how do you deal with a teenager that keeps asking for money

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User - posted on 02/06/2009

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I have a 14 year old son who thinks I am the ATM. I have now made up a chart for him with loads of different jobs on with prices next to them. If he wants some money he has to earn it by doing jobs around the house. I didnt want him to think that he could get money without working for it. He knows now that if there's something special that he wants he must save his money up. He still tries his luck with asking for money but soon realises I wont give in.

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Melinda - posted on 01/29/2009

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Depending on what the money was for.  If it is for something ours needed at school (not including fund raisers) and we had evidence from the school it was needed, then it was ok.  If it's just for them...we had to make them learn to earn the money.  We had to also explain to them the household expenses and our income like Tammy did...which does help them understand that money doesn't grow on trees.  That has helped a lot.  Now our two 17yr olds and 16yr old has jobs to earn their own money w/o asking us for any other than a smalll loan now and then.  Our 13yr old can't wait for the day she can get a job, but in the meantime does extra chores around the house or will cut grass for the neighbors. 



Maybe this might help you some.

Marla - posted on 01/27/2009

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My son has a good paying part time job. He pays for his own car (a new one...) his own insurance and his own gas. My husband is on disability due to MS and we just do not have it to give to him. I take care of his basic needs and extra's when I can afford to. He likes feeling the money in his hands and knowing that he earned it. He is also more careful how and where he spends it.

Kristine - posted on 01/27/2009

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Take the opportunity to teach them about money. Sit them down and talk about what a budget is and have them create one. Does the child receive an allowance? What things do you expect your child to pay for (lunches, clothes, movies, activities etc) Establish when they receive their allowance and what they have to do in order to get it.

Next create a list of jobs around the house they can do to earn extra money and how much you will pay. Then help then figure out if this will cover all they need money for. If not. what are your rules regarding a job? Are they old enough in your state to work? Do you want a grade average maintained? Do they have to provide their own transportation? A regular job my not be the answer. My (then 16) year old son worked his tail off last summer to pay for a trip to DC for the inauguration. He sold corn on the street, worked irrigation lines, built a chicken coop, split wood and shoveled snow.

Make sure they have a bank account where they can save money for big things without being tempted to spend it. When they become responsible enough you can get a checking account with a debit card. I did that when my son went on his trip and he did a great job of making his spending money stretch.

Our children will not respect your budget until they learn what it means. Not only are you helping them now, you are helping them learn how to handle money when they eventually leave home.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

I think that even at young ages kids need to understand that being a part of the family means we are all on the same team and we work together for common goals.



Being part of the family means doing your part to keep the family in clean dishes, clean clothes, sheets, towels,etc, as well as helping keep the bathroom clean.



Nobody pays Mom to do these things, nobody pays Dad to do them, and we don't pay kids to do them because we are all part of a family and we don't charge each other for common decency and courtesy.



I love the idea of having the teens help pay the bills. It gives them a real understanding of how little money there is to spend.



Teens should not expect parents to subsidize their social lives. As a parent, when (infrequently) we all go bowling, we pay for our teens to play. If they go by themselves or with friends, then they pay to play.

I know it is hard with younger teens that can't drive to find a job. But for those in the 'burbs or city, even 14 year olds can get a work permit from school with a parent's permission. We live in a rural area- it is a 15 minute drive to the closest store or restaurant of any kind. Our son has had to adjust his spending to reflect his income which comes from raising and showing meat goats. It's seasonal and he makes less than $500 a year, but at 15 he doesn't have a lot of things he needs to spend money on.

He is definitely planning on getting a 'real' job to go with his driver's license next year. He knows those 2 things go hand in hand. No license, no job and vice versa.



And teens learn money attitudes from parents.

We don't have any money left after paying bills, except for groceries and gas, so he has learned to be frugal from watching us.

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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Thanks everyone - she wont get a job as now she blames it on the recession( nice excuse)



She owes me £255 so I have now decided that she as nothing else until she attempts to pay me back -- I wil continue to pay for her college but not nights out and the continuous clothes she requires as she feels that she needs to keep up with the trends - only time will help I think!!!

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2009

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Amanda,

I had this problem with two of my sons. Its totally frustrating. You want to help, but it gets old quickly. My 18 year old son wanted money constantly... gas, dates, clothes, it was just endless. I told him he could work, doing things around the house, in exchange. That worked for a little while, but then, of course, he stopped doing the chores, and kept asking for cash. I finally told him to get a job and quit giving him money. If he wanted gas money, I went with him to the gas station and paid for it in person. Extreme? Perhaps. But at least I knew the money was going into the tank, and not for something else. He moved out a few months ago, and has only asked for money a few times. Two times, I said no. The last time I loaned him $40 (plus interest - that was a nice surprise). It took him a l-o-n-g time to pay me back, but he finally brought the money by to me at the end of last week. I was pleased. He has learned that life is not a 24/7 party and that priorities must be made.

Now my youngest son is 14 (15 in April). He has learned a lot from his 2 older brothers. Good and the bad (of course). But the one thing (thats very good), is that mom and dad don't have a money tree in the back yard. It is difficult for a 14 yr old to attain a job, but he managed to find one. Didn't make a lot of money, but he HAD money in his pocket the majority of the time. So if he wanted gum or something to drink, he had the cash. I know that made him feel good about himself. And he didn't have to feel guilty about asking me for money (seeing his brothers do that for years and watching his dad and I struggle to make ends meet, along with non-stop, "I need gas money"). I never wanted for him to feel guilty, and in a way, that makes me feel badly. But I know, and he knows as well, that he can earn money. Its not that hard (raking leaves or clearing snow for the elderly, etc.).

okay, so enough rambling. In a nutshell - tell them to get a job and pay their own way.


Lisa :)

PS I do pay all school related expenses.

Shelly - posted on 01/23/2009

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Ask them what they did to earn it... let them know that your not thier personal ATM... ask them if you see a sign that says bank of MOM on it.  Someone was asking about allowance the other day and just like I told them.  I don't pay allowance for them to live in my house if they want to extras around the house then I will pay them or they go do something for one of our nieghbors but I don't just hand out money for nothibg



 

[deleted account]

Quoting Amanda:

how do you deal with a teenager that keeps asking for money



I have an 14 1/2  yr old daughter and she too was always asking for money. To stop this I now give her $20.00 a week and for this she must vacuum when I ask or load the dishwasher, wash the dog, you know that kind of stuff  and keep her room tidy (ha ha ha). This has helped greatly when we go shopping and she wants somthing, I just say "have you got any money?" If not, it's unlikey she will be getting what ever it is she is looking at.  She also has the opertunity to sometimes make extra cash if she does extra big jobs for us when asked. But recently I told her she needs to start drumming up some more baby sitting jobs until she can work (this May she will be 14 and 9 months the youngest a kid can work in Australia without parental permission) because her tastes are getting too expensive, baby sitting pays a lot better than a first time job at McDonalds too.  Also if we are going away on the school holidays for 2 weeks we will give her about $100.00 spending money and that has to cover her movies, putt putt, kyaking, shopping etc.

Pati - posted on 01/23/2009

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f they are old enough to work, heve them get a job. If they are not, find something they can do around the house to earn some. If you work from home, you can have them help with filing and paperwork. Have they thought about babysitting in the neighborhood.

Hillary - posted on 01/23/2009

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Um, lets see.  Whats the money for and how old are they?  I need a few more details to know how to respond.  Although, what worked for Tammy is a great idea.  Start there maybe.

Tammy - posted on 01/23/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

how do you deal with a teenager that keeps asking for money



My 17 yr old quit asking when I promised her $20 to sit down and add my monthly bills up and then compare that to my income, after that she got a job, I opened her a bank account and she manages from there, I only help with gas ONCE IN AWHILE! Good luck

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