How can I get my 13 year old to do his chores?

Jimmi Ella - posted on 06/10/2010 ( 59 moms have responded )

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He acts like he doesn't hear me. I have to tell him several times. Even disipline doesn't seem to phase him. When I get mad he says I am yelling at him and it makes him feel bad. I him how do you think it feels when I tell you to do something and you don't listen. All he says is I know. I'm at a loss.

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Alicia - posted on 09/27/2013

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Ok, Steph, I saw that your post is a few years old but I hope you see this and can HELP ME.
Ok, here it goes, I have 2 teenage daughters 13 & 15, I have taken their phones away, that was for several different reasons, 1st time they had back-talked w/phone in hand, then it led to other things ie, misuse of the Internet, talking & textin @ night, ( they've not had them for close to 2 years now) & I've also taken their I-pods, computers, & now they basically do nothing. However 1 if them happens 2 be in SPORTS, so she gets what seems to be more freedom than my other daughter.

They've done chores w/ me since they've been knee-high 2 a grasshopper, & they both get AMAZING GRADES. They are actually great girls and have never been in any kind of trouble.

I hate it that both of them seem 2 not have a social life and they make comments that I do want them 2 have 1.

I keep telling them once they've done their chores w/o being told for a certain period of time, that they will get ALOT of their priveledges back, (not the cell phones) like going places w/ friends, having friends over, having supervised time on the Internet. As a family we've even really been considering turning our HUGE FAMILY ROOM into a game room for the girls. This way their friends would be able to have a safe place 2 be w/ their buddies and we'd be to rest our minds knowing that our girls and everyone ARE SAFE AND HAPPY.

They want this. However they cannot seem to do their minimal chores for 2 weeks so that we can MOVE ON...... I want my girls to have a life !!!!! PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!

AM I BEING TOO HARD ON THEM ???

Stacie - posted on 07/12/2010

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I totally understand your pain! Recently I came to the conclusion that the traditional methonds of disipline that I remember my parents using with me just weren't working with my kids. I could yell at them as much as I wanted and that still wasn't fixing the problem. I made a chore list along with a check list and stuck them on the refrigerator. I have a 14 year old girl and 10 year old boy. Everytime the kids are misbehaving they have to put a check mark on the fridge, (this also includes not doing chores). At the end of the week if they have less than 20 marks a piece, they are rewarded by doing fun things on the weekend or with money. If they have more than 20 checks they are grounded one day for each check they have over 20. I was concerned they might be too old for the check mark system. However, it's amazing how well it is working! My father's advice when it comes to parenting, "Make the right thing easy and the wrong thing hard."

Shenequa - posted on 06/11/2010

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Yes, you are right about this being a horrible age with children. I had to actually tell my child that she had it good if i went on strike for a week just to show them(as hard as it was) I didn't lift a finger, I went to work and came home and pulled one of her routines watched Tv until it was time for bed. So when she realized that there was no dinner cooked she had no clean clothes and the house was a mess, she was like "Ma, Whats going on?" i don't have any clothes and i'm hungry..I turned around and gave her her own reaction..I said " Oh well i guess i'll get to it in a little while. And turned right around like she wasn't there. Ha. You bet your last dollar the next day when i came home she had the whole house sparkling and the washer going...I said who cleaned? She said I did because it was looking crazy in here. I told her that is my point If everyone in this world said what you said to me everyday..There is alot of things that wouldn't get done.

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Angie - posted on 07/21/2010

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Act like you don't hear him when he ask you for things. when he yells at you tell it makes you feel bad. Try not doing some of the things you do around the house....cooking, laundry, dishes, ect... maybe if you aren't doing these thing for him he'll see why he needs to do his chores. It worked for my girls.

Adrienne - posted on 07/21/2010

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my son doesnt listen to me. hes 15. but he is told to do his chores and if he doesnt then he gets nothing. only food.

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My daughter is now 17, but I have always had to take away the things that matter to her. I have had to take away sleep overs, movies with friends, her computer, her phone, and the keys to her car that her father gave her. I am a single mom, with a household of two dogs, three cats, a teenager and full time work. I have always fought with her about helping around the house. She has just figured out that I am not trying to ruin her life. I just could use some help. She has been in therapy, gets good grades, works part-time, opened her first savings and checking account this week. She has been helping more now. Susan

Frances - posted on 07/04/2010

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This sounds like my house only I have two teenagers a 15 year old and a 14 year old.. It is always hold on or I will later... Yet when they finally do get around to doing their chores it is half ass... I have tried yelling, making them do it over... all I get is tears and then they say I am always making them feel bad. Now since they only thing that gets there attention is $$ we pay them an allowance but if they talk back or don't do what they are supposed to we deduct from their allowance. It has been tough but hopefully they will learn... :/

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I sit with my son every night and talk to him about his responsibilities, he's going to be 15 years old soon and he is going to be needing things and wanting things and what i've explained to him is, he needs to earn it. I work full time and he babysits my daughter and makes sure she eats, reads and practices her math. Its hard to get a 14 year old to really do anything but he earns privileges like being able to go out with his friends on the weekends, play video games, etc.... Just talk to them....believe me for a long time I would repeat myself over and over and over until I realized it didn't work. Now I make time and sit with him and talk to him about how difficult his day was dealing with his sister and we talk about things he wants to do now and in the future.....Communication is the key....

Vee - posted on 06/30/2010

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Well I had a conversation two years ago with my now, 16 year old son, and told him that I was not going to clean up anything that was his anymore and I didn't. It was tough at first, but after he couldn't handle the smells coming out of his bathroom and his hamper he started to get the message. He wanted to look good and smell good for the girls at school and I think he might have even been called Mr. Stink from his classmates and friends.

Nancy - posted on 06/30/2010

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I get so mad when I have to repeat myself with my kids...especially when I already repeated myself a couple times...grrrrrr....drives me nuts...



One thing though...my daughter doesn't DARE yell back at me...she knows that she is in serious trouble the FIRST time she tries it...I do NOT tolerate ANY disrespect...there is immediate discipline when that happens...lucky for her it doesn't happen often...I have ZERO tolerance for that crap...

Allisha - posted on 06/27/2010

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IM HAVIN THE SAME TROUBLE , EXCEPT MY SON HAS YELLED BACK, N HE IS VERY BUFF FROM SPORTS. SO I WOULD TELL HIM SOMETHING N HE WILL TELL ME NO. I SAY WHAT ,,,BOY I DONT CARE HOW GROWN U THINK U ARE I WILL OUT POWER U, N HE WILL JUST TALK CRAZY UNTIL I SNAP, N THEN HE WILL DO WHAT I ASK. BUT NEVER WHEN I ASK. THIS IS SO NOT EASY. HE IS MY OLDEST, MY 1ST GOING THRU THE TEENS. WOW WHAT AN OBSTICLE COURSE.

Tricia - posted on 06/27/2010

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hey when you figure that out let me know lol but seriously I try to give my son little chores through out the week when i can and then when i have my big clean ups during the weekend I ask him to do vaccuuming or take out the garbage

Tina - posted on 06/27/2010

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take away his favorite things and make up a contract that u and him agree to and stick with it like for example twell him what his chore is and say u have 2 choices do the chore or stay in until u do it! good luck it worked for me and mine is 15

Stephanie A. - posted on 06/24/2010

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BTW, his good actions are always rewarded with praises and thank yous. We give our son money when we can, but our budget doesn't allow for a weekly allowance. He doesn't have much trouble getting favors out of us such as money for movies, etc as long as he has done what was required prior to.

Stephanie A. - posted on 06/24/2010

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Well, this is probably not going to be the "popular" answer, but I have a 16 year old son that helps out around the house, helps with his little brothers, the dog, and does his own laundry. Plus, he is a better baker than me, and is coming along great in his cooking! lol He has a sarcastic attitude at times, and can get mouthy, but my solution takes care of that too:

Put him on lock down! Take the computer, tv, all phones, land and cell, Ipod, whatever he has that is not food, shelter, clothing, and bathroom. Give him a grounding that makes him feel the pain, but is not in itself abusive. Don't yell "you're grounded for a month!!" That's not realistic. Tell him "when you are ready to act like a mature young man and be responsible for your chores and do as you are told, you can have your _______ back. Until then, you are grounded." Works for my husband and me.

Deborah - posted on 06/23/2010

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i here what everyone is saying i have a 17 and 13 year old boys i tryed the taking things away but would only worked for one of the boys then we had a family meeting and made a list of chores that had to be done in the house from dishes to taking ut the gabage then every chore was givien a price like a sink full of dishes is worth 2 dollars they both helped decide the amounts the list went on the fridge and everytime they did something on the list the put their iniatial on the list beside that item and at the end of the week we totaled up the amounts and that was what they got for their allowance if they didn't do anything they didn\t get any money some weeks they made 25 cents and when friends phone to go to movies the couldn\t go cause they didn;t have any money this worked for us they had a choice of about 25 things to choose from we also added one rule to this they had to do one sink full of dishes a week so that they could have there video games or computer time which is only 1 hour per day

Joy - posted on 06/23/2010

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I have my teenagers treat it like a job and if they do their assigned chores they get paid.

Terri - posted on 06/22/2010

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Your children are a reflection to your subconscious beliefs. When your son doesn't hear you, the chances are you have a hidden belief that says you don't deserve to be heard. Instead of being upset with him, think of him as this amazing spirit that is here to teach you about yourself.

See yourself as the little kid inside of you. This little 5-year-old is your heart and God's greatest messenger of all. Ask her, "What false belief are you holding onto that your son is reflecting to you?" Once you get to the belief, let it go. Then give yourself permission to be heard....or whatever it is that you discover through this process.

I use this tool over and over again to shift my life. Just think of the universe and everything in it as amazing gifts to learn about yourself. The more you give yourself permission to honor and love the way you were created, not who your subconscious mind tells you to be, you create a life of abundance and miracles. It is so cool!

If you want to learn more, I invite you to check out our global community, www.TheEnlightenedMom.com. Moms all over the world are learning to shift their lives from pain and suffering to abundance, joy and love!

Terri

Mary-louise - posted on 06/22/2010

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I have trouble trying to get my 11yr old and 7yr old to do their chores too. But we give them ultimatums : for the week if they do not do their chores daily then that's a black mark bside their name. I have a whiteboard with chores written on it for both of them. if they don't do their tasks for that day it's a black mark., which means if they get more than 4black marks then they don't get to have their playtime on satdays and sundays...which is playing on the PSP,PS2,listening to MP3, or playing games on the computer... so that is what i do for my two little tyrants, and believe me it does work bcos that is the only fun things they get to do on the weekends....so i hope that will help you sort out your youngens

Carol - posted on 06/22/2010

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As humans we all enjoy the feeling of a job well done, some of us, regardless of age need EXTRA persuasion. If I need something done and my son does it, then i volunteer to do something for him (take to a friend, Mc, etc)...When I need something done my son (17) knows all requests will be answered with a "no" until he asks what he can do for me (before he leaves for a friends house, etc.) Incentives work for all of us whether its a paycheck or ice cream cone....:) hope this helps. ALSO, offer options: do you want to ____ or ____ first? giving the child the feeling of power and of having a choice even if it is between two chores...

Laura - posted on 06/22/2010

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Do the chore for him and then go do something fun but don't invite him to participate, only active helpful members of a family get to have the fringe benefits. Also be persistant and patient if you are usually most kids come around in a few years.

VERONICA - posted on 06/22/2010

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I did not think there were other moms out there going through the same thing as me,i feel so lost and scared every day that im going to lose proper guidence as well as nurturing to my children.Reading all of your comments ladys has helped a great deal,there is a place were i don't feel alone a place were I can find comfort and assurance of all my deciciones, thanks for this webcite i think i might have a chance to regain my sanity!!!lol thank you so so much lady's

Natasha - posted on 06/21/2010

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I pay my kids a weekly allowance, if they don't do a chore money is deducted.If they offer to do more chores more is added. Seems to be working for us..

Brenda - posted on 06/20/2010

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Sorry, if I hadn't already written enough..LOL...I guess I should have read through some of the posts firsts before responding. I see a lot of charts, lists, making sure he means business, etc. I'm not one to tell anyone that what they are doing that is working is wrong. However, those tactics never worked for me for several reasons. A strong willed child strives to have control of her world and I felt that allowing her to have some control helped tremendously because then she wasn't fighting for it. Now, I need to explain that it was control given to her by us so it was a controlled control if you will !!! ( I often say that parents of strong willed children become master manipulators to remain sane!). When they have a sense that they are in control of their world, it is much easier to teach them responsibility. Having her do a chore is a great thing but having her do a chore that she thought was her idea is even better. It is always said that teenage years are "horrible" but I believe it doesn't have to be. We had our bumps...believe me! but they did not turn into the mountains they could have been by going head to head with a strong willed child...which, in my opinion, would have gotten us NOWHERE fast.

Brenda - posted on 06/20/2010

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I can just talk about what seemed to help me. My daughter is very strong-willed...I say "is" because she is now almost 20 and still has her will. I felt God's impression early on that, as He does with us, it would be better to bend her will than break it. It takes more planning and patience, but when I asked her to do a chore, I gave her plenty of notice and a choice of time when she wanted to do it...such as before or after dinner. Then I maybe gave her a choice of two chores. If I had two things that needed to be done, I would tell her that and then ask which one would she like to do. Then I was giving her more control over what she did and when she did it. Sounds like I"m letting the girl run the show but in fact, thing actually got done in a timely manner. I know its frustrating, but yelling will never get you anywhere with a strong willed child...believe me...she would just dig in. On a relationship note, yelling may be making him feel bad so you may want to validate his feelings on that and asking him how you feel about something can be very confusing so you may want to let him know how it feels when he doesn't listen....he probably has no idea. Thirteen is a critical time in developing your ground work for dealing with your teenager so decide now on your own ground rules for things like yelling, grounding, taking time outs from each other, and anything else you can possibly predict you will have to deal with. If you know what you want to do before the situation arises then it will be easier to deal with.

LaToya - posted on 06/20/2010

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Let him know that you mean business...do not tell him from another room...go where ever he is and let him know in a firm voice. I have a 25 year old son even when he comes home now I only have to say it once. Know that anything that you ask is not a debate!!!

Anne - posted on 06/20/2010

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You need to set rules and limits. have them posted somewhere you can all see it. Tell him once what you need him to do everyday. When you ask him and he says no or he just ingnors you fine it's not the end of the world. When he comes to you and says mom I'm going out to play or can I have money to go or buy somthings the answer is no! For every no I get he gets and I mark it down so he see's I'm keeping track. it took about two weeks of fighting and crying and yelling but now that he see's we are not backing down he is saying it less and doing what we ask with no problems.I even gotton him to ride his bike to his grandparents everyday and water the garden. going on 13 in sept.

WickedLizzie - posted on 06/20/2010

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I agree, I have a dry erase board that I have things listed and how much time I am willing to give them to get each thing done, and mine do everything on the list. We came up with this idea together, I asked what would help them remember what needed to be done, reminding them we are a family, and everyone has to do their prt to keep things going in our house, and it is wonderful.

We don't have any arguments about chores, everything gets done, and they get what they want, be it video game time, computer time, phone time or hanging out with their friends.

We even negotiated cell phones for them - rather, they negotiated getting cell phones, as I did not want to have this extra expense myself. They agreed to earn the money needed to buy their phones themselves by mowing lawns or working in the school cafeteria, and I pay their cell bill every month (I use kajeet.com, it's only $20 a month for unlimited texting and 150 min of talk time a month, very reasonable, I have complete control, know who they are testing, and for a little exa money, I can turn on GPS tracking to find their phone if they re late or can't find their phone).



No arguments, every body is happy. :)

WickedLizzie - posted on 06/20/2010

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First of all, yelling is only going to make your teen shut down and not hear you, plus it will damage self esteem. It is normal from our loving, attentive and eagerly cooperative preteen to turn into a rebellious, uncooperative, know-it-all teenager. Congratulations, your child is turning into a young adult with a mind of his/her own!

 

This is actually very normal, as your child is turning into a young adult, testing limitations and boundaries.



The key to getting what you want, which is cooperation, is respect. You cannot be a dictator, this will only cause your teen to shut you out and resent you, and this is an important time in your child's life when he/she needs your guidance the most.



Instead of yelling, approach your teen and quietly make a request, stating clearly what you would like to get done, and ask your teen for input.



Example: Hi, Chelsea. I have a few things that I need your help with. I know you would like to be able to go out with your friends, but I need you to do the dinner dishes first. What do you think is a realistic expectation of when they can be done?



This opens a dialogue with your teen, you are recognizing an interest they have, and stating what you need done. Remember, they are young adults, not child labor or little slaves. It is realistic to expect chores, but allow your teen to feel like he/she has some choice about it, and be flexible. If the dishes can wait for a half an hour while your teen rests up a bit, then let them. Remember that they have just as much stress, they have school, activities, homework and social things all demanding their energy and attention, just like you have your things you have to do.



You'll find your teen will be more cooperative if you are respectable, use "I" statements (I need this done, I expect that this will be done, etc.). Try not to be accusatory or raise your voice. Your teen will respect you in the long run.

It does take some time to get this process to work, so be patient. Be firm, as well. Clearly state what you want, and also state what the consequences of not getting the chore done are.



I am raising 3 young men, a 19-year-old who is now in the Navy, a 17-year-old with bipolar disorder, and a 15-year-old. It took a lot of time for me to figure this out for myself, but once I did, I found my guys will do anything I ask for them to do, and I don't pay them allowances, either - although they can come to me and earn money for extra things they do for me, like cleaning out my car and cleaning my windows or helping me with the things I do around the house.



It will work. All yelling is going to do is piss them off, piss you off, and cause resentment, which will cause them to not want to come to you on the important stuff, like to talk about drugs or sex and stuff like that. Just be the reasonable adult you want them to turn out to be and you I'll be pleasantly surprised. Keep in mind that they are exploring boundaries, and starting to learn their own place in the world. :-) Good luck! 

Missy - posted on 06/19/2010

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welcome to the teenage years. i have figured out teenagers r a different breed u really got to pick your battles. point out to him how doing his chores will benefit him this seems to work simpify his chores tell him if he doesnt do it he will loses a benefit

Vickie - posted on 06/19/2010

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I so know how you feel. I got given a book, He'll be ok. It is about how teenage boys function. Believe it or not but they can only think about themselves. So by doing this I stopped yelling and "hit it where it hurts" (not easy) I asked him why he doesn't do the chores asked of him and he told me he didn't think he had to... fine.. family chores = family. So I told him he didn't have to do the chores anymore but since he wasn't a family member anymore, he lost family rights. I removed the playstation from him, all tv rights (family), all internet rights (family), I gave him a washing basket and told him he would be doing his own washing. I also gave him a container that had a plate, bowl, cup and cutlery and said they were now his. He was now classed a boader and not allowed to associate with any family member. When he said i was going to far.. I told him he may yet end up in the back yard in a tent with only a sleeping bag... He shut up quickly... He lasted 2 days with no interaction with anyone. I got home one afternoon and he was apologising and since then has been helping with family chores, and he has family status again. I know this hurts but sometimes as parents I feel we have to hit low to get the solution we need.

Tammy - posted on 06/19/2010

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With my kids, less words = more action. They tune you out. Find a simple visual way to que him to do his chores with either a reward or a consequence when he doesn't get it done in the alotted time. And never, NEVER do it yourself!

Patti - posted on 06/19/2010

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My kids are 17, 17, and 14. I have a chore chart. there are 7 chores listed. each kid has a certain colored magnet. They pick their chore for the day and put their magnet under that chore for that day of the week. They are not allowed to repeat a chore except for in special circumstances. They are also allowed one free day per week. They are not allowed to go anywhere, get on comp, etc unless there is a chore done.

Tena - posted on 06/19/2010

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Hi, my children are past this age, but i do remember that age and that same issue with mine. I don't know exactly what will work for your teen, but I just wanted to let you know that if you don't give up or in it will pay off. All of mine are hard workers now and very appreciative of me and my husband for all our hard work. It will get better if you don't give up. Consistancy will pay off. I never would have believed it back then, but this is a phase.

Cynthia - posted on 06/18/2010

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the child who does not work shall not eat. It works. They wont starve...13 yr olds love to eat.

Jasmine - posted on 06/18/2010

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oh my god that sounds exactly like me and my 13 yr old son. its good not to be the only one. ive being trying where ask him at the exact time every day cause then they make it a habit and they will automatically do it. say no tv, play or games until done. talking in an unfrustrated way. i know ist hard and you feel un respected. but i think its all part of having teenagers.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/18/2010

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Mine have tried the same thing. "pity poor me because you're PICKING ON ME!!!" After I get done laughing, I don't say much, until they want something from me...then it's no go until the chores, or whatever are done. It's amazing what the threat of pulling my 15 year old from his German exchange program accomplished! He knew if I was willing to absorb the non refundable airfare, I MUST be serious, and he buckled down.

Melinda - posted on 06/18/2010

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I have 3 kids, ages 7, 11 & 13. So when things weren't getting done I decided to give them a time limit like....in about 15 minutes you will have to do your chores and if they are not done and done right then there will be no phone, TV, computer, going to friends houses or having anyone over. Things usually get done in a timely manner and done right, plus it teaches them that later in life they have time limits to complete tasks that they are given.

Jc - posted on 06/17/2010

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With my kids I always take away their luxuries. It is amazing what having nothing in your room but a bed feels like. As long as chores etc get done as expected then they get their luxuries back.

I hate to raise my voice. So whenever I do...... my kids to what needs to be done ASAP. I have no problem disciplining them.... I just make a point to let them know why they are getting punished so they know better the next go around.

The older they get the more challenging it is. But in the end......... I win! LOL I have all the luxuries in my room. Or less mileage on my car!

Wishing you the best.

Stacy - posted on 06/17/2010

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I've learned that each child has a different temperment and it all comes down to which priviledge means the most. For my daughter, its her cell phone. If chores aren't finished, no cell and no "hanging" with friends. For my son, its staying home. He can have all the toys (computer, cell, ps3, tv) but if he can't go outside, its like you've cut off his right arm. For every action, there is a reaction. If the chores aren't done, a priviledge is removed for a given amount of time. Every child is different, but I think they are trying to be adults, so I think if we kindof treat them that way, the results are positive. Don't get me wrong, we still have issues, but not like I did with my eldest.

Debi - posted on 06/16/2010

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We have a chore chart that wach day they do something different and they are not allowed to play, watch Tv,computers, cell phones,or have company over if they don't do there chores.. If I have to go back and redo any of there chores they are grounded from all the above for a week and have extra chores the whole week as well. I have only had to ground them once each before they learned that its not fun to do extra or not have anything to do. Yes this is harsh but they would not listen to me either so now I dont have to nag them to do things they know what is to be done and by what time. Good luck

Sheila - posted on 06/16/2010

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My daughter is 13 and is always questioning me.Such as: "Why do I have to do it? I tell her if she doesn't do it,there are consequences. She still refuses to do the work.The only way I can get her to do what she is supposed to ,is to spank her.Even then she still doen't do her chores.

Vanessa - posted on 06/16/2010

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When my son was about 12 we started having these problems. I took the suggestion of a friend and had him start "earning" his free time. If he wanted to play on the PlayStation, he had to get his chores done, if he wanted computer time other than for school work, same thing. He tried circumventing this once by playing when I was out, solved that by taking the power cords and locking them up. Now, at 16, he does not ask for anything until he can prove his chores are done. Once we go over them, he gets free time. We also stagger his chores so that he does not have to do all of them at once, some in the morning, some in the afternoon and some before bed. I felt that it was not too much to ask that he be in there working with me at those times, and now, when he catches me doing something that is normally one of his chores, he thanks me and does something extra for me. It is not an easy life with boys, especially teens, but it is worth it if you can reach an even keel. Good luck!!!

TONI - posted on 06/16/2010

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I DONT THINK YOU NEED A BOOK TO TELL YOUR CHILD ANYTHING!!! YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND FRAME WHEN DEALING WITH THESE TEENS!!!! YOU ARE THE PARENT AND YOU PAY FOR EVERY THING THAT HE BENEFITS FROM!! WHEN MY DAUGHTER DOESNT WANT TO DO DO HER CHORES, I TAKE HER CELL PHONE, I-POD, COMPUTER TIME GETS SHUT DOWN, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE WORK IS DONE!! WE TAKE CARE OF THEM AND FEED THEM, THEY HAVE NO CHOICE! AND I DONT SAY MUCH, I JUST START TAKING STUFF, AND SHE STARTS CLEANING UP!!!

Elissa - posted on 06/16/2010

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I'd repeat pretty much what other Moms have said: give them a time limit to get their chores done, make sure they understand what they need to do and when, and let them know there are consequences for not doing it (having things taken away, privileges gone, doing someone else's work, you not cooking/cleaning/arranging transport for them). Usually you find less hassle from them in doing chores when you follow through on those consequences: they know you mean business. It also means less yelling from you. Good luck!

Gloryanne - posted on 06/13/2010

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Kids need to understand that a familyis a unit - a unit that needs to work together. My sons try to tell me "in a minute" for something that comes up; I immediately say it needs to be done by X time, or I unplug whatever they are doing. Then, if it is not done, I unplug whatever I said I would do. That's the thing - you can't make threats, only promises. Each child should have a chore chart that needs to be done by X day and time. If it isn't, then they give up something (video games, phone, outside - whatever they cherish most). Back in the day, I use to rip up Pokemon cards even. More than preaching to them, they need to see you take action.

Tricia - posted on 06/13/2010

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Take away what he likes. His radio, skateboard, or whatever. Then sit down & tell him you will give him a list of what he is to do all week. And he has to do it or he loses what he likes ....
just keep going.

Debbie - posted on 06/12/2010

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I have three children that have chores and when one of them doesn't do their chore on time, they have to do one of their siblings chore (I pick which one). They now understand when they don't do their chores it affects other family members so the consequence is that they have to help someone else. It works really well. Good luck

Tiffany - posted on 06/12/2010

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I have learned to tell them once. Ask them if they heard me and REPEAT what I said and walk away. Evenetually they will ask to do something; go outside, talk on phone, play games, whatever. That's when you you say as soon as you are done with what I asked you to do you may go outside, play games, etc...He made the choice.

Natasha - posted on 06/12/2010

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Take all of his entertainment away, video games, friends computer etc, and confined him to the room for a week or two and see what happen let him know that you provide and he needs to obey

Paula - posted on 06/12/2010

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My daughter uses the "please stop yelling at me - you make me feel so bad" routine. It's a test. You are the closest person to them to test their abilities to stand on their own. They certainly can't do it at school where the consquences are greater. You simply can't buy into it's your fault. We simply go into her room when she's away - and remove all her "stuff" -

Strip down the room - no tv, no computer, no phone, nothing. Explain it's a 2 way street - and he'll have to earn each thing back. DO NOT GIVE IN --- THAT'S WHEN THEY GOT YA!

Kyle - posted on 06/11/2010

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I find that my 13 year old son does his chores better in the summer when he's home alone. I leave him a list and he has all day until we get home to have them done. I think because it's written down, laid out in front of him and he knows he has time to do one thing, take a break, do something else, take a break. They aren't even major time consuming chores, but to a kid, it can seem like a lot. Maybe if you would try giving him a list of what you'd like done so he can see it written in front of him and then give him a time frame, so he can think he's doing it on his own time and maybe he can think he's getting a break in between two chores, it'll make it a little better??? Worth a try!

Angie - posted on 06/11/2010

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When he says okay or I'll do it in a minute. Tell him again and add the word "NOW" to the end of the request. Then make sure he actually does it. If he doesn't do his chores, remind him that it's going to be a long summer for him without tv, cell phone, video games, or time out of his room......

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