How do you get your 13 year old to stop using fowl language

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Ellie - posted on 11/11/2009

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honestly.... my daughter swears like crazy. i am very big on children being able to express themselves. she gets great grades and is helpful around the house. therefore, i let her express herself in safe ways, dying her hair, piercing her ears, and she swears. she doesnt swear "at" me... ever. but she does. i dont mind it so much.

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Each teenager is different, But Here's what i do...



I give my two teenager boys the same old lecture "reasons why it's not a good lifestyle choice to cuss" or sometimes just I tell them to stop. My motto... be consistent and prosistent without the sign of angry or frustration. It's hard to do.



I figure I cant control them BUT I can out last them.



best advice I got from a friend. "with teenagers, pick your battles wisely."



Dont let cussing be a power battle between you and him/her. Because in the long term, they will win.

[deleted account]

This is good advice! I've only heard my 15yo swear once and we both said the same word at the same time, I just about hit a skunk taht was sitting in the middle of the road. He turned bright red and I laughed and told him that word pretty much summed up the situation. I also told him that in situations such as these it was ok to use those words, and also when talking with his friends. Around adults, however, he was not to use those words.

Bonnie - posted on 11/12/2009

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Take something away from them that will real annoy them...(like the internet)

When they realise how much you dislike the foul langauge (by disconnecting the net every time they push it), then they might back off a bit??

Vicki - posted on 11/11/2009

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Using soap or "popping" them in the mouth will do nothing to a teenager except get him/her angry with you. When a young teen swears, they are either looking for a rise from the parent or following the example set. Be the example, explain your expectation, and, above all, hold your temper. All four of our children are respectful of me (not perfect-but respectful) because I respect them. I also make it a point to spend time with them to model our parental expectations. The goal is to improve the overall behavior,not just have the teen fear you.

Susan - posted on 11/11/2009

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My husband tells our Twelve and 15 year old sons that if they are old enough to use Adult language (swear) than they are old enough to start paying rent and $300 will be due on the first of the month. If they can't pay, he will sell their stuff until it is paid. They know he is serious so they never swear around us. I know they swear when they are away from the house with their friends but they know that I don't want to hear the language and I better not hear from their friend's parents that they are swearing at their houses.

Dianna - posted on 11/10/2009

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Tell them you expect them to respect you by not swaring around you. Make sure you give him/her the same respect. I used soap when mine were a bit younger, making sure to drag it on the teeth so it stayed with them for a while. It only took a couple of times. They have to test you and see that you are serious.

Rhonda - posted on 11/10/2009

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Use Dawn....It works and they seem to remember it. They dont like to be embarressed but dont mind humilating you...Neither one of my teens curse in the company of adults, how they talk out of ear shot is something else but having respect for adults is a battle we all need to win!

Michelle - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting crystal:

u reach over there and pop her in her mouth everytime u hear it and she or he might not stop all together but i bet it will cut down when there around u. and let them know that u send them to school to take english for a reason to learn to talk with all of that.


LOL they sure will cut down around you.  Really as parents for us to ask our children not to do things, we can't live by the motto, "Do as I say, not as I do."  That won't work. We have to set the example and God holds us accountable for raising them right.

Autumn - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hello, my name is Autumn. I have 4 children; A boy 16, a girl 14, a boy 13, and another girl who is 10. I agree with the mouth popping. I have done it to my children. I do not cuss and i cant stop them from doing at school but I have instilled in them from an early age that I will not tolerate it and that they should have enough respect for me and other family members not to do it. Plus my children are the oldest of all the grandchildren in the family, so I have put a lot of responsibility on them to becareful what they say around these younger cousins, because the young ones will repeat what they say, and those kids will look up to them and they need to set a good example. They are intelegent and intelegent poeple do not need to resort to using foul language to express themselves. Now If that does not work I do have another idea that actually helped my husband stop cursing. He did actually want to stop, but this might with teenagers that either work or recieve an allowance. Get a jar. Set them down and explain to them that there will be no cursing in the house or around family. Then decide on amount that each word is worth. That is what it will cost them everytime they say it. And make sure that they know you will be keeping track. At our house all cuss words except the "F" word were 25 cents. The "F" word a $1. You can subtract it from their allowance but I believe making them put it in the jar is actually more affective. But ultimately its easier to keep them from ever doing it in the first place or stopping it when they are a lot younger than it is to try to get them to stop when they are older. I hope I have been of some help. Good Luck.

Marilyn - posted on 11/09/2009

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Take away priviledges until the 13 year old stops. He/she probably does not talk to his/her teacher or other adults that way; so you should not have to hear it either. Ground him/her, take away TV, send him/her to their room. Make sure he/she understands that he/she MUST respect you. Do not tolerate it at all because it will only get worse.

[deleted account]

I warn her that you were gonna pop her in the mouth the next time she didn it. Then you follow through, I betcha she will stop cursing around you.

[deleted account]

u reach over there and pop her in her mouth everytime u hear it and she or he might not stop all together but i bet it will cut down when there around u. and let them know that u send them to school to take english for a reason to learn to talk with all of that.

Janelle - posted on 11/06/2009

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I swear a little but for the respect of my parents I ask my boys not to swear around them. I have stated since little that "If they are old enough to swear then they are old enough to respect the rules that come with it.



Swearing is something you do in a paddock or workshop when things dont go right (or in their case) on the footy field so...



1. No swearing in front of children (their family, friends, cousins)

2. No swearing in front of women (of which I come into that categorie)



They still copy the influences in their life and curse, but they do trim it for me when they think. It does give me the opportunity to talk about respect for others who may not swear. If I cant stop them. This is one opportunity I get to growl and show them it matters, not to me but to others.

Tara - posted on 11/06/2009

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Consequences. Come up with something and every time he says a word that you don't approve of, consequences! I make my teenagers sit and transcribe pages out of the dictionary! They HATE IT.. which makes me love it - because it works! In our house, foul language isn't something I flip out about. But I do flip out if they aren't respectful and learn when it's okay and when it's NOT okay to use that language. I tell them, when you're with your friends - fine. But not around me, not around other adults, and not around little kids. And if I hear em, they already know they're busted because we've had the conversation and consequences follow! :)

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2009

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Pop her/him in the mouth. Ok, I realize that most would find that a terrible thing to do. I'm actually not even one to give that advice because my daughter is very respectful and if she does use profanity, I'd never know it. My 22 year old on the other hand never used profanity around me until he got mad. I told him over and over to stop but to no avail so....

AS for your 13 year old, sit him down at a time when he's not swearing and say you need to have a talk. Let him know it is not acceptable talk in your home and if he continues there will be consequences. And keep your word. If you say you are going to take something away, punish or whatever, stick to it no matter how much he balks and complains.

Ok, I assumed your 13 year old is a boy but if a girl, same advice.

Angie - posted on 11/06/2009

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I'm sure my teens use foul language when they aren't with me but they respect me enough not to use it around me. Just tell them that it is very disrespectful to use that kind of language around ladies. I have always told my children that people who curse aren't smart enough to use language that is appropriate. Somehow it's worked so far... Good luck.

Connie King - posted on 11/06/2009

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Hello Melissa, my name is Connie. A mother a 17 year old son and a 16 year old daughter. To answer your question, I have learned they aren't going to stop the profanity. All you can do is keep reminding them you don't like that kind of talk. Whether you in the room or not, they will keep swearing. My main concern at this point is to really talk to her about her body changes and sex. I preached and preached and my 16 year old is mom herself now.

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