Help....She's 13 and already pregnant. Prayers and positive advice, PLEASE.

Loretta - posted on 01/14/2010

I'm right there with you my 17 yr old just told me it's not any easier at this age i too will be caring for another child and im 45 she has droped out of school and no job so yes I will be praying for you and I know we as moms are strong enough to handle this let's do this grandma.

Rosaland - posted on 01/13/2010

Shannon, my prayers go out to you and your child. I was hurt when my 19 yr old became pregnant but then again she's grown and I had to get over it. You must be there for her to give her your support. Of course, people are going to talk, but that is your child and there's nothing like a mother's love. You don't need to take on all the responsibility, just teach her how to be a good mom and all the responsibilities of a mother. Continue to pray and ask God to strengthen and comfort you.

Kimberly - posted on 01/12/2010

Hi Shannon,
My prayers go out to you just stay on your knees and keep Him close. God will order your foot steps in the way you should go. I came to this circle late so what I am about to say you may have already heard. What I am about to say is I speak from experience twice. I had my daughter when I was 12 years old. it was a tough way to go but I made it. My parents were loving and supportive. I had a network of strong family support who still encourged me to dream and dream big. I married and had career as Army specialist then as Marine wife for 16 years. I divorced and went back to school got a Master degree in accounting. My daughter who at fourteen had a child. She too went on finish high school and college. She is now a nurse. So you see Shannon, if you encourge, be positive, and supportive there is no limit to what she can accomplish. I do not want you think it was easy, my daughter went where I went in high school football games, pep rallies. When I started college she was even in library with me. My daughter as a teen mother did the same with my grand daughter. Keep encourging her and let God and others encourge you. You can and will get through this test.

Kim - posted on 01/12/2010

i keep hearing about all of these young girls getting pregnant. how did this happen? what kind of situation were they in for this to happen. I am a single working mom with 2 girls, 18 and 13 and both are virgins. I can't even understand this. I AM NOT JUDGING anyone. I just don't understand. I am also adopted and gave a child up for adoption. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but for the sake of the child, I had to do the unselfish thing. I know have 2 great kids, a full time job and bought my own house--withouth child support i may add. That in it's self is a mess if you ask me. Is that really good for the child? In my situtation, it was not. Just depend on God and don't let your wants or your daughters wants cloud your decision. You raised your kids, you do you really want to start over? As I said before--I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE. Just something to consider. Please keep us all posted on how you are doing. Stay strong and God bless.

Cindy - posted on 01/10/2010

It'll be hard, but with your support and love, maybe this will be a blessing.

Nichoel - posted on 01/10/2010

Good Luck.. I will pray for you..

Rachel - posted on 01/05/2010

oh momma, there are tears in my eyes right now. I have feared that news from one of my own daughters for the past couple of years....i have no advice for sure, just best wishes to you cause i know thats gotta be a tough thing to swallow. My heart goes out to you for sure!

Michelle - posted on 01/05/2010

It sounds like you have already made the parental decision to supprt your daughter and your grandchild. You posess a selfless strength I do not. All of my 16 year old daughters friends already either have babies or are pregnant. Their parents are raising them. Both my daughters have asked me what I would do if it happened to them. I could not lie and they didn't like my answer. All I could think about was their future (and mine) as young adults and the picture of them strapped with babies. My heart goes out to you. My grandchildren were born by my older son and his wife who planned everything. They are the most precious gift,such a wonderful gift from God. Sounds to me like you have the strength to make it work, thats why He chose you.

Shanna - posted on 01/05/2010

All I can do is pray for her, you, & your family...Keep your eyes on the Lord & He will guide you through this!

Tee - posted on 01/05/2010

I had my son when I was 17. My mom said that if I had him then I had to take care of him. That meant I missed out on a lot in my later teens. I'm glad she left the responsibility up to me because it made me into the person I am today. Be there to guide her, but let her know the responsibility is hers. God will see you through.

Cassandra - posted on 01/05/2010

I am praying for you, my oldest daughter just turned 13. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I know that you face many tough decisions in the near future and I feel for you immensely. I am not going to pretend to know what to tell you, just that you will know what is right for you and your family and what you can and cannot live with. I wish you the best, just rem to give yourself some time to wrap your head and heart around what is going on and talk openly about the choices that are ahead with your daughter.

Sandy - posted on 01/05/2010

Dear Shannon,

I must first say that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this dillema. Many mothers are and have been going through this for decades...even centuries!! "We" used to just hide the child away, send them off somewhere and suddenly they'd return after their baby had been adopted. I can't say I know EXACTLY what you're going through....but my daughter did get pregnant early, before marriage and I was away on a business trip when she and the father (now her husband of 12 years, BTW) broke the news to him. I came home (on my birthday, no less) and she and her boyfriend were there in the den with my former husband. He told me they had some news. Actually, I assumed they were going to "ask our permission to get married." WRONG!! That's when she broke down, sobbing and told me she was ALREADY 4 months pregnant (but such a tiny thing you'd never have known it). I reached deep in my heart and soul and ask her to sit in my lap - in my rocking chair. She did and I actually rocked her, told her everything would be alright and that we'd love t his little baby so much.

As I said, I know at 13, it's different....but the words you say now will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN by your daughter. My daughter tells me often that THAT was the FIRST time she could actually see "GRACE in action." I know it was God that helped me through that...to say and do EXACTLY what HE wanted me to do. So I'll pray that you find that place with God....ask for HIS help to say and do what is right AND BEST for you, your daughter and her unborn child. There is NO SUCH THING as an unwanted baby. If you determine that she's too young and you can't handle it, SOMEONE out there would feel BLESSED to adopt this little one. And that would be a gift of unconditional love to whomever you chose to raise the child.

Know this....it's not YOUR fault....the burden of guilt should NOT be on your shoulders. Give it CAREFUL thought and decide if you can help raise this child. In these tough times the answer may just be, "no," but that's alright. If you think of it, Jesus, himself was not raised by HIS father....Joseph was his step-father. So blended, created, adopted families have been around for a very long time. Also, think what would be best for your daughter at such an early age....and most of all...the baby. He or she deserves the best you can give...and that MIGHT mean "giving" him/her to someone else to raise. But God knows what he's doing...so keep listening for that "still small voice" to guide you.

You have my love, prayers and genuine concern...Mothers share that for each other pretty easily, I think. Keep us posted as to how it goes. And remember to keep your daughter in-the-loop in this decision. She's NOT an adult, but you really have to treat her like one now that she has this ADULT decision to face (actually it's your decision), but I know you want her in the final decision.

Praying for you right now,
~~~Sandy

Jessie - posted on 12/31/2009

You have head the phrase "if God brings you to it. He'll bring you through it! Be of good cheer! While it was not ideal timing you will have a child to love that in no time at all you will wonder how you ever lived without it.

Ivy - posted on 12/30/2009

YOU CAN SUPORT HER AND LET HER BE THE CHILDS PARENT...TEACH HER WHAT YOU KNOW AS A PARENT BUT DO NOT BABY HER...LET HER MAKE THE DECISION FOR HER THE BABY AND STAND BY HER...GIVE YOUR OPINION AND ADVICE BUT LET HER CHOOSE...(BABY SITTER,BATH TIME FEEDNG TIME..ETC)...LET HER STAY HOME WITH HER CHILD WETHER YOU ARE THERE OR NOT...ENCOURAGE HER TO STAY IN SCHOOL..EVEN IF ITS STUDYING ON THE COMPUTER...STAND STRONG WITH,BESIDE AND BEHIND HER...GOOD LUCK

Karen - posted on 12/30/2009

I want to start off by telling you that I myself was a teenage mom. I got pregnant at 15 and my son at 16. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but it has also taught me how to be a bigger, better person, for the simple fact is your daughter is gonna have to grow up fast and sooner than she and you wanted her to. My mom was a god sent to me, she was there for me through financial support and emotional support but when it came to raising my son(who is now 15) it was all my responsability. I was the one who had to get up in the night, figure out why he was crying, and I even continues going to high school. This will be the hardest thing the both of you will probably do in your lifetime but if you stay by her side, the uppers in life should out weigh the downs. I love my son unconditionally just as you do your daughter, so I pray for you and her, especially her and hope she grows from her decision!!!!!

April - posted on 12/30/2009

I have to say that I appreciate the responses of Crystal and Shelly. I don't really agree with the comments about the lack of a father figure being the problem causing the high rate of teen pregancy. I know that a single parent home is not the best/easiest way to go, but we mom's have to be firm in our parenting. I don't have a daughter, but I have a 16 yr old son. He has been taught about sex, and the responsiblities that he would have if he became a teen dad. I also know where he is and who he is with.

April - posted on 12/30/2009

First I have to say that I feel for you, your daughter and your grandbaby. You'll be in my prayers. I also have to say I'm glad to hear nothing of abortion. I've known a woman that got pregnant at 13, mom and dad gladly got her an abortion and she proceeded to pregnant and abort 3 more times. Now in her early 40's, she is miserable. After all the abortions she was unable to have a baby when she decided she wanted one.



Tell her how upset you are but love her and support her. And do all that you can to insure her health and the baby's health. Try to keep her in school, she'll need to be able to support herself and the baby in the future.

Amy - posted on 12/30/2009

Shannon, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. This is my worst fear because my own 13 year old daughter is getting to be a bit wild, and since both my girls have lacked a stable father in their life, it seems as if they're already looking for a replacement. My prayers are with you...I can just say if I were you, I would definitely have her give that child up for adoption. It's not fair to you to place you in that situation, and that child deserves a full, productive life with two loving parents and a "normal" family. I know too many of my own friends whom are wonderful, loving people with so much to give a child, but just can't get one because of the horrific waiting list. Good luck with what you all decide, but make sure she is selfless and makes the decision on the child's behalf...not her own wants and needs.

RHONDA - posted on 12/30/2009

wow my 15 year old got pregnant and I thought it was the end of the world.Both my daughter and her boyfriend grew up fast and actually surprised us and took care of Le'ia (the grand baby) I am so proud of both of them!! So I can actually enjoy being a grandma for the first time when I want too. Your daughter was 2 years younger then my child maybe she just needs time to grow and be a teenager then she will come around. Be patient but make sure she does something for the baby every day or you will end up raising the baby yourself.I hope and pray some day you can enjoy being a grandma and not the mom! Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 12/30/2009

you are doing the right thing in supporting your daughter it is going to be hard helping her bring up her baby at such a young age but there is nothing so special as seeing your grandchild being born I helped raise my grandson until he was 16 months old and would give any money to be still doing it. we got such a strong bond it is hard but with gods help you will get through and enjoy the rewards god bless my prayers are with you

Julie - posted on 12/28/2009

I was 15 when I had my first. And that was 27 years ago when it was tabu. Is she considering adoption? I know it's a hard thing to consider and doesn't get easier to live with for a long time. It's very painful for both the grandparents and the parents (whether they are married or not) for some time to come even after the birth. I don't always agree adoption is the best option for the parent, usually it is for the baby though. If you and she have your heart s set on keeping this baby then you have to ask yourselves if your daughter is somewhat going to be able to handle this responsibility. How does she treat you? Is she respectful of you? Does she keep her room somewhat clean? Does she keep her body clean? Some children can handle the responsibility better than others, age isn't the only factor. If she has a hard time with basic hygiene for herself and her home, it's gonna be really hard to do double duty once the baby arrives. Babies are messy. Are you in a position to help her financially and emotionally and PHYSICALLY? Because you know how those first couple of months and sometimes longer can be until the baby settles into some kind of routine.
I don't know that I could let my daughter give her baby up for adoption. I would just have to see where I was in life. Please keep me posted and know that I am so happy that you shared this. I know there are other mothers that are in the same position and need to know how others are managing such a big responsibility. You're in my prayers, Julie.

Janice - posted on 12/28/2009

You know Shannon that is a rough spot. I was a teen mom as was my daughter. I had no support. I decided to raise my daughter first child as my own. I needed her to realize her mistake and still be able to have a childhood. That child is now 20 and in college, not the best grades but she's there. My daughter graduated with a masters degree and trying to get into graduate school. Love your daughter and don't let up. She will thank you later

Val - posted on 12/28/2009

Shannon, first go out to a quiet place and get your thoughts together. Talk to God, cry to God, blame him if you must. Then in a whisper ask God for strength. I had friends that were pregnant at 14 and 15. Friend A, the grandma took over as Momma and she never really raised her child. Just did as she wanted like she didn't have a child. Friend B her mom made sure she raised her child. Yes she missed out on alot but you know what she is the best mom, well next to me:). And she has not regrets, you know why because even though she knew the act was wrong she was never made to feel like a second class citizen. She had made her bed and had to lie there. Stink and all. So let her know you did this to you, and you will raise this child. You should not go without, like enjoying your life for your daughter's mistake. Let her be Momma. Yes it will be hard but you know what it will make her a strong young woman. And that's what we need in the world. She will love you for the support and love you more for showing her how to be a MOM.

Emilia - posted on 12/28/2009

So far Ms Barnes seems to be one of the only people who has thought about ALL of the rammifications of the situation and gives sound advice although I will agree to disagree that adoption is THE BEST solution. I think it horribly cruel to impose carrying a pregnancy to term ON A CHILD then forcing THAT CHILD to give her baby away.

As mothers WE KNOW how hard it is to raise children even in the most ideal circumstances, something that a 13 year old CHILD is incapable of grasping. I have known a few adult women who had an abortion as a teen. Much to my surprise they did NOT have any severe emotional problems because of that decision.

Regardless of what decision this mother and her daughter make it will be a difficult decision indeed. My heart goes out to both. There are some situations that can not be "prayed" or "wished" away. This is one of them.

Joemille - posted on 12/28/2009

Shannon, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I was also teen mom, although not as young as your daughter. my son's father was older however and already able to support me and our son. Although we are still married and have other children I am not certain we made the right decision for my son. I believe he would have had a better life (emotionally and economically) had I given him up for adoption. I believe I was selfish in keeping him. I know that because my heart aches with just the though of it even 20yrs later and I cannot imagine my life without him. But there I go again, It's all about me.
On a more practical note, I do not see how it is possible for a 13yr old child to raise this child. In most states (due to child labor laws) she is not even employable. Therefore she would still be dependent on you or the state to provide for the child's needs. Part of being a parent is being to be the provider for your child. Have you spoken with the baby's father and his family?
Since your relationship with your daughter has been full of so many ups & downs I can understand why you feel like you are responsible for raising this baby but I beg you to reconsider that assumption.
you stated:
"she's put me in a position as to where I have to take care of a another child- my grandchild."
This tells me that you have given all the power & authority to her.
This situation is your opportunity to put things back in order. As many have already said, this baby is your daughter's responsibility. You must be very firm in that position. It is time to have very direct, honest and loving discussions with your daughter.
Without a doubt adoption is the best decision for the best welfare of the child. You're role as her mother is to teach her how to make good decisions.You could do some research and present that as an option. With support and love that decision could be the best decision for the welfare of your child and hers. If she decides she is willing to raise the child then you should ask her to present you with her plan. Sit with her and ask her to do the math of time, money and her goals for transitioning to independent living. Do NOT gloss over the details! you should only offer yourself to help so that she can continue her education. No easy decisions and unfortunately no quick fix answers. I pray that you will find the anwers that work best for all of you.

Emilia - posted on 12/28/2009

Why are you assuming that I was angry? Who should I be angry at?



Just because my words were not meant to coddle but to provoke serious thought it is somehow less than "pray on it"?



A CHILD IS PREGNANT - no amount of praying will undo that. Let's be real. The mother asked for REAL advice. So I gave it.



IMHO (which last I checked was my right to express) The child would benefit from an abortion and the parent and child would then substantially benefit from serious counseling so that the daughter doesn't find herself in a similar situation down the line.



Just because my opinion isn't popular that doesn't make it less valid.



If my prayers could undo the situation for both mother and child, don't you think I would offer them? BTW - I gave advice that I would follow if my daughter were in the identical situation.

Shelley - posted on 12/28/2009

Quoting Emilia:

Why is it that anyone would assume that this child was not told about the birds and the bees and the consequences thereof? My parents warned me about many aspects of adult decisions. Some I listened to. Others I did not. Lets talk about reality. The birds and the bees were here long before we, as parents cared to admit it.... or not. Now what?

The child is pregnant and needs sound advice. Shall we condemn her to a life wasted or give her a second/third chance... ? For goodness sakes... the child is 13. She had sex. So now she and that child should have their lives ended because of hormones and stupidity?

My mother wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and yet she was able to lay it all out before me.

If the man who got me pregnant wasn't ready to be MY HUSBAND and I was not fully ready to be that child's mother.... then we wiped that slate clean.

NEXT?!?!

Not for nothing this is just a place to try and give some advice, not get mad at what people have to say.  If anything, try and be constructive and don't blame the people who are trying to help,  She asked for the advice and was given some.  No one here claimed to be a therapist or an authority on the subject.  Hope you have a nice day and didn't mean to sound the way you will probably take it.

Emilia - posted on 12/27/2009

Why is it that anyone would assume that this child was not told about the birds and the bees and the consequences thereof? My parents warned me about many aspects of adult decisions. Some I listened to. Others I did not. Lets talk about reality. The birds and the bees were here long before we, as parents cared to admit it.... or not. Now what?

The child is pregnant and needs sound advice. Shall we condemn her to a life wasted or give her a second/third chance... ? For goodness sakes... the child is 13. She had sex. So now she and that child should have their lives ended because of hormones and stupidity?

My mother wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and yet she was able to lay it all out before me.

If the man who got me pregnant wasn't ready to be MY HUSBAND and I was not fully ready to be that child's mother.... then we wiped that slate clean.

NEXT?!?!

Shelley - posted on 12/27/2009

I am sure you love your child unconditionally. I am assuming you never really spoke to her about sex and the effects it could have. Both my husband and I started talking to my daughter when she got into the 6th grade. We know how boys are and she had a couple of friends that went along with the boys and wound up pregnant. If she and you are not ready to be parent and grandparent, maybe you would have some luck with her either placing the child up for adoption (you can always do an open adoption, so she can see the child) or if she is not that far along, see if she is willing to abort the child, if you believe in that. She still is only 13 and has her whole life ahead of her. If she's a good kid, which I'm assuming she is, she will sit and talk with you about this and let you know what she would like to do. But you need to explain what she will be missing if she decides to have this baby. I am by no means any type of authority on the subject, just my opinion. I hope everything works out for the both of you. My prayers are with you and your child.

Emilia - posted on 12/27/2009

By "positive advice" are you asking to hear from only those that would condone the situation?

At age 11 my mother told me how babies were made (which for her was a hyuge step) then she told me about birth control and finally ended the talk with, "If you should ever make a mistake then come to me no matter what. Your father will never have to know a thing. There is NO WAY I will let you pay with your lifetime for a silly mistake you made for a few moments of pleasure."

Call me crazy but when did it become OK for a child to become the mother to a child?

I am not judging. Just trying to offer another point of view and hopefully a solution. My mother raised two daughters, neither of whom had to face a pregnancy they weren't prepared for. I am 42 and my sister 39.

Marjie - posted on 12/26/2009

Shannon , we have just gone though the same thing . My 12yr old foster daughter found out she was pregnet in April , she turned 13 in September. She isn't ready nor was she ready when she when she had the baby in November. She was , thankfully, very aware that she was not ready to be a mom but being a foster child could not bear the thought of loosing the baby and never seeing her again. She knew that the baby would have to have parents that were able to care for her so she asked us , my husband and I , to adopt the baby we of couse said yes. She has been our daughter sence she was 4yrs old and would never give her up so she continues to live with us as well . We have had to set some bonderes when it comes to the baby but we have no regrets , Sammie is almost 2months old and the joy of our lives. This is not an easy answer but there are no easy answers and you have to do what is right for your family and this was right for our family. I would love to pray with you and your family and maybe together we can do what God wants from us as moms.

Holly - posted on 12/26/2009

I had 3 sisters who all ended up pregnant during their teenage years. One was due to date rape, one was just bad choices at 16 and the other was at 18 and in a relationship. Two out of the three gave their babies up for adoption, the older one kept hers to raise. The decisions that they made shaped their lives and the lives of their children. I am a firm believer in the fact that EVERY child deserves a father and a mother. I don't mean to offend anyone, but with all my heart I believe this. So many of the teen problems we have today, especially regarding teen pregnancy I believe stems from the lack of father figures in the home. It is the most selfless and loving act that any mother could do, to give their child up for adoption when they know that they can't possibly give their child everything that they need....especially a stable home that includes 2 parents. Your daughter is 13. She is still a child and with all respect to those mothers who kept their children....there is so much more that a 2 parent household can do for a child that they just can't. The old adage "love won't pay the rent" is all too true....and love just isn't enough. The statistics overwhelmingly show that

the children of teenage mothers are more likely to be teenage mothers or fathers themselves. I know that there are obviously exceptions to this, but I really hope and pray that you will honestly consider this baby's future and that of your 13 year old. She needs to finish growing up. She deserves a chance at finishing high school, she deserves a chance at college and more. You deserve to finish raising her and her baby deserves a mom and a dad. Please consider adoption.....There are so many loving couples out there who can't have children and they would be so grateful for the opportunity to love and nurture and raise a child in there home. Think about what is best for the child. It will be the most loving act that your child will ever do for her child.

Individual circumstances dictate each situation, but at 13, adoption should be on the top of the list. Good luck... what ever decision you make will change your life Forever.

Stefanie - posted on 12/24/2009

I got pregnant at 15 with my son and one of my friends that was pregnant at the same time was only 13. We both raised our children with the Love and support of our Mothers.My Mother made it clear from the beginning that she would help me but I was the Mother. Do not do too much for this child or she will resent you later! I have the best relationship with my Mom. She has always been supportive without doing too much! She did watch him every once in a while so i could go out with friends but it wasn't the same.I had a child at home that I would end up missing and didn't want to do what all of the teenagers were doing because I saw things differently then them. Be positive! I know it is hard but that is what helped me,she stayed positive and made my pregnancy fun! We went shopping for the baby and she had a baby shower for me! I moved into my own place with his Father when my son turned a year old.My son is now 15 and doing great!!! I can say I don't like the teen years though! LOL! You will both do fine! Money was always our biggest problem and even that always seemed to work out. Good luck and your in our prayers!!!! : )

JaNae - posted on 12/24/2009

I truly disagree with the adoption part. Yes, she is young but she will manage. If you let her get an adoption then she will live life taking the easy way out. She will get the impression that when life gets hard, you bail out. My cousin was 12 years old when she got pregnant with her first child. Her parents raised that child, then she was 15 years old when she got pregnant again. They gave that baby up for adoption, then she got pregnant again. Her parents raised that child. She is now on her 5th child and just finally realized that she is going to have to stand up on her own two feet and raise this child. I love my cousin, but she has always taken the easy way out.

JaNae - posted on 12/24/2009

What I do want to tell you is make her a responsible party in this. That was my families mistake and mine. I let them raise my son until he was about 3 years old. Now we have a lot of issue because he doesn't see me as his mother. Yes, I know he was young and probably didn't understand, but he does. He talks about it all the time. I wish I could have done thing's differently but God had a reason for what he did. Now my son and I have a relationship and we talk. Make sure you keep your communication open with your child.

JaNae - posted on 12/24/2009

I know it's going to be hard, but I was in your situation but as the pregnant teen.I was pregnant at 15. I started having sex when I was 12 years old. Please, whatever you do do not push your daughter away. You say you love her unconditionally then show her. God will provide for you guys if you put him first your life. It was so hard for my family but I am now 32 years and my son is 15. We have issues but i know my God is bigger than any issue we have and he will see us through. I ain't saying it's going to be easy because it's hard. Just make sure to do a lot of praying. That's the only thing that helped my family and I get through this hard time. I'll be praying for you. God bless.

Kimberly - posted on 12/24/2009

Honey Im there for You! My oldest daughter was 13 when she got Pregnant.That was 15 years ago. Then last Nov. I found out that my 15 yr. old was pregnant. Now we have a beautiful baby girl. Its hard and frustrating sometimes but all you can do is be there for them. I've always told myself it could be so much worse.And if God had not wanted it it would not have happened. My prayers and best wishes are with you. Im here if you ever need a friend.

Gina - posted on 12/23/2009

I am going to have to agree here, I think she and you should consider adoption. Certainly nothing against you or your daughter, but doubt she is ready to be a mother. I have no intention of passing any judgment ( I was myself a teenage mother, though considerably older than 13) here. It's simply my opinion.
She made a mistake, but I don't think in terms of "making your bed and lying it it". I think you should look out for the best interests of your daughter and yourself here as well as the child. You could absolutely be giving someone who is unable to have children the gift of a lifetime, while giving your daughter (and yourself) your lives as well.
I am in o way assuming that you or your daughter will be a poor parent-but my advice would be to at least consider alternatives to her taking on this responsibility at such a young age.

Anna - posted on 12/23/2009

Depend on God girl! I was 14 and got pregnant, I am now 32 years old . My son I say saved my life I became to know God threw being a mother, I also grew up fast... But the worst thing was I had to get married it was living HELL for nine years . It was not good! he was 21 when I got pregnant.Don't allow her to marry until she is older. Shes still a kid having a kid. You need to help her make good choices she may think she knows but she doesn't.Having the baby tho is the biggest blessing. I thank God he put it in me to keep my baby. My mother said marriage or abortion. I always believe that was and is a life and it's not mine to take so I picked marriage. My son is so awesome! I couldn't even believe how God has blessed me with him!

Linda - posted on 12/23/2009

Don't take this the wrong way but have you seriously considered putting the baby up for adoption? Why have your child raise a child? I am adopted and can honestly say that I had the best life. I have now met my birthmom and family and am so happy to have 2 families!

Shelia - posted on 12/23/2009

Girl, my prayers are with you. I know this is a very difficult time for you and your daughter. I agree with Shelly, your daughter made a choice and now she must take responsibility for the consequences of that choice. This is the only way she will learn to be responsibility. Unfortunately, it is a very hard lesson. However, If you do not stick to your guns and make her assume the responsibility of caring for the baby, then she will not learn anything and this may happen again. My best friend went through this with one of her daughters. It was hard, but she made her daughter do everything for the baby. Ocassionally, she would babysit, even though there were times she wanted to step in and just do it herself, she did not. The kids at school were hateful, so instead of dropping out of school, my friend homeschooled her daughter via the virtual school which is on line and she graduated and started to college this past fall. She grew into a very responsibile young woman and mother. I suggest the same for you and your daughter. It is not fair to you to have to raise another child. Yes, your daughter is still a child, but if she is made to be responsible for her child, then she will grow up to be responsible and will be a good mother. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run, for all of you. If the two of you decide that your daughter just can not raise this child, I suggest that you check into a good adoptation agency and find a good family who would love to have a child. This is not the end of the world. There are worse things that could have happened to your daughter. You are both in the my prayers. I wish you both well.

Tanya - posted on 12/23/2009

i agree with Shelly. My friend got pregnant when we were in high school, and her mom did what Shelly is suggesting. She worked, took the baby to day care and her mom would keep her when Lisa worked nights or weekends unless her mom had something to do. My parents and I baby sat her lots when her mom couldn't or wouldn't. She grew up fast but the child always knew who her mom and grandma were. She's 22 now, and doing great. We graduated in 1989 and she was born 1987. So, they r both well and living life.

Crystal - posted on 12/22/2009

Remember, there are worse things that could happen to your 13 year old than pregnancy. I say this because I found out my 15 year old daughter was pregnant two weeks before she delivered. Yes, she lives with me. She visited her father for the summer and he didn't recognize anything. My mother and sister came to visit for the holidays and no one noticed anything. It was winter and she was wearing large sweat shirts. She even lifted her shirt (a cry for help I now realize) during a discussion with my sister and mother about body fat!!! I must say I was devistated. If not for the grace of God that embraced me so I could embrace her and her baby... I don't know what I would have done. Yes, my husband and me had to take on yet another child responsibility. She couldn't get on the system because she lived with her parents (step father). I took her to WIC, I took her and the baby's father to vial records to make sure his name was on the birth certificate. I verbally reprimanded his mother for making my child feel like she needed to do more to get her son (the father) involved. My daughter is now 24 and my precious granddaughter is 8. I have many stories, but the one I like to tell is that I told her I would help her always as long as she stayed in school. She graduated and went to college and now works at a good job. They just moved into their own apartment and gurrrrrl, I'm tired and relieved. This was not a situation where I could be her friend. I had to be the mother to her that would not steer her wrong. I had to pull the slack in helping her raise the child. She missed alot of good times with her friends. I made sure she went to the prom though. Now, most of her friends are just getting pregnant. Children are a blessing. Show your daughter to be a good mother, pray and bless the room they will share, calling on the Lord for guidance. And of course, we're all here to support you. Praying for you and yours.

Jane - posted on 12/22/2009

Maybe this will bring the 2 of you closer. Hope everything works out for you, your daughter & your grandchild. The best of luck w/ everything! Be calm, stay strong!

Zina - posted on 12/21/2009

My prayers r out to u.

April - posted on 12/21/2009

Wow, but perhaps this is what she needs to smarten up. I had a foster sister who got pregnant at 13, she kept the baby and raised her. She had help from her mom too and I believe her lil one just graduated, all along she retained custody, wasn't flighty, and loves her daughter with everything she has. Just because she's young doesn't mean she can't be a good parent too, do it together and it'll bring you closer :)

Chris - posted on 12/21/2009

Oh Wow! You really have a life altering situation on your hands. There is now going to be additional stress on you and stress on her that she can't even begin to imagine. You may want to seek the help of a counselor that you can both go to at the same time and freely express your feelings and work out solutions to how you will both handle the care of this child. I definately believe that no matter what the situation is that got her into this predictament, she should take on the responsibility of caring for the child. Meaning feedings at night time, bathing, dressing, etc. Don't you take on the full responsibility, otherwise what will she learn or gain from this. Best of luck to you both, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Neisha - posted on 12/21/2009

Quoting Shannon:

Help....She's 13 and already pregnant. Prayers and positive advice, PLEASE.

My daughter is 13 years old and pregnant. I love my child unconditionally and have been there to support her. We have had our ups and downs, more downs, but now she's put me in a position as to where I have to take care of a another child- my grandchild.

i have a 13 year old: next month 14... and  shes still a virgin.shes does very well in school she enjoys it active in sports. enjoys playing softball music . just really being a "teen ager". i stay after her about hanging out with the wrong crowd and shes like mom.... im not going to be like all the rest. i go to bed evernight praying that she sticks to her sayings.. about pregancy etc" i just let her know that ill love her no matter what.. but its like a big gulp to sallow>> i pray that you and your family can get pass all this.. and just be square to the point that she can still persue her dreams but now she hasa little one, and everything mom does it will reflect off of child!!!!

Tracy - posted on 12/20/2009

Shannon my heart goes out to you. You must be diligent in your prayers. The ladies here are right in telling you to be sure you have your daughter do most of the caring for your new grandchild. This is the only way she can learn to take responsibility for her choices. Without a doubt it will be hard for both of you, but prayerfully a blessing in disguise.

Debbie - posted on 12/20/2009

This is a very hard call. You have to keep in mind she is still a child herself & cannot mentaly or physically handle this herself she is going to need help from you & a couseler you have to also think of the baby you cannot expect a 13 year old who is not able to make desitions for herself to make them for a child & if you are planning on keeping the child you need to stop and think can I raise another one myself do I have the funds to do so there are going to be a lot of extra expenses child care diapers.... adoption is a very hard choice to make but these days you can pick the parents yourself you can opt for open adoption where you can stay in contact with the child it might be your best option because in the end you are going to be the one to raise this child your daughter has a long time before she is grown up. you have to think for the both of them I wish you luck and I ask you to pray to God for advise.