Hi my daughter left at christmas to live with her father. We had been married for 16 years and he left me as he said he was gay! The girls and I were devasted as we had no idea at all. . This was 6 years ago now and I have married a wonderful man who has been brilliant with the girls. My ex was very happy about the marriage aan knew the girls would be happy and safe. This went well till this time last year when the ex split with his boyfriend because he has a drinking problem and he could not deal with it anymore.. Sadly hie was so lonely he stopped parenting and started being a buddy//bestfriend to my youngestt which has all gone rom bad to worse. She started self harming and then tryed to take her life twice. Loads of intervention has taken place to help her but she was just horrible at home mainly yo me .Rude,swearing,badmannered and just a nightmare to live with. . It was just to much and just before xmas I said all this had to stop and that we loved her and wanted her to be part of the family or perhaps she should go and live with her dad. Needless to sayshe went straight away guinea pigs and all she packed everything herself and was gone.
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â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 01/23/2013
I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's the victim of something here. The sudden change of mood, the self destruction, the anger...classic signs of abuse. And then you demand that she act like Suzy Sunshine because that's what "fits" with your new family, which only shows her that you really aren't "in tune" with her and her needs.
And to be totally honest, I'm not surprised she moved in with her dad. It sounds like you gave her a "my way or highway" ultimatum, and she chose the highway. You need to apologize to her first, and then, if she is willing to work on a relationship with you, you need to pursue what is causing the problem. Get counseling. For both of you, and as a family. A person doesn't just jump right in to self harming without good (to them) reason. And, I'm sorry, but a parent having a little breakdown and playing "buddy" instead of "parent" is generally not a good enough reason to self harm. Most teens revel in that, and use the parent to the fullest extent.
She's old enough to make her decision. she's made it. Living at your house was not part of it, because you gave her that ultimatum. If you can get her to talk to you, see if she'd consent to individual, and family counseling. But, don't force it. Let her know that it's available, and that you want to participate.
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