Hi fellow girlfriends! Any tips on how to deal with my 16 year old daughters attitude & nastiness??? Please help!

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Diana - posted on 11/14/2013

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I have a 16 year old that was a perfect angel up until she turned 16, her father and I are separated and she thinks she can talk to myself and her step Dad any way she pleases. Any time we fight she threatens to leave and go live with her Dad. Do I tell her no or let her go? I don't want to see her go but this fighting is killing me.

Carol - posted on 03/13/2013

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I feel like I am ready to pull my hair out of my head!!! Yes, I am apparently frustrated and I am positive my 13 yr old daughter knows this. I realise it is not good. She is my and husbands biological child and has had her father wrapped around her little finger since she was born. To this day she treats me terribly...............as a result she and her father make most decisions together. I am thinking this is my husbands and my problem for allowing her to have this much authority. What can I do besides go to counseling w husband??? We have tried this and it never helps. Anyone else in similar situation?

Karen - posted on 03/14/2013

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my daughter is 15 and she can be polite one min then fresh the next if she doesn't get her way,not so bad with her father becuase he spoils her.
i hope she grows out of it soon,i just step away and tell her i dont want to talk when she is fresh.

Cassandra - posted on 03/01/2013

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Ihave a 13 year old daughter , and 2 younger ones as well, and "OH MAN !' that attidtude is the worst. I tell mine that "just because you don't like what I have to say does not give you the right to raise your voice/yell, or give me attiitude. It's not fair to raise your voice at me when I'm not raising mine towards you or giving you attitiude?" I follow the 3 strikes rule .... if ihave to tell her 3 times to watch her attitude or stop being a meannie then i start to take privilegies away. if after i have taken away the t.v, phone, and computer and she is still acting up i take away her bedroom door. teenagers value their privacy and once you take that door away for a day or 2 they will calm down and be more respectful.

I tell my kids everyday since they were very young that i expect them to behave like young ladies and young gentlemen. Treat others as YOU would want to be treated. It's okay to be mad or upset or feel confused and I will always be here for you. you can talk to me about anything and I promise to listen you.

i hope that helps you some.... i have a few other tricks if that doesn't help

Pheobe - posted on 09/16/2012

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Read Anthony Wolf's book, "Get Out of My Life, but First Can You Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall?"

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Clair - posted on 02/28/2013

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11/06/2008 Wendy"s comments were the best so far. It has now been 5 years since you last posted them. I am so curious to find out how it has turned out and if you were able to survive through the years or just really decided that the best path was indeed becoming a nun.LOL Clair 02/27/13

Pheobe - posted on 09/16/2012

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Read the book "Get Out of My Life, but First Can YOu Drive Me and Cheryl ti the Mall" by Anthony Wolf

Vanessa - posted on 11/18/2008

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Each time she is horrid tell her "I LOVE YOU" with a hug and walk away.

She'll get it....Remember being a teenager is HARD you were one once..

Keisha - posted on 11/07/2008

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a chore list..she must complete before she does anything else.. and take things away when she's giving u attitude... once i had to clear my daughters room.. it took about 3 weeks for her to realize my mom is not playing. I took away new clothes and she was stuck wearing the same play clothes over and over, radio, cell, computer, t.v and didnt give anything back until she stopped..



I agree praying works.

Toni - posted on 11/07/2008

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hi laura

tell me about it,girls.....i drink plenty vodka works wonders,when she starts i will sit down relax and pour a large drink.i put on my elvis cd and dance round my living room,singing and danceing,she hates it and soon stops and gos to her room...works a treat

[deleted account]

You could try taking a 20 year nap until she has her own 16 year old daughter, nothing else seems to be working for me! Seriously, teenagers are just nuts, aren't they?! I've thought about drinking heavily, joining the army or becoming a nun, but I'm pretty sure they kids would find me and ask for money and give me attitude when I calmly explained my vow of poverty. They just don't seem to have any concept that they exist along with others in this world, do they? Love her really hard these days, try to stay calm, and good luck sister!

Colleen - posted on 11/05/2008

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LMAO...good luck, been there, done it, just take it one day at a time, and never stop

talking, even though they hate it.

[deleted account]

I've always been told that you hurt the ones you love the most. Kids are no different, so yes, prayer first. Pray that what ever is bugging her, that's it's brought to the surface to be dealt with. Second, when my daughter is disrepectful I don't ignore it. I give her a chance to bring it under control ...if it continues I ground. She's told ahead of time that if it doesn't change she'll be grounded. Then my punishment is .. no cell phone or house phone to talk to friends. If she can't talk to me with respect then she can not talk to her friends either. Usually within a day or two... the problems is out, talked over and resolved. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Sometimes teens reflect the attitude of others in the house.

Does anyone else treat you with disrespect?

Another sibling, parent or step-parent?

Obviously that's not always the case, but sometimes it is.

Dad- "What makes you think you can talk to your mom like that?"

Kid- "YOU do!"

Talk about an eye opening conversation!!!

Gina - posted on 11/04/2008

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I have a 16 year old daughter too. I feel your pain. Just be patient or at least try too. That's all we can do. I also have a son who just turned 18 and OMG!!!!!!! I would rather deal with my 16 year old's attitudes than his.........LOL.

Tonya - posted on 11/04/2008

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I have a 17 and 15 year old daughters and my 15 yr old seems to have lots of attitude. I took away all priveledges from her and she was on complete lock down for 3 weeks. It was pure torture. She was also made to do community service. Since, we have not had any problems. She is actually using manners and so on.

Jennifer - posted on 11/04/2008

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If you find any answers to this please forward. The only time my 17 year old daughter is nice to me is when she wants something

Sue - posted on 11/04/2008

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Yes I have one of those as well a lot of patience and waiting they will eventually let something slip and i remember when i was a rotten teen too lol

Kim - posted on 11/03/2008

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Be firm. Set the rules and do not give in to her attitude and nastiness. Teens push, but they really want boundaries -- even if that's not how they seem to be acting. Make sure she knows that you love her, that you're always there for her, and that as weird as it may sound to her, you were once a teenager, too, and know how hard it can be. Finally, as the others have noted, pray!

Gina - posted on 11/03/2008

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I just ignore the attitude and when she wants/needs something I remind her about her attitude. Usually works well, she and I are very close and she is very aware that without me she wouldn't be able to get to school, the mall, or to her friends house.

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2008

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I raise my son with healthy choices to express his anger, it is unacceptable to be nasty to me- I try very hard not to take it personal knowing I am the closest to him and he knows I will always love him unconditionally, usually there is something underlying- then of course there are those raging hormones and teenagers not supposed to like their parents

[deleted account]

I am a mother of an 18 & 19 year old and have a 18 year old step daughter plus one who will soon be 12 all female. With your 16 year old daughter you must give her her space and remind her that this is your house and if she wants to be treated with respect she has to treat you with respect...remind her that you love her and that you will always be there for her is she needs you...She will come to you...

Teresa - posted on 11/02/2008

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I'm not sure what it is with girls but I think hormones play a big part. Our beautiful, sweet angels turn into little devils at about 13.

I'm not sure how to deal with it all as I have a 16 year old too and struggle. I look forward to reading the responses you get and learning with you.

It does help knowing we aren't alone. Hang in there.

DeAnne - posted on 11/02/2008

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I try to really respect them and ask for the same in return. That includes space, attitued, privacy etc. When my daughter of 17, son of 16 or son of 14 speaks to me poorly, I remind them that we all need to treat each other well. I also think it's ok to start taking away privledges. If they can't speak to you like an adult then maybe they shouldn't be driving like adults do...etc.

Teresa - posted on 11/02/2008

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Hang in there! I, too have went through this with my now 21 year old daughter. It started when she probably hit 11 or 12. It was AWFUL when by the time she got into high school and when she went to college, I felt I couldn't get her there fast enough, though that year wasn't any better. I felt at times how I could love someone and hate them at the same time. When I felt that way, I thought something was wrong with me as a mother. It is getting better. We are talking more and she is gradually coming around. Going through it you began to doubt yourself as a mother and wonder what and if you are doing something wrong, but you can't do that to yourself. I think my daughter has realized at times how she was, by the things she has said and how protective of me she is when my other daughter may be negative to me. Again, I feel it does get better, though it seems like forever at times. We're not totally there yet, but we're getting closer to it. Most of all, PRAY and know your are not alone!

Nancy - posted on 11/02/2008

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Hi, I have a 17-year-old daughter, and I understand... I tried many different things, but the one that worked the best was the make a conscious effort to focus on what she was doing well in, or what she did that was kind, helpful, etc. It could be the smallest thing, but it helped her to know that yes, I noticed. Teenagers feel that their parents tend to only see "what they do wrong" and not "what they do right". If it's hard for you to find the "right things", you could try creating situations where she can do something "good" and then you can acknowledge her for it. I would, and still do, ask my daughter what she would like to do like make cookies, help me clean out my "old lady clothes", or whatever else that may bring her out. I hope this offers some suggestions that may help you. Just remember, the attitude and nastiness are all part of her trying to figure out who she is as an individual, and it WILL pass!

Teresa - posted on 11/02/2008

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I have a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old boy. With the two of them, the periods of nastiness are magnfied with the two of them going back and forth. I agree that there is usually some underlying reason for it and try to get to the bottome of it. I truly hope it is something they will outgrow. In the mean time, let them know that I love each of them, and support them through the challenging times. I have also been know to give them more choirs and take away privledges.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/02/2008

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Honestly you have to pick and choose your battles. Every teenager and even more so of girls goes through the attitude. I sure if you think back you will remember having the attitude but I think that nowadays kids are not as scared of their parents as we were. My husband and I have 3 girls between the two of us, a soon to be 19 year old, soon to be 17 and a 10 year old. What drives me crazy is when the 10 year old act like a teenager. You know it is there with the teenagers but to get attitude from the 10 year old is the worst. Eventually the attitude gets better....it just takes time.

Lisa - posted on 11/01/2008

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hi Laura.... i have a 15 year old daughter and she also has moments where she thinks shes the adult and knows everything.... or my favorite when she rolls her eyes at me like i am the stupidest person that she has ever incountered in her life.... i also pray alot for guidance and patience but i always shut down her attiude immediatly..... i love my girl and yes shes spoilt but i expect respect and deserve it.and if she chooses not to abid by that then i take away privleges ..... computer, ipod, sleep overs, dances or what ever she well miss the most and if that doesnt work you would be amazed at how well extra chores works..... i hope this helps... good luck

Melissa - posted on 11/01/2008

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Wow, I know!! My oldest daughter just turned 17 a few weeks ago.....the attitude and nastiness hasn't gone away yet, I'm still waiting......waiting......waiting (and not always patiently). I seriously think it is something they have to outgrow. I'm seeing my 14 yr old daughter gradually acquiring the same attitude and nastiness, although, so far, not so extreme. My oldest is definately more difficult. I just hope,hope, hope one day I will like her again;) Just know you're not alone. It's hard. This parenting thing is hard.

[deleted account]

I have to remind my 15 yr old son that I am his mother, and he will not leave the house, or do anything if he continues to talk in "that" tone of voice! (we all know the one!)

It is hard to maintain the balance between parent and friend, because I want him to talk to us, but I still want to maintain authority!

Naomi - posted on 10/31/2008

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Hi Laura. I have a 15 year old daughter, and the nasty beast rises in her often too. I find if I stop her as soon as she gives me attitude it's better than ignoring it. The key is to do it with love and patience.

Jennifer - posted on 10/31/2008

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Prayer helps! I have two girls 15 and 16 their dad has threatened to buy them Walmart clothes if they are ugly. Havent had that problem in a while. :)

Michaela - posted on 10/30/2008

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Dear Laura! I have 2 teenage girls (15,13) and 3 younger ones.
Be patient, keep communicating and know that she does not mean it. Teenagers are going through a lot of changes and have to deal with a lot of peer pressure and the media.
Stick to your rules and follow through on promises. Also keep telling her how much you love her, no matter what.
I hope this helps a little.:)

Anita - posted on 10/30/2008

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First of all, prayer! Prayer does 2 things...1) calm you down and 2) He gives you wisdom in how to handle the situation..doesn't have to be the 'go in the seperate room and close the door' type prayer..although in some situations it does help..even prayers in the situation help! And second...I still have 2 teens at home..after 4 others..I still struggle in responding instead of reacting..even though they have attitude eventually they will see that Mom doesn't have one and no teen that I have seen has attitude on for 24/7..I sympathize with you...this is not the end of the story!! My oldest soon started calling me after moving out apologizing for everything, as did I when I moved out!!

Natosha - posted on 10/30/2008

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I deal w/ the same probelms w/ my teens sons. Usually there is some underlying problem they aren't telling me about. Like something happened at school, I said something that they have taken wrong, etc. If I can get him to calm down & just sit down & listen to everything he needs to say I seem to end up finding out what all the problem was about. It maybe something small that is totally blown out of proportion. The hard part for me is just sitting there while they are telling me what it is & not responding til they are completely finished. It seems to work though. Even if we have to do it again in a week.

Is there anything in particular that seems to set the behavior off?

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