How do you help your teenage daughter get over heartbreak?

Heidi - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My 13 yrs old daughter has had a on/off friendship relationship with a 16 yr old boy for the past 8 months. He has miss treated her mentally but still wants to be her 'friend'. This boy has also started seeing a girl who bullies my daughter at school and is very mean! My daughter is struggling with his new relationship. Any ideas? BTW my daughter is far more mature, this young lad acts about 12 yrs old.

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My 14 year old daughter was recently dumped by her boyfriend (also 14). She took it pretty hard and was even more upset when he started dating another girl. Fortunatley, they go to different schools and the only way she keeps up with him is through Facebook, which I've advised her to stop doing. I'm there to listen, but I am truly grateful that she has a couple of really good friends to help her through. I've told her that very few of us stay with the boys we dated when we were 14, but we can keep our girlfriends for the rest of our lives, as my niece did. When she got married at 32, her attendants were all her best buddies from middle school.



It is a major life lesson and we all have to learn it. I knew this would happen, it happens to all of us. But it doesn't make it any easier.

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Lynn - posted on 10/23/2012

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im sorry to say..the problem is my gal 23yrs ..don have many frends.

she stays in her room 24hrs lying in bed and on computer

she gets up late , nvr helps at home nor cook and she says shes not finding work at the moment...cos she has to study.

shes being served by me, like as if im her 24hrs maid and its like a musts and my duty as a mother

to do all those.

i cant talk with her, cos if i do, she felt like im nagging and all turned a deaf ears and we ended ...like enemy and we avoid each other, cos shes afraid to hear me and im afraid i will make a wrong move and hurts her deeper!

i became very nervous and stress

i tot of taking a break and take a long holiday and leave her on her own...but wat if something doesnt turn out well at home...im to be blamed!

my hubby cant take leave, so i leave him to be with her, but im afraid she will give her dad problems and quarrels and wat if this add to his problem at work and at home.

im very scared and nervous.....pls ...i need help and advice.

thank you

Heidi - posted on 09/07/2009

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Thank you for your comments. I have found some Yoga classes that both my daughter and I will be attending together along with other activities with her older sister. My daughter is also starting to model again after having her confidence knocked by 'you know who, telling her to weigh herself in front of him', 'loser'. I have only just found out why she did not want to continue her modeling, anyway i have put her straight on this subject and will continue to watch her very closly. She has also been approached by another modeling agency and has been asked to appear in the next harry potter film. This will keep her too busy for anything else. I will keep you all updated but i am pleased to tell you that she is coming out of the other side and i belive is getting ahppier by the day. She is also constantly meeting new friends and i belive she has learnt a major life lesson here. Love to you all Heidi xx :-)

Donna - posted on 09/06/2009

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As if it isn't hard enough to come to terms with the end of a relationship, being a teen and coming to terms is especially difficult, Self-doubt, self-esteem, wanting to belong, dealing with people who were friends of both of you, hearing rumors...Wow! Could it feel any worse? Sounds like your daughter is seeing the "real" person that this boy is. What a loser. Anyway, spending some extra time with your daughter, using opportunities to point out her strengths (don't overdo it), and lots of hugs will go a long way. My daughter and I watch some of the teen shows out there now together (such as The Secret Life of the American Teenager, etc.) and talk about things that happen in a realistic and "what if?" way, to help her handle similar situations. Helping her develop her individual talents may also serve as a distraction. Last year after she went through a break-up which was very hard for her (she broke up with him because his behavior was lacking), we enrolled her in voice lessons through the town recreation department, and she gained self-confidence enough to enter a talent show. She did well and was cheered on by the whole school, which was a very positive experience for her. Anyway, healing takes many forms, and some time and patience. Hope things work out well for your daughter!

Jaime - posted on 09/06/2009

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I know what she is going through< I have a 15 yr. old daughter who has just recently gone through the same exact thing.. There will be alot of tears and sleepless nights but end the end she will realize that it is his loss..

Temi - posted on 09/06/2009

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Unfortunately, alot of what your daughter has to get through, she has to get through on her own. My advice is to make memories with yourself and her that have nothing at all to do with boys, like take her shopping, or to the movies, or do some baking, etc, things that she will remember later on as great memories, just love her lots and be her Mom.

JO - posted on 09/05/2009

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Encourage her to keep negative relationships out of her life. It does hurt by cutting the ties, but, as she is seeing, It is worth the while. Surround herself with good friends who support her and surrender this jerks actions to Karma! I wish u both the best of luck!

Heidi - posted on 09/04/2009

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Thank you for your encouraging comment :-) She is finally realising what he is like and that he probably will be unable to change for some time yet as he is very immature and she knows full well that she can do better. She will be fine as the saying goes time is a healer.

Anita - posted on 09/04/2009

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wow this guy is a real jerk. She is best to keep him out of her life at this time. She needs to let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated if he ever wants to be a part of her life again. As a parent, you just need to be there for her but let her handle it on our own and discover that some guys are just jerks and not worth the time and move on. This way in the future she will be able to recognize this type of guy from the beginning. Good luck

Heidi - posted on 09/04/2009

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Thanks guys for all your help. I will now update you on the situation which has become even more messed up!! Well, she made a stand and deleted him from her life completly i.e facebook, MSN, myspace etc and oh what a surprise very ugly rumours about her have started and it has been confirmed these rumours are being spread by, no other than this boy himself. She has been asked a lot of questions and had lots of comments by 'friends' about these rumours and is putting everyone straight. She also intents on seeing him face to face to find out why exactly he feels the need to do this. It is just very funny that all this has happened once SHE decided to not associate with him at all. Jelously is a very horrible and hurtful thing. She was upset but is now fine just quite angry. As any of us caring mothers are i am there for her and will continue to support her. Its just very frustrating! Anyway thats just skimming over the surface but thanks for all your advise, it is all taken on board x

Lori - posted on 09/03/2009

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I would sign her up for judo or Taekwondo first and tell her she is a beautiful, intelligent, good hearted young girl, too good for the likes of him..she needs to find outside interests.

Rebecca - posted on 09/03/2009

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We also kept my fourteen year old daughter very busy after her boyfriend of one year started ignoring her. We helped her to understand that he was the one losing out. Plus I told her, flirting is fun and safe, and alot easier than being tied down to one guy at such a young age.

Dana - posted on 09/03/2009

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Gives lots of hugs... Tell her you love her very much.I went through the same thing. My daughters boy friend was very imature and had a lot of problems and she thought she could "fix him". He got her into alot of trouble and did alot of lying. My husband and I try to help this boy but we finally had to tell her that he was not welcome at our home. She did break up with him and he threatened to kill himself several times. I just gave my daughter a lot of love and hugs. We didn't talk alot about the situation but we did talk alot about general things just incase she felt the need to talk about it she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Susan - posted on 09/03/2009

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I've watched both my daughters go thru heart aches several times over the years and boy, as a mom, does it hurt ME to see them suffer. I just tell them how wonderful I think that they are and that "this too shall pass". I've always tried to tell them to be with a guy that can make them laugh and to watch out for certain things like possessiveness, jealousy, verbal abuse, etc. you know, the red flags that we all should be aware of. At thirteen, I didn't allow them to "date" anyone but in their age group. My youngest is 15 and has been with her boyfriend (also 15) for 9 months now and my oldest daughter is 24 and is busy working so there are no men issues with her right now. I know for a fact that one of the things that have been so beneficial in my youngster's life is that she is extremely busy with school and softball so she doesn't really have the time to just hang out and this boyfriend is very understanding of her schedule as he is an athlete too. Maybe you can help your daughter find something that she really enjoys and get her involved with that so that she has another thing to focus on. Good luck! Don't forget to tell her how wonderful you think she is, just as she is...

Susan

Heidi - posted on 09/03/2009

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Thank you for your kind words. She is spoit rotten anyway but today she got new clothes and make up etc. All us girlies know a good shopping spree helps! :-) xx

Tammy - posted on 09/03/2009

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Take her to have a manicure/pedicure.....buy her a new outfit and tell her how beautiful she is and that she will have many more boyfriends after this one. It is part of life to feel the hurt, but it soon will pass!

Heidi - posted on 09/02/2009

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Thank you, good news actually she seems to be moving on quite swiftly already :-). She goes back to school on monday so she will have less time to dwell on her hands also. :-)

Caroline Frances - posted on 09/02/2009

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Just be there for her, a shoulder to cry on!!!! It will take a while for her to accept its over, but it will make her a stronger person. She is much better than what he is.

Jan - posted on 09/01/2009

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I would also get to grips with the bullying. It sounds like the other girl has jealousy & confidence issues to deal with. Tell your daughter to hold her head high. I'm sure she must have other friends to hang out with & can avoid this bully. Let the school know what's going on & give them a chance to deal with the bullying.

Heidi - posted on 09/01/2009

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Thank you. Its hard going but i am sure she will get there in the end. It just anoys me that this one particular lad can treat her like rubish and she will take it, yet she wont from anyone else. Anyway thanks again and fingers crossed. x

Jan - posted on 09/01/2009

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Keep boosting her confidence by telling her what she is doing well. No good saying She's better off without him but tell her not to let him see that she is bothered. It's difficult but only time & loads of hugs will help. Good luck

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