How can I help my Daughter?

Sue Ann - posted on 05/10/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 15 years old. She finishing 9th grade. She has always had weight issues since she has been little. I have tried everything to help her eat better and lose weight. Just this year in 9th grade she has been bullied about being overweight. I have kept her out of school a few days and I spoke with the principle and guidance counselor. Nothing is helping. I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can help my daughter from being bullied? I don't know what to say to her.

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User - posted on 05/16/2012

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Having been an overweight teen and being a mother of an overweight teen I will say that it does not help to continually pick on her weight. Teach your daughter self esteem to embrace who she is today. When she is confident and can accept herself for who she is then she will not feel the stress of the weight and she will begin to loose the weight. Sometimes the pressure to loose weight causes you to gain it. You eat for comfort, you are stressed, etc. Love her for who she is, help her make good food choices, but don't nag her to loose weight, teach her she is valuable just as she is. This confidence will help her stand up to those bullies in school.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2012

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How about getting the whole family into a healthier eating and exercise routine?

Why should she be the only one expected to "sacrifice" for her weight? If you and the rest of the family change eating habits and exercise patterns WITH her, it will be a lot easier for her to lose. Yes, you're supportive, yes you're trying to figure it out, which is good. But, with weight loss, it's not always the cutesy programs like Jenny Craig, or Weight watchers that work.

Family support is very important to people trying to lose weight or deal with a physical attribute that they are trying to change.

Good luck with your new goals! ;-)

Funch357 - posted on 05/12/2012

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Can u give us a few more specifics re. her weight situation? Is she classified "overweight" or "obese"?



Also, consider attending Weight Watchers *with her* (even if u don't need to lose weight). I used to work for them. They're *wonderful* not just for losing weight, but for the weekly meetings that help an overweight person cope with the everyday temptations, "helplful" weight loss "suggestions" from others (which can also be bullying).



Everyone who works for WW had to first lose weight & keep it off for a certain amt of time, so the ppl there know what it's all about & the challenges involved, not just with what you eat but with how to interact with others and deal with life as a whole. It's well worth the $$ & after I lost my weight (it took about a year) I went to work for them. It really helped boost my confidence & helped me make friends of all ages.



I say go with your daughter because WW rules might say daughter is still too young to join on her own. I'm not sure. But ATTENDING WEEKLY MEETINGS IS KEY! Don't skip those or else likelihood of failure is much higher.



Also, WW IS NOT A QUICK FIX. Stick with it & the weight will come off *gradually* -- maybe only ounces per week or some weeks nothing or even some wks up a little. That's the nature of the process, & WW veterans know & understand that. I only had 15 lbs. to lose, but it took me a whole year to do so because I had to take tiny baby steps or else I knew I'd fail. EVERYONE's process is DIFFERENT. By contrast, an obese person @ WW often loses 1-3 lbs a week because proportionally that weight is a much smaller percentage of the overall weight compare to my scenario.



Best wishes. PM me if u need to know more.



p.s. I earn no $$ from promoting WW. I've not worked for them for more than a year. Worked for them part-time for a few years when son was younger, then I got a FT job. But I still think they're the best @ what they do. Consumer Reports magazine concurs, year after year.

Teresa - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hi Sue, You sound like a wonderful kind mom who want to so much to try to help your daughter, sometimes being a parent is knowing when it just is an impossibility to do the job on your own . Your daughter I am sure knows well the issues surronding being overweight, added to this is her age ,at 15 the pressure of meeting what is expected by her peers and freinds to conform is an added pressure she is I am sure feeling. Unfortunatly the fashion industry and media are not very supportive in this area.
Your daughter may be having self esteem issue's and componding this is the continues circle of diets,comfort eating, and trying to do what everyone else is asking of her.
My suggestion woul;d be to forget diets and work on finding out about her, get some support outside of the home, a mentor who has been through this and can understand where she is coming from. Its not about eating the right food, exercise, and willpower, mainly its about empowerment and wanting to do it, before your daughter even starts on the rd she has to want to. I would get her to talk to a counsellor who can firstly work through with her what she feels triggers her to over indulge, then she can work with her how she would like to acheive her weight loss. You can support her through but because you are so close to your daughter it may help if you also got some support to show how best you can do this. Backing of can be hard but sometimes it can give you both a space to reasses the situation a little.

As far as the bullying is concerned this again needs to be addressed by the school, Young adults can be the worse for bullying as they are again going to follow their peers in what they do, and at this age friends can be more important than family. Again I would suggest you find a GOOD counsellor who can deal with both of these issues, I am afraid its not going to be a quick fix and may take time and patience for both of you. Please feel free to message me if you need any more help and good luck to both of you on your journey.

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