How do I stop my 16 year old son from disrespecting and talking back to me
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Kristy - posted on 03/01/2012
Oh WoW Stephanie. I never meant to imply you did not make your son feel loved. I just said what I would do and how I thought my son felt. I know I got so wrapped up in the back talk, disrespect and what I was going to do about it, I usually did not stop to think in that moment what he was going through, which was feeling unloved and disrespected. I just said I wished I would have done more loving him through it instead of micro managing and taking things away from him. Those things did not work for me. Now he is older and moved away, and I wish I would have done things differently. We have a good relationship now, but boy was it tough for a while there.
Sorry if I made you feel other wise.
Angie - posted on 03/01/2012
When my oldest was around 14, he began what I considered back-talking or arguing or giving excuses when I asked him to do something. For example, if I asked him to clean his room...he would say when my show is over or if I told him the trash was full...he would say he'd do it later. It would usually end up in an argument so I started what's the answer? My theory with this, it takes 2 to argue and if I refuse to argue, there's no argument. Any response he gave, my response was what's the answer?..The only acceptable answer was ok, mom or yes, mom. I utilized it on other things as well, such as asking for special things I said no to once. So I'm not sure the extent of disrespect or back-talking you are dealing with, but I think sometimes as teens they like to test the waters a little to see what they can get away with...it's just important you remain the parent and stay consistent on what your expectations are...good luck to you :)
Stephanie Van - posted on 02/29/2012
what on earth would make you think that he doesn't feel loved by me- That's all Ive ever given him - That is a quick judgement to make considering all you know is what i posted - maybe this isn't the right site for me to ask for advice.
Karianne - posted on 02/28/2012
I agree with Sophia.I don't tolerate back talk or disrespect from my children.If he won't respect you or back talks I start taking privileges away.Such as tv video games etc.no friends over until he is back in line.My 17 yr old hasn't done it in 4 years cause he knows he will lose everything.And we have a great relationship.He knows he can come to me for anything as do his friends.
Sofia - posted on 02/28/2012
I think there are 2 sides to this.
1) YOu have to build on your relationship. By this I mean, talk to him and find out what is going on in his life. If you can give him a choice on something, let him pick. Even if you know he might not make the right choice. Let him know you love him and tell him your proud of him when he does the right thing.
2) On the other hand, you have to let him know certain behavior will not be allowed. You can be open with him and try to be involved in his life. But you have to be a parent, not just his friend. There is a difference. So if your kid hates you once in awhile because you had to say no to something you know he can not do, then deal with it.
You have to balance the 2 sides. Good luck.
Kristy - posted on 02/28/2012
Always love him. Never disrespect him and listen to him. He feels disrespected/unloved by you. My son is 20 years old now, I wish I would have just had more patience and always asked him what his view was of whatever situation was going on and then discuss some compromise. Instead we micro-managed and never praised him for what he did right, which we thought we deserved. He thought he deserved things too. Always look for something to praise him for, every day and pick your battles and let the little things go. Try to be involved in his life and make him feel like he matters to you. I wish I would have done all these things more, sorry if they aren't really a help.