How do you get your 19 yr old to get a job and move out

Crystal - posted on 08/21/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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my oldest moved home several months ago, he got evicted from his house, now he is homelss, jobless and has no motivation to do either. Help

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Shelly - posted on 08/28/2009

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Crystal,

You give him drop dead dates for having a job and then for him to get his own place...If he chooses not to look for a job then you stand by that date and get him moved out of your home. You are not doing him any good by allowing him to be a bum in your home. We as moms seem to want to protect our children from the big bad world and in turn we are teaching our children that they don't have to be responcible for them selves b/c mom will save me...With this economy you will need to give it a reasonable amout of time but not to long and stand by it...Even if you don't want to give him a date to move out at least give him a date to start paying you rent make him be responcible for his own personal items and help with the groceries, and utilities don't make it an easy ride....

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2009

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Had issues with my oldest daughter
they can't wait to be an adult well time to grow up and act like one too ;o))
responsibilities!
let him know whats expected of him as a productive adult in the household as well as respectful (not rules respect) and help carry his own and don't make it too easy! responsible but at the same time
TOUGH LOVE! Stop enabling it by letting him
Still parenting no matter what age. Guiding him to be a responsible productive adult isn't easy but doable.

Cheryl - posted on 08/25/2009

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Kick her out. Letting her sleep in your house, eat your food, suck up your TV, etc. is just enabling her behavior. She has no consequences...why should she change? She's 19, not much you can do to change her behavior, she's now an adult. I'm not saying its easy....i'm not saying your not going to worry, or continously second guess yourself, did I make the right choice etc. but you can't keep proping her up if she is not willing to do anything for herself. You can try the miliatry route, that's a possibility but in the end its her choice, she's going to have to sign the contract...lead a horse....

Tammy - posted on 08/25/2009

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Yes, he has rules! He is living in our house that has rules. They arent hard rules but he has to go by them in which he does test us!! BUT, keep your foot down and stand your ground. ITS HARD I know but if he wants to live off you, then he needs to do his share of keep!!!

Vicky - posted on 08/25/2009

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When u figure that one out let me know...lol...Mine is in college and still at home. He says I'm still responsible for supporting him and won't get a job.

Carolyn - posted on 08/24/2009

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my oldest was the same way but it came down to go to college, get a job or be on the street. he went to work and has held his job for 2 years now. if only our 19 year old will do the same! lol.

Tammy - posted on 08/24/2009

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Well, I have to say Hard LOVE!! Our 18 yr old graduated and wouldnt work or help in doing any chores, etc etc etc......so we gave him options.......Get a full time job or join the militarty!!!! He joined the military!!

Crystal - posted on 08/24/2009

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thank you for all your replys, He has to work around the house for any money I give him. He has to ride the bus or his bike anywhere he wants to go. He finally signed up for unemployment. So things are looking better, He has to look for jobs regularly which I will drive him to so I know he actually goes looking. I has wake up time every day which I have stuck to, so no sleeping all day.



Thanks again for all your messages. I am taking them all to heart.

Crystal Bowen

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2009

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Put your foot down or they will be there forever.... Life is a crap sandwich, everyday you take a bit of it and move on. BUT one day it will be gone.....

Toni - posted on 08/23/2009

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My son will be 19 next month, he is planning on going to college in the spring. I have explained to him that until he goes off to college he must have a job and until he gets that job, he will have to take up the slack around the house, since he is the one who is unemployed. This means laundry, cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc. We have explained if this is not done then he can move out. He tried us on this and sure enough, I kicked him out. I told him you can't stay here unless you pull your weight. Well, he is pulling his weight now. It was really tough on me to kick him out, I cried after he left, but, he came back crying and sorry. Obviously your son needs to take responsibility for his actions, he needs to man up!!!!! If that means mom getting tough, then so be it. We can't coddle our children forever. He has to learn to stand on his own two feet and learn to survive. It was kinda funny, when my son asked "where am I supposed to go?" I told him there is nice bridge down the street, he can hang out with the other bums or maybe a homeless shelter, he thought I was joking, that I wouldn't do it. Well, I did it and he did survive, I am sure he was really mad at me, but he learned a valuable lesson. I have told him I love him more than he will ever know, and if he were trying I would be more than happy to help him, but sitting around being a lump on a log isn't going to work, if I can't do that, than neither can he. So, I hope some of this helps. Good luck and god bless. ps: I have since been laid off from work, however he is still responsible to his work around the house....Because the last time I looked it was my name on the mortgage not his...

Stefanie - posted on 08/21/2009

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Jeannette I will pass the thank you on to my daughter from you. Also if your daughter is interested in Marching Band. The Armed Forces does have place for them as well, so she could keep up on her music. I wish you all the luck. If you ever need to talk I've got an ear.. :)

Stefanie - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Jeannette:



Quoting Stefanie:

Well I was in a similar situation until March of this year. My oldest daughter who was 18 at the time. Had no motivation to do anything, but hang out w/ the wrong crowd.. ie. no job, car, food and on and on. Anyway one afternoon we took her to see the Army recruiter. Which was the best thing ever for her. You could actually see her perk up when she realize it wasn't to late to straighten out her life and make something of herself. This was a way to get her self esteem back, money in her pocket, bill paid, place to live, food and good people to associate herself w/. She gets a very good college fund and a good size bonus at the end of her training. She completed boot camp at the end of May from Fort Jackson, SC. This was such a wonderful thing to see. Since boot camp she completed her Airborne training in Fort Benning, GA. She currently is at Fort Lee, VA completing her training. Not sure where she will end up, but I know that it will be much better than hanging around w/ a rough crowd going know where w/ there lives. What is also neat is that I have watched her mature dramatically. I also have a 16 year old daughter who is wanting to join the service as well. And then my youngest which will turn 2 in October. I hope me sharing this helps some what. Hanging in there and if you need to talk just give me a hollar.





Stephanie, our daughter just went off to college, having everything paid for this first semester.  She doesn't have to worry about paying rent, food, books, anything...it is all taken care of for her.  Now, after this semester, she has to find her own funding for college.  She doesn't think she can hold a part time job because marching band has a rigorous schedule, and I told her, maybe you cannot afford to be in marching band then.  Well, if she doesn't take care of all the necessary paperwork, loans, etc, she doesn't get a second semester. 






My husband and I have talked about this at length, and we've decided that if she doesn't take care of business, she is going to be offered the military as well.  It would be great for her to learn responsibility, discipline, independence, life skills, and have her housing taken care of, her food taken care of, and she gets a check.  She is smart, just unmotivated.  I think the military is the way to go for a lot of young people. 






By the way, thank your daughter for me, for her service! : )





 

Jeannette - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Stefanie:

Well I was in a similar situation until March of this year. My oldest daughter who was 18 at the time. Had no motivation to do anything, but hang out w/ the wrong crowd.. ie. no job, car, food and on and on. Anyway one afternoon we took her to see the Army recruiter. Which was the best thing ever for her. You could actually see her perk up when she realize it wasn't to late to straighten out her life and make something of herself. This was a way to get her self esteem back, money in her pocket, bill paid, place to live, food and good people to associate herself w/. She gets a very good college fund and a good size bonus at the end of her training. She completed boot camp at the end of May from Fort Jackson, SC. This was such a wonderful thing to see. Since boot camp she completed her Airborne training in Fort Benning, GA. She currently is at Fort Lee, VA completing her training. Not sure where she will end up, but I know that it will be much better than hanging around w/ a rough crowd going know where w/ there lives. What is also neat is that I have watched her mature dramatically. I also have a 16 year old daughter who is wanting to join the service as well. And then my youngest which will turn 2 in October. I hope me sharing this helps some what. Hanging in there and if you need to talk just give me a hollar.


Stephanie, our daughter just went off to college, having everything paid for this first semester.  She doesn't have to worry about paying rent, food, books, anything...it is all taken care of for her.  Now, after this semester, she has to find her own funding for college.  She doesn't think she can hold a part time job because marching band has a rigorous schedule, and I told her, maybe you cannot afford to be in marching band then.  Well, if she doesn't take care of all the necessary paperwork, loans, etc, she doesn't get a second semester. 



My husband and I have talked about this at length, and we've decided that if she doesn't take care of business, she is going to be offered the military as well.  It would be great for her to learn responsibility, discipline, independence, life skills, and have her housing taken care of, her food taken care of, and she gets a check.  She is smart, just unmotivated.  I think the military is the way to go for a lot of young people. 



By the way, thank your daughter for me, for her service! : )

Stefanie - posted on 08/21/2009

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Well I was in a similar situation until March of this year. My oldest daughter who was 18 at the time. Had no motivation to do anything, but hang out w/ the wrong crowd.. ie. no job, car, food and on and on. Anyway one afternoon we took her to see the Army recruiter. Which was the best thing ever for her. You could actually see her perk up when she realize it wasn't to late to straighten out her life and make something of herself. This was a way to get her self esteem back, money in her pocket, bill paid, place to live, food and good people to associate herself w/. She gets a very good college fund and a good size bonus at the end of her training. She completed boot camp at the end of May from Fort Jackson, SC. This was such a wonderful thing to see. Since boot camp she completed her Airborne training in Fort Benning, GA. She currently is at Fort Lee, VA completing her training. Not sure where she will end up, but I know that it will be much better than hanging around w/ a rough crowd going know where w/ there lives. What is also neat is that I have watched her mature dramatically. I also have a 16 year old daughter who is wanting to join the service as well. And then my youngest which will turn 2 in October. I hope me sharing this helps some what. Hanging in there and if you need to talk just give me a hollar.

Kiesha - posted on 08/21/2009

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Fortunately for me my 19 yr old daughter just moved into her 1st apartment and is employed! I now have a 2 yr old and a 5 1/2 month old to do it all over again with! Most teenagers leave home thinking that independence is cool until they realize that with independence comes responsibility. Try charging Room and Board. He's back home so provide Rules that have to be abided by being that he is residing in your home! Treating him like a kid should provide him with all of the motivation needed for him to realize visiting is better than moving back home!

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