How do I tell my husband that son girlfriends pregnant?

Ann - posted on 04/15/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My son (19) lives with his girlfriend and I just found out that she is pregnant.I told my son not to tell his father till he makes sure she has gotten past the 3 months to make sure everythings gonna be ok. They both knpow this was a little premature, however things happen, My husband is a strong CAtholic man and loves his kids dearly however this will kill him. My son loves this girl and she also loves him. I would like them to get married. My son says not just yet. My son wants to tell everyone and be a man about all this however not sure what would be the right time. I tell them to wait to go around blabbing this? Told them not to put anyhting on fb. When do I tell family members? Do I tell them how I really feel? How irresponcible they were. Playing house is not the same as real life, Right Now they live with her father and hopfelly will be looking for a place. I have a big house with plenty of space. Do I make them look for a place or do I have them come live with us for a while. He has a job and works hard, Never dealt with this before.

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Louise - posted on 04/15/2012

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You dont tell your husband your son does. If they are already living together then the next step would normally be marriage and kids. They have simply fast forwarded about 4 years. If your son loves this girl and wants to be with her he should not be rushed into making a decision of marriage just to please you. Lots of couples have children out of wedlock it is no great shame.

It sounds to me that your son is proud to be an expectant father, why should he hide the fact. He is working hard to provide for his family and you should be proud of that.

I think your husband will go nuts if he is the last to know, so the sooner he is told the better. All sit down together and see if you can help each other out. If you can offer a home without being judgemental great. Your son and new grandchild are going to need you more than ever.

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Mariann - posted on 04/16/2012

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Louise is absolutely right! I was going to write something very similar. Allow your grown son to be the man that he is attempting to be. Let him tell his father. I think as mothers we think that we have to go around fixing everything, even things that aren't broken. Don't worry so (easier said than done) sit back, relax and enjoy not having to be in the midst of this situation. They will figure it all out. I personally wouldn't go around volunteering to let them move in, I wouldn't go out of my way to hide their situation and I wouldn't look at it as if it's a horrific situation. Just chill and they'll let you know what, and if they need your assistance (i.e. moving in)...... =)

It sounds as if you raised aboy into a respctable young man!

Tabitha - posted on 04/16/2012

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I agree with Shawnn, just make sure they know that you have room if they need it or want it. Now it's time for you to get prepared to be the Granny!! How exciting for you!



Please make sure not to seem overbearing with them. You don't want to push them away. Of course, make sure that he knows you're being supportive and his GF knows that you're available if she has questions or needs help with anything. The important thing is to offer whatever you can help with but make sure they understand that your feelings won't be hurt if they choose to do things their way.



When my 2nd son was born, his dad's mom was soooo overbearing, I couldn't stand it. She argued at the hospital about what his name should be "his name should be Patrick since he was born on St. Patty's day", argued about feeding options(He didn't latch on til he was nearly 2 months old but I continued to pump breast milk for him) she just about had a heart attack when I gave him a bottle, it was still breast milk but it was like she was saying "her way or the highway". She showed up the day after we got home from the hospital with her bags thinkin she was stayin for 2 weeks to "help out". I said NO WAY! At that point, just the sound of her voice was enough to set me off...lol! She lived in the same town, there was no reason for her to stay over, I only had my mom stay for 3 days to help out and she lived 2 hours away. After I convinced her that she could stay in her own home and still help out, she then would show up all the time, unannounced, just to hang out. I know she wanted to help but it was more than I could handle. I finally had to put my foot down. I told her she needed to call and see if we were "available" before she could come over. I said "rather than just showing up and trying to take over, let me tell you where I can use your help". I gave her a list of areas I was havin a hard time with like transportation for my older son to/from preschool or if she wanted to go to the grocery store to grab things on MY list(if I didn't get her a list, she'd come back with things we didn't have room for, didn't use or just the latest fad for babies). She just needed to be needed. Which was fine, but at first, she didn't give me a chance to need her or say what help I needed. We still butt heads every now and again, but she understands now that I am the mama, she's the mamoo(her grandmother nickname, my mom goes by Nana) it was time for her to retire her Mama skills and enjoy being the mamoo. Of course it helps that they moved out of state and can't be in my business everyday..lol. But that gives Ethan a place to hang out in the summer! I loved my summers at my Grandma Sweetheart's lake house!!



My advise at this point is to just step back and make sure they know you're there for whatever they need you to do or whatever questions they have, and enjoy being a granny!! Congrats!!



Sorry, I didn't mean to write a novel...lol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/16/2012

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Well, I'm glad the initial conversation went well.

I would recommend, however, that you step back and let them make these decisions. You've already tried to make the decision about how they tell people...

Don't get pushy. Offering support is one thing, but being overwhelmingly involved with everything could create problems.

Audra - posted on 04/15/2012

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So glad to hear that the conversation went as well as could have been expected, it seems.

Ann - posted on 04/15/2012

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Thank you sooo much for your help. I came to realize that my son is a Man and and has made the right choice. MY son and his girlfried have discussed this already with us as a family and we have decided to be supportive. My husband was a little shocked however
he loves them.. They have already decided where to move and will be getting a place soon.
I have offered our house however they have not decided.

Trévera - posted on 04/15/2012

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Please let your son tell him. Your husband my not be happy but a new respect will be had between them when your son tells him :)

Audra - posted on 04/15/2012

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It's really not your announcement to make. Your son is a man making adult decisions. He no longer lives at home. I don't think your son should announce the pregnancy on Facebook until AFTER he and his girlfriend tell his father. He needs to own his decision. Once your husband knows, allow your son and his girlfriend to announce it in their own way. Talking negatively about it doesn't benefit anyone. You should be open with your son, in that he has made himself a YOUNG father and being a parent is hard when you feel prepared for it...but instead of focusing on the past, look to the future. Though circumstances may not be ideal, babies should be celebrated. Your son made a decision...you don't agree with his decision, but he's still your son. Stand behind your son. Have his back in any conversation about his situation, and tell people you love your son...focus on the positive and on what you are grateful for. Your son will need his mom.

Rachel - posted on 04/15/2012

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I personally would tell them to come live with you if her mother is not in the picture she may need a woman around to help her get through this scary time. it may also make it easier for your son to work and save up some money to get their own place that is good for them. Also it is your sons job to tell his father and everyone else him and his girlfriend created this child he needs to be a man. Good luck and i would say just help them as much as you can. yes it is too soon and they are young just give them every chance to succeed and be great parents

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