How to cope with teenagers...

Patty - posted on 11/28/2008

I don't think it should be too "Americanized." I would think it would be more practical and common sense stuff.



Let me know how the book is for teens. :)

Sue - posted on 11/28/2008

I now have the book 'five love languages of teenagers' though I am British so just hoping that it is not too Americanised culture wise or it may be not help. It certainly looks interesting so I shall look forwrad to having a good read. Thanks for the guidance.x.

Sue - posted on 11/22/2008

Wow, thanks for your replies that meant a lot and I shall certainly check out the book thank you!

Your right about Supernanny only dealing with young kids and would probably struggle with teens, though it would be interesting to see what she does.

My son and I are currently making some effort to communicate, though it is not easy and my partner has been mediating which has helped. He does say how he feels in these talks and its interesting to hear how he feels but it is so hard. I feel a real wimpl saying it but "it is so hard" I feel like a kid myself sometimes who just needs her mum and yet I am the mum. I often look back and realise that a lot of my lack of skills is down to my own childhood and the effects it has left, which makes all the more difficult because it is now my responsibility to correct, but it certainly gets in the way of my own parenting. Ironically I work in a school and I am great with the kids and really have good boundaries and am generally respected yet I cannot seem to to do or get the same from my own son. Life it is tough for sure and does not seem to get easier! I am in England so it is interesting getting different responses from you guys who live in othere countries too, thank you.x

Patty - posted on 11/20/2008

I think sometimes the hormones just surge and run wild and you have to hold on for the ride. :)



http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/books_f...



This book helped me a lot to figure out my son's "love language." I know it sounds stupid, but it really helps.



Since we are all individuals, there are many things that make us "tick." Same with our children/teens. It's kind of cool to know/figure out what makes your child feel loved and cared about.



My nephew is 17. He recently told me that it is important to him to have his mom at their house when he gets home from work (he works a few hours a night after school). So even though this "man" of 17 can act tough, he likes to know that she will be there when he gets home. My sister works full time, but there were instances when she would go after work to the store, shopping, run errands and not get home until AFTER him. A little tweak in her schedule and she's able to show him the love and attention that he STILL wants being a junior in high school.



I thought that was kind of cool! :)



My son asks me to cook dinner EVERY night. There are times I'm tired when I get off work and just want everyone to cook their own dinner. He doesn't like that. It's not that he's being lazy (well, maybe LOL) or disrespectul because he's not. I asked him last week, after I cooked 4 out of the 5 school nights, why it was so important to him that I cook dinner every night.



He said, "Mom...we are supposed to sit down and have dinner together." :) That's pretty insightful. I also realize that one of his "love languages" is "time spent." He likes the time we all spend together eating dinner.



I KNOW how to cook, I just don't thrive and enjoy cooking all that much, but because I only have 4 yrs left of him being under my roof until adulthood, I'm going to keep trying. :)

Anna - posted on 11/20/2008

My daughter is 15 and a challange - like yours by the sound of things! I think my now 19 year old stepdaughter, who was horrid for a number of years but has now turned into a lovely grown-up, taught me alot about patience and to pick my fights! I know that a lot of the time, we at home are paying for a bad day at school or worries for the future (she´s doing her last year at secondary school) or some boy-stuff and I try to remember this, when I really would like to pack her bags and put her on a train to anywhere...Whilst repeating the mantra ´She WILL become a lovely adult:there IS light at the end of the tunnel´ to myself.... I try not to (but isn´t always successful...) ´take the bite´ when she starts even though it is so difficult not to say anything! I don´t think Super-nanny would stand much of a chance with this age group - which is probably why all the programs concentrates on small children!

Phyllis - posted on 11/20/2008

I wish there was a book on how to raise teenagers because i would be the first in line. It can be very trying at times like with my daughter who is 15 it seems you give a little they take alot. Times have changed since I was 15 and everyday it seems to be something new whether it is at home or at school.

Sue - posted on 11/19/2008

I have tried sitting down and spending 10 minutes for my son and 10 for me where we just listen and talk about how we feel. First one went great, though tough and then by the evening he was awful and the barriers were back and we are now not talking. Yes counselling is good but it does not really give you the skills you need in the home or the tools sadly. Thank you for your reply it was very kind of you.

Mary - posted on 11/19/2008

For me....lots of prayers for patience, guidance and understanding. I've also gone to a counselor just for extra help.