How do you explain to a 16 year old girl that they actually don't know everything?

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Deborah - posted on 02/08/2009

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My daughter is 17 and very smart. she does great in school and shes very smart in lifes challenges. I've been blessed. Maybe your daughter knows more then you think. maybe you don't want to admit that,todays girls are more informed about things then we were at 16.Just sit and talk about things. you'll be surprised. Just listen. Let her voice her opinion.

Nancy - posted on 02/08/2009

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Impossible! Let humility run its course. There have been a few times when situations have come up and i've chosen to keep my mouth shut and eventually came to me and asked for advice. Keep the lines of communication open and loving.

Valerie - posted on 02/08/2009

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I'm just patiently waiting until she's in her 20's or so....but I agree that it's amazing how much she actually listens to.  What's more important is not so much what I say, but what I do or don't do.  Unfortunately, I'm learning things from my relationship with my 15 yr. old daughter that is benifiting the relationship with my 10 yr. old daughter.  Live and learn!  Lots of prayer!

Jess - posted on 02/08/2009

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    Hi there,



   I am sorry to say that  there is nothing you can do but wait it out. I have a 16 year old boy who thinks he knows it all. I just keep at it, keep trying and moving forward. I have even called my own mother....lol...to apologize for MY behavior when I was 16. :0) Kids grow...and when they do, they will see. We just have to wait for it. :0) Hang in there.

Karen - posted on 02/07/2009

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I have a 15 year old daughter that has put me through hell over the last 6 months. I sort counselling to find the best way to deal with it. The answer to the question is that there is no answer. You just try to do the best you can, let her get into trouble and talk to her like an adult. Let her know that there are consequenses to every action and when those consequenses happen they soon learn. Never tell her you told her so. Make rules and boundaries together she will be much more open to this. My daughter has come full circle so it does work. Good luck to you all

Betsy - posted on 02/07/2009

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I have a daughter that seems to now everything, Her favorite line is I know. Or was going to do it, I can not stand when she says that drives me crazy...I end up prooving her wrong any way, I just don't say I told you so... she knows it and I know and thats enough I call it aday, until next time. People tell me it gets better , we'll see hahahahGood luck to you  

Keisha - posted on 02/03/2009

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keep proving her wrong and say, "SEE I TOLD U"... I used to go thru this with my daughter and she's starting to believe what I say... If you prove to her how many times she's wrong then she will see that man, my mom does know whats going on.



 



I have went as far as googling things.. youtubing things to prove her wrong...



 



Good luck!

Maria - posted on 02/03/2009

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whaen ya find the answer to that,please let me now.i hear ya.im having trouble with my 15 year old daughter.Raising teens is no joke.i feel very stressed.shes so into boys.thats all she seems to care about lately.girls seem to be harder than boys.i have a 16 year old son.he gives me to trouble.hope things get better.

Joann - posted on 02/01/2009

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I now have 3 grown adult daughters who put us though hell, the oldest one got pregnant her senior year of high school--that kinda taught the other two they didn't want to go that route. This is where you have to decide that you taught her whats good and bad and how to make the right choice even with peer pressure. Sit down and make sure she knows the truth about sex, drugs and respecting herself first.let her know you love her no matter what and that you will always be there for her, that way she will call you if she is in trouble. My girls tell me now that they always knew that they could call me if they were in trouble or anything, and at the time they were proud of me because other Moms weren't there for there kids when they were in trouble.Teenagers will always think that there parents are dumb or out of touch.This too will pass-now that mine our grown and on there own--I've became very smart!!

Lisa - posted on 01/31/2009

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You will never convince her of it. Mine is 16 and has thought that way since she was 14. All you can do is be there when she finds out she was wrong or realizes she didnt know something. She will need you when some of these realizations occur. Some you will never know about but some you will. The more you tell her she doesnt know everything the more she is going to try and prove you wrong.

Tina - posted on 01/29/2009

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Let her make mistakes and feel the consequences of her actions. That is the only way she will learn that she doesn't know everything. Don't rescue her from the natural consequence as she must experience that hard part for her to realize the pain is not what she wants for herself. Then you be there for her and support her, but don't step in and try to fix what she is doing and control her. That is what she is fighting for. The control. You can set the boundaries and be clear as to what the consequences will be if she breaks that rules and then follow through with the consequence and be consistent. Always be united with dad in these decisions as well. It would not be effective if one is following the rules and the other one is not. You have to be on the same team. Teens want to feel safe and by setting up boundaries and being united, this creates that safety that they desire.

Kathy - posted on 01/29/2009

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I've told my 14yo son that "I thought I was smarter than MY parents too...." I let him draw his own conclusions.

Melinda - posted on 01/29/2009

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I have already lived thru this once, and next one is not far behind.  Everyone has a different personality. I have four daughters and they all have completely different personalities.  My 13yr old for the most part is easy to reason with and make her understand that every action has a consequence.  We pray this qualitly stays with her....but odds are it won't.  My 17yr old is exactly the opposite.  From the time she was 15 she thought she knew everything she needed to know about life and we(her parents and other adults in the family) are dumb as dirt.  The only thing I learned to do was to let her make her own mistakes.  Of course we didn't let her do ANYTHING that could harm her physically or mentally.  But we realized the more we pushed her not to do something...the more she wanted to do it because she thought she knew better.  We learned to pick our battles, let her know what might happen if she was willing to listen, and step back and watch.  Nine times out of 10 we would be right and even though it killed her to admit it, she knew it too.  Now we are starting to see a change in her.  She's actually taking some of our advise or atleast keeping an open mind to it.  I don't know if this helps you...hopefully it will.  In the meantime, try not to lose your cool...they feed on that...lol.

User - posted on 01/25/2009

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Sometimes they just have to fall flat on their faces, their "knowledge" exposed as totally wrong, or even better-- embarrassing. Preferably in front of their friends. Then you have to be there to pick them up and dust them off. It's really hard not to say "I told you so!" but they know you told them so anyway. They just won't admit it.

Traceylee - posted on 01/24/2009

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Hi Teresa,



Yes those difficult years..Our babies are not little kids and not older enough to be treated as an adult. I totally see where you are coming from, and also understand what a 16 year old thinks..Are you able to give me an example of a situation that you and your daughter have been in and what the end result was..I run a Parent and Teen workshop I may have a few tips if you are interested..

Hang in there,



Tracey-Lee

[deleted account]

LOL if you get a sure fire fix to this one can you let the rest of us know?? Please? So glad to know that it's not just MY child who does that!

Ginny - posted on 01/24/2009

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Don't bother! It won't work anyway! Seriously, teens are just like toddlers except bigger. They are learning more, growing more, becoming more independent than ever before, and they need to feel confident in order to make those leaps. They have a foot in both worlds, and when it suits them, they prefer to stand only on one foot in one world (either the adult world in which they have all the answers and get to make all the decisions -- OR --- the adult world in which they don't want to have any responsibility, want you to fix it all and take care of them like you did when they were little!). Our job is to help them keep a foot in each world -- taking as much responsibility as they can, making choices, taking responsibility for those choices all while we still take care of them and nurture them. Good luck!

Deidra - posted on 01/24/2009

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Hey Teresa, I know what your going through I have a 13 year old daughter who thinks she know everything. I have this phrase I'll say to her the moment she says I know when we're conversing about something, I'll say " well tell me what you know" and in most cases she can't that's just their way of not wanting to here it from us because to them we are out of the loop or not intuned with their generation. So when she can't I just kindly explain it to her and afterwards I'll say I rather you have the right information than get the wrong info from someone else and if we don't know we can go find it out together. Also prayer helps lots of it. Good luck Deidra

Beckie - posted on 01/24/2009

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My Mom explained it best to me! She said that when your children are small that you are the smartest person in the world, when they are teenagers you are the dumbest. She said this cycle will continue. Looking back, I know exactly what she was talking about and I am going though this with my own children. Just hang in there, it will get better!

Teresa - posted on 01/21/2009

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Thanks everyone! This kid sure knows how to push my buttons. I think I might let her be me for a couple of days, then we'll see what she really knows!

Candy - posted on 01/21/2009

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Oh, I feel for you! Been there done that. Here is my advise, having learned from my own mistakes. You don't. Really! You don't. It takes a lot of patience on your part. But you need to be a good listener. Understand that her brain has not formed completley as of yet. Tell her you respect her opinion, and here is your opinion. Comprimise if you can. Do what is safe and responsible for her. And don't worry about being right. We already know you are right!

[deleted account]

You can't. You are in charge though until she moves out so stay the boss and don't do handouts for bad behavoir or disrespect. She will be back one day....I mean in terms of thinking you know everything!

Lori - posted on 01/21/2009

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You can't.



Don't waste your breath.



But here's what you CAN do - you can explain what YOU know, that they may or may not think THEY know. They might be rolling their eyes and trying to talk all over top of you with the 'I know Mom!' whinny voice (argh, grates on my nerves!!) BUT just keep calming talking. You'd be surprised what they listen to.

Shelly - posted on 01/20/2009

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When she tells you you don't know what it's like tell her "oh yea I forgot I was born this size.  And the answer to your question is you don't you waait till she's 30 then she will believe you.

Lisa - posted on 01/20/2009

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Hi Teresa,

I feel for ya girl! Having three sons, two of which are teens (one grown), I can tell you... You don't. She won't listen. At sixteen, teens know they are not little kids, and at the same time, they believe themselves to be all grown up. But you and I know different. At about the tween years, parents become dumb as rocks. They know nothing. They don't understand. And the tweens (and much older) know everything. Just part of being a teenager, and a parent. And yes, I definately know how frustrating it is:)

Depending on your daughter, maybe you could try showing her that she doesn't know everything. I tried this with my sons, it never worked. But it might for your daughter. Just a thought:)


Lisa :)

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