How do you deal with a 13-year-old girl who argues and interrupts all the time?

Kristin - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My daughter is a teenager now and suddenly thinks she knows everything and that almost all the adults in the world are stupid idiots. She loves to argue. I don't like talking to her anymore because she interrupts me all the time and argues with everything I say. I have tried reasoning with her, telling her that what she is doing is rude, taking privileges away, giving her the silent treatment, etc. Nothing seems to be helping much. The only time she is nice to me is when she wants something. It boggles my mind, because I have never talked to my mom like that, but my daughter seems to think it's OK to be rude to me. Any suggestions? Thank you.

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Jamie - posted on 05/17/2011

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AArgh (family Joke) You let your daughter go to the bathroom on her thirteenth birthday didn't you? Yuppers well there's the problem on that day for some reason every child becoming 13 is exactly the same as they were when they went to bed. But they go to the bathroom on that morning and Sh*# their brains out!!! As an experienced mom I'm sorry to inform you that your daughter has lost her mind and she probably won't find it again until she goes to college or you are a grandma !!
On a serious note I agree with the other ladies talk with your budding youth write her notes/letters telling her what you appreciate about her, say what you mean,mean what you say, action Vs consequence, help her by giving her 2 choices both favorable in your eyes kind of like when you would tell her when she was "two" choose peas or carrots for supper it didn't matter really b/c the goal was to get her to eat vegetables. Same thing now help guide her to a better attitude, personality, woman that she is trying to be. My son had a point of opinion at every thought I would close my mouth give him a half-cocked smile and when he had talked himself out I would look at him and say thank-you for your input, Did I ask for it ? And when he would say no BUT blah blah blah I again would close my mouth half smile and again when he was done say thank-you But Did I ask you for your input, I only needed to do that to him 2-3 times and he learned to hold his tongue. My girls I did the same thing but it took longer. Good Luck you thought the terrible two's was hard your job just got started Momma, your girl is right on track,you're doing great!!

Shawnn - posted on 05/17/2011

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Ok, Kristin,

First, take a deep breath. Then get ready to say what could be the hardest thing you think you'll ever say to your kid: "Honey, I love you, but right now I don't LIKE you as a person. You are rude, and inconsiderate, and I'm not sure where you got the idea that this behavior is appropriate, but it certainly is NOT!."

I know that taking away things doesn't necessarily work, but you don't have to get her what she asks for, either. The thing is, you may have to repeat the I don't like you comment frequently, until she finally gets it through her head.

Fortunately, my kids are pretty thin skinned, so hearing that we don't like them really bothers them most times, and they straighten up for awhile, but there are times...and I am not above playing on their guilt!

She is not respecting you, and you should let her know that you do everything to show her the respect she deserves at this age, but will not continue to do so unless she can return the behavior.

Best of luck, hang in there

Lora - posted on 05/17/2011

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I have had two 13 year old girls and gone through this with both of them. Same thing happened with the three 13 year old boys. It's a stage! They are trying to figure out who they are and where they belong in the world. I wouldn't take it personally even though it does hurt. Try to remember what you were like as a teenager-it makes it a little easier to deal with!

I would let her know that her behavior is hurtful, but that you still love her and want the best for her. The silent treatment doesn't work-it only stokes the fire. When you take privileges away let her know that you would rather not be taking them, but that she has given you no choice. Consequences to her choice to be rude and disrespectful. For every choice that we make there is a consequence. That consequence depends on our choices. Try writing her a letter and let her know how you feel about her-how important she is in your life, how you would feel without her in your life. I can't always get myself across to my children in the heat of the moment, so I take a timeout and write them a letter. It won't make everything perfect but it will help you both feel better.

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Renee - posted on 05/09/2013

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My daughter is 15, and I am going throught similar thing disrespect, attitude, she puts me down, and her older brother to!! I have done all the above mentioned stuff!! So we had finally had it she did cheer try outs for school and made the team and we said NO! You may not do it we will not spend 1,000$ for this sport with your attitude. You don't deserv it!! We stuck to it!! She is so mad she kicked a hole in her bedroom wall!! Omg so we took her ipad away!!! Then she stomped slammed doors and punched a picture in her room broke it to he'll, and cut her hand!! Took her phone. She said we ruined her life if she can't do cheer!!! I have to put my foot down!! She has not been going to friends houses or nothing, since this started!! She said to me I get good grades, I don't date, or do drugs so you should let me do stuff!!! I said and yes you are that way because of the choices we have made FOR ! You as parents !!! She just made honore roll had AP classes is in 9 th grade!! I do feel bad she worked so hard for cheer!! But it was the only thing that got to her!! She is just being so mean and rude!! And the breaking things cause she is made!! My parent would have knocked me out!! What do you guys think I should do!!!

Ashley - posted on 01/17/2013

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Hello,

My name is Ashley (I'm 25) and I have a 8 year old boy and I have been with my boyfriend on and off for seven years that has a 13 year old girl (that has called me mom since she has been 6 1/2)and a 7 year old girl (the seven year old leave for away and he nevers sees but pays child support for).

My boyfriends oldest daughter is so rude and starts fights with me and her dad. I have been paying for everything with her....school shopping, holidays, anything else. I have been the only one that has taken her to doctor apointments and dentist appointments. And he allows her to be rude to me and I am so tired of her. She is over the top rude....slamming doors in my face, calling me names, etc....What do I do with her? Her dad does not allow me to punish her...he never punishes her. She has been getting bad grades for three years now and he never says anything to her. I just want respect!!!! My son is so very Respectful and he is very responsible. His daughter never has to help out around the house...she's lazy....he's lazy!!! I take care of everything and my son helps me while she is running around the streets with her friends and her dad is dunk. He has told me that he wants things to change for the new year, but what to do? Where to start?

Kaitlyn - posted on 10/15/2012

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If she wants to act like a baby I would treat her like one. Send her to bed early and start buying diapers for embarisment thats what my mom did to me

Heidi - posted on 10/14/2012

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I am a step-mom and my step-daughter also thinks she knows everything, She doesnt like to listen to me unless she wants something also. I let her father know everything that we talk about. I think he has the right to know. She likes to get her father and I fighting. She love conflict. Shes not happy if anyone else is happy. I have just about had it with her. I told her today that I was going to take her cel phone and she just laughted at me.Stressed out.....

Karla - posted on 05/19/2011

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Kristin I know what you are going thru. I have to teen boys they are 18 and 19. When they hit there teens they thought they knew it all and We knew nothing. We started getting frustrated to a point of Depression. Because I never would have talked to my parents that way either. They wanted to fuss and argue with us also. We ended up having to communicate by telling them in a circle time they are not allowed to speak until spoken too or they would loose something. With my boys it was x box. They didnt like that at all. We explained to them how would they feel if they had children that disrespected them the way they disrespected us. It took awhile and alot of discussions to get the point across we love them and we will respect them and what they have to say if they do the same to us. They finally came around. I know it is hard, but it will get better.. Just love her unconditional and let her know you know how she feels to be open with you. What would make her respect you and you let her know what it will take for you to respect her. Hang in there. In my prayers.

Leanne - posted on 05/18/2011

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Jamie King is right on!!! I would definately have to agree that they don't get their brain back until after they have their first child or after the age of 25, not 18. Except that mine are 21, one has a child and I'm still waiting for her brain to come back. Sooo, 25 it is!

Shawnn - posted on 05/17/2011

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Jamie, you hit the nail on the head! Unfortunately, it's a little too late to lock that bathroom door at my house...LOL

Jamie - posted on 05/17/2011

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@ Karen I would say to my girls with my back turned from them "You can roll your eyes at me all day sweet heart but this is the way it's going to happen etc." And how do you think I got the eyes in the back of my head? It was from rolling them at your grandmother! So be careful your turning out exactly like ME YAY me, I pre-empted their attitude, I told them how they were going to act b/f they did it then it wasn't as DRAMA-tic. GOOD LUCK DON'T FORGET LADIES THIS TOO SHALL PASS AND THEN THEY WILL BE GONE.

Karen - posted on 05/17/2011

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I have a simular prob with my now 16 yr old . same story until on day she was put in her place by her fatherfor her attitude and baossyness

and now its just a roll of the eyes most of the time. she always has an arguement and doesnt like my husbands athority at all so when he grabed her face so she had to look at him she changed her tune some

Louise - posted on 05/17/2011

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Shawnn is right take the wind out of her sails and tell her that you are not going to put up with her rudeness. Send her to her room until she can be civil to you and the rest of the family. Also tell her that respect is a two way thing and if she wants your respect she will have to earn it and acting like this is not helping her cause.

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