HELP!!!!???!!! Self-Distructing teenage boy.....

Chris - posted on 04/23/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My teenage son is being self distructive...He's smoking pot, bare knuckle boxing, and now self or friend induced exfixiation!!! He is visably depressed. I have talked to his councelors, police, cps, nobody seems to be as worried as I am!!!! He's a good kid- normally. But recently in the past few months he has spiraled down hill. He went from being a strait A student in honors to failing all his classes. He won't talk to me anymore either- and we used to have an open honest relationship. I'm frightened for my son and need some help, advice, anything!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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T - posted on 10/22/2012

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all these ideas are good and might help but sometimes you have to have tough love! You do what you need to do no matter how much they complain and don't be a push over! Sometimes the old saying of shape up or ship out is what needs to be done! I didn't have the heart to do it to my son and he kept getting into trouble and everyone kept giving him chances then he was kicked out and banned from our place of living and wasn't aloud back. He lived in his car for a few weeks and messed around then realized that it wasn't so good living in a car at various parks and rivers and decided he needed a change and joined Job Core. He had the time of his life there and made some great friends. The Job Core helps kids ages 16-24. They help them get there High School Diploma and get them started with carrier training. Also on the job training. They also pay them twice a month a little money to get what they need. Also three meals a day are provided. They have a store that they can help work at, also a weight room, music room and more. It helped my son. My son also has ADHD and doesn't like school work but with this program he was able to do on the job training to be a welder. There are all kinds of jobs they can do! Good luck with your son. I hope he talks to you soon!

Eliza - posted on 05/02/2011

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He may need to be admitted to a psychiatric pediatric unit at your local hospital. He needs to be talking to a psychologist and may need medication for depression from a psychiatrist. Also, each school has a mental health counselor - so I would speak to that person also. You have the power to commit him to the hospital if needed. Remember, you are there to be his parent, not his friend right now. Good luck!

Shawnn - posted on 04/28/2011

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Chris, you are in the right. If your current doctors/therapists refuse to further assist you in trying to figure out what's going on, tell them that you request they refer you to someone else. Or, just find someone else! You have said that money isn't an issue, and your insurance covers mental health, so what's stopping you? As you say, YOU know your kid...and it's well within your rights to keep after the doctors/therapists until they actually LOOK at your son.

If he's trying asphyxiation, it NEEDS to be addressed. Yes, he MAY be talking to his counselor, and they cannot divulge to you what goes on in the sessions, but that doesn't stop you from getting a family therapist and having sessions together. It only takes a split second for erotica to turn into death when they play with asphyxiation.

Keep up your observations. Monitoring his FB is NOT illegal. He's your kid! Note your observations, any comments he's posted, etc. This is your ammo for the therapists/doctors. And BE THE SQUEAKY WHEEL!

Best of luck with your endeavors...you and your boy are in my prayers

Constance - posted on 04/27/2011

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Chis you have every right to be concerned. If his attitude has changed this dramatically then he is in trouble. He needs help not boot camp it is not going to solve what is going on inside of him. Exfixiation is really dangerous. You need to get him in a treatment facility because this could kill him. Watch him very carefully because if he is thinking about ending his own life he isn't going to talk about he will just do it. I don't want to scare you but I have had friends that have commited suicide. You really cannot know how bad it is because he won't tell you. I lost one of my best fiends 6 years ago. The same day she hung herself when had hung out had a couple beers and had a wondeful day. Just two hours later we found her. I never saw it coming and she never even said that she was thinking about it. Keep trying to help don't give up.
You are in my prayers and I hope things get better soon.

Deanna - posted on 04/27/2011

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First, Don't feel guilty for monitoring a child on Facebook. That is why you are a mother. I monitor all my children and insist on knowing thier passwords. You should know what he is doing . Two words: second opinion. If one doctor won't listen go to another and another until you find someone who will help. I went to 5 different people in the school system and had my son tested 3 times before I found someone who would help him. You are his advocate and you know him better than anyone else. You need to stand up for him. Make yourself known at the school, the counsellor and your doctor until they help. Even if it is just to get rid of you. You are in our prayers.

Angela - posted on 04/26/2011

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It is a bit expensive, but an amazing program for at-risk and troubled kids. They do have scholarship programs oo. Worth checking out or seeing if there is anything in your area that does something similar. Plus, have you brought in the school counselor in this? The asphyxiation is very scary. Perhaps an in-treatment program where he can be watched in a safe, drug free environment might help too. Good luck!
http://www.outwardbound.org/index.cfm/do...

Chris - posted on 04/25/2011

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@ Danielle- until this started happening he was in sports; football, track, and tai kwon do. He's an active kid even now. still rides his bike and skateboard. Just need to get him to open up about what is bothering him.
@Penny- he's 15. Bootcamp might be a good idea. He has made it known he wants to join the military some day so maybe that would be a good start. I've read books none of them seem to be helping in this situation tho.
I have decided that since i have written proof of his attempts- because he is now posting them on his facebook- that I should print them out and show them to all those that may be able to help again. Maybe this time they will see what I'm seeing?!!! I hate tho that Istarted out being friends with my son on facebook just to be friends and now I'm on there monitering him. :( I never had to do that before just to make sure he was being safe......I hate this feeling of being so frightened for my child..........

Michele - posted on 04/25/2011

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BOOT CAMP!
Before it's too late, get him soted, you've tried everything else, and you are getting no-where, so get him onto a boot camp.

Danielle - posted on 04/25/2011

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I dont have teen boys... Yet. So i may be out of my league here, and i am sorry if you take what i am saying as stupid. But i was just thinking... If it is an adrenele thing for him, maybe see about getting him involved in more controled adrenele sport.. ie, hang gliding, sky diving, even professional boxing with a trainer or couch. Maybe he just needs an outlet for all the male juices coursing through him. It wont solve the issue if it is deeper. But maybe it will show him that there is a safe way to get all the energy he has out rather then not being in controll of what he is doing. Again, my boys are still younge, but maybe it could work to get him to open up more.

Penny - posted on 04/25/2011

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how old is he ? what about a summer boot camp for teens at risk ? At this point I would do anything, regardless of cost.. to get your son back on track. Our boys are getting left behind for some reason .. there are books out there too that might help - try the local library for "raising boys"
My son is 17 and I know its tough !!!

Louise - posted on 04/25/2011

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If the medical profession will not listen what about your local councillor. Write a letter to your MP and tell him what problems your son is facing and that you are gettin nowhere. Make sure you highlight the fact that you are scared for his life. He will have to look into this then because if anything happends to your son he was asked for help! Make some noise and see who will help.

Chris - posted on 04/24/2011

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I keep being told he's not an at risk child. There have been no known suicide attempts therefore they can't do anything to help. Moneys not an issue our insurance pays for mental health- in and out patient. I am willing to do what it takes- but noone will listen. His councelor even said he's most likely just doing it for attention- I don't buy it an dit doesn't fix the issue. I know something is wrong- why can't they just take my word for it?? I know my son not them!!!!!!! And I know they are not infallable- I grew up in the system and know full well what they are and are not willing to do in my state. They won't even do a 72 hr. watch on him unless there is physical proof he's attemped suicide. How can you physically prove something he's doing internally???? I'm at a loss no matter how hard I try. I just keep giving him the love and support he needs and deserves and hope he decides to open up while I am waiting for someone finally says "ok I think I can help".

Valerie - posted on 04/24/2011

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he needs inpatient therapy at a hospital or aoda treatment center...this could be the result of drugs, sexual abuse,....you are the mom...take charge and do not fall for the they have the credentials so i must be wrong...cops, counselors, cps are people too and they are not GOD or infallible. the reason cps has probably not suggested inpatient is money. Forget the money and save your child. You will need to be involved in the treatment during and after. Save your child. I guarantee he is at great risk as a person who worked with youth for 25 years and had a nephew who asphyxiated himself.

Chris - posted on 04/24/2011

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We have a good relationship- hugs, hanging out, talking, all of it. He just won't tell me what is bothering him specifically to cause this... I have asked and before he would have told me now he just tells me "I don't wanna talk about it"- but he'll talk about everything else. I have a vague idea of what it is but if he won't open up how do I help him? He goes to therapy actively every week and has for years- something thats his choice- but if he's talking about it I don't know....He knows that his behavior has me worried for his life- wether he's doing it recreationaly or as a suicide attempt- and keeps promising me he'll stop or saying it was an accident it went that far.... It's not like him to lie to me or break promises. I've shown him statistics on exfixiation deaths in teenagers- he loked suprised but I don't think it helped... As for the future he has or had a plan set in motion- was even going to graduate 2 years early. Go to college and go into engineering. Then all this started happening. I know that he can acheive his goals if I can just get him to open up. I feel like our close bond is slipping and I'm not willing to let it go- but how do I push without pushing him away?

Louise - posted on 04/24/2011

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I would be worrid as well. What triggered this any ideas. Normally something sparks this sort of behaviour loss of a girlfriend death in the family something major in a teenagers life. You have to break the hard shell he has put up around him to get to him. Give him a big hug whether he wants one or not and tell him how much you love him. If he does not push you away then sit down with him and ask him what is going on. Tell him how worried you are and that the exfixiation has got to stop because you are scared it is going to far. let him open up to you, is he doing this to forget something, or for the excitment or adrenalin rush. Open up the communication channels as this is the only way you are going to get through to him.

Ask him what he wants for the future, job wise and try and guide him to achieve his goal. He has got to help as well, he has to get his grades back up and stop the pot and fighting to achieve. Try and focus him on the future and not the here and now. If you think he is clinically depressed then he needs to see a doctor and regular visits to the councelor. But I strongly urge you to get through to him yourself if you can because boys especially are very strongly connected to their mums. Good luck!

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