HOW DO I GET MY KIDS TO RESPECT ME WHEN MY HUSBAND DOESN'T HELP, ACTUALLY ENCOURAGES DISRESPECT?
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Maryann - posted on 06/10/2013
I think mine is a lost cause. My husband makes fun of me and disrespects me. I'm not organized the way he would like me to be. I work two part time jobs and also do some side jobs. He expects me to do all laundry for five people, food shopping, household cleaning, make sure the kids have everything they need. I do all and any shopping, ex. Christmas, birthday, miscellaneous. He works full time and does help around the house, but it's not consistent and only seems to be the jobs he decides he will do. In some sneaky way he has convinced our kids that I'm never there for them, that I don't keep a clean, organized house. They don't always come out and say it, and I can tell by the comments they make to me. They sound just like my husband, yet they will say that dad never talks about it to them. My young teenage daughter who I used to be so close to, now says she wishes I would just leave because I am never there for her, don't do anything for her, I'm stupid and she's never seen a mom like me and that I'm not like other moms she knows and always says there's something wrong with me. My husband says things out loud about me,pointing out all my negative qualities and things that I don't get done and has for years and the children hear all that. A few weeks ago I was texting a friend about all of this and he read my texts. He said he was sorry and didn't realize how he had been hurting me and he would not do it anymore. But, it didn't take long for him to go back to his old ways. I don't know how he does it with the kids. They don't even acknowledge that I work, they think he works so hard and does everything for them. I don't know what to do anymore.
Picturelady5000 - posted on 05/27/2012
What if they don't think they are being disrespectul and turn it back on you...my husband walks in the door and all I hear is the negatives about money, shopping, the house the lawn. Never can he notice I worked too..his stuff is always far more important than mine...so my daughter doesn't seem him complement me ever or hug me..he didn't even notice I was bleeding from a cut on my toe and my daughter noticed it imediately..if he is cut at alll you will know it..
Paula-louise - posted on 09/23/2009
your husband should attend a parenting class. encouraging children to be disrespectful is not just hurtful to you but is equally damaging for the child. children who a raised this way will not learn how to behave outside of the home, school will become a challenge and it will only be a matter of time before their behavior is noticed by the authorities. depending on the depth of this problem in your home it can also be recognized as domestic abuse. it needs to be stopped as quickly as possible. there are many organizations that can help you to bring order back in to your home through the inter net, classes with in your community and even by a court of law if it went that far. i wish you all the best and hope you can find the strength to over come this problem. as it is not a good family atmosphere to raise your children in nor is it healthy for you or them. good luck
Nannette - posted on 09/22/2009
i am in the same situation as you are, and it has messed up my relationship with my 19 yr old daughter. now with my 9 year old son after a bout of depression and anxiety, disrespecting me is about enough and has to end, you have to step up and let your husband know that you cannot be pushed around, yes it is hard but you have to make your husband realize that you are as smart and intelligent as he is and as a human being have to be respected. How would you do that? make him feel that you are equal to him, you could do this without violence or hitting each other, if he shouts at you just look through his eyes and don't say a thing and make him feel that it does not affect you. I did that and it works. it will be a long process and very hard, you have to let your children see that disrespecting you is not acceptable in your household, by making them see and feel you are the boss in the house, no exceptions!!
Lisa - posted on 09/21/2009
First of all Kimberly you need to get your husband aside and explain his behaviour to him and how it is disrespectful in itself let alone encouraging the children to behave in the same manner. You need to make sure that he understands that you, as a human being/mother/wife, deserve respect from all whom you share your life with, and that if he is going to encourage this behaviour it only shows his own disrepect, which i hope you have enough respect for yourself, to tell him that it will not be tolerated. I am then afraid that if the behaviour continues it is up to you to decide whether you will continue to put up with it or leave.
Tamara - posted on 09/21/2009
Your children will model the same behaviour towards women if they are seeing this. You dont need it and the kids dont either, You deserve respect and if your not getting it you need to think about wether you want to stay in that relationship.
Gennie - posted on 09/21/2009
Honstly, trying to do that is next to impossible. They are being taught this behavior if the father is encouraging it and if they don't have to change the behavior then they won't. I hope for your and their sake it changes.
Deirdre - posted on 09/20/2009
Wow! That is a really tough one. I would definitely talk to my husband about his behavior. That is really awful. Mother's deserve respect not only from their children, but their husbands too. I will bet that he is not passive when the disrespect is being directed towards him! There isn't a lot that you can do until he is on board with you. If parents aren't a united front, children will manipulate the situation.
Melissa - posted on 09/20/2009
I agree with Laura. I've been in this situation. My son was only 3 but because he had seen domestic violence against his bio mother from his bio dad...he thought it was ok to be rude to me (acting as his mother). My husband had to step up and be overly kind and respectful to me AND really discipline our son when he was disrespectful to me. It took some time but he is very respectful now as a 9 yr old.
Laura - posted on 09/20/2009
Wow. That's a tough situation. Have you tried taking dad aside and explaining what he is doing is undermining you? Without his support, you're screwed because the kids are going to take the easiest raod and if that's dad, you're not gonna have any luck at all.