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Shelly - posted on 12/08/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Shelly I have 1 teenage daughter(16) and a son 12. i found out that my daughter is pregnant! Now what. She is 16 and the father is the same age. Nither one can keep a job longer then a month, they are living in a hotel and they don't want to come home. His parents keep telling them that they HAVE to give it up, and I am on the other side whit the they have to do what they think is best cause in the end they are the ones who have to live with the decision. That is not flying very well, but I don't want them making a decision on what others say to them or what others tell them to do. HELP

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Kathryn - posted on 12/17/2008

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Shelly, I think it's great your daughter has come home. Please keep us posted as I'm sure we're all thinking of you and praying for your family.

Shelly - posted on 12/17/2008

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My daughter has moved back home and plans on going back to school in Jan. Boyfriend is more or less out of the picture. We ahve discused all options open to her and she has decided to keep the baby and live here. My husband and I have even told her that we would take the baby if she can't do it, but she is strong and I think she will make a good mom. I will always be here for her no matter what she does.

Karol - posted on 12/15/2008

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I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. The bio father wanted nothing to do with me being pregnant and made several attempts to try to get me to have a miscarriage. I came from a family that didn't discuss sex much less prepare me for the consequences of having sex. When I did tell my mother I has terrified for my Dad to find out, and for good reason because when my Mom did tell him he reacted just as I had feared. He told me to leave (I didn't) ...but he didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. My Dad was disappointed, mad but more than anything he was hurt and scared for me. But when he was given the opportunity to see that I did not intend to quit school, sports or becoming a drop out, he was the most supportive person in the world. My parents knew I needed them, my Dad didn't let me work, my work was getting my education and raising my son. My parents gave me the ability to make the choices I needed but yet where there to say that wasn't a good choice and explain to me why. Your daughter will have to come to the determination of which is more important, being a teenager or being a teenage parent. Both are okay but it is as you say, she has to live with the decision. There is already enough negative in her life now, it is up to both sets of parents (grandparents to be) to show them the positive side of it as well. I have the most wonderful son in the world that is a hard working, determined and respectful young man who is a mirror reflection of my Father. My son is now almost 21, my daughter is almost 18 and I can tell you that I would never trade what I or my family went through for anything. I did learn from my experience to have a very open relationship with my kids about everything as I fear my daughter of going thru the same things. My son's dad has never spoke to him, called to ask me how he is and my son has made the choice to not make him a part of his life. Just remember one thing, be her Mom, love her and only expect what she is capable of always be there for her even if it comes in a call at 2 am. Good luck to all of you and.....Congratulations on becoming a new Grandmother.

Patricia - posted on 12/15/2008

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Dear Shelly,

I understand what you're going thru. I gave my daughter up for adoption. She's 26 now. I was fine going thru the counseling sessions, but when I had to sign the final papers, I was shaking and crying up a storm. Luckily, my mom and best friend were supporting me thru the whole pregnancy. Adoption was the best decision I ever made. Her father and I wasn't ready to be parents or married. I went thru the Catholic Community Services. They're a great organization to use.

Sincerely Yours, Patty Limbert

Kathryn - posted on 12/15/2008

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My biological mom was 14 and my bio dad was 16 when I was born. Her parents made her give me up for adoption. It was the best decision ever!! I was raised in a wonderfully loving 2 parent home with 2 college educated parents and 2 older sisters. I recently found both bio parents and have thanked them several times for not keeping me. What kind of life would my bio mom had had trying to raise me and go to school? At 19 I got pregnant. My, now hubby, and I were both in college, both working and prepared to take on parenthood. All 4 of our kids are healthy, bright and happy. Parenting is difficult enough with my husband's help. I can't imagine having to do it on my own. Another scenario-my 3rd cousin just had her 2nd baby and is only 19. She sneaks out at night, doesn't dress her children for appropriate weather, doesn't feed them the proper amount of food (1st baby was underfed then overfed and is now fat). The 1st dad went back home out of the country and it seems the 2nd dad is wanting to be a dad. You need to think what would be best for the baby. It wasn't his/her choice to be conceived. To keep it when your daughter is unable to take care of it would be selfish (this is my opinion as an adoptee). Are you able to keep the baby for her? Adopt him/her?

Jennifer - posted on 12/15/2008

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LOVE HER!!!! Undeniable, unwavering, unfailing.....love. I have a 13 year old daughter. Very moody..pain in the hind quarters sometimes....but honest. Our school is very small and there are only 23 kids in her class. Of them 10 are active "in some form". One has had a miscarriage and one had been active since she was 9. In it a sick world we have to live in. When I was my daughters age I was just beginning to think guys were ok.
Always be there for your daughter. Be honest when (and if) she asks you questions. Be willing to help her as much as you can. But remember..she made an "adult" decision. And she has asked to be treated like an adult whether she wants to be or not. She is going to need to get some sort of a job for a while to take care of the baby. She CANNOT depend on you for that and don't let her. And just as someone else posted. Plan as though the dad is already gone........If he isn't helping yet...he probably won't.

Sabina - posted on 12/13/2008

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Having her come home is really not an option. She is now an adult making adult decisions. It sounds like she is clear...you will have to wait it out until she needs you and then you can be there to support her. She may not realize it yet, but in the future she will need you...and rather than saying I told you so, you can just go pick her up and tell her you love her. As much as it hurts us we need to let our teens be teens and now your teen has inadvertedly become an adult with adult decisions. Our best lessons are learned through our mistakes.

Shelly - posted on 12/09/2008

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I don't believe that he will stick around, but we will see. I want her at home so I can look after her and do all she needs me to do. I have at least convinced her to go back to school which is a plus. I thought that by telling his parents, cause he wasn't going to would prvent the taking off, but after his mom's reaction I think she would just help him dissapear. She know's how hard it is being a single parent after watching me after my first husband passed away and I was a single parent for 3 years. This is not the road I would have choosen for her but now I will just support her in any and all dicisions she makes.

Tracy - posted on 12/09/2008

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My 18 y/o niece got pregnant and she's starting to realize that life as she knew it is gone. Her dreams of college are put on hold for a while. The dad seems involved but who knows..they're young. She does live at home but it's going to be crowded. If your daughters boyfriend refuses to work, do you think he's going to stick around to help with his own child or is he going to book it?? My guess is that he'll take off. So you need to take that into consideration. Plan for this baby without him in the picture. Because more than likely he won't be. I guess all you can do is just work with your daughter as well as you know how, take her to all of her appts, support her in anyway you can. She needs to know you love her and the baby and that you aren't going to leave. I hope the best for you and her. I have a 16 yr old girl and I have no clue what I would do.

Shelly - posted on 12/09/2008

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I am trying to get her to move back home but she won't without the boyfriend and we can't support both of them and he refuses to work! We have made an appointment at planned parenthood for her to see a counselor to talk over her options. Thank you so much for your support

[deleted account]

the best thing you can do is show your daugther an excess of LOVE. Give her support no matter what decision she makes. Suggest she talk with a counselor so she knows all of her options. Definitely pray for them to make the right decision for all involved especially the baby. My heart goes out to you during this trying time. Remember This too shall pass.

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