How do I get my son to see his lady doctor?

April - posted on 07/26/2011 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I need to know how to handle my 15 year old son. He was recently in a fight with a girl who lives down the street and it seems she kicked him in the groin. He needs to see his doctor but he refuses to go. His doctor is a lady and my son's embarrassed about having to get undressed and he's also embarrassed to have to explain to the doctor that he was injured by a girl.

He has been seeing this doctor for several years and I know he likes her, although he has never had to undress for her. It's not like he'll be traumatized by it. He's just afraid she will see his thing. I understand his embarrassment but he has to see her. I've already made an appointment for him.

I've explained to the nurse the problem and she says the doctor wants him to come in to talk with her. I asked the nurse if "talking" is all the doctor has in mind. The nurse says it depends on her findings. If she feels she needs to examine him he will have to undress. I asked the nurse what would happen if he refused an examination. She said it's up to the doctor to decide - if the doctor believes he should be examined, then he will have to comply, and if he refuses, she could potentially have him hospitalized. I thought yikes!

I believe once he's allowed her to examine him just one time he will no longer be afraid to undress for her in the future when the need arises. He just needs to get over it somehow. How do I coax him to see his doctor without actually forcing him? I know he's not going to like this. Should I tell him about my conversation with the nurse?

Thanks in advance

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Jeff - posted on 02/02/2013

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Why are you insistent on a female doctor for your son? You should not be forcing your son to see a women doctor, especially at 15 when he is embarrassed. Respect his wishes and find a man doctor so he can feel comfortable talking about it and exposing himself for examination.

[deleted account]

I have a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. First of all as soon as puberty hit I made changes in doctors for them. They both go to a doctors office that has about 5 doctors on staff, maybe 1 or 2 females. My son sees their doctor for everything. If it is an unplanned sick visit requiring male body parts we ask for a male doctor. For my daughter she sees their doctor when it is normal stuff but if it is female related I ask for another doctor/ female or take her to my GYN. They are at the age of needing some privacy but not sexualy active in my kids case. So they are more shy and should be given respect for dignity sake. That being said if in an emergency like this it could be CAT scan for internal bleeding. Though I think unless you are going to a single doctor in practice it may be time for a change. I would not force my son/daughter to be uncomfortable naked in front of the opposite sex as they may feel violated like in rape even if it is not. Try to remember back before you were sexualy active how you would have felt being examined by a man. It is unnerving even when there is no choice why not help make some changes for their dignity... I did.

Jeff - posted on 02/02/2013

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I think this doctor should have suggested that your son see a male doctor before even thinking about sending him to the hospital. That seems very strange. It is possible she has an issue with men therefore does not want to suggest a man doctor. I think it's time you looked for another doctor anyway, this one seems too caught up in herself.

Tatjana - posted on 09/08/2011

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Please let help him find a doctor he is comfortable with ... its not easy at age 15 to get undressed infront of a woman ... do not force him to see this doctor talk to him and then together you find a doctor he may be comfortable with ...if possible if not find a male relative he trust and can talk to and who will take him ... simple ...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/02/2011

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Have your GP give you a referral for a male urologist. That should satisfy the insurance company.

Read my message to you on your profile! The gist of it is, if he's been racked, he needs to have himself examined. He does NOT want to go thru what my son did last year.

Long story short, he'd racked himself, crushed his urethra, backed up his bladder into his kidneys, and was at 30% kidney function (just one step above full renal shutdown) when diagnosed. After some agonizing nights in the hospital, and several months of treatment, he's better, but may NEVER get full function back to his kidneys.

Trust me, you don't want to mess with ANYTHING in that area! He needs to be examined! The sooner the better.

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Ellistona - posted on 07/26/2014

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Shawn, do you kiss your lezzie girlfriend on the mouth with that dirty mouth of yours ? "He just needs to get over it somehow...." WRONG, you need to get over the fact that the boy wants to go to a male doctor. No one HAS TO COMPLY this is still a free country andu cant force a young man to bare his junk to some woman where hes going to have a panic attack. YOU GET OVER IT and respect the boy, since you seem to be demanding that he respect you, it goes both ways.

Ellistona - posted on 07/26/2014

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Jeff you have it correct. Mothers who want to control the boys and force them into situations that make them uncomfortable only alienate the sons. I always take my boys to my male doctor and ask them if they want me in the exam room, and they all said YES. My wife hates that I have taken that choice away from her and she complains bitterly about it. Then she asks what was discussed, and my son and I refuse to disclose. Its a private matter between the boy and his doctor. She goes nutz. The result of all her complaints about doctors, haircuts and the gym, the boys now avoid their Mother except at meal time because they have lost their trust for her. Its got to the point that they all want me to take them to school instead of her. She did this to herself, trying to control freak her sons. The boys trust me, that I would never put them in a difficult position, and she has lost them. She is threatening divorce, fine, I have a great asset protection attorney and she will get nothing if she walks out on us for all this stupid political posturing and estrogen soaking. Men take note, the ladies dont like to give up control, but if you want your sons to grow up to be good men, they have to be allowed to be men.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/16/2014

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You don't have a fucking clue, William, not one fucking clue. I don't care how fucking 'manly' you think you are, if you're raising children, they're going to be just as much assholes as you are.

Convo done, dickhead, since you have no respect for women. God help your children. I don't blame your wife for getting out while she could. I imagine you are an abuser, a controller, and an overall asshole.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/16/2014

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I don't care if you think you're Jesus on the Cross, you are NOT welcome to spew your woman hating bullshit on a MOTHER'S site.

Dickhead.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/16/2014

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William Ding, you are a grade A ASSHOLE

Get off this site. It is not for assholes, it is for mothers.

Michael - posted on 02/17/2013

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well my wife tuck our boy to see lady doctor she said it like mam seeing you had a rash i bet the doctor seen lots of boys hope it helps

Jeff - posted on 02/02/2013

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My daughter has been seen by the same pediatrician since birth. The doctor happens to be a man, my daughter has always felt comfortable undressing in front of him and talking to him about everything.

David - posted on 12/18/2012

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I just wanted to say, I am a guy and hope this doesnt bother the ladies, as this is circle moms. My daughter who is now grown woman. I was a single dad who raised a daughter. I had help from paternal grandmother who I have been very close with over the years. She helped me alot with my daughter. I would take my daughter to pediatricians office for physical check ups. At puberty, my daughter became very modest, although her and I did have a very very close father daughter relationship and I was open with her on the topic of boys and sex etc. I am still very very close with my daughter today. She and her husband are both nurses now. When she hit her puberty years. She wasnt comfortable with me coming into exam room with her, I respected her modesty and dignity. I even changed to female pediatrician. I know when I was teenager myself. I was a very embarrest modest boy. I didnt have a female doctor, when I was teenager my parents didnt believe in pediatrician for kids. We had a family doctor that all kids including adults went to. Our doctor was a man, who we all loved very very much. He was my doctor until he retired from practice. When was teenager the last thing I wanted was my mother and yes even grandmother being in the exam room. On my grandmother she is a nurse to by the way. My grandmother respected my modesty and dignity growing, she wouldnt come into exam room or even see me naked at home. My my mother was not in my life back then. My grandparents raised me. I just wanted to say is Teenage boys or girls for that matter unless they are comfortable with mom or dads in the room. It should be respected. My doctor when I was teenager did have female nurse in the room. She said she never looked at me in the nude. She probably did,, but for my comfort she said that. Nurse would always give me shots when I needed them. I am not as modest these days at my age now, but I am still modest. My daughter isnt as modest around me now as she was when she was teen, perhaps because she is nurse. My daughter gave birth to twin boy and girl, and invited and wanted me present during their birth. I was kind of reluctant at first. But, was beautiful to watch. I now have two beautiful grand children. My daughter, son in law and I are very very close to this day. My son in law calls me dad. I had spinal cord surgery two years ago, I asked my daughter to be present during pre op exam and she was. She wanted to be present. I just wish moms good luck with your kids, please keep open dialog with them. It wont be too long and they will be grown. The years go by fast. Thanks everyone

[deleted account]

Dear Jennifer, I am glad that your son has been able to work out the situation. Sometimes it is easy to say one thing with the information given but as it turns out important inforfamtion can change the whole course entirely. Knowning know more of the info I would have recommended your son, yourself, and the doctor in question to discuss these issues. I am glad that the female doctor has been patient though I do not like the threat that was made -that in it's self I do not take lightly! I am sorry that your son has endured abuse by the man who should have been his protector. The best thing for you is to keep a good communication line open with your son that he can fill safe discussing anything with you! My prayers are with your family.

Janet - posted on 09/12/2011

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that's something i've never had to put up with as most of his doctors have been female and a few male! natty is so easy going about it and just sits there when they even shove in shots or gets dental work done, pain doesn't seem to bother him in most instances at all unlike me! as of next march he'll be legally an adult and will have to start filling in things for himself which he is and isn't looking forwards to, but wants to stay with our doctor for right now as well as his dentist as she's in turners falls 30 minutes to the north of here as he's had her since third grade and really likes the way they treat him there. just talk to him he might come around, but otherwise stay with male doctors as they seem to make him more comfortable as he's to the age where he's embarrassed to be around older female women who might interrupt the flow of things. i went through that just a few years back, but fortunately it didn't last to long unlike his moods which are still ongoing and sometimes hard to figure out! just go with the flow and continue for now with males then he might come around!

Jenn - posted on 09/04/2011

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I'll be honest, at 15 he might be more comfortable if you would just let him have a new doctor, a male doctor, at this time. My kids, now 15 (boy) and 7 (girl), have had both. Female ped. for several years when they were much younger. (about 2000-2005 -- age 4-9 for son, birth-1-1/2 for daughter) Male ped. for 5 years in the last place where we lived. We've been in a new area for over a year now, haven't gotten a new ped. yet. But at this point in time already, I'd gladly get them their own doctors.



I don't think it's fair for you to force him to go get naked for a female doctor if he's uncomfortable with it. Why would you do that? I don't mean to be rude, but is your doctor a male or female? Is your OB/GYN a male or female? I am personally much more comfortable with female physicians (female midwives for my "woman care") for myself. My husband is more comfortable with male physicians. Not only is it about embarassment & modesty, it's about the doctor being able to actually relate to issues that might pertain to your gender and your gender alone.



Where are you that the doctor is threatening hospitalization (against his/your will?!?!) if he refuses to be examined? He has the right to determine if he's comfortable enough to be checked out there. Honestly, I'd be tempted to run, fast, from this practice if they're already threatening to hospitalize him if he refuses for her to examine him!!



Is it possible for him to be seen by a male urologist for this specific issue? If there is damage, he will likely need to be referred to a urologist anyway.



All the best with this. I hope you're able to figure something out that he feels comfortable with. Which is worse? The inconvenience of changing your child's care provider? Or the chance that he might refuse medical care from this point on because of what he might see as a traumatic experience?



*****Hadn't read through the whole thread when I posted. Kind of wish the info was there from the beginning regarding the abuse by his father and that he wouldn't have been comfortable with a male doctor either. It really sounded at first like it was more of an inconvenience to you because of your insurance, and not that he honestly would have been uncomfortable regardless of whether the doctor was his female doctor or a male. Sorry if I seemed to be on the offensive. I just know where things are for my 15 y/o son and am fairly confident that he'd be most comfortable with a male doctor. I'm very, very sorry to hear your son was abused by his father. Sorry to hear about his embarassing experience with his doctor, but glad that there is no permanent damage.

April - posted on 08/30/2011

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It's a strange relationship, but if there aren't any complaints between the good doctor and my son ...

April - posted on 08/30/2011

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That's a concern for me too. But unfortunately, the dr doesn't seem to think so. Only time will tell.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/30/2011

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Jennifer, if he's comfortable with her, that's the best way to do things. When he's on his own, he may want to change docs, but for now, if he's comfortable, and she's not bothered, don't switch anything :)

April - posted on 08/30/2011

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My son was abused by his father. I did ask my son if he wanted a male dr. He is not comfortable with that. Despite having had an embarrassing experience with his female dr, he has told me he wants to continue to see her. He is happy with her and isn't ashamed or embarrassed anymore about having to undress for her.



I asked the dr if she thought it inappropriate for him to continue to see her. I was concerned with the fact that my son ejaculated during the exam, but she doesn't think it's necessary unless he expresses himself otherwise. She has been treating him since he was born and I know she is a very fine doctor. I don't know what to do except to keep things as they are. I did express my concerns about the possibility of him falling in love with her, but she doesn't see any reasons to be concerned at this point. She has told me that what happened with him during the exam is normal and it has happened before with male patients, although it is rare.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/29/2011

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Jennifer, I'm SO glad there is no permanent damage! That, in itself is quite a relief, and now he shouldn't have to worry!

April - posted on 08/27/2011

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UPDATE:



My son ultimately decided to stay with his lady doctor. He had some tests done which all showed there was no permanent damage done, and he also allowed her to examine him.



The thing about hospitalizing him was just a scare tactic that is used with some patients, I was told. No one at this office actually did this with him though.



There was a small problem however: while the doctor was examing him, something MORE than just an erection occured with him. He cried miserably about this but after a long talk with him, the doctor assured him it was a normal response and he shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed about it. It is a sign that he is becoming a man.



Thank all of you for your replies. I greatly appreciated them.

Shawn - posted on 08/03/2011

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Is there other doctors in the same office. If so schedule your son to see a male. Maybe it's time to switch doctors. Comfort is important for doctor visits. Males have a hard time with doctors. The change would be for the better if he starts having other issues concerning sex, the size of his penis (my godson had questions), zits or whatever he doesn't want to discuss with a girl. Also because of his age if you do switch be prepared for the doctor to not tell you what they discussed. I was shocked to learn that even though they are minors and don't pay a single bill they don't have to tell you a thing about their visit. Good Luck!

Vickie - posted on 08/01/2011

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I think the dr. is wrong to say she will hospitalize your son if he refuses to let her examine him. If there are other drs. in the group, your son is old enough to decide who he prefers to see. Also, explain to your son that the dr. is required by law to have a nurse in the exam room at all times when it comes to certain types of exams.

Ramona - posted on 07/28/2011

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I think he is old enough to say he rather witch doctors. If you were uncomfortable with a doctor, you would go through the hassle of switching,..

[deleted account]

I am not sure why they said they would hospitalise him - it better not because he refuses though I can understand running tests like the CAT scan to chech for internal injuries. I would not even go there if there was a chance he could be taken against his/your will and much worse from your custody! I do not like that they even insinuated it! Who knows whose rule that is.... If it is just the secretary that is one thong but if that is a common occurrence in those types of situation - absolutely not as it is over riding your authority as his parent! I will be praying for you both in this situation.

[deleted account]

I understand your predicament as insurance companies can be helpful and a pain all in one! Lol! I agree with you in helping him understand the situation if he likes her overall. Also, helping him to understand she is his personal doctor whom he needs to feel comfortable with and he can tell her anything. She is there to help him in his best interest. If he is uncomfortable you can be in the room if he chooses and that may help him feel more secure. Though, over all I have found it helpful having same gender doctors as they understand and can explain what the child can look forward or need to know over the next few years, and helps the child not feel abnormal.

April - posted on 07/27/2011

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Thank you for your reply. The clinic we go to has 3 doctors and 1 PA and they're all female. I have a limited amount of options when it comes to choosing doctors. I will call the insurance company about switching doctors for him. I think I should probably ask my son if he wants to switch doctors completely if he is uncomfortable undressing for her. He will have to understand that once the insurance company switches doctors he will not be able to see her again, or maybe the insurance company will allow a one-time visit with a male doctor for this problem. This is frustrating but I know he needs to be comfortable. If the insurance company will not authorize this I will have to explain to him that he won't be able to see her again once he switches. Maybe he'll change his mind if he knows there's a chance he might not see her again. I hope he changes his mind. Switching doctors under my insurance plan is a hastle.

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