Help....She's 13 and already pregnant. Prayers and positive advice, PLEASE.

Lauren - posted on 07/26/2011

Wow...what a kick in the stomach!!! Sorry to hear this and pray that you will have the strength and get her through this healthy. My sister in laws were both 15 when they had children. My mother-in-law only babysat if they worked, and she home schooled them both too so they would be home to raise their babies. Find her a class to help her understand what is to come and what to expect from her changing bodies. Start there! Good Luck!!!!!

Shelia - posted on 06/10/2011

I faced that same situation, but my daughter was 16 and it turned out that she was not pregnant. However, before going to the doctor, her father and I made the decision that SHE would be the one to care for the child, not us. I think that since your daughter made the decision to have sex and it now pregnant, she must the one to face the consequences and take responsibility for the baby's care. Otherwise, she will not learn to be responsible for her own decisions and actions. If there is a school in your area for pregnant teens, send her there. They have a daycare center at those schools and the mother's can go in a feed the babies and play with them at lunch or on breaks. This would also put her is a place where there are other girls in the same situation and she will be have other teens who know how she feels and can relate to her feels. She also needs to take of the baby most of the time and not continue to go out with her friends and leave the baby for you to take care of. It is not fair to you, to have to raise this child. But, yes you do need to give her your support and advice. But remember that you are not a built in babysitter. Sure she will need a break now and then, but she should be held responsible for the majority of the care of the child. Also, the father of the child should also be held accountable and should assume his part of the responsibility as well. Too often the boys get off the hook for their part and that is not right - it takes two to tango! Have a DNA test done and go to court, if need be for that boy to be responsible for helping care for the baby. His little butt should be forced to get a summer and after school job, so that he can contribute to the financial costs of raising that baby. I would not back down on that point and take it to court if I had too. If he wants no part of the baby's life, then he should be forced to sign over all his rights as a parent. After our scare with a pregnant teenager, I had my daughter put on birth control, a patch, so that I could make sure that she had some protection. I also made sure she had condoms and knows the proper way to use them. I got a lot of criticism for that, but it I would rather her use protection that to have a child too young. I know how scary this all is for you and I am sure your daughter is scared, too. I am praying that the baby is healthy and that you figure out exactly what will work for you and your family in the coming months.

Patty - posted on 06/09/2011

Shannon, I know exactly what you're going through since I have recently been in the same situation. Unfortunately, these things happen no matter how prepared you think your daughter is. My daughter also became at 13 within the 1st month of losing her virginity , and she was on birth control. This happened when she was put on antibiotics. Months before this happened, her Dr put had her on the pill because of her unsually heavy, painful periods. We are very close and we'd had conversations about sex, and she said that she had no plans on becomming sexual active until much later. Well, that's not the way it happened. She came to me first and showed me the positive test. Of course, I was devasted, disappointed and worried for her future, but I managed to remain calm with her ( only crying at night) because I knew she was scared and needed my support. I also had no doubt that she'd have and keep the baby. Fortunately, her boyfriend was also supportive and stayed by her side throughout her pregnancy, coming over everyday as soon as he got out of school, even now. His parents have also been supportive.

She turned 14 in Dec and just had her baby 4 wks ago. She and her bf have been very hands on with the baby, not asking for much help. My grandson has brought so much joy to our home, and we are so in love with him. She really does realize how fortunate she is with all the support that she has, esp compared to other girls in her school that she attends for teen parents. She will return to school in the fall, and being a stay at home Mom, I will watch the baby most of the time, using the daycare provided at the school at her school when I am unable to. Being that I was unable to do this with my daughters since I was in the military at the time, I am more than happy to do this.

Of course you will need to consider the maturity of your daughter, and whether you are willing and able to provide for the child. If not, adoption is always an option. For us, she and I couldn't bear to give up the baby...her child and my grandchild. My husband and I even offered to adopt the baby, but neither she or her bf wanted that.

Obviously, you have a tough decision to make, and I wish you luck. I truly do feel for you. Feel free to contact me if you wish. My prayers are with you and your daughter in this difficult time.

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2011

I know this will sound cruel, but how in the hell did she end up being pregnant?? I know that many people are feeling for the both of you, however I can not say the same! Unless she was raped I have no patience for teens who are 13 and pregnant. Teens are taught these days how to use protection so where was that protection when you 13 year old was having sex??
I won't go on on this thread because it really angers me! I can only pray to God that he takes care of all of you!

Jessicca - posted on 05/04/2011

give that child up why not .. give it to someone who WANT a child and cant have one

Roby - posted on 02/01/2010

Hello Shannon,
as moms we want to see our children excel in life, be happy and healthy. Your daughter is young, but with the love and support from you, the acceptance that she desperately needs for the life changing decision that will continue to affect your family, she will be strong. God loves all of us, just please let her know that other people are praying for her, her baby and of course you and the rest of your family, God bless and be strong

Nancy - posted on 01/30/2010

Wow, I understand as I faced this when my daughter was 16. Being supportive as you are is really necessary, and as the lady in the post below me has also said, get the fathers support and the support of his family. Having said that though, no two situations or families are the same and you will have many more challenges ahead.
Please do everything you can to enable your daughter to finish her education, and get some qualifications behind her. It looks like you may be in the USA so I'm not sure what welfare help is available, but find out everything you can and make use of it. Remember you are not alone, and stay away from anyone who is judgemental or laying blame. You can't reverse what's happened. You will LOVE this grandchild, no matter what, and with God's grace, mercy and love, you will be strengthened and equipped to help your daughter be a great little mum.

Allie - posted on 01/29/2010

Even though she is 13 she does need to learn responsibility. i was 15 when i had my oldest and my mom made sure that I did alomst all of the work taking care of my daughter. Make sure she really understands her actions. financially make her work for her childs items like chores around the house or helping others. Once she is old enough for a job make sure she gets one. There are so many school programs out there now to help her out so she does not need to drop out. Online classes and home schooling through colleges for a high school diploma. That is what needs to be looked at. I am thankful that my mom pushed me to finish school. I am now in college getting my associates many years later but if i did not get my diploma then i would be worse off then i am now. It is hard and stressful for the both of you but if you try to work together instead of demanding with help out. Also if it is an option for you and your daughter there is always open adoptions if you like. It is a personal choice. Do not push the father away as my mom did because he should know responsibilty all the same as she does. good luck

Rachel - posted on 01/29/2010

I am sorry to ready about your situation. But know this. We can do all thing through Christ who strengthens us. I was 15 years old, pregnant, still in high school. I took my son to school with me everyday. I went to work and made a way for me and my son. My son's father was only ordered to pay 50.00 a mo in child support. I closed the child support case when my son was 4 years of age and never looked back and by the grace of God have not been unemployed in 15 years and never received a welfare check a day in my life. God watches over us and will give us the strength to conquer all evil After all I am still blessed. My mother made me be a mother. We have to live by the consequence of our choices. No maybe she cant go get a job. But she will have to be responsible for her child. Cut grass or whatever she will have to do legally to get money she needs to do. My mother only watched my son while I went to work. He slept with me, I got up in the middle of the night. I did it all. It taught me a good lesson. I am 29 years old and don't have anymore kids. I am married for 7yrs now and I still don't know if I am ready for more kids. Don't get lost in the thought that your 13 year old is having a baby but think that this is a opportunity for you to make her into a great mother. I hope all is well. I know you will be blessed.

Becky - posted on 01/28/2010

I got pregnant at 14 and I am 30 know. All I can say is please don't give up on her and be there for her. She is going to need you.

Karleen - posted on 01/27/2010

shannon,
The damage is done, now I guess you just need to be there for her.hopefully she can go back to school and get her certificate.you will all get through this> I know it is easy for me to say.but hang in there good luck :)

Mashonda - posted on 01/26/2010

My prayers go out to you and your family. I was a teenage parent at the age of 16. My whole life turned upside down at the blink of an eye. This is definitely going to change both of your lives. You should sit down with your daughter and explain her options (and talk with tough love). No time for babying her at this point. Explain to her that she need to look at her life 10 years from now and what she expects and wants. She needs to know that most of the time the young guys do not stick around once they have done their business. I was truly blessed because my mom showed tough love. She did not take the responsibility from me. I had to grow much fatser than I had anticpated. It was a long road ahead. My mom did not babysit. She got up the first night when we came home from the hospital and did not get up any other nights. She told me that I had to learn from the choices I had made. I was valedictorian in high school and moved away out of state to go to college with my child and graduated. My child is now 12 and will be 13 next month. I do not have anymore kids nor do I want anymore because it was so hard. My childs father is still actively involved in her life (thank God). Even though I am very successful, I still wonder what life would have been like if I would have listened to my mother from the beginning. I missed out on being a teenager. Things that I should have been doing then, I am now starting to do because my child is older. The key thing for you to remember is that you have to stay consistent. I would really weigh my options. She is not ready for a child. She is a child herself. I now talk to my daughter about sex and where it will lead her. Not only will it lead to pregnancy but it can lead to death with all the diseases out there. I stay on her like white on rice. She doesn't like it but oh well. I didn't get pregnant until my mom decided to ease up on me. I'm not letting her go down that same path. She will enjoy being a kid.

With all that being said, remember GOD is still in control and with him ALL things are possible.

Tessa - posted on 01/25/2010

when i was almost fifteen my mom took me to the Dr.s and put me on birth control. i didnt have a choice but now as an adult i am very very greatful. i was with a very abusive boy and had my mom not done what she had i would have ben in a horrific situation because i know i surely i would have ended up pregnant. my point is you may be able to talk with your kids but sometimes asan adult and already living life and knowing how things can go it is our desision as parents to step in when we see fit. our children may not agree at the time but i have grown am married and have a little girl of my own and WILL do the same thing to her .. good luck

Jeannie - posted on 01/24/2010

My heart goes out to you. My mother had worked with teen parents in our community for as long as I can remember. Hopefully you can find support services in your community to help her raise her child, such as parent education classes, a school that is sympathetic to a teen mom with child care on site. We have a great school here for teen parents not only do they learn high school agenda, but they learn to cook, parent education and child growth and development. Her education is so important please keep her going. It will be challenging, but it so important. You also need to make her responsible for a majority of the baby's care. I am not saying not to help her, but unless you truly want to raise another infant consider how much responsibility you want for this child. I wish you the best of luck and please let me know if you ever need to chat

Chantina - posted on 01/24/2010

The damage is already done, now all you can do is LOVE on her more and show her what she needs to do for this little life and step in when you are needed, she will see you in a new light.

Annmarie - posted on 01/24/2010

ok first let me ask - what the hell are these girls doing unsupervised at any point at such a young age!!! Now that I got that off my chest.! Do you really think it is best for your daughter to have this baby at all?! what is her life going to be like not to mention the quality of life for the baby. All I am saying here is just rethink all of your options, and where the hell is the boys parents?!? she did not get pregnant by herself!

Helen - posted on 01/24/2010

You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay blessed and be strong.

Geraldine - posted on 01/24/2010

Shannon, I would be very catious and careful about the wording and making statements about "your life is over as you know it" to her. She could become suicidal. I would use positive statements such as "now that you are carrying a precious life inside of you you really need to ....." and "Once YOUR (you want her to understand that the care of her baby is hers) baby is born, he/she will need you too........." and let her understand that she has responsibilities to another life now. If she chooses adoption, guide her, allow her to make that choice, support her in it. Most children are abused or accidentally killed by moms who wanted to give them up for adoption and their parent refused to let them. If she says she can not handle having a baby, believe her, trust her instincts, and make an informed decision as a family what or who will be the primary caregiver of the baby once he or she is born. I have several cousins who have or are raising grandchildren from young teen parents and they said that it was decided before the baby was born so that the baby would have the best care and no abuse or neglect. Young teens are not prepared to be parents, even though their bodies can produce a child.

The focus now should be on what is best for the baby.........the baby does not have a say or voice in it........so the adults in charge need to make that choice.......and your daughter is not an adult......even if she did an adult act to get pregnant.

Most of all, seek out help for yourself in the form of a friend that you can trust not to gossip and confide your pain, worries, and frustrations in her.

God Bless you..........and you all are in my prayers.

Margaret - posted on 01/24/2010

My prayers for God's strength for you all.....she needs all your guidance. A 13yo cannot apply make-up appropratley without their Mum's guidance let lone raise a child. Remember what you may have done at 13yo and maybe luck or the grace of God it had no lasting effect on your life and try to have empathy for your daughter.Maybe remember There is no way to peace; peace is the way.Take care..

Letitia - posted on 01/23/2010

hope it works out for u both in wateva u decide my Mum had me at 17 and I had my 1st son at 17 not easy road but my son is now 24 and has a son of his own I love being a nana even tho I am a single mum with 3 still at home ages 15 with special needs 12 yrs and 5yrs. its a hard job being a parent thats for sure! Im sure wateva u both decide to do will be the best thing for u all and best of luck xoxoxox

LaQuinda - posted on 01/23/2010

Dearest Shannon my prayer are with you. I know this is a tough time for you and you daughter but also remember God will never put more on you than you can bare, I pray that God strengthen you through these trying times and you daughter to and i pray that this will be an eye opener for her and you and her can have a relationship with more ups than down. Your daughter is going to need you more than ever now and you will need God more now to help you through all the trial ahead cause no one can do what he does for us. I pray I have said something to uplift you and help you through this. May God keep and bless you.

Leslie - posted on 01/22/2010

My prayers are with u and ur daughter. I was an out of control teenager who ended up pregnant right after my 14th b-day. It made me grow up and I just wanted to make a good life for my son. I had him only at 25 weeks so I spent all my time at school and the nicu. whitch added extra stress but i did it and finished high school. Without my moms help and support I have no idea what I would have done. I Am 29 and still with his dad and we have a four kids. My point is support ur daughter and help her learn to be a mom. The truth is ur daughter is going to grow up with her child and learn as she goes. With ur love and support she will be alright. GOD never makes mistakes he saved me from a bad path that I was starting to go down with blessing my life with my son.

Irene - posted on 01/22/2010

I've just joined circle of mums so i know by now you are getting used to the idea of becoming a gran, i can only say she is a very lucky girl to have such a loving and supportive mum, yes by all means be there to lend a hand and encourage her and support her and the baby, but you still have to take time out for yourself and do the things you like to do, and she'll will have to learn the hard way it's not easy been a mum, but with that said my heart goes out to her how scared she must be feeling i pray for you both and don't let anyone put you or your daughter down people must remember for the grace of god go i, nobody knows whats around the corner for any of us...my thoughts and prayers are with you both

Tara - posted on 01/22/2010

i am 29 now but was 13 when i got pregnant you or your daughter can find me on facebook unfortunatey my mother is not computer savvy because she would prob be your best to talk to but all i can say is she was a rock and i am more thankful for her than i could ever express!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my mother was 33 when i made her a grandma.

BRANDI - posted on 01/21/2010

Personally I disagree with your daughter becoming a mother. There are so many things she will miss out on if she is. There are alot of people out there just dieing to have a child that cannot and will not without adoption. I gave up a beautiful little girl when I was 18 and I would not have done it any different. your daughter needs to take this as a learning experience of what is and what is not and won't be if she keeps it.She needs to give that baby to a well deserving family, not get attached and get on birth control as soon as the day arrives she can and have lots of support and love. There are alot of open adoptions available where she can go through the whole thing with the adoptive parents and still turn out allright still 13 and growing up knowing she made 2 people very happy by fulfilling an impossible dream they have. I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been there and I know it would be best for her and you too! God Bless!

Maribel - posted on 01/21/2010

Wow, I feel 4 u n 4 ur daughter. I think that the best thing 2 do is put it in prayers 2 our Father in Heaven n ask 4 His help n 4 His infinite wisdom in this matter. Put it in His mighty hands 4 He is a mighty n awesome God n what better hands than His. He will come through 4 u both just ask him 2 help u b still 2 b able 2 hear him. I will also keep u all in my prayers. God Bless u all.

Shelley - posted on 01/21/2010

Wow! First of all Shannon...you're a great mom. When our children go down paths that we know aren't in their best interest...we as parents have a tendency to blame ourselves.

You daughter made a choice...which now effects your entire hsehold. For that...you are entitled to throw your hands up...yell...scream...cry. Once done with that...I think you should re-iterate to your daughter how much you love her...but that this was HER CHOICE...and now she has to grow up in ways she never would have. You will be there for her...help her...love her...but now SHE has to be a mom...and put this new baby's needs above her own.

I can only imagine what your heart is going through right now. But just know...the conception of your grandchild may not have been ideal...but he/she is already special in God's eye. He was NOT shocked by your daughter's decision...therefore He has already set out a plan for her...and that precious new addition to your life!

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2010

I completely understand. Last year my 16 year old told me she was pregnant, she is now 17. I thought my world was coming to an end. The baby was born in October, and I am absolutely crazy about him. My daughter will be 18 in June and she has totally turned her life around. She is in love with her child and does a great job of taking care of him. I realize there is a big age difference between your daughter and mine, however, my daughters friend who was 14 at the time became pregnant and had her baby also. Her parents actually have custody of him due to the age in which she had the baby. It would be good to find someone to talk to about what you should do because your daughter is so young. Prayers your way, it is a journey, but you can do it.:)

Mary - posted on 01/21/2010

My prayers are with you

Candy - posted on 01/20/2010

My prayers are with you and your daughter

Quiana - posted on 01/20/2010

I can only say that she is getting enough critisizm from everyone on the outside off the home. Love her answer all the questions as honestly as possible and be there for her. Show her that no matter what she does or what she goes through you will always be there.

Christy - posted on 01/20/2010

I went through this same situation with my daughter, she was fourteen years old and we found out that she was pregnant at six months along. I was brought up a devout Catholic and when she wanted an abortion the father of her boyfriend and myself took her to the clinic and sat with both of them, that was when we found out how far along she really was. we were just a week too late for the abortion. I told her that no matter what she decided that i would back her 100%. we were very fortanet to find one of my sisters coworkers who had been having problems concieving and wanted to adopt a baby, so my daughter with a heavy heart decided that she wanted to be a teen for just a little longer and gave the baby up for adoption, it is an open adoption which means that she can see her and that she will know at the right time that she was adopted and who her real parents are. I would have taken the baby as my own except i was not in the position at the time to have one i work crazy hours and i am a single parent on my own.

Deanna - posted on 01/20/2010

first off, I was 16 when I got pregnant and my mom did not care for my child. it is not your job. if she was grown enough to make the choice to have sex she needs to make the choice to raise the baby or place for adoption. there are many wonderful waiting families, my youngest is adopted and we have regular contact with the birth mother and pictures letter go back and forth often. there are many options if you move past the steryeotype of the "kind" of person the places a baby for adoption. loving caring people that the child to have the best place them

KYM - posted on 01/19/2010

I can't imagine what you must be going through, as I have a 13 year old also. The best advice I can give is to be there for her when she needs you, whether she will admit it, she will need you now more than ever!!!

Stacy - posted on 01/19/2010

Hey now, no need to be a jerk Neisha B, Shannon needs some support and advice. What she doesn't need is someone insinuating that her child is 'bad' by throwing in her face how 'wonderful' you 'believe' your child of the same age is...no one knows the circumstances of the pregnancy, just because it happened doesn't mean the girl was a delinquent, pregnancy can happen to nice girls too...especially when their very young, sweet and naive...
Shannon,
This will be a very hard decision, adoption or keep...either way, choose what is best for the baby and your daugther...my prayers are with you...

GAYLE - posted on 01/19/2010

Hi there, I am sorry that your daughter is pregnant at such a young age but I think a case of tough love may help here. I know that you love your daughter and will help her but she needs to know that there are consequences in life. She was old enough to have sex at such a young age so she should realise that she can't just get away with what has happened and that she will have to look after the child, and not you. If I was you I would tell her that you will help her to look after the baby while she is at school but she would have to look after the baby when she got home as it will be her responsibility, not yours. If you decide that you will be the main carer then it will probably put a bit of a rift between you and your daughter but if you share the care and put most of the responsibility onto your daughter then later on in life she will thank you. If she is allowed to get away with doing what she wants then you may well end up with her getting pregnant again and you will have this problem all over again. Nobody said being a mother is easy and there isn't a handbook but as her mother there is only you that can help your daughter in her time of need and I think in the long run you will make the best decision for all of you as you are standing by her in this time of her life when she needs her mum the most. My heart goes out to you and wish all of you the best but if you do decide to make her look after the baby be prepared for a few arguments and please stick to your guns. Good luck.

Rachel - posted on 01/18/2010

take it from someone who was a teenage mother just be there for her give her all your love and support but make sure she kno who the parent is if she decides to keeep it i have a14 year old daughter so i san image how hard it is your in my prayers

Auralila - posted on 01/18/2010

Shannon, when the baby arrives alot of things should change for your daughter and you. It is great that you want to help your daughter. Hopefully abortion hasn't been an option. God will not give you more than you can handle. I don't know your daughter but I can tell you that your support will give her strenght. I was 14 when I got pregnant and my mother was there for me. Her support allowed me to still succeed in life eventhough everyone else thought I wouldn't. Now my mom I think loved my son more than she loves me.LOL You will be Blessed. Remember God is the one who takes and gives life.

Carrie - posted on 01/18/2010

Please remember the difference between support and common sense. I have had a similiar situation in my extended family and I felt at the time that the parents let the 13 year old (with all of her knowledge of the world and it's ways) make decisions that she should not have been making. I will pray for you and your daughter. What is good for one situation is not always the case in "all" situations.

Carol - posted on 01/18/2010

I had my 1st child at 15, my second at 16 and my 3rd at 17. My 3 girls grew into wonderful adults all now in there 30's. As a pregnant teen, I would not listen to anything my (widowed) Mom had to say. If your 13 year old decides to keep the child please educate her. She doesn't have the parenting skills she needs or the power to find them herself. I look back on my years as a young mother and realize that I didn't know what I needed to know. My advise is to get some adult that your daughter trusts to explain to her the meaning of "in the best interest of the child". The babies father and his family can also be great assets if you can both understand this most basic concept.

Shannon - posted on 01/18/2010

I know it's tough. I was a teenaged mom, I was 17 and had to have the help of my parents. They were supportive, non-judgmental, and they led the way while making me take the responsibility for my actions. I grew up...FAST! Now that little angel that came to me so early is 18 years old, and I did well with her. Take a deep breath, it will be okay. It's not ideal, but I do believe things happen for a reason. I am convinced, with as wild a teen I was, that my daughter was given to me to slow me down, grow me up, get me thinking. The important thing is to make your daughter responsible for that little life. Don't take over for her, let her learn this "oh so important" lesson. Guide her like a mother does, and show her how to be the best Mommy she can be.

I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Jennnifer - posted on 01/18/2010

Wow, I was gonna say just love her no matter what!! patience!! remember shes still a kid herself, so she will need help and guidance. i think also, to let her know and remember she did this and she has to be responsible for her actions. if you step in and take over, she may think its ok and its not a hard job to be a mother, and do it again!! Stay strong!! Gob Bless you both!!!

Fiordaliza - posted on 01/17/2010

Most people will be quick to judge you for this but, why should we blame the parents we dont go around telling our children to have sex and get pregnant and no matter what I cant say that this cant happen to the any of us here. All I can suggest you do is make sure that she takes care of her responsibilities and don't let her use you when is time to go out an enjoy her life. I had to learn the hard way even thought I was 17 and had my own place, my mom gave me that tough love, she did not do anything to help me to raise my child and I thank her for that each day because I would of never grown up. I dont regret having my daughter but, I regret losing out on alot of things I wish I could of have done in life. My Prayers goes out to you and your family :)

Lizzie - posted on 01/17/2010

Hi , I will keep you and your family in my prayers, I know your having a difficult time but look at it from a positive point of view , I did'nt hear you say that your grand baby was sick or your daughter they both are alive and well and doing fine it seems, so just keep your mind stayed on Jesus and ask for him to give you peace with it , move on and start being happy with your present situation because things will get better, You don't want any one in your family to be depressed including yourself so think healthy so you can be healthy with sound body and mind for your family. If you teach her she will learn to be a good Mom just like you are to her. I was a teen mother myself and it helped me and my mother and it saved our relationship. God Bless You

Olivia - posted on 01/17/2010

There are three options here:

1.) have the baby
2.) adoption
3.) abortion

God will be there for all three no matter what. You have a hard decision ahead of you. Ask your daughter what she wants to do after explaining the consequences of all three decisions to her. Counselling should definitely be a must here.

Just my two cents. I have so much to say like so many of these other women here. Bottom line its you and your child's decision.

Lillian - posted on 01/16/2010

Shannon,

First, let me say you will be in my prayers as well as your daughter. I have 3 daughters 15, 12 and 6 and I hope to not be put in your position. However, I would like to tell you my story... I was a troubled or you could say troublesome teen. I also made a choice at age 14 to have sex. I became pregnant and had my oldest daughter at age 15. I too was just a child having a child. My mom was so disappointed in me and I knew it. My mom practically raised my daughter for me, and it only made things worse between us. Yes, I needed her more than ever, but I didn't need her to take over what I chose to do. High School was hard, so hard I thought of suicide. I even attempted it and thankfully GOD had future plans for me. I struggled and made it to Graduation with my beautiful daughter beside me and my mom too. I had to grow up and quickly. With my daughters father and family against me it was hard. God gave me a love for children that I cannot express. Sure, I missed out on alot of teenage things. I realized I had a little one that was watching everything I did, learning, and wanted to be just like her mom. It hit me, I had to show her how to not be like me. I turned my life around, so I could allow her to want to be like me. I am now 31 and have my beautiful 15 year old daughter, a step-daughter that is 12, and my youngest who is 6 and a wonderful husband. All I can say is walk beside her and be there when she needs you, but make her understand this is HER child. She will need you more than ever over the next years, and I pray for GOD to give you the wisdom and strength for the emotional rollercoaster you and her are about to go on. Believe and trust in your Lord, and HE will guide you. It doesn't have to be a bad situation. There is a program, depending on where you live, it's called STARS : Students Teaching And Respecting Sex they are a great group, I know, they helped me alot as a teen. I hope this helps you. God doesn't make mistakes, and He doesn't hand you more than you can handle.... God Bless You

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2010

I was 14 when I became pregnant for the first time. It was hard, it was life changing and I had to grow up fast. I'm 33 now and have a beautiful family, I love all my children dearly. I love being a mom. Even as a teenager I found out how wonderful motherhood can be. I had my times of downfalls of course but love and support from family helpped to get me through that. I've managed to raise a fantastic daughter who I'm very proud of. Do I want that same thing for my children? Of course not but I would not change a thing from my past. It has made me who I am today. Teach your daughter the skills she will need. Buy her parenting books to read during her pregnancy. That was a big help for me. At that point in my life I had never even changed a diaper let alone care full time for a baby. She will grow up fast, her life will never be the same but it does not have to be a nightmare, it could be a blessing.

Paula - posted on 01/16/2010

when i had my first son i got preg.. at 17 and had him i still lived with my mom and dad and i had to take care of him on my own and be his mom not put him on hold because my fiends wanted to go party so many grandmothers are raising these kids because the child is grown enough to get preg.. but not enough to care for it thats not right girl or boy no matter how old if you do the do then care for the after math i know its hard this is your baby and to see her throw her life away so young is very hard but this day and age she has so many doors that can be open for her if she takes them

Paula - posted on 01/16/2010

hi i feel for you i really do but as a mother and a teen mom at one point you love your child and took care of her be there for her but make her take care of this child dont let it be easy for her she is a baby having a baby! i believe in you learn from your mistakes but if we allow these girls to have these babies then pick up where they should be doing that isnt helping them! teach her to be as good of a mother to her child as you are to her it isnt party time just because you have mom here to watch the baby! no you be there to guide her but dont make it easy and of course dont make it harder just help her the right way i pray everything works out for you all!

Joann - posted on 01/15/2010

Shannon, I had a girlfriend who got pregnant at 14, her parents made her be a Mom. For awhile the Father was in the childs life, but when it got too much for him, he left. My friend raised her son all by herself. She babysat, walked dogs, mowed lawns and whatever she could to help support her child, all while finishing her schooling at home. She grew up fast and missed out on a lot, but to this day she said it was the best thing that happened to her. Her son, now 22 is so close to his Mom, and she is a really great Mom. It's hard, but it can be done-a baby is not the end of the world. Just be supportive and be there for her, but make her be the Mom. It is the greatest experience in the world, and one day she will also appreciate it.