how do u deal with teens and boys you want them to stay away from that isnt any good for them and u know it

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Christi - posted on 02/11/2009

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Boy is this familiar in my house right now. This guy has a criminal record, has dropped out of school, smokes pot and now I find out she gave her virginity to this loser. I can't believe she doesn't have more respect for herself that this. I don't want to make him "off limits" because right now whe envision them Romeo & Juliet and everyone is against them being together. I know I have to tread lightly here but I'm scared and frustrated. If anyone out there has the answer, please share. I'll keep an eye on this string for help.... Best of luck to you Connie!

Cheryl - posted on 02/11/2009

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I agree with the others who have stated that the more you tell them no or you cannot will make them want to do it more.  However, I have found when I allow him to find out for himself who is a "good" choice or a "poor" choice he learns a much more valuable lesson.  Unfortunately, one of the "poor " choices caused him trouble in which he is paying for but he has made up his mind that making "good" choices may not be as exciting but it will not cause you trouble and usually the "good" choice will be the better friend.  Another, biggie is to always keep the line of communication open.  My son is 13 and we can talk about everything and he is not afraid to come to me with questions and/or concerns.  good luck!

Shelly - posted on 02/11/2009

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Amen for the short term...count your blessing were you can get them...expecially with teens!!!

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I have had the same problems.  I kept hearing over and over, "love the unlovable."  Accepted them in our home to be the positive example in their lives.  The group has decided to excommunicate my daughter, whom has been making several bad decisions herself.  I am praying for the long-term while being thankful for the short-term.

Kate - posted on 02/11/2009

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When my now 17 year old daughter got her first boyfriend a couple of years ago, we didn't make a fuss, even though we knew that he was no good. It took a lot of self-control to accept him and leave her to find out for herself what he was like. She made up her own mind after only a couple of months and dumped him. He is now in court as a witness to a murder of his 14 year old pal, by another school boy. She is well out of that gang, but she had to be left to decide for herself. If we had forbidden her from meeting him, she would just have done it behind our backs instead. She is now with a lovely guy for the last 18 months and doing very well. Good luck with your daughter, hope this helps a bit!!

Donna - posted on 02/10/2009

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I definately agree with the other moms, that forbidding them only makes it worse, and then they will sneak. I always tell my daughter she can hangout but it has to be here. That actually works a lot, because they know they can't do anything they shouldn't. And she finds out which ones are really her friends, because if they don't mind hanging at her home then they want to be with her and it doesn't matter what the conditions are. Of course we have some battles about the rules but..If she wants to hang with those friends it has to be supervised.

Jackie - posted on 02/10/2009

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This is a hard one! I am going through this right now with my 17 yr old daughter (she will be 18 in just a few weeks)

I can not STAND her new friends---she has been hanging around them for about five months now.--her good friends went away to college and some how she has hooked up with a bunch who do not go to school and some of them dont even have jobs. Every time she goes out with our van it comes back with something wrong with it---like one night someone actually punched in the drivers side window!

soooo...she is not allowed to go there with the van. We have told her we do not approve of these friends.

so now she takes a bus or walks or worse---gets ride from them.

Shelly - posted on 02/10/2009

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Quoting Deana:

use reverse psychology...invite the "not so good" one over, be almost too nice...they usually go away on their own! it worked for me! good luck!



  I agree and you never know with this child that you don't care for may just learn something about being a part of a family some of your values may rub off and he could really end up being a good friend to your son!!  Just son't judge this child to harshly you never know what kind of family life he has.  Just keep themclose so you are aware of what they ae doing!!!  Go with your heart it's usually right!!!  Good Luck and I will keep all of you in my prayers

Joann - posted on 02/10/2009

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I do agree if you tell them not to hang out with them, they will. I tried the reverse psychology sometimes it works other times it don't. But they will on there own find out that these so called good friends are not, usually it's because they get them into too much trouble or they don't like the drama that goes along with being friends with them.

Deana - posted on 02/10/2009

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use reverse psychology...invite the "not so good" one over, be almost too nice...they usually go away on their own! it worked for me! good luck!

Carol - posted on 02/10/2009

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in my experience i have found the more negative things you say just creates rebellion,with my daughter the more i dig my heels in .the further  she digs in her heels and takes a stand ,it's like they have to prove you wrong.i now say little,  and i know that is  hard ,just   offer  sound advise and let them make their own mistakes as long as it isn't harmful to them... and i try not to ever say "i told you so" when it goes wrong .. just be there to pick up the pieces and offer support...

Sherry - posted on 02/09/2009

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i have 4 kids ages 22,17,14  boys and then i have a little girl 7,sometimes you have to step back and let them choose ,the more you say there friends are wrong or bad the more you put a distance on your relationship,what i do is ,i will not say anything at first i will say to my son only why dont  you guys hang out here[[ and then in my head i can monitor whats happening with them ]]this gives me a little more peace of mind,when your son sees your not interrfearing telling him what to do, you can watch things and every now and then you can say i dont like what this person has done .it will help with your sons trust on your opion.try this see if it helps atall.the worst thing i find is if i just say for example i dont like this person he is not good to hang with he thinks she dont understand .hopefully this will help you a little good luck with that.my 22 yr old finished grade 12 finished his course at university and is a great kid .the hardest thing i found with my boys becoming teenagers is that you thought them and have confidence that they will make the right choice and if they dont youll be there for them as always,its crazy watching your child grow up into adults its the hardest thing as a mom

Jana - posted on 02/09/2009

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I do know a Mom who made the fatal mistake of telling her daughter that she was forbidden to see a certain boy and all that did was make him more mysterious than ever and although all of her girl friedns thought she would be over him quickly it made it exciting to sneak around and it has been horrendous!  WIth my daughter I have just tried to talk openly about what qualities does she look for and why those are improtant.  Point out different guys that have positive qualities.  Use her father as an example (if he is a good one) and what led you to pick him...It is hard raising teenage girls!

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