HOW CAN I HELP MY SON WITH HIS CONFIDENCE

FELICIA - posted on 08/24/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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HE IS SHY, VERY EASY GOING AND SOMEWHAT A PUSH-OVER, WHO DOESN'T GIVE HIMSELF ANY CREDIT ALWAYS HOLDS HIS HEAD DOWN AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE TO SEE THAT IN SADNESS IN HIS FACE. WHAT CAN I DO ?

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Cheryl - posted on 08/28/2009

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My 15 year old is the same way, we've been at this since Kindergarden. Support, love, support, empathy, support, some yelling and frustration (lets be honest), more support. Since Jr. high he's gotten himself into sports and music, which has helped tremondously! Also, we took him out of public school and put him into private...WOW what a difference he has teachers that actually care and have the time to give him extra help. But when it comes down to it all you can do is help, he is going to have to help himself out too. Oh...did I say support?

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Anita - posted on 05/15/2013

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12YR OLD SON,OUTGOING,SILLY,SENSITIVE AND SOMEWHAT A PUSH-OVER. NOT INTO SPORTS,SO I DONT PUSH IT. LATLEY CLOSING HIM SELF IN HIS ROOM. TURNS FRIENDS DOWN,THAT WANNA HANG WITH HIM. THIS IS NOT LIKE HIM?

Kimber-leigh - posted on 08/30/2009

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Give him the chance to do something special, that other kids don't get to do. My son was the same way (wearing hoodies over his face, not participating, not doing his homework etc.) and he had the opportunity to go on a bike trip with a not for profit group to Norway for three weeks. When he came back he was a different kid. There are a lot of groups and organizations out there that want to help kids and often they help with funding if you can't afford it. The group my son went with is called Two Wheel View and it was amazing.

Also look into a learning disability. If a child is struggling to learn they will withdraw from everything.

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hi felicia, what is he good at...really are there strengths you see in him that he doesn't? give him age appropriate tasks that are very easy for him to complete as he succeeds his accomplishments should boost his confidence...talk with him about how he chooses friends give him some suggestions for things to look for in others...role play with him different situations that he may encounter with friends (practice saying no). remember to tell him how great he is and how much you love him...hope this helps...

Maria - posted on 08/25/2009

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Hi, how old is he? If he is old enough I would find out if what you see in his face is sadness or something else? I would ask him open-ended questions to find out what he is feeling and validate the feeling. Telling him how great he is usually doesn't work. They expect that from mom. I would engage him in the conversation of what he would like to happen. I would remind him of times when he was successful. I would encourage him to participate with other kids who have similar interests. Maybe try activities with small groups.

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Hi, are there good male role models in his life? Perhaps he needs some time with men who you trust that you feel are more confident but not egotisical. Sometimes boys will not tell Mom things that they will tell their Dad (if they have a good relationship with him) or an uncle or older cousin.

He may be lonely and he may not feel like he fits in with anyone at school.

I don't know if he likes sports, but finding a good physcial program not only will give him a relationship with a coach, but also provide endorphines (good mood chemicals in the body) at a time when a lot of boys can be depressed. If he is not the sporty type then what else is he into- some where there is a peer group for him. Acceptance in a group builds self-esteem. Be careful though, you can't be too forward with it. Good luck.

Alexandra - posted on 08/25/2009

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I have the same problem with my 8 yr old son. He's very quiet, loving, yet other kids walk all over him and he's shy around new people. I try to encourage him and make sure that I tell him that I'm so proud of him for all he's accomplished. He's shy about the praise but it usually puts him in a better mood.

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2009

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Just keep encouraging him. If he has hobbies or things he likes..find out and push in those areas. My son liked wrestling and cooking. So I would buy ingredients and get cookbooks from the library for him. I found a wrestling class on Saturdays for him. He wasn't really outgoing for awhile so I just found out what he was interested in. He will also make new friends. I hope this helps..take care

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Felicia, I'm dealing with almost the same thing with my 16 yo. She's very quiet unless she's in a situation she's comfortable with. I've had teachers tell me that she doesn't speak at all in class or that she'd be quiet for the 1st part of the school year and then finally open up in April. She also likes to hid behind hats and hair. I can really understand her shyness as I used to be EXTREMELY shy myself.



You need to find out why he's sad. Does he have any hobbies or activities that you can participate in with him or encourage him in?



Here's some of the things I've been doing: 1) she now has braces - she used to suck her thumb & it did major damage to her mouth - I'm hoping that with a pretty smile, it'll help her self-confidence; 2) she has acne on her face, chest & body but she's now being treated for it (topical & antibiotic prescriptions); 3) encourage her in activities she enjoys - she LOVES manga & anime and so far she's gone to 2-3 conventions and we have plans for 2 more in the next year (she also dresses in character too); and 4) she's not in band this year - she loves music and playing but hates to march, so I'm not pushing her to be involved in an activity she doesn't enjoy.

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