How do I try to motivate my daughter to go to college,her older sister is so in to it
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Barbara - posted on 10/17/2009
I find that if I left things up to my kids many times they would not do it. She maybe scared she cant live up to what her sister is doing and that can be intimidating. Take it from a baby of the family! I would just plan a couple of weekends or a trip just you and her to visit a few colleges and make it fun. Being alone in a car can sometimes be the avenue for kids to open up and tell you what is really going on. My second born went through a faze where he said he wasn't going to go to college. I said Okay thats fine so what is your plan? I explained that simply getting a local job was not enough and that he needed a 5 and 10 year plan and a heck of a lot of determination. He is determined to go to college now!
Melissa - posted on 03/05/2012
We helped our son get summer jobs. Working with his grandfather "pulling wire" as an electrician's assistant taught him that manual labor is not so easy and he had to start thinking about college. We also encouraged him to pursue his interests related to his giftings. It sounds more like "preparation to do what you love" than just going off to college because your parents think it's good for ya.
Erin - posted on 06/22/2011
Have her visit her older sister. Visit some colleges that specialize in the interests she displays. Beyond that, college isn't for everyone and you can't necessarily motivate someone. I learned the hard way that you can't want something "for" someone MORE than they want it for THEMSELVES... Won't work.
Colleen - posted on 10/21/2009
I've been very impressed with our middle and high -schools, how they start doing interest evaluations and helping the kids to search for colleges that match their interests. I think our whole job as parents is finding out who our kids are and what they are gifted in and making the path available to them so they can spend their lives doing those things. I'm not sure that simply going to college is the final goal. The goal is, what do you love? How do you see yourself living your life as an adult? What do you want to spend the next 10 years doing? Even if she only wants to be a mom and have kids (a major complement to us), to get a good husband with a good job she has a better chance of finding him and living that life if she goes to college.
Or, a shorter term tactic is researching colleges where she could try out a different kind of life. Want to be a campy, eclectic city girl? Try a college in New York or Boston. How about a beach girl? University of California Santa Barbara has their own beach you can walk down to from the campus. Look at the website pictures of college kids hanging out on campus. Pick the kind that match how she wants to see herself ina few years.
If she isn't the kind of girl who is that adventurous, start researching the schools close to home. Look at the subjects covered and the kinds of things she'd be doing that interest her. She can take a few classes and have a job at the same time, and still have time for her (remaining) friends at home.
When I was in highschool, I was a bright student bored out of her skull with school. I took a year off, then realized if I didn't want to work at 7-11 for the rest of my life, I'd better get off the floor (literally, I was scrubbing a section of floor on my hands and knees) and do something about it. Then I discovered - college is nothing like highschool! And I loved it. Even though I had to make my own way, it was worth it, because I appreciated the experience so much more. Help her to find out that college isn't just more of what she's been doing for the past 8, 9,10 years. Show her how she can pick her classes and build her own schedule. Even though there are 101 classes that are required, there is still a range from which to choose in any given subject.
I think that the old mantra - "You have to go to college to get a good job" just doesn't work. Too many people have good jobs that they hate. Following your dreams is a whole other endeavor.
Nancy - posted on 10/19/2009
I was in the exact same situation - my oldest was incredibly motivated and I think our youngest was a bit turned off (in her mind, someone has always made a comparison and she felt she never measured up). The one thing that turned her around was finding a university program that she loved. Once she found that program, she wanted to go to college. So I guess my suggestion is to encourage her to look for something that interests her - it may help her stumble across a program while she's looking. Good luck!!
Lucy - posted on 10/18/2009
what we have done is take our daughters (13) to surrounding colleges at various fun times like football or basketball games or at any time the college has fun things going on and we show them that it is not all studying but some fun too. when we are there, we talk in sentences like "WHEN you go to college, you can have some of this fun too." Never "IF" you go but "WHEN" and it just becomes something they expect to do and seems a natural progression after high school. It also helps us check out the colleges when we are there because we walk around and look at the gym and library and what not. Your daughter will actually started to feel comfortable on a college campus because they have been there so much and will start to see it as a natural thing she will be doing. good luck to you!
Mary - posted on 10/18/2009
My youngest just graduated from high school in May and in the weeks and months preceding, I could tell he was really stressing. People would ask him his plans and he didn't know how to reply.
I finally sat him down and told him it was okay if he didn't go to college; that he didn't know what he wanted to do.
Yes, college is important (I have two degrees myself) but I believe that it is also a very personal choice as it will affect the person for their entire lives.
Jacob has now decided that he will work for a while then when he has some money saved up, he will go to the local community college and take his core requirement classes while he explores his options.
I believe this is a very wise and mature decision. He made it after the pressure was removed.
Not going to college wont ruin their lives. There are a lot of other great paths to choose. At this time of their lives, it is important to realize that you have trained them up to this point and now it is time to let them go and put this training into practice and let them choose their own paths. Just let them know you are their with guidance and encouragment. Good Luck!
Diane - posted on 10/16/2009
College is not for everyone. Talk to her about what she wants to do and let her make her own decisions. Most kids just want to be free of rules after highschool.
Check out the local 2 year college, maybe she will want to go part time and work part time. She can take a few classes at a time. Financial aid only requires that they take 2 classes.
I told my kids that they had to pay rent if they didnt continue school after high school. One of my boys moved out and got a place with one of his friends. He toughed it out for over a year, now he is going back to school.
Show her the difference between jobs you get with college and the ones you get with out an education. Showing your child a budget of how much it costs to pay rent, utilities, car insurance, food, gas and doctor bills will help too. After high school, make her financially responsible for some of her own upkeep too. Like shampoo, laundry, food, shoes, clothing. You can gradually increase her financial responsibilities as time goes on. The harder life is financially, the more they may realize they need an education for a better job. Good luck. And PRAY.
Kerry - posted on 10/14/2009
I have 4 children that I have homeschooled so the route to college is a little different but so far the older 2 have decided on different avenues and I have supported that. My 20 yr old and I made a deal that if he could make a living being a DJ for trance raves(concerts really) and such - he loves music and started mixing at 15 and is really good at it - then we would use that as his "college years" ; in that I wouldn't force him to get a part time job as long as he was working towards his goal. But if by the age of 21 he couldn't make a living at this, then he would have to enroll at a community college and get a more "normal" type of employment. He's had a lot of success in the networking aspect but hasn't made enough on a monthly basis to live off of, although he still has 8 months to go on our deal and has a lot of opportunities coming to light now and if they come to fruition, then he will be making 1 to 2k a month, which is more than most part time jobs.
As for my 17 yr old daughter... she has danced since she was 9 and wants to be a professional dancer. She has 2 student teaching positions that she just got and is doing really well as a dancer. Come the winter she will be trying out for professional companies and we have decided that, instead of wasting 4 years now, 4 great dancing years, getting a college degree that won't help her as a professional dancer, unless she wants to teach at a high school or college level, then she would be better off following her dream and making it work for her.
I think you need to look at what you view as success first. Is it making a good living or having a college degree? I went back to school at 33 and now have a master's degree and want to teach and work in the non-profit sector, which doesn't pay well. (at least not to live in california) So my point to my daughter was that she could always go to college and get a dance degree in her late 20s or 30s, if that is where she wants to go then, but if she is dancing for a company then there is not point in the degree because company's have their own programs.
Maybe you should sit down with your daughter and ask her what she wants to do with her life. There are many jobs out there where you can make a really nice living without going to college. Does she like design of some sort or art? There are schools that just specialize in that. Does she want to just wade through life without a true focus then perhaps you should point out that if she does just want to work at dead end jobs perhaps she should instead go to a "trade" school for nursing or something where she is only in school for a year or 2 and then can start working.
Good luck and remember many people use different avenues for success besides college.
Jacquetta - posted on 10/14/2009
I have two dughter's total opposites one wasn't college material like me. My youngest daughter from the time she was in the 5th grade knew that colege was for her. I taught them both that you will not succeed without some kind of trade and so far so good. It's up to the child if she wants to go for herself. My neice went to collge for her dad and she flunk out. Get some information for her about college,have a meeting with her guidence counsilor. Does she havea favorite teacher, if so have her talk to her,but rmember let her make the choice like I did
Pat - posted on 10/14/2009
Hi Susan, I am a mom of six, with ages that range from 36 down to 19. Out of the six, one has a bachelors with a master's degree as his goal, and one is working on her doctorate. Three attended some college, but did not go further than some classes, and my youngest is fighting going to college at all. It was not easy for me when they didn't choose college, but they all have excellent jobs, are hard workers, and good citizens. As you know, kids don't always do what we want them to do or even behave the way we want. Being a parent means accepting them as they are, but trying your best to guide them to do their absolute best. You are not alone.
How old is your daughter? When my 19yo daughter was a senior we did the whole checking out college thing, got her all signed up and a month before she was to leave said "I'm not going to college. I think it would be a bad idea for me to go because I'm not ready." After a 15 minute temper tantrum by me I calmed down and thought about it and made her promise me that she would go when she is ready. (Promises are not taken lightly in our home, you only promise if you know it's a sure thing) Now I have to agree with her, she was not ready to go. Do I condone not going to college? Definitely not, I didn't go to college until I was 27 and it was really difficult then. My daughter did know that she would need a full time job, preferably one with benefits. She was working, at one point, 3 part time jobs, before she moved to Colorado with her boyfriend (Don't get me started on that!)
Anyway find out the reasons why your daughter does not want to go to college. Is is just fear of the unknown or something else? Maybe a good compromise could be her taking a night class. So many kids think that college is just like high school. You said her older sister really likes college. Maybe they could talk together.
Who really knows why kids do what they do. Best of luck to you!
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms