How do I deal with my 19 year old son & his depression?

[deleted account] ( 22 moms have responded )

We have had so many ups & downs with my 19 year old son since he was in middle school. Now he is an adult & dealing with trying to figure his life out, nothing seems to go his way & now we add in depression. I don't know what to do or how to help him. I love him so much & nothing I do seems to help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jamie - posted on 02/20/2012

1

0

0

Hi Kristine, I'm so sorry about all that you're going through with your son. You didn't give many details, but I can tell you've had a lot weighing on you for a long time. You sound like a very caring and involved mom, and I can imagine how your heart aches. We moms struggle with wanting to be able to "fix" things, and it's so hard to not know what to do. Does he share his feelings easily with you? Do you think he might be open to outside counsel? Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with someone who can give another perspective. I would also encourage him to have a checkup with a doctor to rule out any physical issues that may be causing the depression. In my time working with Focus on the Family, I've become familiar with some resources that I'd like to share. There are some helpful articles at: http://www.troubledwith.com/LifePressure... a book called "Is Your Teen Stressed or Depressed?" by Dr. Archibald Hart. If you would like to speak to a counselor on the phone for free you can call 855-771-HELP (4357). It encourages me that you're reaching out for support, and I hope it helps to know that you're not alone - take good care, ok? - praying for you...

Beth - posted on 03/29/2012

11

0

1

Since he is an adult, it is up to him to seek treatment; all you can really do is encourage him to seek help, unfortunately. The only way you can get him into treatment is by you getting a court order to do so against his will. I think the right to privacy and confidentiality laws should be thrown out the window when someone truly needs help, no matter what the person's age. It is very frustrating and doesn't make any sense, I know.

DeAnna - posted on 03/28/2012

5

16

0

Seek a good councelor for your son. It might take a couple tries to match him with the right one but do so quickly time is of the essance. Also look into a Pschiatrist for medication if needed one single pill a day can help I can testify to this from use with my child. You can also go online and contact NAMI organization. They have support group meetings for people with mental illness and also meetings for parents and caregivers. Patience and a good ear is a virtue in this situation. I wish you luck. I have been through it myself since my child has been only 13 and now they are almost ready to leave home. Get them help before they turn to drugs or alcohol or other things to self medicate which can make the problem even bigger. I wish you well with this there are many other moms out there dealing with this you are not alone : )

Stacy - posted on 02/26/2012

35

18

0

join the crowd! i deal with the same thing, he doesn't have depression though. i find that i use 2 lose my temper cause he just doesn't seem motivated 2 get a job, he thinks he can do it by internet which employers like face 2 face a lot. So...what i do lately is not lose my cool and just know this will not last forever, it seems 2 be easier 2 just try and understand what he is going through than pressure him, we have butt heads several times with chores etc. I also tell him he is in my house and needs 2 earn his keep around here like everyone else! He does pretty good about helping with things that need 2 be done with somewhat and sometimes an attitude but he has no choice or he can hit the road. Hope this is of any help.

Nikki - posted on 02/29/2012

39

9

8

Hi there, sorry to hear about your sons depression. I suffer from bipolar disorder, and I get terrible depressions. The things that help me, are eating healthily, gettin as much sun as I can, talking, and most of all excercise. Excercise for treating depression is under rated. It really does help.



Perhaps going to the docs and getting some advice too could help. I know it is v hard, both for your son and for you as a parent.



My son had depression at age 10 as i was hospitalised, it was awful and the guilt we horrendous.



Hang in there. xx

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

22 Comments

View replies by

Stacy - posted on 11/10/2014

4

0

1

My 19 year old son was diagnosed with bipolar at age 15 and was on medications to help his depression. You have to get him to see someone and keep on him, talk to his counselor if you see any changes in his moods even when(if) he is on meds. He sounds just like my son was.

MaryPat - posted on 08/23/2014

1

0

0

I am in the same boat, Nick is 19 and has been working since he's 16 with a good job, however; he carries around with him a lot of anger and I believed he is depressed problem is his insurance was cut off at 18..... He has no direction and cannot focus and is just mad at the world, worst part is he tells me he isn't happy and never will be!!! He turned to marijuana to self medicate, I finally had to involve my family for support and intervention...... By that time Nick knew everything !!!!! He got arrested in June for possession of marijuana but ate the evidence which brought it to a felony...... He is in drug court right now and us doing great , if he completes this program they dismiss the charges, it's all good but he still carries a lot of anger and seems to have no direction .... Any help?

Tammy - posted on 01/30/2014

1

0

0

So true, my son was hospitalized for depression and anxiety all were so so helpful and when he got out (17) at the time he was ready and looking forward however turned 18 twenty days later and now nobody can help. As if we are all wolves and give birth to them and let them go not needing to know where or help them. My son at this present time is out of control he is at the point of suicide he has lost everything and he blames it on himself for getting depressed, he has told me that its his fault and feels he is a burden on all, my son is gone left and I have not seen him for a month, I have seen posting of him on facebook in which he looks empty no life, and yet I nor anybody can help him.

Belinda - posted on 03/12/2013

1

0

0

We have a 19 year old son who has been dealing with depression & bi-polar since age 14. We have tried just about every medication ( he has even had a seizure due to medication) with no results. We have been in pyschiatrists & pyschology offices for years. This has affected all of our lives. Please don't feel all alone, we are still searching for answers.

Gilda - posted on 02/18/2013

1

0

0

oh sweet Jesus help us all? my son was 19th today but he lives with his dad and stepmama and 2 another babies...i just found that he is depressed and feels that none of us (me and his dad loved him) true! because a turbulent violent marriage.
anyway my son for 4 weeks not coming out his room wont cut his hair and gave up college ! dont know what todo apart from advising my ex on phone to show him love and tell him that we both care for him ..no doubt.

but i wish and feel than he is in need to see a therapist or psicologist but im not alowed am i? yes mums should have all the right to intervine to save aour kids from bad mental heatlth with out so many british laws?
i have his brother with 11 years living with me i dont want him to see him like this sadly :(

Eileen - posted on 03/28/2012

5

0

0

Hi, I sort of know what your going through my son is 21 soon to be 22, diagnosed with adhd since the age of 5. Bipolar at the age of 18 and went through being very depressed. I seeked the help of my family doctor and my son then went to see a psychatrist was changed with meds and to talk to a counselor once a week. He slept alot and I tried my best to keep him busy. He was having a hard time getting a job. Its hard for these young adults in today's world. My advice would definetly seek that help of a counselor that can get him in the right direction whether be on meds to help or just someone to talk to.

I wish you and most importantly your son the best, but if need be the meds will help him.

Wanda - posted on 02/29/2012

2

7

0

I am trying 2 get my son to possibly try meditation and/or antidepressants also, however it is difficult. I have taken him 2 our physician. I have tried 2 encourage him 2 volunteer with YMCA as he was very active a youth.

Jodi - posted on 02/29/2012

13

9

1

I have a 15 year old daughter who has anxiety disorder and a sleep disorder. It is very challenging so I totally understand where you are coming from. Has your son been on any medication? Has he seen a therapist? There are a lot of medications out there that deal successfully with depression. You need to see your family doctor who can refer you to a psychiatrsit.

Stacy - posted on 02/28/2012

35

18

0

exactly! i am challenged everyday cause i don't know what 2 do and i do know what's best so i just try 2 give my best daily and explain if u show me that u can keep a job for a few months that i would co-sign 4 a decent car and boy has he been on the ball looking, it's so damn hard as mother's to raise good men, i'm tired all the time mentally.

Wanda - posted on 02/28/2012

2

7

0

I am in the same position. My son replaces anxiety with anger. I feel a combination of things would help but how 2 serve those options up on a platter 2 him is the challenge.

Stacy - posted on 02/26/2012

35

18

0

also with the depression, i don't know everything but with my 19 yr old it can easily happen if they're stuck in a rut and keeping busy anyway would help, they're hormones are racing and very much a smart ass, like i said im going through it 4 the 3rd time, he is my 3rd child so im kinda use 2 it, i also let him know he has security as long as he is trying, economoy is very bad so it is hard 4 them 2 get a job and fresh out of school with no experience doesn't help, keep positive with him and it will pass.

Regina - posted on 02/26/2012

2

14

0

The best thing a mother could do in a situation like this is PRAY until something happens. Cast all your cares on GOD he'll make it alright... As well as seeking medical help.

Kim - posted on 02/23/2012

3

7

0

similar story- 19yo son-started zoloft this week and spending as much time as possible with him focussing on positives. It's early days but i believe it'll b ok.

Traci - posted on 02/23/2012

32

18

1

I have been dealing with the same thing recently. I ended up taking my son to a behavioral health center that admitted it as partial hospitalization which was M-F 9am-4pm. Four days in we changed him over to inpatient. The doctors there changed around some medications for him and he got out a week later a completely different, happier, son....I am so glad I decided to do it....Zoloft along with therapy and a new friend he met there was our lifesaver!

Veronica - posted on 02/22/2012

5

0

2

Hi Kristine, parenting gets so much harder when they are young adults, doesn't it? So many of my friends are going through this, their boys battling to make a way, to find out what they really want to do, and failing repeatedly. You feel so powerless and desperate. Are you able to find out what gives him joy? Maybe working with animals? My 20 year old son had a car accident and sustained a severe head injury last year, and I had no idea a mom could feel so much pain over a child. My heart goes out to you, and I am praying for you.

Denise - posted on 02/20/2012

37

56

8

I think that he needs to talk to someone that could help him find out why he is depressed and if nothing else, help him find a way to deal with it in a healthy manner.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms