How can I help my place be a home my 15 year old son's friends will want to hang out?

Yvette - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

2

0

0

I have an 'only' child and he goes to other kid's homes occassionally. The other kids don't seem to come to our home, which is what I would like to see happen more often.

Some homes are kid magnets. I just want the kids to feel free to include our home as a safe haven to relax and hang out.

Any ideas?

Single mom, only child.

Your thoughts are appreciated. :)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Heather - posted on 06/19/2012

8

8

2

Well speaking from the experience of having one of those "kid magnet" homes I think the only thing you can actually DO is to make your home a relaxed atmosphere when the kids do come over. I have had as many as 20 teenagers show up at my house to watch a movie and just hang out. For starters though, it has something to do with your child's personality. My oldest son is just the type of kid who likes to be at home so when the kids want to get together he just tells them to come on over. When they are here I just try to somewhat ignore them while still keeping an eye on them. Do I like that one of them cusses like a sailor? No. Are there a couple of the girls who I would prefer not be staying late at night with a house full of boys? Of course. But I have to tell myself sometimes that these are not my kids and I can't rule their lives and if I send them elsewhere then I have no idea what they could be doing. I can and I DO give them a little "watch your mouth" or whatever is needed to remind them that they are in my house. Overall, I have found that once these kids realize I am not completely up in their business every second but that they will need to act respectful, they feel comfortable in my home and I don't have any problems with them. As far as getting your son to invite them over to begin with, maybe you should ask him if he'd like to be able to hang out at your house with his friends and if so is there anything that would make it better for him. Maybe buying some junk food, renting some movies or video games. But don't act too desperate, then he may want to keep his friends away. Try to play it cool. :)

Ramona - posted on 06/20/2012

284

1

36

I will agree with the others, relax, be sure your son knows his friends are welcome, and let the friends know that they are welcome. Have a place where they can play video games or watch a movie that is not under your nose directly and have a ton of snacks.

Denikka - posted on 06/20/2012

2,160

5

748

Relaxed atmosphere is definitely a must. A kid needs to feel safe and welcomed. If it feels like you really don't want them there, they're going to know it.
Food is a HUGE one. Especially for teenage boys XD Lots of snackfoods, always available. And that doesn't just mean chips and pop. Party mixes, pizza, popcorn, nachos, iced tea, juice, etc. Be happy and willing to occasionally set an extra place at the table too.
Break some rules. Don't buy the kids alcohol, but be THAT mom. The one who lets them stay up super late occasionally. Be the mom who's willing to do a 7/11 run at midnight for candy and slurpees. Not all the time obviously, but every once in a while. Even offer without being asked on rare occasion.

My grandparents were THAT house. Especially for my mom. They were the safe house. As my mom's friends got older, they were the place the kids could go to sleep off a night of partying when they couldn't go home in that condition. They were the place to go when there were problems at home and the kid needed to leave or got kicked out.

It can sometimes be tough being that house. Cause it can't just be some of the time. It's really a full time commitment.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

7 Comments

View replies by

Elizabeth - posted on 06/20/2012

178

8

0

One thing is making sure your son know's it's ok for friends to come over. He may not be asking because he doesn't want to put any extra stress on you. I not a single mom anymore, but my son still wouldn't have anyone spend the night or come over. Well I finally asked him why. He said he knew we had a hard time making ends meet and didn't want to make it any harder. Extra people means more food to be bought and a higher electric and water bill. So just ask him, he may be thinking of you.

Shone - posted on 06/20/2012

15

0

0

My house is also the teen magnet. Some days I would love to have more privacy, but it is good to know where the kids are and that they are in a safe environment. Maybe your son would like to have a movie night and invite a few friends over. My teens love horror movies and comedies. Have available food they like and a little freedom from parents. They could watch movies in a room away from you but you are still available if needed and can pass by the room to ensure all is well.
Also have additional activities for them in case they get bored and the movies are a flop, ie ping pong, foosball, etc.
My kids friends like to socialize while eating and preparing their plates. I choose a main dish, ie sandwiches or hot dogs/chili dogs or burgers.I put out paper plates with the meat, bread, condiments, fruit, chips, drinks in a buffet style. Simple food but it looks they are at a party and I made a fuss over them.

Courtney - posted on 06/20/2012

10

0

3

Let him know if he ever wants to invite his friends over they're welcome and set aside a t.v. in his room or in another room for them watch. Also get snacks that are bite size or easy to make for them eat. A lot of the reasons teens hang out at certain friends homes is not usually because of the setting but because of the rules. :) If they're not allowed to eat together, watch t.v., listen to music, or have privacy they usually spend time elswhere. As long as the rules are reasonable, no leaving trash everywhere, yelling or cursing, and staying too late they will be at your house all the time.

Yvette - posted on 06/19/2012

1

0

0

Thank you, Heather. I appreciate the insight about allowing the kids to 'be' as long as they are respectful. . Food and snacks are easy. I limit my son's video games, and some kids think he's got boring games because his list of games is limited. I will look into some other options, too - like ping pong rom a





























































































































































































































Thank you, Heather. I appreciate the inside perspective on letting the kids "be" as long as they are respectful. I don't have the video games the other kids do because I limit my son's inventory. I will have to think about what options for entertaining I can use. The snacks is a great tip, too. Not sounding desperate....that will be tricky. I will practice my non-desperate speech and give it a go.

Thanks again!








m

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms