How do Mom's cope with their children wanting to live with their dad?

Marlene - posted on 06/14/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old daughter wants to live with her dad and I am having a hard time letting go. I am having a hard time with this. My heart is broken and I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. She has been living with him for 6 months now and she seems happy. I feel like I lost my daughter. I see her about twice a month. Help please.

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Rachel - posted on 06/16/2011

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I'm so sorry that you're in this situation, and I can't even begin to understand, so the advice that I give may not be helpful but please know it comes from the heart. When you do get the opportunity to see your daughter, enjoy every minute of it, and tell her how much you enjoy her company, even though it is brief. Try not to also show your love by buying her stuff, because she might misconstrue that to mean if she moves back with you she'll get what she wants all the time. Ask her how she's doing...sometimes teenage girls don't like to talk about their feelings, but let her know that if she needs to talk, has any questions, or anything that she can come to you. By putting on a brave face and not letting your daughter see how much this situation upsets you, it will hopefully make her respect you more. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Angie - posted on 07/24/2012

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Angie- I am feeling your pain, heartbreaking, my boys 13 and 15 want to live with their dad, I don't think they or me are ready for that reality- their little sister is left feeling they don't want to be with her. Don't want to come on too strong but I want to stop this. I feel like I have lost them and am grieving. They have been gone two weeks, beside myself. I know how lost and rejected you feel. It does help knowing other boys want to do the same. I have read every book, raising boys, he'll be ok, that hasn't helped me feel any better, I feel like they would leave me by the roadside at the moment. So glad others are ou there.

Denise - posted on 06/14/2011

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Oh man Marlene. That hurts :*(. But be encouraged. Relationships ebb and flow -- and we want our children to grow up and move away eventually while still having a good relationship with both of their parents, right? So -- while it happened a few years earlier than would be ideal, it's still what was going to happen eventually (I mean moving away from home). Try to be positive and touch base often. Never bad talk dad (though it could be argued that it is best to talk 'bad' about truly bad activity if it is going on at dad's house or anywhere else). Oh -- but I feel for you. I am glad she is doing well and that you still see her twice each month. You haven't lost her, Marlene... ♥ Stay open hearted and positive. It sounds like you really are that kind of person and that is lovely.

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Ellen - posted on 12/21/2013

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My teenage son 15 wants to live with his Dad. My 17 year old stayed with me until his Dad took away 80% of child support. That forced me to move in with my sister which made my 17 year old have to also go with his Dad. I drove a bus to be with them in summers and financially struggled to raise them while their Dad got married and had 2 more kids. Now he wants them and put 15 yr old in private school near him to make it hard for him to see me and so he can take away my child support. Its like he waited until his children of new marriage were in grade school. Now I can't sleep at night. The anxiety is extreme. I'm having a difficult time coping and feel like a failure. My kids are happy. They like their Dads big house and being part of a family atmosphere. But it still hurts. I truly understand how it feels for all Moms who feel the loss. It is heartbreaking especially when you go to friends and your family's houses who have all their family together. And it feels like noone gets how painful it is until I read these posts and finally feel like Im not alone.

Lisa - posted on 11/21/2013

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I'm in the same boat as the others, 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son want to live with dad. Daughter moved out already, i'm holding on to son by strings but it's only a matter of time. He hates me now and tells me daily he hates me because he is not living with his dad yet. My situation is just a little over a month old and I am grieving over the loss of my daughter and grieving about how much hate I see in my son when he is around me. Its sad beyond belief. When I have seen my daughter (3x for one hour each) I can't talk to her about the situation because she is always mad at me for every little thing I do and just gets up and leaves back to her dad's house. My son is slowly moving his items from my house, trying to be sneaky about it, but I know what he is doing and I am too the point of just not arguing with him about it. My ex is taking me back for full custody, we have joint now and I can tell he feels he has the power over me with both our children talking against me and in favor of him. I am helpless now. I am left with all those bad feelings inside and took off work today to fulfill my obligation to take children in the middle class again today. Next I am told I have to attend mediation with my ex husband regarding my kids visitation and than a court date. It's disheartening that I am going thru this. All I hear lately is all the so called bad things I have done as a mother, not once is there anything bad about their father or stepmom. I have been demoralized to dirt by all of them and I just have to sit there and take it. No one is going to let me have them after both of them are teenagers and say how much they want to live with him due to their age. It doesn't matter how much I provided for them in the past, how I have always fostered a relationship with both parents when we got divorced and never ever asked for full custody of my kids because I knew they needed both parents to grow into healthy adults. My ex doesn't see things this way, even though it's his wife who is raising the kids basically, not him. It wasn't just less than a year ago that my daughter wanted to live with me because she was mad at her dad and I told her to go talk to her dad and when she did he changed her mind. He never did that for me, he jumped at the chance to take her fully into his care and slap me with custody papers and child support.

Michelle - posted on 08/07/2011

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Ditto. Same thing for me and I feel exactly like you do. There is no greater human love than the love a Mom has for their children. I wish I had advice but feel I have lost my kids too. Support would be best from others who are experiencing the same...so you can always express your feelings to me.

Madeleine - posted on 07/08/2011

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There is a God!!! Marlene my dear beautiful daughter decided to live with her Daddy last October too and i was treated sooo badly! i cried for 4 months and lies where spread etc... not going to go into the nitty and critty of it but i havent seen her in over 4 months really. i cannot cope with how i am being treated also. she seems happy but i know there is more to it than meets the eye. i feel so sorry for her and miss her sooo much but she never answers my calls or my texts and i too neither want to come on too strong.. i just dont know what to for i know she is bring brainwashed and i have lost all control. i just miss my baby so much.... she is 11 ...xxx

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