How to approach or stop sons from masturbating?

Mariah - posted on 09/11/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

2

0

1

I think both of my sons have discovered masturbation at the same time because they both have been leaving stains in their rooms and clothing. My first son being 13 and my second being 11. Does the two year difference change anything? I am wondering how should I be dealing with this? I have noticed they looked up "bikini women" on their laptop. Should I confront them about this? Perhaps make them stop? I'm a single mom and they have no male figures in their lives

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Patricia - posted on 09/11/2017

1

0

0

Honestly you just have to let them masturbate. I know there's a two year age difference between your sons but it doesn't matter if they're both starting puberty together. The science is the same they're both starting to produce sperm. I have three sons and they all did the same thing and they all thought I didn't know. In fact their web search is pretty tame compared to what my sons searched for. You can try and limit their web search but by now they probably know what's out there. Don't try and stop them from masturbating since they're probably producing more sperm than they can get out.

I know it's hard to accept that your sons are turning into sexual beings but you'll love them all the same. Now is a good time to teach them to wash their own clothes.

Laura - posted 3 days ago

25

0

0

i am a mom with several kids...masturbation is natural when there is no mate...you cannot stop it....why be ashamed of this when it is natural...if you scold them ,it will cause guilt depression and anxiety ..and cause them to do it to great excess, out of guilt,,, many religions also teach that good feeling is evil.......have you been raised to think that certain body parts are nasty ,bad,and " of the devil"... actually the body is beautiful i am a single mom and we are clothing free in our home...no shame ,or guilt..why hide your bodies from each other, we think that is silly.i am a children's Councillor,send me a pm if you wish to communicate best wishes,mom

Nancy - posted on 09/14/2017

6

0

0

Oh! I have been through the same thing with my son. He is now 15, and it really isn't an issue anymore but a few years back it was a big issue. I too was divorced from his dad and my husband (step-dad) didn't really feel comfortable approaching him about it since their relationship was in the early stages. Like you I also found that he was looking up porn on his laptop and at that point I knew I had to step-in, it was crazy awkward for both of us. I made it a point to stress how unnatural porn was, how women were not really like that, how sex is not and should not be viewed in this way. Again, it was awkward but I think I got my point across, either that or he never wanted to have that sit down with mom ever again..... I made it a point to get more involved with his online activity, I made sure he knew I would check his phone and his laptop, etc. I haven't found anything since.

When talking to my husband about it I realized that this sexual drive is very natural for men and new and exciting for you men entering puberty. As a girl, I really never whet through this type of thing so I was amazed. My husband and I have very good lines of communication and he was able to help me understand that masturbation is not something I should shame him for. Oh, and though I never brought up the conversation about masturbation, I did tell him if he didn't begin to keep things clean I would be going through his bedroom to clean it. That horrified him enough to keep everything clean.... Blessings to you! Hopefully this is a stage that passes quickly!

Hannah - posted on 09/14/2017

144

0

4

It's perfectly natural for them to masturbate. You just need to talk with them and make sure they understand that they have to clean up. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!

8 Comments

View replies by

Laura - posted 3 days ago

25

0

0

i am a mom with several kids...masturbation is natural when there is no mate...you cannot stop it....why be ashamed of this when it is natural...if you scold them ,it will cause guilt depression and anxiety ..and cause them to do it to great excess, out of guilt,,, many religions also teach that good feeling is evil.......have you been raised to think that certain body parts are nasty ,bad,and " of the devil"... actually the body is beautiful i am a single mom and we are clothing free in our home...no shame ,or guilt..why hide your bodies from each other, we think that is silly.i am a children's Councillor,send me a pm if you wish to communicate best wishes,mom

Tanja - posted on 09/14/2017

62

0

3

An old fashioned spanking will help you to have the full control about their behavior.
It is the best way to prevent both of them to masturbate too often.

Ching Ching - posted on 09/13/2017

5

0

0

Boys at this age are very curious about the opposite sex, and there are a lot of unhealthy information on the internet about women and sex in general. Do you have a filter at home to at least screen out some of these unhealthy content? Pornography is very addicting and can lead to all kinds of problems (like masturbation and more) down the road. I have read an article about this and perhaps you might find this useful:
http://bit.ly/2wqgqpx

Sarah - posted on 09/12/2017

10,258

0

26

Regarding the computer; you don't want to find the next search to be actual porn as it is not legal for them to access porn. Set firm limits about computer use. Bots have vivid imaginations and that should be enough. If they are very curious about what women look like, you can find that is a book called "It's Perfectly Normal" or "It's So Amazing" both of them deal with sex, masturbation, how babies are made etc. You do not have to "model" for your boys, in a bikini or otherwise. Masturbating is normal at this age (the elder probably told his brother). You can ask them to use a tissue or to remove soiled bedding and change sheets. Start a conversation about safety, sex, birth control and choosing a partner now, so they know they can talk to you when the need arises.

Patty - posted on 09/11/2017

43

0

4

Puberty for boys can start at 11, unless your doctor has mentioned anything about their growth rates it sounds normal to me.

The best way to deal with masturbation is accepting you don't need to deal with it. It's normal, natural, and expected at their ages.

If you're concerned about what they see on the web, that is something you'll need to sit and talk with them. There's a lot out there that they don't need to see, a lot that doesn't even pertain to sex.

Also you might want to check into Big Brothers

Chris - posted on 09/11/2017

57

0

0

I agree with http://www.circleofmoms.com/about_me/214... I mean, why would you want them to stop?? It's much healthier to masturbate than not.
I think you should probably have a discussion with them, though. Tell them that it's beautiful, nothing to be ashamed of, that you masturbate (I'm assuming you do!) and that you are so proud of them!

If you are feeling adventurous, you can do what we did with our kids, which is to have a birds and bees talk in the nude. We showed them our bodies and how theirs were becoming more adult-like. And we showed them how we masturbate. Honestly, it made them feel really good about themselves to know that they were normal!

Since they are interested in bikini-clad women, why don't you put one on some Saturday morning. Turn the thermostat up so you don't freeze if you're not in the south! Just act casual. If they ask, tell them you thought they might appreciate seeing you in your bikini since they seemed to like looking at girls in bikinis.

And do tell us how it all turns out, please!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms