how do i get my 14 year old to go to school ?? she just does not want to go!!

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Silka - posted on 02/24/2010

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Have you looked for an Alternative school in your area? I fought with my daughter until I was so exhausted from yelling at her every morning for an hour to get up, dragging her sheets and covers into another room, hearing her scream and curse me for doing that, finally get her to school only to have her walk right out the back door and I get a call from the school later that afternoon that she ditched all of her classes. I couldn't take it anymore. Her therapist said that school was her number one stressor, she does have reading comprehension problems even though she is a very bright girl, but more than anything my daughter was having trouble sleeping at night and was typically not tired and not able to fall asleep until 3 or 4 am. Even when I tried removing all stimuli from her room (no TV, no Phone, no Computer) as punishment, I would still hear her up at 3 am rummaging around in the kitchen. So, I had two choices - try drugging my kid to sleep at night with Ambien or have her go to night school. So now she goes to school from 1:30pm to 7:00pm, and loves it. Suddenly she has a 3.5 GPA! The kids at her school are more similar to her, only at her public school those kids were the ditchers and deliquents, at her Alternative school those kids are everyone, so they all encourage each other. My daughter needed to get away from the kids she grew up with, and create a new identity for herself. Her school is in a different county, and it takes me 45 minutes each way to get her there, but it is more than worth the extra gas. It's not a perfect solution, but so far it is working for my daughter. Oh, and the school has a no homework policy, so that alone made her want to go there!

Tim - posted on 10/29/2013

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People who say it is not an option are seriously ignorant. I am going through hell right now with my soon to be 15 yr old boy. He always hated school but this year is different. I can't physically drag him to school because I am disabled and the kid is bigger than me. His mother is afraid of losing her job so she is NO HELP! USELESS! The school offers to send someone who I know my boy won't listen too.The cops do nothing! We got him to counseling and the doctor thinks its great if he at least tries to go once a week. Our only option is to file a complaint against our son in court called the CHINS Statue (Children in Need of Services). This is where they take your son or daughter, lock them up, shackle them, bring him/her before the judge where he screams at him and if that doesn't work they will remove your kid from your home and put him in a State Custody for a minimum of 15 days which can be extended up to 45 days...3x. They can then keep him until he is of age. HOW THE HELL IS THIS GOING TO HELP US? The kid will be beat and raped in there? Our kid is a good kid except for this. He never gets in trouble other than this. He literally makes himself sick stressing about school. WTF can I do?

Pat - posted on 06/22/2012

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I found that misting my daughter with water helped to get her up in the morning. When she was in eighth grade I would mist her and pull the covers off. A couple of times I dragged her out of bed by her feet, much like the movie Freaky Friday. It was always the expectation in my house that the kids would graduate high school and go on to college. I would take your daughter to a college campus and maybe even meet with an advisor to discuss career options. It might motivate her. I would also consider removing the cell phone, the computer, time with friends, etc and implement a reward system where if she goes to school every day for a week she gets some cell phone time or time with friends on the weekend. You just keep trying different things but she has to go to school.

Pamela - posted on 06/13/2012

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Is the alterntive school in nyc? please I'm going nuts I need help! my boys don't give me any problems but my girl is driving me insane. I've gone to the school all they tell me is she has to come to school... they held her back once now they are holding her back again that doesn't help,(she should of graduated now she'll be in 7th again) her therapist says well she needs to go to school ,that's it. I've taken everything away,cell tv, going out, no money, no friends, she doesn't care she says she'll simply walk around but refuses to go to school. i rather have her home that i know she's safe that wandering the streets.

Julliette - posted on 11/04/2009

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My children hate school too but they hate me showing up more. I have told my children if they do not go, then in my book they must have forgot where there classes are. That means I will take them to school and personally hold their hands and walk them to class. I have had no more problem with them going to school.

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Jules - posted 3 days ago

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Hi I feel for you . I am going through this very same thing.I am lost ready to leave my partner of 8 years over this we fight constant about what to do. I am at my end with people saying just pull her out of bed and kick her butt to school. does anyone know that she cries i have to hear her say no one likes me mom no one everyone calls me names i cant learn proper please mom i cant i don't know how to go and not be scared hate it.im not learning i want to die when im at school.she is good otherwise.I call the school the one Councillor promised she would come every morning for a week to get her out of bed. never happened.She up all night with anxiety doesn't eat i can see the fear and dread when its time to go.she wants to go but cant it seems.how are you has things gotten any better.

Joanne - posted on 02/25/2010

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My kids were always more important than my lifestyle. I threatened them that I would take time off work and follow them the next time I caught them skipping. I actually took a holiday day on day and stayed at the school all day, checking each class that he was actually there. I called weekly to make sure there were no classes missed. Because he didn't like me being at school, it stopped.

Crystal - posted on 02/24/2010

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I have never heard such stories about children not wanting to go to school. That is not even a conversation in my home and I'm a single mother. Take them to the Department of Juvenile Justice and let them explain what will happen to you and them.

Joanne - posted on 11/03/2009

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I have a 15 year old daughter that had the same problem. The way I fixed it is I informed her that without a post secondary education these days you won't get anywhere in life. I also reminded her that she doesn't want to have to ask a certain question for the rest of her life and that question is....do you want fries with that???? I have told her that without education she will have a menial job where she is not happy and not doing what she aspired to do. Then I go into the whole be better than your parents, I went back to college at the age of 37 and I advised her of how hard it was to go to school and look after a family and ask her if she wants to do the same thing and live off of the starvation amount that the government gives families for student loans. Just a thought.

Rhonda - posted on 11/03/2009

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She may need to talk to someone she can trust, she may have someone she is avoiding or afraid of at school. She may be struggling in a class and need tutoring to give her a boost of confidence to begin to like what she does at school. Give her a list of chores and priveleges available for each completed chore, make homework one of them and have her tell you what she learned in her homework that she didn't learn in class. She is needing your attention and this is how she is getting it, by rebellling. I have a 22 yr old and went thru this very thing, it got worse when she was able to drive, she lost her license for one year because the school had them suspended from missing so much school. If my suggestions don't help I would talk to a school counselor for advise. She may need a study buddy that she can call or have come over to do homework with. Good luck! The teen years are just the beginning, she is becoming a young woman now and she wants to be recognized for that and what accomplishments she does make. She just needs a boost of self confidence, maybe.

Edna (eddie) - posted on 11/02/2009

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I have the same problem with my 15 yr old girl & I have tried getting the school to help, the police to help, even the courts to help......I even in the past have gone to physically removing her from the bed & forcing her into the car & that doesn't even work & now I can not physically do that as I had a motorcycle accident & have a back injury.....I could use any advice as to how to get her to school, I do not wish for her to drop at as her sister did at 16 any ideas?

Stacey - posted on 11/02/2009

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Is there something bothering her? Would she join any sports or groups? Sometimes being around her friends will give her a reason to go. Maybe she feels bored,not challenged enough?It is hard to get them out there,but they need to go. Good Luck:)

Angie - posted on 11/02/2009

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In the wise words of my father, "what you want and what you get are two different things". My son hates school too. When he was 13 we made him volunteer doing manual labor. At the end of the summer he still hated school but he hated digging ditches more. You are leagally bound to educate your child and could face fines or jail if your child does not go to school. If you have to walk her to her classes, then so be it. Not going to school is simply not an option.

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