How do I handle 16 year old sneaking boyfriend in while I am at work?

Cindy - posted on 01/02/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 16 year old has been awful for the past 3 years but more out of control for the past year. She comes home when she wants, now sneaks her boyfriend in the house when I am at work, admitted to "trying" drugs and alcohol. I just do not know what to do. It does not matter what rules I set she does whatever she wants. She took all happiness away from my home... she lies, is mean, disrespectful, a slob, and does absolutely nothing. What can a parent possibly do to regain control of their home again?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/03/2013

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Let her know you love her, and change the locks. Install a security system. Do not give her the keys nor the code.

Perhaps, when she's confronted by the police for breaking and entering, she'll rethink her actions.

Or, you can do the above, but only after having a conversation with her, outlining her responsibilities in the household, and your own. If she can't agree to that, then look for a youth program that allows live in attendance and send her off.

Personally, I prefer to handle problems at my house early. I'd have addressed the behaviour 3 years ago, and not allowed it to escalate to this point, but not everyone is able to do that.

Evelyn - posted on 01/02/2013

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Kids at this age are going to experiment with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Not all do but some will. There are kids who are disrespectful and slobs. Some lie to cover their tracks for things they do not want found out.

You said you had rules. What are they? How do you enforce them? As for her sneaking in a boyfriend its time to change the locks on windows and doors and not give her a key. She is going behind your back to see a boy and it is disrespectful. You can not tell her not to see this kid because she will find a way or another to see him including sneaking out herself, lying to you about where she is going and with whom, As for getting her to not be a slob, start giving her chores to do and when she does not do them let it go. Once she finds she has no clean clothes for example she can wear what is the cleanest on the floor. Let her learn how to do laundry. If she wants money for anything, tell her to get a job and earn it. If she wants the newest things her friends have ie technology, tell her to buy it with her own money, and if she has none...well she is not going to get it. Its time to teach her to be responsible.

User - posted on 01/02/2013

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Let her know how much you love her and how painful this situations is for all the family involved including siblings if this is the case. Remind her that this is still your home and that she has been disrespectful at all levels and will not be tolerated. Ask her what her goals in life is? Seek counciling in your church and get closer to the church. Remind her and let her see for her self how tuff life really is and how fortunate she is to have you, to love and provide for her. If all else fails, remind her that once she is 18, she will be an adult and will have to provide for her self. Cut any allowances and stop giving in to her, give her the cold shoulder and see how she likes it. Teens are influence by so much now days and it is definitely a different ball game.perhaps being more involved in the communities can help too.
Regain control of your home, you are the Queen of your castle and she needs to be reminded. I would take away anything that you bought for her and don't argue about it just claim what is yours, including her respect and love.
good luck and pray for inner peace.

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