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How do you deal with a 14 year old daughter who sneaks and lies?

Allyson - posted on 04/06/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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How do you deal with not only a 14 year old who sneaks around and lies to you, but with your anger at the same child? Last Wednesday, I caught her with a boy in the house (he is old enough to drive and has a car). I kicked him out and proceeded to go off on her for a couple of hours. I then found out that she had established a new email account (after I shut down her Facebook and old gmail account) and registered for a social website called "Tagged". She messaged many boys, most out of state, and had even posted a picture of herself in a bikini. Most of the messages were from boys who told her that she was "smoking hot" and asked her to have sex. Luckily, her dad and stepmom took her to Florida for Spring Break (spur-of-the-moment) to get her away from me. I was angry enough that I almost hit her - totally losing my cool. I am still so angry, and now that has morphed into sadness. The worst part is the horrible feeling I have because I am glad that she is gone, because I cannot look at her or talk to her.

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Angie - posted on 04/07/2012

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I'd rather be a single parent who cares than a parent who doesn't get involved, and I've met my share of those. My 14yo son is in a foster home because he truly believes he can set his own rules, steals from me, sneaks out, hacked my wi-fi password twice, etc, etc. and I refused to pick him up from juvenile. He's not doing good there, has already stolen prescription drugs and jewelry, has gotten into a verbal altercation, and had an incident involving a butcher knife (they were able to get him to put it down). They can't get him into school because of his behavior reports, but I'm considered the "bad parent" for standing my ground and following the medical professionals advise it would be unsafe for him to be at home. I just really hope you get through to yours early enough to be a kid for as long as she can, and a big part of that is following your parent's rules.

Allyson - posted on 04/07/2012

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You are absolutely right. I have jumped in and taken away her phone and her computer, so she does not have access to anything. And after taking her phone, I blocked all of the numbers that I could, and the only numbers she has access to are her family (both me and her father, her stepmom, her grandparents, aunt/uncle and my boyfriend) and one friend. She is starting to get it and even her bestfriend has told me that she doesn't think her punishment is not enough. I just hate that now we are now a statistic - "she comes from a single-parent home, blah, blah, blah".....

Angie - posted on 04/07/2012

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Unfortunately I have found internet can be a very dangerous "tool" for our young teenagers. Our kids have become more technology intelligent faster than most parents. I would remove her internet access as she has proven she cannot behave responsible with it, and internet access meaning via phone, desktop, ipod, Wii, and all the multiple ways they can access. Kids are wanting to grow up way too quick it seems these days and technology is certainly enabling them to expose themselves to more grown up situations than they should at their young age. You still love her, you just don't like her behaviors, and it's our responsibility as parents to get them back on the right path...best of luck to you :)

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