How to approach or stop sons from masturbating?

Mariah - posted on 09/11/2017 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I think both of my sons have discovered masturbation at the same time because they both have been leaving stains in their rooms and clothing. My first son being 13 and my second being 11. Does the two year difference change anything? I am wondering how should I be dealing with this? I have noticed they looked up "bikini women" on their laptop. Should I confront them about this? Perhaps make them stop? I'm a single mom and they have no male figures in their lives

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Sarah - posted on 10/31/2017

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Masturbation is normal and healthy.
What is dangerous, very dangerous is pornography. "Bikini women" is relatively harmless, however, that they are likely looking at them in order to masturbate, is not respectful to women.

This is a couple of good websites - both are Catholic sources, I use them because they are good.
http://www.chastity.com/.
http://tobinstitute.org/

Sara - posted on 10/31/2017

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Im surprised that an 11 year old boy is ejaculating.That seems a bit young i thought. Masturbation is like the very basics of all sexuality. My daughter is 13, and my son is 10, and I would rather my both of them to masturbate before they ever have sex.

Laura - posted on 10/18/2017

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~~" A 15 YR OLD BOY "~~in the cow-boy days,,,a boy of 15 could be married and start to raise a family,, AND ..his sons would help him in the family livelihood... now,,boys especially, must have outlet because the pressure builds up to being unbearable..
~~Now what if sex did not cause pregnancy ,,and then there wouldn't be any reason to prevent teens from having consensual sex,,,right ??? but now here come the bug-a-boo~~~ the religions would pressure the congresses,,still to make teen sex illegal ,on the grounds of the intense evil of good feelings,,,which we all know are evil,and sends us all to the hot place.. right ??~~.. one lady says that a little boy masturbating will go to hell ~~ ( her words )"~~ if he doesn't plead forgiveness to his priest or minister, and never do it again...

Laura - posted on 10/18/2017

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to joy masturbation is normal and bad,or evil...you cannot stop it if you try to do so you will cause your son great guilt an anxiety,,but,then,this is what many religions with out of horrible ignorance....they way you interpret..is very sad indeed you can cause great psychological harm ,, Now let me ask,~~~,should he be tuned over to an inquisition and be put on the rack

Joy - posted on 10/11/2017

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The urge to masturbate may be normal, however, it is sinful to partake in it. Tell your son that when he wakes up from sleep and has this urge, he is to immidiitely begin praying to the blessed Mother to help him to resist. Also, he must confess this to a Catholic priest. It's okay if he isn't Catholic, he still has to do this in order to save his soul.

Joy - posted on 10/11/2017

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The urge to masturbate may be normal, however, it is sinful to partake in it. Tell your son that when he wakes up from sleep and has this urge, he is to immidiitely begin praying to the blessed Mother to help him to resist. Also, he must confess this to a Catholic priest. It's okay if he isn't Catholic, he still has to do this in order to save his soul.

Joy - posted on 10/11/2017

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The urge to masturbate may be normal, however, it is sinful to partake in it. Tell your son that when he wakes up from sleep and has this urge, he is to immidiitely begin praying to the blessed Mother to help him to resist. Also, he must confess this to a Catholic priest. It's okay if he isn't Catholic, he still has to do this in order to save his soul.

Jasmine - posted on 10/10/2017

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@becky maybe you should give him a clean sock, and let him fill it for 15 minutes. Then you can see whethet he's lying :)

Becky - posted on 10/05/2017

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@Jasmine So I found one this morning, filled again and I decided to confront my son. If anything to get him to change the sock. I asked him, politely, to please stop waiting until one fills up. He turned bright red and I felt badly. I made sure to tell him that masturbation is normal, but the hygiene of using a sock over and over until it's filled up is not so good.

That's when he mumbling tells me that the sock I found was from just once this morning. I was shocked to say the least (at first) and now I'm worried there might be something wrong. The sock I found this morning had a LOT of semen in it. Like the whole foot area was filled and weighing the damn thing down. That can't be normal.

Candice - posted on 10/05/2017

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Masturbation is normal - is there anyone who DOESN'T do it? They certainly don't need any help as you know already so why not just allow them to address their growing needs and feelings without intervening? You most assuredly will never get them to stop and why would you even try?

Jasmine - posted on 10/05/2017

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@becky you should ask him how long does he change his sock, it's not good for the sock if it goes uncleaned more than 10 days

Becky - posted on 10/03/2017

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I'm a single mom of a 13 year old whom is CONSTANTLY going at it. He tries his best but the damn thing gets to be too much (and way too obvious). He's been good a sneaking away, but not always so good at closing doors (or shower curtains, etc). Believe me I have a great many stories (and his particular problem is larger than most could imagine). There are times when I clean his room and I'll find a sock that is literally filled with his... "explosion". Is it normal of them to have so much??

Laura - posted on 10/01/2017

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to punish little kids for something natural is harmful to their psyche,,causes guilt shame and anxiety why do this ? why are their natural and normal actions harmful and sinful to you many parents scare their kids by telling them that they will go the the" hot place "...now let me ask...is this an informed and wise attitude ....we should reject this harmful negativity,..yes ? hope understanding is on the horizon.

Laura - posted on 10/01/2017

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TO MOM PATRICIA hi ,there,!!,I AM LAURA,AND MY FIRST RESPONSE where i started with!" so good of an attitude " i was responding to your response on kids masturbating...i am single,late 20's...with my 6 kids,oldest are my 11yr old twin boys we live on my secluded farm here in Tahiti,and so without any need of cloths 24-7 ...i am a teacher ,Waldorf and so on,we all do meditation,yoga,chakra work ,body massage,shiatsu,meditation,tree-houses,organic gardens vegan,,put on plays now,as you know,the subject of kids masturbation , is such an embarrassing thing to most U.S.~ parents...why do you think so ,i also have an advanced degree in the area of child-psychology...and i find that most therapests and professors also are emotionally back in the Victorian area .......hope that you PM me so we can share a moms oriented discussion !!

Mary - posted on 09/30/2017

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Bikini women is a very modest search there is a lot worse they can find. Whether you're against masturbating or not you should limit their internet and search capabilities. This is sort of easy to do on an iphone with different web apps. Or you can initiate rules, we have a no history rule, no history - no internet. It's imperfect because anyone can delete individual sites from history, but I feel it's a fair and trustworthy approach and gives my young kids, not teens yet, the benefit of the doubt. I don't think you should stop them from masturbating. You should try and open a dialogue and this is something i'm struggling on how to do it with for my daughter but it's something you need to do.

Dont take this the wrong way but if you think you'd look good to them in a bikini then put one on or a modest bra and undies and ask them, maybe privately just u and one of them, how does this make you feel? If that's too taboo for you then pull up some bikini women and ask them what they think? Tell them it's ok and don't make them feel like their thoughts and feelings are wrong or need to be suppressed.

Laura - posted on 09/28/2017

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so good of an attitude,very practical and logical i am a single breastfeeding mom with 6 darling kids.oldest are my 11 yr old twins...why do you think it is ,that so many parents wish to denie their kids ever having good feelings...is it because they tell their kids that the 'devil' will get them and burn them ...so they must never ...we on our .. have good feelings? my kids also know that their bodies are pure an beautiful....and here on private land in Tahiti ,we never wear cloths...we also farm organically,and home-school..

Laura - posted on 09/22/2017

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i am a mom with several kids...masturbation is natural when there is no mate...you cannot stop it....why be ashamed of this when it is natural...if you scold them ,it will cause guilt depression and anxiety ..and cause them to do it to great excess, out of guilt,,, many religions also teach that good feeling is evil.......have you been raised to think that certain body parts are nasty ,bad,and " of the devil"... actually the body is beautiful i am a single mom and we are clothing free in our home...no shame ,or guilt..why hide your bodies from each other, we think that is silly.i am a children's Councillor,send me a pm if you wish to communicate best wishes,mom

Nancy - posted on 09/14/2017

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Oh! I have been through the same thing with my son. He is now 15, and it really isn't an issue anymore but a few years back it was a big issue. I too was divorced from his dad and my husband (step-dad) didn't really feel comfortable approaching him about it since their relationship was in the early stages. Like you I also found that he was looking up porn on his laptop and at that point I knew I had to step-in, it was crazy awkward for both of us. I made it a point to stress how unnatural porn was, how women were not really like that, how sex is not and should not be viewed in this way. Again, it was awkward but I think I got my point across, either that or he never wanted to have that sit down with mom ever again..... I made it a point to get more involved with his online activity, I made sure he knew I would check his phone and his laptop, etc. I haven't found anything since.

When talking to my husband about it I realized that this sexual drive is very natural for men and new and exciting for you men entering puberty. As a girl, I really never whet through this type of thing so I was amazed. My husband and I have very good lines of communication and he was able to help me understand that masturbation is not something I should shame him for. Oh, and though I never brought up the conversation about masturbation, I did tell him if he didn't begin to keep things clean I would be going through his bedroom to clean it. That horrified him enough to keep everything clean.... Blessings to you! Hopefully this is a stage that passes quickly!

Hannah - posted on 09/14/2017

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It's perfectly natural for them to masturbate. You just need to talk with them and make sure they understand that they have to clean up. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!

[deleted account]

An old fashioned spanking will help you to have the full control about their behavior.
It is the best way to prevent both of them to masturbate too often.

Ching Ching - posted on 09/13/2017

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Boys at this age are very curious about the opposite sex, and there are a lot of unhealthy information on the internet about women and sex in general. Do you have a filter at home to at least screen out some of these unhealthy content? Pornography is very addicting and can lead to all kinds of problems (like masturbation and more) down the road. I have read an article about this and perhaps you might find this useful:
http://bit.ly/2wqgqpx

Sarah - posted on 09/12/2017

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Regarding the computer; you don't want to find the next search to be actual porn as it is not legal for them to access porn. Set firm limits about computer use. Bots have vivid imaginations and that should be enough. If they are very curious about what women look like, you can find that is a book called "It's Perfectly Normal" or "It's So Amazing" both of them deal with sex, masturbation, how babies are made etc. You do not have to "model" for your boys, in a bikini or otherwise. Masturbating is normal at this age (the elder probably told his brother). You can ask them to use a tissue or to remove soiled bedding and change sheets. Start a conversation about safety, sex, birth control and choosing a partner now, so they know they can talk to you when the need arises.

Patty - posted on 09/11/2017

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Puberty for boys can start at 11, unless your doctor has mentioned anything about their growth rates it sounds normal to me.

The best way to deal with masturbation is accepting you don't need to deal with it. It's normal, natural, and expected at their ages.

If you're concerned about what they see on the web, that is something you'll need to sit and talk with them. There's a lot out there that they don't need to see, a lot that doesn't even pertain to sex.

Also you might want to check into Big Brothers

[deleted account]

I agree with http://www.circleofmoms.com/about_me/214... I mean, why would you want them to stop?? It's much healthier to masturbate than not.
I think you should probably have a discussion with them, though. Tell them that it's beautiful, nothing to be ashamed of, that you masturbate (I'm assuming you do!) and that you are so proud of them!

If you are feeling adventurous, you can do what we did with our kids, which is to have a birds and bees talk in the nude. We showed them our bodies and how theirs were becoming more adult-like. And we showed them how we masturbate. Honestly, it made them feel really good about themselves to know that they were normal!

Since they are interested in bikini-clad women, why don't you put one on some Saturday morning. Turn the thermostat up so you don't freeze if you're not in the south! Just act casual. If they ask, tell them you thought they might appreciate seeing you in your bikini since they seemed to like looking at girls in bikinis.

And do tell us how it all turns out, please!

Patricia - posted on 09/11/2017

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Honestly you just have to let them masturbate. I know there's a two year age difference between your sons but it doesn't matter if they're both starting puberty together. The science is the same they're both starting to produce sperm. I have three sons and they all did the same thing and they all thought I didn't know. In fact their web search is pretty tame compared to what my sons searched for. You can try and limit their web search but by now they probably know what's out there. Don't try and stop them from masturbating since they're probably producing more sperm than they can get out.

I know it's hard to accept that your sons are turning into sexual beings but you'll love them all the same. Now is a good time to teach them to wash their own clothes.

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