How can I deal with ex and wife? Looking for suggestions!

Cathy - posted on 08/29/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My ex and I separated 8 yrs ago and divorced a year later. We have a son who is now 16 who recently decided he wanted to go live with his dad. The problem I'm having is if my ex is home, when I am on the phone with him talking about our son, I can hear his wife talking to him, responding to what we are talking about. This infuriates me!! My ex has a daughter who lived with us while we were married and when he talked to her mom, I always respected their privacy. I have repeatedly asked my ex to put a stop to this but he refuses. He says she's raising him now basically, so she is entitled. I was raising his daughter too and I didn't get in the middle of their business like she does!



I guess the easy solution is only call him at work . . . but that's not always possible, obviously. I've been told just to ignore it, but it is so irritating! I don't see why she can't respect our privacy!!



Anyone have any suggestions?



Thanks!

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Vicki - posted on 08/29/2012

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Hi Cathy, I totally hear you. It is rather annoying and rude forsure!

Is it possible to say to your ex husband...I understand that our son is living under your roof being looked after by you and her but while WE talk is it possible that the conversation be between you and I? If he says no then there isnt really much you can do about that you cant contol someone elses ignorance. What you can do is just ignore the things she is saying in the background and carry on as if she isnt talking at all? As hard as it is maybe the 3 of you should sit down together and discuss things that need to be discussed.

Good for you for allowing that privacy but not everyone is as thoughtful and respectful. Sad but true.

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Cathy - posted on 09/05/2012

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Tammy, good idea!! I just might have to try that!!



Sara, his first wife left him for someone else. We were together almost 17 years, married 13 when we separated. We hit a rough spot and honestly I believe he was afraid I wouldn't stay with him so he found someone else. Was a very unpleasant divorce to put it mildly. So now the woman my ex left me for is raising my son. My ONLY child. She has four - my ex has two others - my stepdaughter, who's grown, married and has two children of her own and his four-year-old daughter he had with the new wife. Plus the new wife has three daughters. So my son is living with four girls. I'm thinking that's going to wear thin eventually!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/02/2012

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I hate that too..my ex has a girlfriend that has had her nose in everything to include our divorce..weve never been able to talk about anything without her input..somethings truly aren't their business and should be handled between the parents

Sara - posted on 09/02/2012

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Firstly what is wrong with your ex that he can't hold a relationship down. Secondly this is your son and no-one will ever be able to take that away so maybe have a little chat with his wife and remind her that this is yours and your ex's son and you would like to talk in private with your ex regarding your son. Sounds to me like she is a bit interfering shit stirring type, with little manners and respect. Unfortunately this is her problem but affects you. Good luck.

Tammy - posted on 08/31/2012

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I would try asking to speak with her first before you speak with your ex or if you are talking to your ex and she starts talking in the background ask to speak with her. If she wants to be part of the conversation so bad then let her add her 2 cents worth. When she is finished then politely thank her for her input and let her know that if she has something to say to you she doesn't have to do it by rudely interrupting your conversation. Kill her with kindness. It may seem like eating crow at first but in the end it makes you the better woman and makes you look more mature and respectable to your son.....and it is really all about him after all. I hope this helps. Peace2u......Tammy

Faye - posted on 08/30/2012

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My ex's wife does the same thing. He has gotten to the point that he will call me while he is at work, (service tech so he has drive time between the service calls), if he wants to have a conversation with me and not have her and her 2 cents interupt the conversation. Yes it bothers me but I just try to ignore whatever it is she is saying while him and I continue.

Lisa - posted on 08/29/2012

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Thats gotta be frustrating. If your ex is any like mine the more you ask the more he will let her do it. Does this bother your son as well. You could try asking him to go outside when he calls. I know in the guidelines your supposed to be able to have private phone calls.If you son says nothing about it, he either one knows it wont do no good to go to another room, or 2 he is just blowing her off. If it does bother your son, ask him to ask her if she needs anything from him before he makes his phone call. Also you can request the courts to tell the father to allow private phone calls. You can file your own motion. Trust me i know.

Sherri - posted on 08/29/2012

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I have to say obviously she feels she needs to say something on stuff that is happening and if she is witnessing it and she truly cares about your son I don't see a problem with it.



I do understand it can be frustrating for you but realize that maybe she truly just loves your son too.

Cathy - posted on 08/29/2012

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Thank you, Vicki, for seeing my point of view. I even hung up on him a couple of times because of it and he told me as a parent I need to work on that?!? Excuse mhttps://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-teenagers/how-can-i-deal-with-ex-and-wife-looking-for-suggestions-710971?trk=main_menu_footer#_e??

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