How do you encourage teenagers to abstain from sex
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Adrienne - posted on 01/11/2009
The one thing I find that works is to be open and honest with them about sex. Too many parents never sit and talk to them about the pros and cons of having sex. I had a talk with my daughter when she was around 11 years old. (she was getting curious anyways). She is now 15 and still has no interest in it yet. She is honest and open with me about this as well. She wants to finish college and have her career started 1st. I had her when I was only 16, so she knows how hard it can be being a young mom. And she sees her fellow classmates get pregnant at such a young age and that scares her. So she wanst no part of it until after college. All I can do is trust her with the advice I gave her.
Jennie - posted on 01/10/2009
As a a mother of a 15 year old girl and 13 year old boy, you cannot stop them from doing what they are going to to but by keeping the channels of conversation open with them and trying to keep a healthy relationship with them and always be honest with them. You can advise them what they are doing is not the best idea but letting them know that at the end of the day you are there to support them and ultamatly love them.
Pati - posted on 01/13/2009
I talk very openly with my daughter about sex, pregnancy, std's and responsibility. I have told her that sex is wonderful, but the fewer partners she can have the better she will be. We talk about pressure and guilt trips and I tell her that she never needs to prove herself to anyone through sex. And I have male family members tell her things now that she is 17 about what guys are like. Another great abstinence aid is having them see someone in labor. I had her go to the hospital when a friend was in labor and she was shocked at how much pain was involved. I truly believe that if every young kid was to watch a hard labor it would drastically curb teen sex and pregnancy.
Margo - posted on 01/09/2009
I talk a LOT to her about the consequences of course. I make sure to point out young girls who are hauling around little ones and point out how their lives look from the outside. Most are living from hand to mouth and have nothing except their kids. I also shared Pam Stenzels videos w/her. When she gets it straight from the hip pulling no punches about what sex before marriage can do and what the consequences are, it makes an impact. You can google Pam to find her on You Tube. We just keep an open dialog about what she wants her life to be and what it will be if she ends up giving herself away. I know it's no guarantee that she won't fall into temptation, but all we can do it pray our kids save themselves for marriage and make good choices.
Dawn - posted on 01/07/2009
I have a blended family with 5 kids mine are 19 boy, 15 girl, 12 girl & my step are 19boy, 15 boy. My son was almost 19 and had been with his girlfriend for almost 1 1/2 years before they decided to have sex and he didn't push it she did , they were both virgins. He had stated to her that he had done without it for 18 yrs he could go without until they were ready. I feel they discussed this responsibly and yes I would have liked them to wait longer but they are adults and I know they use protection. As for my 15 yr old daughter and 15 yr old stepson, they have made a choice to wait... especially after they had a youth class stating an example of...... If 38 people used a fork would you use it after that.... My daughter and son said that was the best example they have heard to not want to have sex. We also talk with them very openly about any questions they may have. All you can do it pray and hope it sticks with them and they make right choices.. Good Luck
Susan - posted on 01/05/2009
I agree with many of the post already here...My daughter and I have talked about it a lot, I have explained to her all the things in her life she would have to give up, going to college, out with her friends, soccer team, buying clothes for herself, everything that she knows life to be now would stop and her focus would have to be on the child. Her pay checks would have to go to buying diapers, formula, dr visits, clothing for the baby....don't get me wrong, I would help her but to explain things in her terms of her everyday life I think gives her a visual of what it would be like.
She was 10 when my youngest was born and she was in the delivery room, I really hope that was enough to hold her off for awhile....:)
Tricia - posted on 01/04/2009
Being in the medical field, I have shown my 3 teenage boys pictures of the results of STD's. I also discuss with them when I have a teenager that comes in to be treated (no names given) for an STD or pregnancy. We have discussed why it is best to wait until marriage, however if they ever consider it to come to us. I would rather them be safe then stupid. Our 19 year old is in college and is still a virgin!
Lisa - posted on 01/04/2009
Honestly they are going to do it whether you say not to or not. All you can do is keep the line of communication open to them and make sure to nail it into their heads about safe sex. I tried to be open with my parents and they wouldn't listen. I was pregnant at 18 and married. I have a son going threw this right now, and all I can do is listen and hope he makes the right choices.
Just hang on because somethings they say can knock you off your feet!
Ellie - posted on 01/03/2009
Well first off, we all know that we can "encourage" till we're blue in the face, and teenagers will do what they do, with or without permission, as we as teeneagers, did also. So what I did with my teens, was let them know I wouldn't be "pleased" but that I wouldn't be "angry" either, if they felt they were "thinking" about sex, and needed the approriate protection to avoid unplanned pregnancies. As I said, I got 6 through high school, and one left to go, and I let them all know what they needed to know, when they needed to it! We have to "realize" as PARENTS, that we can show, teach, and advocate to our children, what we beleive, but in the end, it comes to what "they" beleive, and I would rather a "safe" expereince, than a "learning" experience, for my children.
Sandra - posted on 01/02/2009
It starts when they are really young by mom's and dad's telling their children that they are precious and must take the best care of themselves. By the time they get to be teenagers they have too much self-respect to let themselves be used!!
Regina - posted on 01/02/2009
I have a 13 and a 12 year old. Sex is something that is talked about. My daughter will begin high school next year and honestly I am scared to death. I know all the rules change from middle to high school and I know peer presure and other things get more intense. So, I make it a habit to talk with her and also with my son. It is never too early to discuss this subject and we have been discussing it for a few years. My daughter is proud to be a christian and proud to be set in her own ways with her values. She asked me for a purity ring which I proudly gave her for christmas. My son does not want one... yet. But a ring is just a piece of jewlrey I know but hearing the prayers and knowing my children's personal thoughts on the subject of teen sex is better than any piece of jewlrey. I believe in my daughter and I am proud she chose to show her decision public. But I am also proud of my son because I know how much he wants to continue in his christian path as well. But no matter the outcome in these near coming too soon years.. I stress to both my kids the importance of communication.
Julie - posted on 01/02/2009
I had my son out of wedlock - so this is always a touchy subject. I am honest about the sexual feelings that he will encounter and tell him the straight up answer about any questions he has. I have also, shown him where to go to get answers to questions he doesn't want to ask me. I have explained how hard it is to raise a child young and single and the dangers of stds. I have shown him articles on stds. I explain how important it is to respect his body and the body of others. I tell him that there is no exact answer and he must trust himself and God. I explain why not having sex makes things easier - expecially emotionally. I pray and keep the lines of communication open and I admit the mistakes that I have made so that he knows that he can come to me and I will be there honestly and no matter what- as I too am not perfect.
Karen - posted on 01/01/2009
I have a 13 year old and a 10 year and one of the things that I have done with them both is to talk about sex, love and relationships throughout their whole lives. My son asked me about reproduction for the first time when he was 3 and we were taking the cat to be spayed. This started a "talk" that has not stopped yet. My kids know that all aspects of sex are easily discussed with me and I mean EVERYTHING. Establishing a relationship with them about this incredibly important subject and that they can trust me to tell them everything they want to know makes sex a subject that in no way is ever off limits. I also agree with Amber that the relationship between the parents is crucial to establishing what is normal and healthy with a relationship. My daughter's tutor commented on how well my kids get along and I told her that really my kids have never been exposed to hateful communication. They are shocked when they see it between other people and it upsets them deeply. My husband and I are very kind and very affectionate to each other and we have been together for almost 20 years. I was raised in a home where my parents literally showed us daily how much they hated each other and before I left home, actually moved to seperate bedrooms. I looked at that and made a promise to myself to never behave like that. Tell your kids the same thing and if you are fighting openly with your spouse, please know that it is the single most damaging thing you can do to your tender teens. They are looking to you with a blank peice of paper to see how they should write their own love experiences and yes that includes sex, make sure that you write a beautiful story. It will give them the powerful gift of knowing that sex is part of love and that love should be the single most uplfiting part of their life.
I think it's not enough to just say "Don't have sex."
This is a good time to have a conversation about goal setting.
What does your teen want to do with his/her life? Career?
Nobody plans to be a teenage parent...
I can remember talking with my kids long before they were teens about the road to their dreams- meaning that if you want to go to ******** University than are you exhibiting behaviors that will get you there or are you doing things that will undermine your own goals?
We spoke about it in terms of the road to college is one way, so don't go the opposite direction.
This is an ongoing conversation that continues in our family even as some of our kids are off to college.
Anyway, even that is not enough.
My husband and I work with teens, and they want to know how to avoid temptation.
One of them said his dad told him to 'slam "it" in his bedroom door if he had to. (lol- I'm sure he didn't mean that literally, but his son got the point.)
This fella really wants to know how to avoid the temptation of sex that is everywhere (girls' short shorts "daisy dukes" were specifically mentioned...) which tells me that a lot of teens want to do the right thing but are assaulted by sex praciticallly everywhere- tv, movies, music, and at school.
Fortunately, there are great books on this subject which can be studied in church youth groups or within your family- both of these are really good-
Every Young Man's Battle AND
Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Etheridge & Stephen Arterburn
"The world you live in promotes sex as the answer to just about everything. You're under pressure to fit in with those around you, and to be liked by the opposite sex.
But compromising, even in little ways, can be a lot more harmful than it seems.
This counterpart to the award-winning Every Young Man's Battle will help you:
Learn how the sexual battle begins in your heart and mind
Understand your hunger for attention from guys
Find out how the media, novels, fashion, Internet chat rooms, and body and beauty obsessions influence your sexual choices–and what you can do about it
Develop a deeper, more satisfying level of intimacy with God
And much more
Whether you have so far protected yourself emotionally and sexually or have given in to temptation in some way, this book can help you maintain or reclaim sexual integrity.
It can also guide you through the temptations and pressures of young adulthood while demonstrating how you can live your life to the fullest–without regrets."
Tracey - posted on 12/31/2008
My husband and I explain to our two boys that of course, sex is a gift from God that should be reserved for marriage, but again, I don't pretend to be naive and think that they will adhere to my teachings. So, we both always remind them that if they have sex with a girl, they are also having sex with whomever she has been with, and they have been with, etc. on down the line. That kinda makes them think a little...i hope. Also, my husband tells them though they might not think about it now, they should respect the girls and realize that they wouldn't want all of their friends to have been a former lover of the girl they marry.....
Connie - posted on 12/31/2008
All you can do is talk to them, LOTS, including the importance of using protection. My son had one sexual encounter, it happened when my mother was babysitting and she let him be out about the neighborhood ALL DAY. What I think helps the child to sustain some is to not let him be out unsupervised for many hours. Of course, you can't really prevent that with the older teens.
Guinn - posted on 12/31/2008
I have a 16yr old son that has said he has a future and doesn't want to mess it up and that seems to be working for him and the girl he has been dating seems to share the same christian values we have. Now our daughter will be 16 in January is struggling to remain a virgin. I have kept the communication open with her explaining that she is an emotional person now it would be far more intense once she is active. I remind her that (she is my step daughter) that she doesn't want to end up in the cycle of bad relationships her mother and sister and aunts have. I also remind her that no one ever sets out to get an STD, being a drug addict or an alcoholic. But once you have the first time in any of those your chances increase immensely. So far we also struck up a deal that she got her belly button pierced for her 16th bday present and the deal was that she had to keep her grades up and remain a virgin for as long as possible. Her dad is deploying and he doesn't want to come back to be a gpa and I'm too young to be a gma. We have encouraged college and setting a career goal and being independent. So hopefully this will work it has thus far and I am very proud reminding them that they have the love and support to be strong. I tell them I know how hard it is because I can't hide the fact that I had my son my senior year of high school So I will keep you posted.
Amber - posted on 12/31/2008
I think if my mother and father had showed me that they loved, respected and trusted me I wouldn't have tried to look for love in the wrong places. My parents are good people, but they thought that they could get me to do what they wanted through intimidation. I think the best thing to do is to talk openly about it. Give them logical information and also prepare them for the future. Eventually the person is going to have sex and they should know to take precautions against disease and unwanted pregnancy.
Tammy - posted on 12/31/2008
That's a hard one. I think talking honestly and openly is your best chance. Having good communication and trust will increase your chances of them opening up to you. I remind my 15 year old that there are some things that we simply can never undo or take back and our virginity is one of them. I also talked about how once you take that step it is next to impossible to stop.
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