious. Our son went through the same thing in middle school. Now he's in high school and content not having a girlfriend.

Marion - posted on 03/12/2010

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at least she is telling u :) keep the light on listen she may have one already waiting for u to except her choice.tell her when she meet him bring him around have a chat with him hold on to the key words he is using and play back when ur home with her on yer own watch her reaction is she content or happy keep your eye and ear on things:)

Zatonda - posted on 03/12/2010

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most girls have boyfriend without telling the parent, My daughter is in the 7th grade thank God she is tomboy,when her friends come over and spend the night I hear them talking about their boyfriend. My daughter is starting to show some interest, but right now as long as it stay in the school I am not bothered with it, I am not going to let a boy come over or go out with her, where I go she goes if it becoming a big concern.

Alison - posted on 03/11/2010

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When they are that age they want a boyfriend sometimes better when they get older. I didn't have one till I was twenty. I'm happy that I waited.

Tracy - posted on 03/10/2010

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Most likely she has low self-esteem. She doesn't believe that she's a "good enough" person on her own, without a boyfriend to validate her. She may feel that if a boy isn't interested in her then she's not interesting enough. It's not really a matter of her feeling loved by you, it's a matter of time you spend with her, talking with her, putting her needs first, asking about her day and about her dreams and goals in life. Moms are really busy and stressed out most of the time, and our kids are the ones who suffer when this happens. We don't spend enough time with them because we are working, cleaning, shopping for groceries, and all the other business of life. You may need to create some time in your schedule (and her dad too if he's in the picture) to spend with her one-on-one. It doesn't have to be a whole day or anything, but maybe an hour or so twice a week. Take her shopping or on a picnic, ride bikes together, or get manicures side-by-side. Whatever you do together, really talk to her. Ask her open ended questions like, "What do you think about....?", "How do you feel when...?", and "What do you want to be when you grow up?" When you take the time to be THIS interested in her life, she will take notice, and she will feel important to you. This is what builds the foundation for a good self-esteem.

Ellen - posted on 03/09/2010

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how old is she? if she is a younger teen, try giving her advice on what type of boyfriend she should pick, such as a boy who treats her well and who wants to spend lots of time with her but will allow time with friends also. then if she finds a boyfriend, set ground rules like group dating only and drive them to and from the movies, mall, etc. Have the boyfriend over for dinner so you can meet him and keep an eye on the two of them. If she is an older teen then you would of course adjust the boundaries. She may decide on her own that she doesn't need a boyfriend after all, but if you try to tell her she doesn't need one she will just try that much harder to prove that she does.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2010

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hi i found with my girls the more you disagree with them having a boyfriend they rebel and have one witout you knowing

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