Help!!! My teenage son has started using drugs

Candace - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My son lives with his father and this week he is here with me and the other night his father called and asked to talk to my son. a few minutes later he came back down upset and gave the phone back to me. I talked to my ex and he told me that he had his phone taken away because he came home higher than a kite 2 weeks ago and that day he also noticed that he was missing $100. I tried to talk to him about using drugs and wouldn't talk at all. I told him I was taking sides and that I was concerned and wanted to know what was going on with him. I did ask him about the $100 which he did show me he had when I picked him up on Friday afternoon. He told me got the money for mowing lawns he said one guy pays every 5 weeks that is why he had the $100 bill. I do believe he has been mowing lawns but I have never heard of anyone waiting 5 wks to be paid. Do I tell his dad about the $100 and have him question the neighbors to see if they paid him the $100 or do I just let it go. Also what can I do to get my son to talk to me about his drug use.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Reyna - posted on 06/11/2013

1

0

0

im so lost I has found out my son was using marijuana, I talked to him and seem like he was honest when he told promise he will never use it again... well yesterday I found other stuff that I don't even know what it is that he is using, he also been stealing money from us..
so confuse disappointed and very up set, well we had an argument because he didn't want to talk about when I keep trying so he end up leaving the house till today still hasn't come back home, thought that he had just left to cool down so left him alone, and that he will return later when he was calm but he didn't, I reported him the police still haven't heard anything when he comes back I don't know what to do!! I need help please what should I do? how can I trust him ever? im a single mom and I have to work, his dad is not in his life, he has a bid drug addiction! that's the reason why we broke up...

Donna - posted on 04/05/2012

2

0

1

Hi, My name is Donna and just joined circle of moms. I lost my 19yr. old son too drugs. I have four other boys and I'am scared too death of this happening again. I would tell your ex about the money and question the neighbors. Keep on this I wish I would of, I know its hard not trusting your son but if you find out he was not being honest with you. Do not be afraid too snoop and do whatever you have too do!! You could be saving his life! They have too earn trust, and let me tell you drug addicts are the biggest con artists around, hopefully you catch it before he gets out of hand. I would get him in a drug counseling asap! If he stole that money he needs help now! I have seen many cases like yours and the parents had know idea, by that time they were hooked and had to go too inpatient care! Believe me I'am not trying too scare you I just want you too get him help before its too late!! Another thing they never admit they have a problem so that is where its up too you too take over and do whatever you have too do! Good Luck!

Jackie - posted on 04/04/2012

8

3

0

I am a parent of a teen drug use, and let me tell you that communication is constant. I communicate with him, he has an AODA counselor he sees weekly, He has a faamily therapist he sees weekly and also he has a mentor. I have talk and talk and talk and talk till I am blue in the face. He is still continuing to use drugs. So communication and boundries does not work.

[deleted account]

Hi, I can not agree with Judy about the benefit of doubt. I have been through this with my two teens and a foster teen and I tell you that you must follow up with every detail so that your son learns that he cannot "spin" you. More than ever you will have to work with your ex on truth issues. When you son comes up with something that doesn't sound right, then tell him you feel you need to be a good parent and investigate it. "So honey I am going to call him and find out about this money, Before I do that do you want another chance to tell me anything else." Ignore the "you don't trust me" act that he will whine you with as that is his manipulation of you. Use matter of fact tones, remember she who yells first loses, and be sure to be clear about future consequences. Let your son know that he broke the trust by illegal behavior and now it is up to him to earn it back no matter how long it takes. Calm and strong dear! If you need more specific suggestions in the future, use the "We Survived Our Teenagers" circle of moms group where Moms and Dads of troubled teens who grew up to become sucessful adults give specific advice for parents facing challenging times now. Good luck with your "falling to peer pressure teen". Jude

Angie - posted on 07/01/2009

6

24

1

i would still communicate with your ex... i am a former teenage drug user. Lucky for me i never got all caught up in anything i could not walk away from. Drug use does not survive on communication and boundries. My parents always wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt i used it for all it was worth.
being in the school system and familar with what is going around theses days it's scray because most teeneagers and young adults are not just smoking a jojnt they are snorting heroin and smoking crack cocaine. please i am not saying that is what toyr son is into, but i would treat all situations as if it were the worst. We know form family experiences that these kids don't walk away from heroine abuse. Family's are scared for years to come and you loose a child to death evenutally. We have atwo cousin's who have overdosed mutiple times and they are still using. Communicate, communicate, communicate. I would talk to the dad about the 100.00 he might know something you are not aware of.
Ihope the best for you, you wil be in my prayers,
Angie

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

21 Comments

View replies by

Vivian - posted on 11/26/2013

1

0

0

Your son will play you for however far he can. He will tell you what you want to hear so you think he is not doing drugs. He will steal from you and lie. Drugs will become his best friend and will do whatever he needs to. When he is around you he will act the way you expect him to and he will feed to you the things you want to hear. When he hits rock bottom - and he will - be it in rehab or in jail, he may wise up. He needs to terminate his friendship with anyone from the past. Do not believe him when he says his friends don't do drugs anymore. If he is hanging with past drug associates, they are probably still useing. I have seen it all with my son. I know the tricks. I was also a mother that would stand by my son and help him with rehab. and encourage employment and help him with next month's rent. No more. My son tried to tell me to go in my house and boss me around. That's when I kicked his sorry butt out. Tuff love by me and my son needs to learn one word NO .....to drugs, no to his old friends no to the dealers and pushers and change his life.

Rene - posted on 06/19/2013

2

0

0

You love your son but you spoil him I know this as I see me He is having a tantrum treat it like that and stand you Ground Good Luck

Rene - posted on 06/19/2013

2

0

0

I have just found my son using Cat Cocaine You have to be strict but not ugly You have to lay down the law of the house The lies come with the drug but get them help
To the mom who cant find her son Find him before things get really ugly I think one of my hugest problems is being soft I have had my son off drugs for 5 whole days wow But the trust is gone
We have put him with a drug councillor and Church NO NO NO MONEY
Our children are the Victims and the SAP are all on the bribe The parents should ban togetheir and make the drug dealers our victims

Susan - posted on 05/27/2013

2

0

0

My son is turning 18 he is doing pot and pres drugs. He is now in re hab...he as violent tedancies and is not fittg in and they want to discharge him and admit him in a hospital to see if the mental issues are why he is doing drugs. I am scared to death...anyone out there woan help?

Holly - posted on 07/21/2009

1

4

0

Here are my thoughts... I was a teenage addict, in rehab by 16, child of divorce (but who isn't these days) & now have a teenage son myself. In my UNprofessional opinion, it sounds like your son (pardon the cliche) is "crying out for help/attention". His withdrawal & manipulation suggests he's been experimenting for some time, & the theft could mean he's excellerating. However you decide to handle it, be quick & "hard-core", but understand it's a delicate situation. Be communicative w/ him, his friends' parents, & your ex as much as possible. Set clear & firm boundaries with appropriate consequences if not met. Give him a short lease, but with room that he can feel he can earn your trust back. If at all possible, find the root cause. Teens turn to drugs due to insecurities in their lives and not knowing how to handle them or having someone to confide in regarding those insecurities. Good Luck!

Margaret - posted on 07/21/2009

1

5

0

My teenage daughter's drug use has affected every aspect of our lives. The last 4 years have been torture. Best book for teenagers not yet addicted and experimenting is CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES: WHAT TO DO WHEN A TEENAGER USES ALCHOL/DRUGS. BY DICK SCHAEFFER If you child has gone beyond experimenting and his/her use is affecting other areas of his/her life, ie work, school, grooming etc. your best bet is professional help. Don't make decisions quickly, treatment is expensive. ALANON helped me tremendously to know that I as a parent did not cause addiction, can't cure addiction, can't control addiction, but you can cope. Addiction is a disease like cancer or diabetes. There is hope.

Gloria - posted on 07/17/2009

17

26

0

My experience with my own children has brought me to this conversation. It's a long hard road and very hard to recover from. I walked that path and I feel that most of all I have only myself to blame. I am going to probably say the opposite of what most parents say about this, but I am not debating this conversation I am speaking from the heart just to let you know what I think. I decided I would not turn my back on my kids. It may have been the hardest decision I have had to make because it would have been easier to throw them out and let someone else deal with it. I love my kids unconditionally and with that my heart was always open to everything good and bad that they were dealing with. It's easier said than done, it was hard it was a fight it was worrying night after night if they would come home alive. It was worrying night after night if they were in trouble with the law, if they were laying somewhere dieing. Ask questions! Make yourself familiar with his daily activities and friends. Yes tell his father because it is more important to unite in this fight than to point fingers to see who is at fault. Children are doing things now that we never even thought about, some children will never experience some of these bad things and they are Blessed. But unfortunatley we have children that are and in all kinds of lifestyles. I believe we spend too much time trying to figure out why if we did all the right things then our children should be doing all the right things as well. That's not the case or even the issue. Drugs are deadly, they destroy the best of families. Do what you have to do, get professional help. Find out everything you can about a user. Find out what you can do to help your son. Be strong my prayers go out to you. Your son has entered a world that you can't understand. Have an honest conversation with him, don't lose focus on what's important. Yelling and restrictions will not help this situation. You might be surprised, he might open up to you. If your intention is to realy help him with this and it's not to just be angry he is doing it, he might tell you why. One very important thing is to keep open communication. Sometimes it hurts to hear the truth about the things they do and experience but if they are telling you then there is hope.

Mona - posted on 07/14/2009

123

48

18

It's good that you keep open communication with your ex so that your son can't manipulate the situation. With drugs involved you have to double check his stories. Giving the benefit of the doubt is as good as looking the other way. It does not help him.

http://moremilestones.blogspot.com

Candace - posted on 07/14/2009

2

0

0

Thank you all for all your helpful advise. I was able to get him to admit about steeling the money from his dad. He has been told if he continues in this manner that we will be forced to call the police. I have also told him if his dad won't help him with his drug problems that he is more than welcome to come live with us and we will help him in every way possible to get him off the drugs. I also told him to start hanging out with his other friends that don't do drugs they will be more supportive than the group he has been hanging around with.

Angie - posted on 07/12/2009

2,621

0

406

Please do whatever you need to do to get your son help. Drug test him weekly. Take away all of his freedoms. Be open and honest with him about what he is doing to himself not only now but in the future. I'm not sure what the answer is but I can say that my sister ignored her daughters drug use when it started 4 years ago. Now she's living with her drug dealer and helping him grow and sell drugs. I wanted to turn her in to the police because I think she needs help by my sister and her husband aksed me not to. So they continue to ignore it. Don't let your son get into the same mess my niece is in.

Dee - posted on 07/12/2009

31

2

4

I say do what ever it takes to get between your son and the drugs now, as this will impact your life with him for as long as he continues to use it is hard enough when you are all in the same house the ploting and sceeming that goes along with the madness of drug use but because you are in two different household you will have your work cut out for you. I would tell his father right away and I would confirm with the lawn mowing people when and how much he gets if he is under 18 , I would sit down together and have a serious talk and make him start a bank account so you can see where his money is going. Drugs will ruin your child, you and your family and if there other children in your home look out because now they will become a victim of this madness, it is hell, I would be very proactive and take it very seriously. Drugs turn people you love into someone you don't recognize anymore they do things they would have never before done its so ugly get between it now!!!!

Eliane - posted on 07/09/2009

8

6

1

Drugs are very difficult situation to handle. I do have a brother until today is a problem for my parents (49yrs. old). When first detected there was a psychologist asking my parents to have family meetings... unfortunately my parents are old school and did not thing it would be important instead they place him in one of those drugs treatments. None of them worked. Things still despairing... My suggestion is love, talk, get some professional help even if you have to go to meeting with him... he needs you. please observe as much as you can... any kind of vice is very difficult to let it go. Patience.

Betsey - posted on 07/06/2009

2

1

0

Candace,



Having first hand experience, I can say that I agree with Angie when she says "Drug use does not survive on communication and boundaries". Your son may not talk to you about his drug use. He will, however, test his boundaries and, if serious about using, try it again. Make sure you, as a parent, are informed about drug use and the signs. Have you ever seen that anti-drug commercial that the child is hysterical because his parents want to know who, what, when and where? Well, believe me, it is right on. Know where he is, make sure he has age appropriate curfews, and is involved in activities more than a few times a week that are fun, he enjoys, and are good for him. Also, know your kids friends. Limit his time with those you don't trust or who are bad influences, or make sure the time he spends with them is in a safe environment. I did not see how old your son is, so of course it needs to be age appropriate, but if you make it hard for him to use without getting caught, he may stop doing it (He also may not, depending on how long he has been doing it, what he is using and if he is an addictive personality) Talk to him regularly about making good decisions. On the $$, I would think he would not show the cash if it was stolen. However, you know your kid better than any of us. What is his MO when he gets in trouble? Does he get caught because he is a bad liar? Does he give himself away to give you a chance to catch him? Does he try to cover by using half-truths?



Communication is key between parents, especially if you are in different homes. You will need to let him know what you are seeing, and vice versa. Why did his father wait two weeks to tell you about the incident? Somehow, you have to make sure that you are aware of these things when they happen. Maybe, as you are the non-custodial parent, he will open up to you more, if you can get him to talk.

Christine - posted on 07/02/2009

11

9

3

Yes..you need to communicate with the dad. NOT TO POINT FINGERS, but this is one of the many problems/reasons kids turn to drugs...no communication. There is something to be said about tough love. Take your child to the dr's office and have a random drug test. Get to really know your child's friends. I remember once not allowing my daughter to go to a sleepover because the family had all types of guns in the home. I was the person made fun of. Guess what now? My daughter is off to a private university (NCAA Division I) and had a high GPA. I guess my 'meddling' was a good thing. I knew what my kids were doing, with whom and with what.

Shelly - posted on 07/02/2009

1,605

20

230

Candace,

Yes, you do need to tell his father...This is not something you want to let slide under the rug...All that does is let them know that there are no consaquences to his actions!!! As far as the drug use you need to talk to your ex about going to the local drug store and buying home drug testing kit...It helps with two things one it lets you and his dad know what he's doing and the second thing is it gives him an out with his friends on why he can't do the drugs...And it also gives him the signal that you and his dad give a rip about what he's doing!!! I'm very proud of you still being able to talk to your ex about your son and whats going on with him, so many times you here women do nothing but complain about thier ex's and do it in front of the kids it drives me crazy...So just figured I would give you coodos for being a big enough person and loving your son enough to put your differances aside for him...After your ex goes and talks to the nieghbor I think the two of you (you & your ex) need confront your son together let him see a united front the two of you are going to stand together when it comes to him and what he's going thru...Good luck and let us know how it goes

Judy - posted on 07/01/2009

7

4

6

Dear Candace, You have a very sticky situation there.DRUGS a parents worst nightmare.Where to draw the line and how much can you trust them is the most inportant thing in the end.The thing is most teenages will end up trying one thing or another and it is up to the parent how far they wont to surport their child .How old is your son and is it the people that he hangs out with.Also what drugs are they , as that also makes a difference on how to handle the situation,as most teenage`s will try pot as they see mum or dad or other family member`s or friend `s do it,so they think it is ok.Just as they would see drinking,as a social thing to do.If it was me I would try and talk and let them know how I felt but try and not to over react to push them away futher.

As for the money I would give him the benifit of doubt and suggest that he told the man, he does the lawn for ,that he would prefer it in two week payments as $100 is to much to carry around ,as sometimes we as parent `s sometimes do misplace our money and if that was the case ,and you accuse your son of stealing and he didn`t, that would further cause a gap in the trust that you are trying to gain from him.I hope I have been able to help you in some way. Judy

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms