How can you get your teen to clean his/her room???

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/11/2013

sharon,you are ,narrow minded ,judgemental,and just plain rude,not to mention prejudice,maybe you need to not assume things that you know nothing about,if you cant be nice then go away...

Cecilia - posted on 01/11/2013

off topic here, i love that American's are big mouths but we aren't the ones judging people and calling them names. I simply answered the question about my kids rooms being clean. no where did the question state how clean my own house was. I do not believe my children's room are a reflection of how i keep my portion of the house clean.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/10/2013

I agree with you.....

Jen - posted on 01/10/2013

As long as it doesn't smell and you can see the floor, my 16 yo can keep her room pretty much how she wants it. As of right now though, she is mad at me and cleaning her room loudly (slamming and banging) because I took her laptop until she gets it under control. Her 4 yo brother keeps his room clean and tidies up his toys every night without help, she can at least do the little bit I ask!!

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/10/2013

Hello I dont think that was an very nice thing to say,that moms that shut the door are lazy themselves.I know everyone leads different lives,so dont assume people are lazy or avoid conflict,just by shutting a door ,there may be some other things going on ,the room can wait dosent mean its a health hazard.

Shea - posted on 01/09/2013

I make mine clean theirs every Sunday. We have Sunday Funday and they have to help me clean teh entire house and their rooms have to be to my standards.........drawers cleaned and everything. Of course after room check it is already back to the pig sty it was before. Mine have one chest of drawers and no bed rails because of this. :)

Cecilia - posted on 01/09/2013

to verify, I said my oldest daughter is 12. The 15 and 13 are boys. The 12 year old has higher standard because she does allow/ invite the 2 year old into her room.

As far as me knocking on the door, my sons are modest and asked me not to just walk in. I respected that and the knocking is my way of doing that. I'm by no means saying that's how it should be done. Every child has their own way of liking things, as do the parents. I was mentioning me not going into their rooms for much, thus i have a huge advantage of ignoring the problem of the mess on most levels. Such as not needing to collect laundry and not even going in to wake them.

For me, their job is to get good grades. They only do household chores on Saturdays in my house. My job is to provide a safe, loving environment. If my job was to keep the house clean- i would have quit a long time ago. My house isn't dirty, but clean.. that might only last 10 minutes.

Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013

oh forgot to add that all of my older children, ages 12,13,15 are all responsible for doing their own laundry. So this means the only time I actually go into their rooms is to talk to them, or wish them a good night. Wake up in the morning is simply knocking on their door ( to allow privacy for anyone who wants to sleep in undies)

Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013

I honestly let it slide to a point.

Ever hear the saying a cluttered room means the mind is cluttered? Teens have very cluttered minds. They are trying to figure out how to balance school, homework, home, working, socializing.. they are busier than we give them credit for. I go to work for 8 hours, come home, spend about an hour or two of my time cleaning, an hour of it cooking dinner. Really those are my only real obligations as an adult. They have 8 hours of school, 2 hours of homework, need (in my opinion) at least an hour socializing. Then we add on chores around the house and then some how they need to find time to clean their rooms. On top of that they need more sleep than adults, so they lost a few hours there.

I did say i let it slide to a point..
If the room smells... clean it.
Never leave dishes in there.
If i can't walk in without killing myself, clean it.
if you're having company over, clean it
if you don't know which clothes are clean and which are dirty... please organize it.

My oldest daughter (12) invites my toddler (2) into her room to play so her room cleaning is expected to be at a higher standard for the safety of the toddler. She still has a huge mess of clothes and books everywhere.. but like i said for the most part, i ignore it.

I don't worry about when they leave home, i taught them well enough how to clean when their brains clear up, they will be fine.

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2013

Well I don't have much floor space in my room for a mess. After Christmas though I had boxes of stuff every where. Then my mom made me watch hoarders with her. My room was cleaned the next day. Then new years day I forgot to put up the gate in the hallway and my puppy got in my room. It smelled like she had had an accident but I couldn't see one anywhere so I cleaned everything up off the floor and under my bed and cheked my closet and all my shoes. I checked under all furniture and never found an accident but still smelled it in my room so I sprayed air freshener and haven't smelled it since.

Roberta - posted on 10/18/2012

I am perhaps not consistent really - mostly I think it is not worth fighting over, but then there are the sticking point of this arguement: cutlery/cups etc in there (food is banned but still goes up there); towels left to go mouldy on the floor, disgusting rubbish (like used sanitary towels)...



On the whole I:

* do a sweep twice a week for crocks, towels and nasties and empty the bin

* remind about food

* say if I cant get in you are responsible - so if you loose your ipod that's your problem

* say if it is ruined or broken it is your problem and I wont replace it

* check daily that she has shut the roof windows in case of rain



However - if the ipod is lost we do all suffer for hours whilst she can't find it, if she ruins essentials I would have to replace (towels, her underwear/school uniform). My latest towel idea is that we sew her name in two towels which belong to her - it is her responsibility to hang those to dry - if they are both wet or dirty, tough.



I guess what I am saying is that whilst I want to never battle over it because there are 7 of us I have to sometimes. Recently she broke a lightbulb. I had to clean and tidy the whole room in order to make it safe - I could have made her do it but she wouldn't have made it safe and one of the younger kids may have gone up a few days later or she may have cut herself. I admit to grumbling resentment at the four and a half hours it took me.

Patricia Ann - posted on 09/15/2012

HI, my name is patricia, I shut the door and they can live in it but as far as the rest of the house is kept clean.If that child wants to have company over or would like to go out places then they must clean their rooms .....Its a cool way to get it done without it staying dirty to long and the kids really want to do the fun stuff they will get it done......

Patricia Ann - posted on 09/15/2012

HI, my name is patricia, I shut the door and they can live in it but as far as the rest of the house is kept clean.If that child wants to have company over or would like to go out places then they must clean their rooms .....Its a cool way to get it done without it staying dirty to long and the kids really want to do the fun stuff they will get it done......

Janey - posted on 09/14/2012

The less stuff they have in there, the easier it will be to clean. You can help them stay organized just as you would a toddler by getting them containers for specific types of thing and going in and helping them organize things. You have to do that tactfully and make it fun, making sure you ask them for direction, such as "Where do you want your purses stored? I can think of a few places, but what do you think? Do you want hooks for them on the back of your closet door?" That will get them thinking and they will probably appreciate it but you have to go by what your teen will tolerate. Easy does it and a little at a time if necessary.

Bobbie - posted on 09/01/2012

OH I have to add to my response below. My children, though they didn't have to keep their rooms clean were taught life skills. My daughter and son both learned to cook with me. We spent many fun times together learning to mend their jeans and how to sew on a button. How to fix a zipper. They learned how to dust and clean and what cleaning agents killed germs. They knew how to clean a bathroom and do dishes properly. There was no such thing as a man or woman's work. My daughter learned to use tools and emptied trash just as often as her brother. My son learned to iron and did as many dishes as his sister. I wasn't strict with set daily or weekly chores. that isn't how real life is. In life we do it as we have time and keep ourselves sane by giving ourselves breaks when we need them. To apply punishment for not cleaning seemed counter productive to me. I was working 45 hours a week away from home. I did not need to add all that stress to follow up on such menial things that would add stress to correct them. Rather than set them up to feel "monitored and corrected" they learned from my example. I cleaned every Saturday and expected help for one hour that day from each of them. One on one time in that hour as we emptied out the fridge to wash shelves or whatever we were cleaning, we ere a team. It was together time to learn about what they were feeling, facing, or worried about. I feel they learned much about cleaning and I learned much about them with a "tow the line" atmosphere.

Bobbie - posted on 09/01/2012

I read a fantastic book called

Don't Stop Loving Me: Reassuring Guide For Mothers of Adolescent Daughters

This was my way of handling my daughters room after reading it.

My daughter was 14 when I realized the best way for me.

First I no longer viewed it so much as a "pick your battles" sort of thing but rather a safe zone for her to make her own. To ensure she felt that her room was her safe haven I had to allow her to make it her own. Completely accept the fact that the room is now hers. No digging, no snooping. There are much better ways to learn what your child is up to. To go into her room and snoop would be a huge deal breaker in their emotional attachment and trust they have in you. It feels to them the same way we feel when a friend or family member takes something from our closet or our jewelry box. It isn't the items taken so much as the boundary being crossed.

Secondly there had to be certain family rules that still pertained to her regardless of how messy she wanted to live. The rules I decided upon where #1 She had to bring all items she wanted washed out of her room herself on laundry day. No washing was permitted on other days. She could not use the washer or the dryer herself (at age 14) to wash in between wash days. She could not use the dryer to fluff clothes to remove wrinkles.

#2 She had the responsibilty to keep her room smelling good. She was not permitted to burn candles or leave her windows open in the winter to air out her room.

#3 She had to be responsible for all spills, mold and nasty clean ups.

I found that my daughter had great self esteem, dressed wonderfully for school and her manners were good. She however had the dirtiest car and direst room to hear her friends tell it. She would go months without cleaning and then one day she would be "quick cleaning" because it got too bad for even her. LOL

She went through HS with the utmost privacy in her room. The thought of going into someone's personal space without their permission was appalling to her. She and her brother both grew up to be clean freaks now. She still fights to keep her car clean but her home is neat and tidy and always clean enough to eat off the floors. Her brother has always been the clean one and still has a spotless car and spotless house. So I figure the advise was sound.

In closing, I never cared what relatives and friends thought of my kids rooms and when they would ask the question of what I do. That their child refuses to make their bed I would say, "gee, your child actually has sheets on their mattress"? LOL

Mildred - posted on 08/30/2012

Having had 5 teenagers, I went through some stress on this one! What finally worked for us was:

1 - I set my expectations and a deadline for having it done such as bed made/floor tidy every day, dusted and vaccuumed every weekend.

2 - Consequences. If I went in their room and the bed wasn't made after they left for school, they had an earlier curfew that night. You pick the consequences.

3 - Be consistent. You have to check and follow through on the consequences every time. It doesn't take too many times of "Sorry, you don't get to go with your friends because you didn't vaccuum your room" and they get the message and do the job!



Mildred Carroll

I Refuse to Participate in the Poor Economy -

I Love My Life!

www.Mom2Six.com

Monique - posted on 08/23/2012

You know your right because when there little we do it because there littleand when there older sometimes we do instead of bothering them. And now we are suffering withour one conscious because we never taught them anything thank you.

Julie - posted on 08/23/2012

ps...once a week cleaning is part of chores....then during the week they just need to tidy now and then

Julie - posted on 08/23/2012

start teaching them when they are young and they will learn.....then when they begin to not care about cleaning hteir room...then they loose privledges...like...phone..tv....going places...they are never aloud to leave the house until the room is clean. period

Monique - posted on 08/22/2012

I have three girls the oldest one is twenty and good luck I lost hope on them .I also have one son and when it comes to his room he does a lot better than his sisters. I thought girls would be cleaner I guess I was wrong.

Yulia - posted on 08/21/2012

I wouldn't fight the fight. I have 5 total, 27, 24, 18 - boys and 8, 11 - girls. All boys suddenly became pigs around 16. Older ones are doing just fine now. I think whatever you taught them before, will get back to them.
In my experience, many parents just don't really enforce the cleaning in their kids and wonder why they don't want to clean when they are teenagers :). I don't imply this is your situation, but this is what I observed.
Lot of these things we have to install before they are teens or let them be if we didn't install them. I am originally from Russia and we parent kids more strictly, so may be this is why I see it differently. But I didn't fight for the room. They knew I was not happy with it, so they tried to be at least decent. And their view of decent room is far from ours :).
The solution is a large clothes bin.
Here is a discussion that I read recently, notice the comments - people experience with cleaning:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/on-truly...

Heidi - posted on 08/21/2012

I think as teens they really just don't care about their space so much. They haven't discovered the pride and ownership of it as you do once it's truly yours. And since the majority of their peers feel the same way, they don't feel the need to tidy up most of the time. New boyfriends/girlfriends do have an impact, but only for so long.

Honestly, I was a big time pig in my room. My sister and I had our rooms upstairs and they were the only rooms up there, so Mom never really saw it and her guests never did. I don't remember her enforcing us to keep our rooms clean at all. But, now as an adult I keep a tidy house, so I feel confident that my kids will as well. I don't let their rooms get as bad as mine did (that was gross and honestly I don't know how my Mom let me be that way), but I don't nag at them to keep them spotless either. They are responsible for doing their own laundry and I don't clean their rooms. When they were little I asked them to clean up and gave them a reasonable deadline. If they didn't do what they were asked, there were consequences which sometimes included throwing out/giving away toys. Now as teens I usually either just remind them that it needs cleaning, or if they want something then I'll give them permission AFTER their room is clean. Now they usually just know that will be part of the deal so they either clean it before they ask or tell me they will do it before they go do whatever they are asking to do.

Allison - posted on 08/21/2012

Hi Jan,

Let me tell you that I feel your "pain". I am a mother of four; two boys (22 & 18) and two girls (16 & 14). My oldest no longer lives at home, but I am left to battle with the other three.

My 18 year old son is very hard to get on track. His room is an add on, located on the complete other side of the house so I honestly don't try to fight with him anymore over cleaning it. However, I tell him that I am not going into his room to fish around for his dirty clothes, etc. If he doesn't manage to get them to the laundry room on laundry day for me, then they don't get washed unless he does them himself. You would be surprised how well that small "threat" worked.

My girls are a little easier to "bribe". I've learned that cute, colorful & whimsical organization items motivate them the easiest and can be bought cheap at Walmart, The Dollar Tree, Dollar General and other stores. They love the under the bed storage bins, the cute little colorful plastic drawer baskets that hold jewelry, underwear, socks, etc. I've even managed to get them to hang almost all of their clothes up in their closet by purchasing fabric covered clothes hangers instead of the regular plastic or wire ones. A shoe organizer hanging on the back of their closet doors help to wrangle shoes, headbands, perfume, flat irons and other primping essentials.

Hope this helps.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2012

Jan, children need to have a space of their own, somewhere that they can feel in charge of their life, that is usually their room. Permit them to structure their rooms how they desire and if it is offensive to you shut the door, unless it is causing a bug problem or a health issue.

Tao - posted on 08/20/2012

My 16 year old cleaned his own room for the first time when he invited a girl over. I guess they have to find their own motivation!

Katie - posted on 08/19/2012

Honestly, only having my step-daughter here every other weekend. I ask that she just get dirty dishes out of her room before she leaves.When I clean the house I usually just pop in there and do a quick vacuum, dust, windows/glass and trash.

My mom always made us clean our rooms. Not until it got bad. But she did tell us if its not in a basket and in the laundry room it doesn't get washed. We also weren't allowed to eat in our rooms so we never had a dirty dishes problem.

Tiffany - posted on 08/19/2012

I leave it alone unless it's causing a problem...and by causing a problem, I don't mean "bugging me". The things that cause problems are clearly defined and consistent. For example:

-you don't leave old food or dirty dishes in your room--they attract bugs and create smells and such

-you don't leave laundry pile up on your floor to the point where you don't have adequate clean clothing

-you don't leave things on the floor that could present a danger to the dog or visiting grandchildren

-if you can't find things you need, it's time for a clean-up day

-don't let it spill over into the rest of the house.

Beyond that sort of thing...your space, your business. I think the fact that the "rules" are fairly limited and all have a clear reason eliminate a lot of the battles.

Tim - posted on 08/18/2012

As a dad I insist that the rooms are kept reasonabley clean. I have a 16 year old stap son that I do daily battles with and a 10 year old that does as hes asked.
The way i see it I certainly dont shut the door and would suggest that if others didnt there would be little battles to pick in any case. Its about giving them life skills, responsibility and belonging to your family community. How on earth can it be a family community if all the house is clean but there is a 'no go zone' and do what you want zone in the house.
If my sons stack all their dirty clothes up for a week and then deposit them in the washing basket on a week end that means my week ends will be spent doing washing and I end up with a mountain of ironing. If they deposit them daily then I can put the washing in before i go to work throughout the week and have more time at the weekend.
We allow our lads to eat in there rooms as a compromise but only if they bring them down and wash them up. Why would adults shut the door and let kids think having the room smelling and dirty plates etc is acceptable. If they chose to do this in their own house thats fine atleast thats achoice because they have experienced the difference and have something to make a decision on.
Also remember communites do help out its not all about them, yes our kids wont always be at home but atleast send them out with standards and morals. And if they are at home till thier 30 are you going to cleaning up after them? You reap what you so, i want to have successful, well mannered kids with values. I'm not asking them to do 12 shifts but I do expect them contribute. Just because were parents doesnt mean that we should not have a standard of life as well! Its all about raising their self esteem, if they dont learn basic social skills from you who will they learn from?

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2012

Well.. The way I get my problems solved is just slip my kids some e. Then they have an extreme amount of energy and no where to put it so I lock them in their rooms until it's a) clean or b) even more messy. It's about 50/50 with the outcome. But that's 50% more than nothing! Plus after they use all that energy they sleep for an extra long time and it gives me a chance to have sex with my lover ;)

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2012

Well.. The way I get my problems solved is just slip my kids some e. Then they have an extreme amount of energy and no where to put it so I lock them in their rooms until it's a) clean or b) even more messy. It's about 50/50 with the outcome. But that's 50% more than nothing! Plus after they use all that energy they sleep for an extra long time and it gives me a chance to have sex with my lover ;)

Carmel - posted on 08/16/2012

Setting habits when they are little helps as they will be unconscious habits by the time they are teenagers... I learnt this one a bit late.
However, I also acknowledge that being a teenager is a time of major change for them both inside and out. I have given up doing my boy's room as I feel they need to learn to become intrinsically motivated and not nagged externally.
Some sort of reward for their efforts becomes important, money is good, regular pocket money for certain jobs (some things they just need to do as part of being a family and contributing to the home), like we get paid for the jobs we have as adults, they also then learn about spending and saving and managing money.
But back to the room...
I have watched as my son finds himself and becomes more comfortable with who he is, his motivation with his room is shifting too. His personal pride and presentation is growing and is being reflected in the state of his room. I acknowledge to him how proud I am of how he is becoming and independent young man and let him know that he will be capable of standing on his own 2 feet...
It is becoming a self perpetuating - AT LAST!! The more he does, the more he feels good about himself, the more he does...
I find being patient and picking my battles is best. Sometimes I need to put my foot down but I am finding that by instilling pride in who he is as a person is being reflected in the world he creates around himself and the choices he makes.

Kathy - posted on 08/15/2012

"I nag my kids every single day, whether they like it or not. I disagree with Chaya. When a child becomes an adult, do you think I would want a roommate or spouse that lives like a pig? No. Children need to be taught while they are young." Linda.

I find this kind of funny. We are on the messy side and do not like it when neatnicks come to stay with us. We find ourselves constantly "on" trying to keep it clean and it is no fun.

Messies and neats should not live together, lol.

I do agree with you on the nagging, though, and I also do it daily. I do it for common living areas - they have to pick up after themselves everywhere but their rooms (their rooms are their space). I am messy, but I do not want to live in a hovel - and I am not their maid. You need to learn that if you make a mess, it does not clean itself.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 08/15/2012

I was just cruising through and my kids are not teens yet. My oldest is eleven but I have been training my children since they could walk to help clean up. If they want to go somewhere and their room is a mess, thats a no no. My kids dont go out till the room is clean and descent. Im not saying perfection but beds made, dirty clothes in the hamper, not dirty dishes or cups or utensils in that room, No trash under the beds. Those are my rules. They are not perfect , Im not perfect but teaching them life skills and how to keep things clean is a life long skill. Unless your Rich and can afford a maid to clean your house . Absolutely use ur judgement an pick an choose those battles.

Patti - posted on 08/15/2012

I go the "close the door and pick more important battles" route but with a disclaimer. If there is a situation in which his room could be exposed to the public then it has to be picked up/straightened. OR if I happen to see it (he doesnt close his door) and there are dishes or trash in there then he has to clean that. OR if there are any unpleasant odors coming from his room then he has to clean it. It hasnt been cleaned to the standards I would like to see it in a few years but it has nothing to do with respecting his space; for us, it is more of a 'there are more important things in this life that we will fight about' issue

Toni - posted on 08/14/2012

No clean room? Nobody comes over and they don't go anywhere till its picked up. No white glove test but I need to see the floor...

Michelle - posted on 08/14/2012

It depends on how you have raised them. It would be unrealistic to do all the housework all their life then expect them to do it when they become teenagers.

Linda - posted on 08/14/2012

b) insist they keep it somewhat clean. I nag my kids every single day, whether they like it or not. I disagree with Chaya. When a child becomes an adult, do you think I would want a roommate or spouse that lives like a pig? No. Children need to be taught while they are young.

Paula - posted on 08/14/2012

Yep, I pick my battles. As long as I can see the floor, I'm fine. My mother was a control freak and always cleaned my room when I was a teenager, had to be her standards. So I wasn't prepared when I left home, we have one day where we both clean our rooms and do washing. I think our job as parents is to prepare our kids for the adult world so teach responsibility as a whole I reckon. I'm not all over my daughter that way and she appreciates it, our relationship is important.

Susan - posted on 08/14/2012

We have a 14 year old and a 9 year old and both have to keep their rooms reasonably clean in order to be able to go out and hang with friends. In other words, dirty clothes in the hamper and made beds in addition to being able to walk on the floor without stepping on something that would cause pain. We don't allow food or drink in their bedrooms so that helps with the smelliness but if it gets bad then we have them do a thorough cleaning. One of the reasons we have them spot clean regularly is so that they don't get overwhelmed by an ever-increasing mess. When our teen started middle school she kept losing/misplacing her homework assignments in the knee deep clutter so we decided that it would be better to have her clean a little here and there so rather than wait until it was ridiculous. As parents we help the kids deep clean at least every three months but only if we see that they keep it picked up.

Angie - posted on 08/12/2012

I am blessed with 2 boys...1 who is a neat freak by boy standards...1 who we affectionately call our tornado as you can tell where he's been in the house from his things left behind.

Our biggest challenge was when our house was on the market for 1 1/2 years ~ that meant beds made every morning, rooms picked up, house picked up, no dishes left in sink, etc. etc because there was several showings that happened while we were at work/school that we had no opportunity for last minute pickup.

Since then, we've moved & although we don't have to worry about showings, the habits stuck for the most part on the basics. There was never punishment for a messy room unless you count spending several hours with mom on a Saturday afternoon cleaning it the "mom" way...oh boy, the dreaded moving of the bed...lol. We had a nightly ritual for a while with the youngest that we gave him a wal-mart bag to walk through the house & gather his left-behinds.

I think it all depends on habits that are instilled in the household....I remember my teenage room being a disaster, but I made good grades, I worked full time & my dad didn't care (single dad raising 2 teenage daughters...I guess he picked his battles..lol)...Now my bed gets made every day, dusted once a week, vacuumed a couple times a week, & clothes in drawers, not half-hanging out or left all over...lol

Mary - posted on 08/12/2012

Why? Who knows... But our kids will be gone all too soon, and the house will be perhaps too clean and too quiet. This one isn't worth fighting.

Bonnie - posted on 08/12/2012

Offer them money or whatever motivates them the most. Ie a favorite restaurant, new game, shopping if a girl, etc.....

Kathy - posted on 08/12/2012

No food in rooms (that can get very icky very quickly) and they need to have a path to the door and be able to open the door for emergency purposes.

I am not replacing anything ruined by negligence (oh, you stepped on your DS because it was on the floor? That is too bad. Save your pennies and you will be able to buy yourself a new one)

Kristi - posted on 08/12/2012

I would love for my daughter to keep her room picked up and clean! I won't tell you the interesting things I found while helping her search for her missing iPod. If she spent half as much time picking up as she spends finding more creative ways to hide her mess we'd be in great shape. Lol

But, I too, have thrown that towel in on that one so I can live to fight another day. ; ) My room is also a mess. I don't sleep in it anyways and I have now lost 48 lbs (going for an even 50) so I have been buying new clothes here and there. All my fat clothes are still in my closet and dresser so my "less fat" clothes are organized all over my bed. I don't want to be a total hypocrite with her. Plus, she is helpful around the house, vacuuming, doing her own laundry, and cooking. She is responsible about school, her money, and taking her gymnastics seriously. I can trust her with just about everything. So, that's why I decided to let go of the clean room. I just try not to go in there!

Kudos though, Shawnn, your expectations are fair, logical, and obviously doable! Chalk one up for the parents!

Shawnn - posted on 08/10/2012

Chaya, the worst part is that my part of our bedroom is awful...so cluttered that I barely know what I have sometimes. But, I've given up a lot of my "space" (walkin closet, etc) to hubby for his hobby. He's a spoiled man...LOL...My clutter is out of his way, and the lack of extra space is my excuse to tell him "no, you really DON'T need...*fill in the blank*...

But...Like I said in another thread, I should be happy, because he's the "house husband", and takes care of almost everything at home, including cooking. I'm pretty lucky in that my eldest does laundry, my youngest splits the outdoor chores with his brother, and my hubby is a good housekeeper and cook...

Chaya - posted on 08/10/2012

I'm disabled my self, my mobility is clearly less of an issue than your spouses, I can walk. When my place gets to be too cluttered, I pay a neighbor to help me clean it. I live in an apartment community that is probably the lowest income property in the state, and I have to clean it for insepctions, but I'm the worlds worst housekeeper because I can get down on the floor, but getting back up will be a challenge.
My bedroom would be livable if my ex would get his junk out of my place. He's buying a house, so that'll be resolved soon.

Shawnn - posted on 08/10/2012

In our house, they have to keep 'em clean. Reason being, dad is disabled, and should he need to navigate the room, the area needs to be clear.

They have set places for everything. If it's not in it's place, they get a warning, if they don't take care of it, they get reprimanded, and I watch them put it where it belongs. Should that fail, the item is forfeit. My husband's health and mobility is more important to me than "respecting their personal space". Its my house, I paid for it. Its paid off. When they are contributing to household expenses, then they may keep their rooms as they please, but until then, they will keep them to my standards.

This is a little difficult with my (now) 18 yo, as he is at that stage where, yes, he's adult, but due to medical circumstances, has not been able to get a job yet, so has no income to contribute to the house (I told him he could stay as long as he wants, I'm not kicking him out on the streets). Technically, it is his personal space. But, he also wants to be in the military (again, waiting medical clearance) so my theory is that, if he wants to go army, he better get used to keeping his personal space up to par with what his drill sergeant wants, because once you enlist, you don't HAVE personal space in your barracks, and your rack must conform. So, I laughingly tell him...I'm your first drill sergeant, and your space must conform to my standards.

I am not, by any means, a clean freak. I just require the rooms to be navigable for when their dad needs to water the plants.

When they were younger, I used the garbage bag method. If it wasn't put away, it went in the bag (which then went into the basement for a month or so). Once they were consistent with clean up, they got the confiscated items back (and usually thought I was giving them something new...LOL)

Chaya - posted on 08/07/2012

I tell my daughter to keep her door shut and don't bring food into her room. I pick my battles, in the grand scheme of things, nobody cares what her room looks like.